Disclaimer: I own nothing. Joss is boss. I set this pre-series, not long after Jayne joins the crew. I love Jayne romances, have read some amazing stories, but I think it'd take him a good long while to get his romantical side up and running. This is practical Jayne, which is why I wrote it in the present tense.
Once a month, give or take, they all get haircuts.
They never know when it's coming until the morning Jayne, or Mal, or Wash lifts his eyes from his coffee to see Kaylee scowling at a point just above his eyebrows. She'll then turn her eyes to the other two, and the sight never puts her at ease. "Woolly-headed, all of ya. Haircuts after breakfast."
Sometimes they can beg off for a day or two, if they've got unresolved crime that needs tending, but once they've earned Kaylee's notice it's better to get the haircuts sooner rather than later. As soon as she's noticed bangs in the eyes, or fuzz over the ears, it seems to be all she can focus on, or talk about.
"Did'ya comb it at least? Can ya smooth it down some in the back? Looks like a dandelion gone to seed."
Then she'll inspect her own hair, the ends of her ponytails, checking for miniscule split ends. "Zoe? Do ya have some time today to trim some a' this mess off for me? Just a smidge - and I'll do you, if ya want."
Zoe will nod with a diplomatic smile which also manages to communicate to Jayne that he is not allowed to guffaw or comment about anyone "doing" Zoe.
Month after month, Kaylee and Mal have the same argument.
"Yes, it's always done that in the front." As though he's grown a colic just to irk her. His expression forbids her from elaborating on any suggestion of how he might alter his grooming habits to grow less angry-looking bangs.
Zoe looks on, amused and affectionate, for Wash's turn. "Ya got hair like a Christmas angel on a tree. Ain't fair, too pretty for a boy. Bet your mama grew it real long on you when you's a baby." Every month, Wash blushes a little bit, glancing at his wife.
Jayne likes for Kaylee to cut his hair. She smooths the ratty old towel over his shoulders, then smooths again, appreciatively. Sometimes, three smooths with her warm, competent little hands. Jayne will flex for her, just a bit. It feels good to be appreciated. He likes it best when she cuts him last, that way she's not irritated at the sight of the other two.
"Mmm" she'll say, smiling and warm. "Protein agrees with you."
She's always bubbly when they sit down for the haircuts, clearly relieved she won't be seeing them in their poorly groomed state for much longer.
She starts in the back, crown to bottom edge, intent on making a perfect line across his neck. She'll use the towel or her fingertips to brush away the snips. Once she blew on his naked neck-skin after pushing away the fingers he reached up to scratch an itch. "No meddlin, I'll get it." Four, then five purposeful breaths that gave him goosebumps. "That better?"
She moves on to the sides, fingers working through his hair, around his ears. She smells good, like girl and clean. While she finishes the front, she admonishes him to keep his head straight and he does. Straight at her. He does not get bored of seeing how she's strong-looking but curvy all over.
The morning after one haircut day, Jayne finds Kaylee in the engine room checking the connections on a complicated-looking box of wires. She notices he's carrying a small data recorder. He starts to extend it to her, then tucks it back under a bicep as he folds his arms across his chest. She nudges the box to the side and sits up on her heels, hands and pliers in her lap.
"I notice you ain't got a man." He retrieves the data recorder, activates the screen, and passes it to Kaylee. She reads to see several names, women's names, followed by cortex addresses.
"Jayne, I'm not lookin' for a girlfriend."
"No, them're madams at the houses I mostly keep to. They know me, been to some of 'em for 5 years or more." When Kaylee continued to look from the screen to Jayne without responding, he elaborates. "They'll tell ya. I don't hit girls, don't like to hurt womenfolk t'all. Don't bring weapons into the bed or nothin'. I got no inclination toward anythin' rarefied or unnatural. Ask any of the madams, any o' the girls what's bedded me. They'll say."
Understanding dawns on Kaylee. She stows her pliers back in the toolbox and rises to her feet as Jayne concludes.
"I will be your man."
Kaylee's smile is gentle. "I don't need a reason to worry more after you than I already do, anytime you'n the Captain'n Zoe go on a job. The references were real thoughtful, though."
Jayne has more to say. "I know you like touchin' on me. I like the look of you too. Not as filled out as some, but you got a fine bosom and it looks like great legs under them overalls. I know you're a lot littler than me, I don't mind you bein' up top. Do what you need to do, that's fun for me likewise. Dirtside, we could go places, since I wouldn't be spendin' coin on the whores no more. Not sure how long I'll be on the job, but I'll treat you right while I'm here."
"You sweet on me, Jayne?"
The big man looks baffled. This is reassuring to Kaylee.
"You're right, Jayne, I do like them muscles of yours. You look good to me all over. And the thought's crossed my mind more'n once. In fact, I've given you a try, couple a times in my imagination, when I'm..." Kaylee inclines her head toward the gaily striped hammock.
Jayne looks at the hammock as though it's suddenly gotten a lot more interesting.
"At first, things'd go along real excitin. And I like that up top notion - lotta guys wouldn't think to offer that, straight off." She nods at him. He seems to be holding his breath.
"But I keep trippin' up on the same problem." Her whole open, honest face shows genuine regret.
"I can't be callin' out 'Jayne' when I'm gettin' where I need to go. It just doesn't work for me." She hands the recorder back to him with a smile.
Jayne nods, resigned, and casts one last look at the hammock. "I'll be in my bunk."