Disclaimer: this fan fiction is part of the Menea and Thalia Chronicles: they are original characters, Immortal twins born some 3000 thousand years ago in Uruk… For the purpose of our writing, we borrowed Methos and Duncan, who are hereby pictured as a couple (if you are likely to be offended by it, please do not read). So far, we have not hurt them – don't worry, we are being very careful and will put them back in their cases as soon as we're done with them.
Guess Who's Coming to Dinner? 01
by DnA
"San Francisco, open your Golden Gate, you let nobody wait outside your door..." he sung.
"Oh for Pete's sake, can't you stop acting so... so..."
"Gay? Oh come on, if I don't act gay in San Francisco, where will I ? Or are you ashamed of me?"
Silence.
"I knew it! You are ashamed of me!"
He let fake tears fill his eyes:
"After all we've been through together, why are you..."
Defeated, the other man asked him to keep quiet, muttering something that sounded like 'good thing we're in the car'. They remained silent for a while, one of them laughing quietly, while the one driving was drumming his fingers on the wheel.
"You know, Duncan, stress is very bad for you. Honestly, you should try and relax sometimes. Dig the scene. Peace and love. You know, the good old seventies motto..."
"I guess that's why you asked me to go on a trip to San Francisco of all places?"
"It's not the city as much as the people we're going to see. They'll help you relax. They're really good at that, believe me. Actually, they may be a little too relaxed, but I like them a lot."
"Old friends?"
"You bet."
"Just how old a friend?"
"Let's just leave it to old friends," he said with an amused smile.
"Do you even know where their place is?"
"Sure."
Duncan paused, waiting for him to pursue and explain the way, but Methos remained silent.
"Would you mind sharing the secret path with me?" he asked, casting angry looks at the red light.
"Don't feel persecuted, Duncan, the red lights of the city are ruled by a bunch of nasty goblins ganging up against you."
"Why do you enjoy torturing me so much?"
"Immortality gets pretty boring if you don't have someone to play with. Plus, you're so easy..."
Methos stopped, understanding with a quick glance that Duncan was in no mood to be teased today. After all, if he had survived for so long it was also because he knew when to stop. He quickly explained that he had to go up on Taylor, then they will find Macondray Lane fairly easily. He was quite anxious to see the De Solaris sisters again - after their unexpected meeting in Paris the year before, he had realized how much he had missed them. Old immortals were becoming less and less numerous, he had to take care of the remaining ones. And the only way to do that was to make sure they were on good terms with Duncan McLeod, Immortality's own particular lethal weapon. His smile broadened as he glanced the wooden stairs going up the Lane. They parked the car, then before arriving on their doorstep, Methos stopped and, punctuating every word with a teacher like movement of his index, not unlike something Duncan would be able to do, he said:
"Now, I want you to behave, Duncan. And remember, no killing tonight, all right?"
Before Duncan could reply, they felt the sisters.
***
"Menea, where did you put the bottle of bourbon?"
Menea arrived in their living room in her underwear, her pants and shirt in her hand, and found her sister opening every single cabinet in sight. Thalia was dressed and had not waited for her to prepare everything. The candles were ready to be lit, the amuse-bouche were still in the oven (she could hear the timer ticking) and the bottle of wine was open. She took a second to marvel at the efficiency that her sister sometimes demonstrated, then another second to notice that this efficiency was especially obvious when Methos was around, but she shook her head and started putting her pants on. She knew that the question was more rhetorical than anything (another annoying specialty of her sister) since she was usually the one who put the groceries away after shopping.
"Where did I put it?" Thalia kept muttering.
Menea sat on the couch to put her shoes on, but stopped when she felt something under the cushions that did not feel like a sword. She reached for it and came back with the missing bottle. She grunted to attract her sister's attention, showing her what she had found.
"Where was it? How did you find it?"
"Elementary, Watson. I know that you answered the phone while putting away the groceries, and that in that case you very often forget to drop what you have in hand. Remember the French cheese incident?"
Thalia cast her an admiring glance.
"And I sat on it," Menea said.
Her sister shook her head in denial, and motioned her to get ready, their guests would get here soon enough.
"This is Methos we are talking about. It's his... his duty to be late, otherwise he wouldn't be Methos anymore," Menea said.
"Yes, but he's coming with Duncan McLeod of the clan McLeod, and from what I understood, he won't be late, otherwise he wouldn't be Duncan McLeod of the clan McLeod anymore," Thalia said while arranging the flowers.
As if to prove her right, they felt two buzzes.
***
"Honey!"
Menea, who opened the door while Thalia was busy in the kitchen, threw her arms around Methos. Calling each other by pet names was the best way to give some time to introduce their current names. She kissed him on the cheek while dragging him inside the flat, before turning to Duncan.
