AN//Disclaimer: I do not own Life with Derek or anything/anyone affiliated with it. I honestly wish I did though. There's so many ideas I have for the show! I hope you enjoy this newest one! It's kind of ... well in my opinion way different and there is a lot to do with incest. So if you're not into that sort of thing then don't freakin read it! Enjoy.

So Sick

The rain pelted Casey McDonalds window. Her head was propped up on the window pane, tilted slightly with the other hand occupied by a book lain askew across her lap. Her eyes were fluttering open and shut as they sometimes do when sleep overcomes a weary body. Her roller coaster life hadn't changed a bit and the wedding invitation lying on her bed meant that it still wasn't over. Trying to lose herself in Pride & Prejudice, her favorite book, was not easing her troubled mind in the least.

Lizzie and Edwin were finally tying the knot. They came and told their parents about their 'secret' relationship when they were sixteen, and they were one hundred percent accepted. That had pained Casey to no end. She would never be able to admit how angry she was that they'd gotten their fairy tale. That they, in the end, never had to worry about being rejected or dejected in any way.

Lightening struck without warning, tossing a shocked Casey from her chair and onto the beige carpeting. So simple yet so completely the Casey her family knew. They would never believe Casey to be a party girl or a sluff college and hang out with a boy girl. But then again, after him, anything was possible for Miss Casey MacDonald. Staring at the clock she shuddered, 7:30 P.M. She had to be at Lizzie's apartment at 8:30...the engagement party...him and the family. Everything she'd fought so hard to avoid for so long was colliding in one night. She shook her head and stood up, heading towards the refrigerator. Vodka. Ran heavily through her mind.

Staring at the friendly looking bottle in her fridge, begging her to go on and take a swig, she sighed. Knowing better. She had to drive. She had changed but she hadn't gone stupid. Closing the fridge she ran a hand through her ratty hair. It'd been hours since she'd brushed it, a day since her last shower. She and her friend Analise had gone shopping slash partying all night and had barely come home before Casey saw the invitation and kicked her best friend out. Casey wondered if she shoudl call A and explain. Shaking her head she knew better, she was no better fit to explain to Analise what was going on then she was to drive good while drunk. No, she wouldnt' call her. She'd go in her closet, strip herself of her red tank top and jean mini skirt with the red zip up knee high boots and put on something the Conservative Casey MacDonald would wear. She'd put on her mask. Fix her hair. And make nice to her family. She'd even make nice to Derek. After all this night was for Lizzie and Edwin, it had to be special. No no, no misbehavior from the hateful twins this evening. No no no. Flipping on the radio in her closet she slid the Conservative drawer open, drawing in a huge breath and slowly blowing it out as the song began on the radio, making her shudder.

Gotta change my answering machine

Now that I'm alone

Cause right now it say's that WE can't come to the phone

And I know it makes no sense

Cause you walked out the door

But it's the only way I hear your voice anymore

After removing her top angrily Casey thrust it into the corner where her overflowing laundry basket sat. She wasn't going to cry, she was going to be just fine. Removing her boots she tossed them next to the basket, one laying limply on it's side while the other stood tall, not yet ready to fall down from grace. After ripping her skirt from her hips and past her feet she let it join it's partner in the basket. Standing there clad in a black bra and purple and black thong she stared at herself in the full length mirror on her closet door. What had she become? Pressing her fingers into her sinking cheeks and blinking her purpling eyes she side. This was going to take some work to look like the old Casey. Hell, it'd take a miracle. Smiling vaguely her attention focused on the song as she absently picked through different outfits that would make the 'Real' Casey shine through tonight.

-it's ridiculous-

It's been months and for some reason I just

-can't get over us-

And I'm stronger than this

-enough is enough-

No more walkin' round with my head down

I'm so over being blue

Cryin' over you

Pulling out a blue shirt with sleeves that went to the elbow and showed about an inch and a half of her stomach she placed it carefully on the counter of her vanity right outside the closet door. Now she need pants. What kind though? This was a vital night. Her little sister's big engagement night and that was something to be excited about. Right? For Casey it seemed not quite the same. For Casey it seemed like a night to revisit old and painful memories, a night to let everyone know just how horrible she had turned out. But that isn't going to happen, Casey told herself. She was strong. Placing a pair of tight fitting and faded jeans beside the shirt she removed the rest of her clothing, turned up the radio and hopped into the shower. She was going to shock them all out of their shells. She was going to be their same ol' boring Casey who would never change, never find true love, and never do anything dangerous. She was the rock that was always there, the one that never eroded into something different. Whether it was something more amazing and beautiful or into dirt. She was the same. With yet another sigh she reached for her Pantene ProV and began washing her hair, singing along quietly to the song.

