Disclaimer: I don't own anything of Harry Potter.
Note: This is a one shot that came to me in the car. This takes place directly after Deadly Hallows except it ignores the epilogue which should be obvious and this is my own version of the ending of the book. This it the very first time that I am attempted several time jumps in one fic so please bear with me. A change will be written in italic with the year in front.
Warning: Slash through minor and only mentioned.
Pairing: Severus Snape/ Harry Potter.
Title: To finally find peace.
Summary: After the fall of Voldemort, Harry Potter is hailed a hero, but still Harry cannot find peace and he seems to be waiting for something or rather somebody. But who is our hero waiting for?
Author: Laurenke1
Three days after the Final Battle:
Harry watched in silence out of the many graves that now stood near a field close by Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. He looked down at the lake that lay below glittering in the afternoon sun. The ancient castle of the school lay deserted but Harry knew it was only a fragment of his imaginations. People were already rebuilding the castle, preparing it for the new students which would arrive eventually in the near future.
He slowly raised his eyes, hearing the lull of conversation around him. Hermione was sniffling beside him and Harry wrapped his arm around her, pulling her closer as she wept bitter tears over Remus Lupin's grave. "Poor Teddy, he is all alone now. He will never know his parents."
Harry was too lost in his own thoughts to even think about what Hermione was saying. All he offered her was to rub her back as she cried into his shoulder. "Nobody is left anymore. Remus, Sirius, your dad and Snape all gone…" The bushy haired witch cried.
Harry swallowed thickly at the hollow feeling he got in his stomach. Severus Snape, his potions teacher, Defence against the Dark Arts teacher and former head of Slytherin House had been attacked in the Shrieking Shack the night of Voldemort's fall by the Dark Lord's snake, Nagini.
Harry had been present, seeing the dark eyes of his lover widen and then fall closed. Voldemort had said that Severus had died but Harry refused to believe it, least of all that there had been no body to be found.
But as he stared out over the graves, no longer seeing them, he knew that Severus was free, regardless of his relationship with Harry as Severus deserved to be. Severus was gone, having been presumed dead he had been buried, well no body but Harry.
He sighed, he wanted to have such freedom for himself but he couldn't even find the time to weep over Remus and Tonks when everybody had been drawn to him like moths to a flame.
Sighing again Harry allowed Hermione to embrace him, feeling Ron's hand on his shoulder as he closed his burning eyes, wishing for peace.
Nearly a year after the Final Battle:
Harry laughed softly at Teddy Lupin, his hair blue as the baby gurgling at him, reaching up with pudgier arms to try and grab the bubbles that Harry conjured from his wand. His godson's face then screwed up like he wanted to cry and Harry slowly reached out, picking up the young wizard and gently turning on his back so he could bounce Teddy on his stomach, settling his weight against his knees.
"Hush, Ted…" He soothed, gentle bouncing the young child on his stomach, his own eyes burning slightly.
He took a deep breath, suddenly pulling Teddy closer to his chest as he hugged him. He could see the house up ahead, glad that Teddy's grandmother Andromeda had given him some much needed time alone with his godchild.
He brushed the now lime green hair away from the golden eyes. Teddy blinked at him, giving him a hesitant smile.
Harry sighed, thinking back on the last year. The country had been rebuilding, Harry slowly backing out, not accepting the praise the Minister of Magic Kingsley Shacklebolt had given him and he had refused to accept the positions he kept being appointed to.
All he wanted was peace but nobody would leave him alone, the Daily Prophet had nearly haunted his every step as he attended Hogwarts to sit his N.E.W.T together with Ron and Hermione. They had been looking for a job; Harry had relocated back to the house in London that had been left to him, slowly sorting out his affairs and one a moment making a trip to Diagon Alley to put a monthly allowance in Teddy's Gringotts account when the child came of age.
He had visited the graves of those he had lost, lingering mostly by Severus' empty grave. He missed the other wizard more then he had dared to admit. If Harry had been paying closer attention, he would have seen the worried expression in his friends' eyes."
Second year after the Fall of Voldemort:
"Harry, please you cannot be serious?" Ginny Weasley's voice was barely patient and Harry blinked into the strong sunlight that poured from the window, trying to ignore his headache.
The young woman who was sitting opposed to him was no longer the smiling witch he had gotten to know at the beginning of his friendship with Ron. She was still in love with him, still looking to be together and for a while Harry had tried, really tried but he couldn't do it.