"I'm so glad to meet you!" she said with a broad smile.
Methos, who had gone to the kitchen to greet Thalia, observed Duncan's reaction with a raised eyebrow. He knew that he had the habit (good or bad, that was not for him to judge) to make an opinion on people about thirty seconds after meeting them, and was adamant about it after that. That was probably what had cost Byron his life in the past, and he was unwilling to let the Scot around friends of his if his opinion was not one hundred percent favorable.
Thalia, who knew him well enough to understand what was going on, put her arm around his waist and gave him an encouraging peck on the cheek, then went to greet Duncan. She cast a quick glance at Methos, asking him if they had passed the inspection. He laughed and gave her a broad smile.
The twins had heard enough stories on Duncan to know what to expect. They had to admit that so far, those stories had been quite faithful. He seemed like someone who wanted to have opinions about everything, and hated to be proved wrong. This could turn out to be both positive or negative, depending on his mood of the moment. All in all, he appeared to them as an impulsive Immortal who despite his young age had already had to face a lot of things, more than they had had to face in their first four hundred years; but at least they had had each other, while he had had no one to count on from his former life.
Duncan was quite taken aback by the sight of the sisters. Methos had told him that they were sisters, but he had understood it in the same way as Kronos was Methos's brother, he had not expected them to actually be twins. He studied them quickly as they settle down. He had learned from experience that fairly often, Methos's "old friends" turned out to be very dangerous for other people's safety - and for his friendship with the old man. He looked around, but neither saw nor felt anything suspect in their surrounding. They lived in a duplex, with a beautiful view on the bay. Their apartment was furnished with taste, with no display of... Well, he did not even know what he was looking for.
"Did you find any proof that they were Satan worshippers yet?" Methos said.
Duncan blushed; Thalia put a glass in his hand and, tilting her head on the side, invited him with a smile to sit down. Methos felt himself relax. It seemed that the sisters had passed the inspection and that Duncan had accepted them.
***
"You have to excuse him, he doesn't know how to behave. I should have taught him manners before we arrived," Methos said. "But you know how young people are, they think they know better."
Duncan clearly did not appreciate this line but he did not reply. Why was he feeling so... so young and inexperienced? Why were those two women troubling him so much? The last time he had felt so bewitched, he was still a little boy, and Cassandra was standing before him. Menea drew him away from his thoughts.
"Come on, Duncan, I was told you had a quick wit! Do you intend to remain silent all evening?"
He opened his mouth to say something, but another reply came instead:
"Where did you hear that?"
"I know Amanda very well."
Duncan sighed and pretended to drown his sorrow in his whiskey.
"I knew you two were going to be trouble."
This line eased the atmosphere. Thalia, who was sitting near Methos, exchanged an amused glance with him when she felt him relax and sprawl. She would have to take care though that this evening do not end up as an "abuse the Duncan" night. She knew what Methos and Menea were capable of when they were together, and had already been their laughing stock. She did not want their friend-to-be to think they were bitches from hell.
"So what are you two doing in San Francisco anyway?" Methos asked.
The sisters started talking together.
"You know we love this town, we can't stay away from it very long."
"This time we're even... working!" Menea exclaimed.
To say that Methos seemed surprised would be an understatement. He nearly spilled his beer in shock, that says it all.
"I had the feeling you were the kind of person to get up at noon every day, and would never ever work again?"
"In other words, you thought she was like you," Duncan commented calmly.
"Well... yeah! Darling, why did you betray me?"
"Don't worry about him, he's being a little paranoid at the moment. Nothing solitary confinement won't cure."
"Just you wait, Duncan... Go on, what's your excuse for working?"
"She made me," Menea said, pointing at her sister.
"How could you do this to her?" Methos said, turning to Thalia, who was bringing the dishes on the table.
"Dinner's served, and don't yell like that when I'm carrying a dish, you know I'm a jumpy person sometimes."
"I knew you were jumpy, I didn't know you were mean," he said while going to the dinner table.
"Menea, you sit here, Methos on your left... Duncan why don't you sit there?" Thalia said, showing him the seat on her left.
"How come you're being so nice to him?" Methos said.
"Because I don't know him well enough to become bossy around him."
"See Duncan, you should really take a leaf from her book and wait until you know people before telling them what to do. So, you were saying... uh…"
"Just call me Penny Lane," Menea said quickly. "You may call her Daria."
Methos tucked her sleeve and pretended to talk to her apart.
"Penny Lane?" he said.
"I know, she should not have survived the seventies, I'm telling you," she said in the same tone.
"Children, will you behave?" Thalia said, trying not to laugh. "Go on like that and I'll insist that you say the blessing before the meal."