And I'm so sick of love songs

So tired of tears

So done with wishing

You were still here

Said I'm so sick of love songs, so sad and slow

So why can't I turn off the radio?

As she grabbed a towel and stepped out of the shower Casey jumped. For a moment she could've sworn she'd seen...shaking her head she wrang her hair out and blow dryed it before jumping out of her towel and into her clothes. She had twenty minutes to reach Lizzie's on time. She was cutting it close. She had to hope her sister understood. Her make up bag upturned, the contents spilling across the vanity and a few items falling into the sink. Her throat was tight and her stomach ached at the thought of all the pretending she was to do tonight. Of all the painful memories she knew she'd feel. With precision she removed her old make up, that the shower hadn't taken off, with some lotion and began applying Good Casey's make up. Some light green eyeshadow with a tinge of pink. Some black eyeliner but very light on the top and bottom. Mascara making her lashes grow even longer. Ah she loved that effect. No matter what Casey she was, she loved long lasting, showing, and growing mascara. Then she applied the sultry lip liner, fading in with her lip and skin colors but not so much at the same time along with her lip gloss. Puckering her lips she pretended to kiss the mirror before tossing the lip gloss into the sink with the rest of her items. Spritzing a bit of Curious perfume on her wrists and neck, grabbing her keys and the invitation she ran out the door, locking it. She was going to barely make it. But did she really even want to?

Gotta fix that calender I have

That's marked July 15th

Because since there's no more you

There's no more anniversary

I'm so fed up with my thoughts of you

and your memory

And how every song reminds me of what used to be

The highway was jammed. Slamming her fist into the steering wheel she reached for her cell phone and the invitation, dialing the number on it quickly. LIzzie's ringback tone the same song as she'd been listening to on the radio.

That's the reason I'm so sick of love songs

So tired of teas

So done with wishing you were still here

Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow

So why can't I turn off the radio?

Casey got Liz's voicemail, leaving a hurried I'll-be-late message she pressed the gas as the traffic let up. "Thank god," She muttered before pulling a right and going towards the place she was terrified of the most. Pulling her little black Grand Am into the first parking space she found, next to a green Chevrolet, she couldnt' help but recognize the old beater truck all too well. How could she forget?

Shaking her head she willed her memories to leave her behind, to go away and never return. With that last thought she touched her face, amazed at the coverup miracle she'd pulled off for her family and got out of the car, locking it behind her. Being a jouranlist had done her well. Without a second thought she stared at her feet, the heels seemed so right and yet so out of place, she wasn't sure which one she was thinking at that moment. Especially as she ran head first into the hard chest of someone and she immediatly knew who as she looked up to say sorry, or something. He never gave her a chance. His lips were on hers before she had another chance at thought.

-Leave Me Alone-

Leave me alone

-Stupid love songs-

Don't make me think about her smile

Or having my first child

I'm letting go

Turning off the radio

Casey pulled away quickly, whiping at the lip gloss he'd smudged and shaking her head at him. He nodded. Understanding. Their situation unusual and extremely complicated, their feelings even more so. He watched her walk away, Casey could feel his eyes penetrating her heart through her back as she headed towards the apartment complex. Her heart ached as it beat faster and faster, no chance of slowing down. She was twenty four, single, and very much confused about pretty much everything in her life. And that kiss had just made things get more complicated. She knocked on the door, put on her smile.

Showtime. No one needed to know the feelings she was hiding inside. Or the pain that had been caused. Showtime.

Cause i'm so sick of love songs

So tired of songs

So done with wishing she was still here

Said I'm so sick of love songs, so sad and slow

So why can't I turn off the radio?

Derek Venturi watched her walk away. He'd missed her. And he needed her. That kiss had brought out the fire in him, the passion he'd missed for so long...so long. But looking into her eyes right before he'd kissed her, that wasn't the real Casey. Casey was back at her apartment waiting for her charade to be over so she could keep everyone happy. Walking back to the other side of his truck he opened the door helping Riley out of the vehicle. He thought he could marry her but he wouldn't. She hadn't seen him kiss Casey and she hadn't felt it. She'd never know how Derek fetl about that girl, she'd never know she had but a tiny bit of his heart in her hands, if that. She smiled and exited the truck, his hand clenched tightly in hers.

Casey...

Said I'm so sick of love songs

So tired of tears

So done with wishing you were still here

Said i'm so sick of love songs, so sad and slow

So why can I turn off the radio?

Why can't I turn off the radio...?