He had woken up nearly every night, badly shaking and dreams of long hands doing unspeakable things to him making him sweat all over. He had looked at Ginny, sleeping peacefully beside him and he knew that he could never forget Severus, even if the wizard had apparently forgotten him.
"I am, Ginny. Coming next school year I am going to be the new DADA professor at Hogwarts." Harry didn't smile at her, he didn't have the energy.
She seemed angry, her brown eyes wide before she hissed. "And what about me? What about us?"
"What about us, Ginny?" Harry shot back, sharper then he had intended.
"Harry, I know that you have been wiring money to a bunch of accounts…"
"Ginny, that is none of your business if I wire money to some other accounts! I am putting my affairs in order in case something happens. If anything has been taught to me in the past few years it has been that nobody can be too prepared. Teddy Lupin is my godson and while I am may not be able to take care of the child like I want to; I can make sure that if something happens that I am not about to leave Teddy like Sirius left me!"
"Harry, the war has ended! Aren't you taking things a little bit too far? It is over! You are free…"
"I am never free, Ginny. The memories and the pain don't go away simply because time has passed. You haven't forgotten George either!" Harry snapped this time.
"That is different, Harry! I will never forget George but I don't linger in the past either. Gone is gone! When are you going to move on and see what has to be done? People are worried about you. You don't seem to care about anything at all anymore! You behave as if the greatest love of your life has died…"
"Perhaps it has but what is more importantly my love for this life has died, Ginny! I don't want this life. I don't want this fame. All I want to do is to be left alone in peace…" Harry felt like screaming now and he could see how Ginny recoiling from him, her brown eyes widening immediately.
"Harry, do you mean that? You don't even like spending time with me anymore…" She reached forward hesitantly, trying to grasp his hand.
"Ginny, I never liked you in such a way. For a while I thought and I did everything that was expected of me but I am so tired of fighting against my self. I cannot do this anymore, please don't ask this of me?" Harry didn't care how broken his voice sounded, didn't care how pained his expression was as he finally spoke the truth he had been hiding all these years.
Ginny choked back a sob, looking at him before she fled, leaving Harry to stare after her as he realized that that part of his life was over as well.
Third year after the Fall of Voldemort:
Puzzled Harry glanced down letter that he had gotten from the hawk sitting beside him on the desk. There was just one small message scribbled on the card, in a spidery handwriting he knew so well and he had never anticipated seeing again. Sudden tears were blinding his vision even when he knew the card had not been signed by a name.
"The weather is cold here. It reminds me of the winters at Hogwarts. You would have liked the little markets here. I can picture your green eyes glittering with the excitement of it all. Do they still glitter, Harry, like they did when we were in the forest together?"
It had not been the first message Harry had received. He had tried to send back letters but the birds never returned and he never knew if Severus would ever write to him again. But it had been a constant in the past few months and it had eased his mind.
He had made up his mind, all he needed to do was to wait a little longer and hold on.
Fourth year after the Fall of Voldemort:
Harry was idly picking at his food, his fork making the already mashed potatoes even smaller. He sighed, looking up at the ceiling of the Great Hall when suddenly…
"Harry, what do you mean with this letter?" The stern voice of headmistress McGonagall made Harry turn in the otherwise deserted Great Hall. She was clenching the letter of resignation he had written to her earlier that day, telling him that at the end of this school years, 5 years after the defeat of Voldemort, he would resign the DADA position.
"That is my letter, telling you of my resignation, Minerva." He softly said, careful to keep the smile from his face.
"Harry, you have been working as a DADA professor for two years now and I thought you liked it. Your students like you, the pay is good and you have your very own quarters…" She sounded hurt and Harry laid his fork down, stopping to pretend that he had an appetite.
"I do like it, Minerva. But I have done all I have required to do…I need time off. I need time to think." Harry carefully danced around the subject, wondering if there was another letter waiting for him.
"Harry, you have been acting strangely since the end of the war, like all your conviction for life has died. You are free you know…" McGonagall's voice sounded weary, open and her eyes behind her glasses probed Harry's face.
"I have never been free, professor. It is not that I do not like teaching but there are other things I would rather want, things that are finally within reach and if I don't take the change now, it will be gone forever. This has got nothing to do with you, or with Hogwarts but with me. Please professor….?" Harry rose uneasily, pocketing his wand as the headmistress slowly nodded as she watched her DADA professor walk out, hoping that somehow in the future he would find the peace he had been searching so hard for.
The fifth year after the Fall of Voldemort:
"I cannot believe it has been 5 years already…" Hermione lay the flowers down on Remus' grave, Harry fingering his wand and the moleskin that hung around his neck with his hand, the pouge filled with all his prices possessions.