"She has gotten tougher over the years, hasn't she?" Methos said.
"As I was saying, she made me work..."
"Made you? You found a job related to computing and you took it, that's all there is to it!"
"Methos, this is the best job in the world: I work at home, and my job is to play with the internet all day long!"
"Really?" Methos said.
"Well, not really, but still it's really fun."
"What about you, Daria, what do you do?"
"About those names, may I just mention that she was the one who chose them? Penny Lane, honestly! How cliché is that?"
"Why?" Duncan said.
The sisters stared at him, then turned to Methos.
"He's Scottish," he said.
"Oh," they both said, casting a strange at Duncan, who had opened his mouth to reply, but had renounced.
"You should see his CD collection. Pretty depressing."
The strange looks were emphasized, which made Duncan blush again. Great. He had expected Methos's teasing to stop but obviously, there would be none of that today. And now those two were helping him. Terrific. Humiliated in front of two women he had just met. But then again, they knew Amanda and Methos... what else could he expect from them?
"Penny Lane was the title of a song by the Beatles," Menea said.
"You know the Beatles, don't you?" Thalia said.
Please, Lord, give me a guitar string so I can silence them. A hammer, anything. Why not a nice earthquake to make them stop? He had the feeling that this evening was going to be very, very long...
"At least he does not listen to bagpipes anymore. Well, not often at least."
"Can you imagine if we had stopped our musical tastes at the time when we were young?" Thalia said.
They were interrupted by the telephone. Menea got up to answer.
"Hello?... no this is Penny... oh hello Brian!... Yeah, I'm all right... Dinner tonight? Sorry, but we're having some friends over for dinner... Yes, some other time... I will give her the message... Bye bye!"
She rolled her eyes as she came back toward the table.
"You think he didn't understand I wasn't interested in him yet?" she said.
"Why, what's wrong with him?" Methos said, filling his plate with another helping (long ago, Thalia had made a note to herself to always have plenty of food and beer when the ROG was around, and she had therefore prepared a lot of food.)
"Oh, he's all right... he's just a guy."
"Ah, that's right, no man would have any chance with you, would he?"
"That's not true, you know it, I have been married, remember? It's just that... women are so much easier to understand than men. The day men come with instructions for use, I may give it a try, but until then..."
"Well, the same is true from our point of view: take Amanda, for instance, how can you understand her?" Duncan said, suddenly very interested in the conversation.
"I never had any problem with Amanda."
"Well, it would have been different if you two had been... you know... lovers."
A silence followed his words, and the three older Immortals looked at him.
"Oh..."
Methos hid a giggle in his beer, which turned out to be quite difficult since Thalia was also on the verge of bursting in laughter. Poor Duncan! He could almost hear his thoughts: What did Amanda tell her? He decided to help his friend out and turned to Thalia.
"What do you think, honey?"
"Oh, well, you know me, still crazy about men. I just love challenge I guess," she said. "But let's drop the Amanda subject if that makes Duncan uncomfortable, shall we?"
Duncan turned purple. That was it, he was definitely humiliated. Why did they have to be so patronizing with him? Would now be a good time to fake a headache and go home?
***
A couple of months later...
Thalia came back from work earlier than usual, and was surprised to find her sister sprawled under her desk, cussing. Menea and her computer often had some relationship problems, and this did not alarm her more than usual. From where she stood, she guessed that the printer had chosen to deconnect itself again. Picking up the mail, she smiled, realizing that no matter how expensive your software is, no one is immune to problems with them, which was a relief in a way since she had recently prevented her sister from buying the latest computer to date.
"I hope you realize this is all your fault," her sister stated, sprawled on the floor. "If you had let me buy this other computer, I would never have had that kind of problems!"
"May I remind you that with our actual salaries, we can't allow ourselves to buy a new computer every month otherwise I'm pretty sure the tax services would notice."
"Come on, one little computer isn't going to highjack our lives!" Menea said.
"Those are the rules, you know them. We must keep a low profile, end of discussion."
"Well, next time, I get to fix the rules, end of discussion."
"Fair enough."
The sisters had gotten bored of their Immortal lives after a while, and every decade or so, one of them was in charge of their destination and of creating their 'mortal' lives.
"Are you seeking revenge for my last scenario?" Menea said.
"Hey, look at that, we received a letter from Daniel!"
"Don't try and change the subject, all right?"
"Well, honestly, to get the life of a transsexual isn't exactly what I would call... enjoyable."
"Oh come on, admit it, you had fun."
