Tom Riddle, once known as Lord Voldemort, came to the conclusion that balance must be restored to the universe. Following his rather brief yet glorious reign and subsequent downfall, the ex-Dark Lord cringed at the state of wizarding society. Werewolves were being given additional health benefits. Knockturn Alley was Knocked Down. The Ministry of Magic had been purged of all its bumbling bureaucrats and red tape to form a sleek, efficient administration. But more than anything, Tom deplored the enterprising witches and wizards claiming to be the next Dark Lord.
It really was embarrassing how far the quality of dark wizarding stock had fallen lately. Out of the dozen or so usurpers, six had been immediately subdued by the Auror Corps. A seventh had set himself on fire while attempting to transform into a phoenix. The eighth had somehow apparated directly into Azkaban, much to the amusement of the guards. The ninth was crushed to death by a horde of rampaging Veela. The tenth gave up when he couldn't get past the visitor's entrance at the Ministry of Magic. The eleventh was Cormac McLaggen. The last had been a house elf.
In light of these recent developments, Tom decided that he must take drastic action before the reputation of dark wizards everywhere was sullied forever. As a newly vanquished Dark Lord, he bore the responsibility of finding a suitable successor, one who was capable of honouring such a noble profession. He needed someone who could once again bring Great Britain to her knees.
The Chosen One, as he preferred to think of his successor (the irony was lost on Tom), must truly be the single most terrifying individual the wizarding community had seen yet. Someone willing to undergo various painful and harrowing procedures of questionable legality. Someone who would remain shrouded in mystery and invoke such panic that witches and wizards would shake at the mere thought if their name.
It simply wouldn't do to allow these wannabe villains to continue their campaign of mild irritation. No, the next "Dark Lord" would be handpicked by him to unleash devastation on the magical community.
With this idea, Tom gathered what remaining strength he had left to deliver a message stretching through space and time in what is the most efficient way of gathering publicity; a newspaper ad.
WANTED: Dark Lord
Looking for glory and adventure? Wealth, money, or power? A real chance of bodily harm and/or death? Well look no further – becoming A DARK LORD may be the right job for you! If you enjoying subjugating entire nations, committing pointless acts of torture, and creating terrible pseudonyms, don't miss this once in a lifetime opportunity to oppress a medium size magical community on the southern side of a remote island plagued by crippling national debt!
QUALIFICATIONS: Strong communication skills, rare or exotic talents, good credit. Individuals with albinism, schizophrenia, psychosis, or a degree in musical theatre preferred.
ANNUAL SALARY: The honour of bearing the title of "Dark Lord" (plus a 75% share of any successful raid conducted under your orders).
If this seems like the right job for you, send a résumé and letter of intent to:
T.M. Riddle (aka. Lord Voldemort)
#69 Beyond the Veil
Irrelevant, Unknown
NOTE: Females, children, gingers, Hufflepuffs, wise old men, and philosophy majors need not apply.