He turned back to look at his friends. Ron was looking at Hermione with a fond look and Harry knew that once his friend turned, she would echo the look on Ron's face. If the light turned the right way, he could see the glittering of the golden band on Hermione's hand, the engagement ring that she had written to him about.
"Are there any other graves that we still need to visit?" Ron turned back to Harry, smiling at him in an easy way that told the Chosen One that all was well with his friend.
Ron had found his peace and after tonight, Harry would as well. He shifted with his feet before he glanced up towards the lone grave standing apart from the others underneath the willow tree and said. "Yeah, there is…"
He could see Ron's eyes darken when he saw how Harry looked at the grave. "Harry, you don't have to visit his grave…" The red-haired wizard began.
"This is the last time, Ron. It is a goodbye of sorts…."
"Finally after all this years…"
"No, Ron, you don't understand. It is a goodbye for you and Hermione." Harry slowly delivered the news, watching his friend's face change colour, turning a ghastly white.
"Harry, what do you mean?"
"You know of Severus' "death". His body disappeared and we have all swore to keep silent. He is alive and away, having taken on another name and identity. You also know of my relationship with him, how much I want to be with him." Harry could barely choke back a sob, seeing Hermione's eyes widen.
"You have been in touch with him?" She breathed, Ron's hand catching hers and keeping her rooted into place. "But, Harry, you can't! There is so much left here for you to…"
"No, Hermione, there isn't." Ron answered for Harry, surprising them both.
Harry watched his best friend, seeing the understand eyes of Ronald Weasley and he smiled at him, relieved that Ron understood.
"Everything has been taken care off. I have left enough money for Teddy to live from when he has come of age and you can have the London house if you want until Teddy can move in there. I have said my goodbyes and all my things have been sold or moved into different accounts. It is time…" Harry looked back at the lone grave standing there.
"Then all I can say, mate, is that you better be sure about this. I mean the world is going to be shocked." Ron stepped closer…
"I am sure, Ron. I have never been surer in my life." Harry slowly answered, forcing himself to look at Ron who finally nodded and they embraced him warmly.
"Then take care, Harry. Stay in touch because I want to know where to reach you."
"Just send an owl, Ron, she will know where to reach me and perhaps, who knows, one day I might visit or you can visit me." Harry stepped around his best friend, embracing Hermione who had begun crying again. She hugged him tightly until Ron pulled her away, putting his arm around her shoulder and nodded at Harry, mouthing the word. "Go!"
Five years to the day after the assumed death of Severus Snape:
Harry approached the grave, not bothering to look back at his friends who stood near the other graves. They couldn't hear him any longer and slowly he picked up his wand and softly said, staring at the unmarked grave. "You cannot even begin to fathom how long and lonely those years have been without you. I know that you would never accept my feelings if I told them to you but I missed you so…"
He broke off unsure of how to continue. "…I am going to look for you. No matter where you are, I will spend the rest of my life looking for you…."
"You don't need to look very far, Harry." Harry turned abruptly as the long hands on his shoulders steadied him and he lifted his eyes to look up into the fathomless black eyes of the man he had come to love.
The hooked nose had been set properly and the long black hair had been cut, going just over his ears as the thin lips curled into a smile. The harsh lines in his face had smoothed out and Harry was glad as he slowly smiled. "You came…"
"Did you doubt that I would? I was waiting until you were ready… Harry….I could have snatched you up with me after the first evening but there was so much that you needed to do, so much that you needed to see. I have been waiting all those years, my lovely brat and when the paper reported about your falling out with Ginny Weasley, I knew that you would be ready soon…'
"That is when you began to send the letters." Harry moved closer, something easing deep inside of him. Something clicking into place which had never been there before and peace filled him.
"Indeed. So are you ready?" Severus drew closer, wrapping his arms around Harry as the other male's arms came to rest upon his face.
"Yes, everything is done." Harry murmured in a rush against the thin lips and he felt the world spin around them as he was pulled away together with Severus as he met the lips in a mind blowing kiss.
The day Harry Potter disappeared:
"Do you think….?" Hermione Granger asked, watching as Harry kissed Severus Snape and then without a backwards glance apparated away with his beloved.
"That he is happy? Yes, Hermione, like us he has finally found peace." Ron answered her, pulling her closer and as she leaned her head against him, she smiled through her tears. Her friend deserved to be happy with his beloved and if that is the way he found his peace then so be it, she had found hers.
The end.
I hope you liked it. So tell me what you think. Review of course.