Her twin cast her a glance that clearly meant that no, she had not appreciated it. She shivered, remembering the weirdos she had attracted at the time, people curious to know what it had felt like, why 'she' had done it, and so on and so forth. And while she was stuck in her role as a transsexual that could not assume the fact that he was not 'his' sister's identical twin, Menea had cast herself as an heiress. So, yes, in a way, this life of so called hard work (emphasized by the lack of the latest software) was a sweet revenge on her 'beloved' sister. However, she had chosen a profession that would still please Menea, otherwise who knows what she could invent for the next time they had to change lives. Changing the subject, she turned her attention back to the letter.
"What does he say?" Menea said while checking the fridge for something to eat.
"He'll be in town for a couple of days, to attend an exhibition... says he's coming with a friend of his, with whom he works... he would like the four of us to have dinner together."
"What does he do anyway? Do you want pasta salad or should I prepare something else?"
"Let me do it... I don't know, he refused to tell us anything apart from the fact that he was happy."
"Well it was about time, I mean after the rejection by his peers and everything. I'm glad he finally found a way to practice his 'art' without being shunned."
"The exhibit will take place in two days, so don't make any plans for that night."
"That means canceling my date, but what the heck, anything for Daniel."
Their attention was driven away from that subject by a buzz. The doorbell rang, and they found Methos on their doorstep, a beaten bag at his feet, a sorry little smile and his droopy eyes. How could they say no?
***
By choosing this place after leaving Duncan's loft, he had hoped that they would cheer him up. He was not deceived. No sooner had he stepped inside the apartment that he was sprawled on their very comfortable couch, his feet up, a cold beer in his hand, both of them listening to him with attention. He had said the magic words ("we had a fight") and they had become very maternal. He was now resting his head on Thalia's shoulder, her arm around him.
"Would you like to eat anything in particular, sweetie?" Thalia said.
No sooner had he said what he wanted that she was in the kitchen preparing it, while Menea took her place on the couch. After a quiet evening spent together, Thalia explained that she had to grade some paper before going to bed, and she said:
"Methos, why don't you take my room tonight?"
"It's very sweet of you, but your couch seems fine you know..."
"Don't be ridiculous! I have a ten o'clock class tomorrow, I would wake you up. No no, you need a good night sleep. You'll see, it's a very comfortable bed."
****
When Thalia came back from the university that night, she through her purse with a violence that indicated that she was in a very bad mood.
"Bad day?" Menea said without taking her eyes off the chess game she had started earlier with Methos.
"This is all your fault," she told the ROG, who looked at her in denial. "Not you you, you men! Is everyone here gay? All I wanted was a decent relationship, but noooo! Of course not!"
"Date cancelled?" Menea asked. "Check."
"You bet."
She let herself drop in the armchair.
"I need a man! I need sex!"
Her sister and her friend were both used to her crisis fits and they just laughed, still playing, while she went on.
"Why did he cancel, you ask? He forgot that he had another date tonight!"
"A date?"
"His wife is hosting a charity thing."
"A married man? Not quite up to your standard, is it?"
"Oh shut up, Methos. Just because you found the love of you life, you think you know everything, don't you?"
"We broke up, remember?"
"Yeah, right."
"But you wanted to cancel the date anyway, to go to the museum thing."
"If I cancel, that's fine, but he dumped me!"
"For his wife. Check."
"Oh shut up. Menea, are you going with DJ?"
"Of course. Check."
"Why don't I be your date?"
"Aren't you tired of me yet?"
"I'll live through it. Check mate."
"Who's that friend Daniel's coming with anyway? Please don't tell me he's his boyfriend... women can't lose Daniel over some guy!... That proves my theory right: good guys are either gay or taken, or both. Crap."
"Come on misery chick, you have to get ready."
***
When DJ arrived, the three of them were dressed and ready to go. She could not help remarking that Menea was wearing the bracelet she had given her for her last birthday. She was wearing her usual black - how many times had she tried and convince her to wear other colors, but to no effect - and her hair was loose on her shoulders. She felt a burst of love for her, then looked at Menea's sister, who was still in the living room, putting her earrings on, while a man DJ did not know was sitting in a way that reminded her of Menea... sprawled.
"Hi honey," Menea greeted her, kissing her lightly. "This is our friend Adam, he's going to be Thalia's date tonight," she added with an amused wink at her sister, who answered with a most unfeminine snort.
Methos laughed and grabbed Thalia by the waist:
"Come on, misery chick, I'll be the perfect date tonight."
"Great, the name's catching on," she replied gloomily.
When the cabs left them at the museum, Thalia immediately spotted Daniel and his friend in the crowd.
"Forget it, they're a couple."
"How do you know?" DJ asked.
"Like every single woman in America, I am developping a gay radar," she answered matter-of-factly.
She waved them over, and the sisters embraced the your archeologist, and they all introduced their respective friends.
***
to be continued....
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