Always
"Hey, Sar, Cath and I are going out for breakfast. Wanna come?" Nick Stokes asked with a Texas-sized grin as she walked to get a cup of coffee.
"I think I'll stay here, get some more work done."
He studied her, his eyes combing her soul. "Sara, you need to get out of here. Go shopping or something. There's got to be something you like to do besides work."
"Nick, I'm fine." She smiled. "Thanks for worrying about me though."
"We're going to the Beachcomber if you change your mind."
"I won't, but thanks anyway." She watched him go and wished that she could tell him. He worried about her; no one except Grissom had ever worried about her before.
She passed by Grissom's office and smiled as she saw that he was already gone. She walked to the computer and did another hour of searching, then closed everything down for the day shift. As she drove, she stopped and got breakfast, then drove to a townhouse nearby. He was asleep on the couch when she walked inside and she sat on the edge of the couch, smoothing his curly hair back from his face.
He opened his eyes. "You're home."
She laughed. "I'm home and I picked up breakfast."
He pulled her down to him and gently kissed her. "I love you, Sara." He paused, touching her face. "Marry me."
"Hey, it's just breakfast." She joked until noticing that he wasn't smiling. "You're serious?" She asked in disbelief.
"I've been thinking about it for a long time and the news we had the other day just affirmed it. I'll retire; Catherine's able to take over now. I probably should have done it a couple of years ago. I want you with me; I want the others to know." The worst part about loving each other so much was that their friends couldn't know. "You are the most beautiful woman I've ever known and I don't ever want to lose you." He took out a ring box from a table nearby and handed it to her.
She opened it and gasped. "It's beautiful. I want to be with you too. Will you put it on for me?"
He slipped it on her finger and they kissed again. "Breakfast is going to get cold." He protested.
"I'm not hungry." They walked to his bedroom together and forgot the day at work, forgot the fact that they weren't even supposed to be together, forgot everything but how much they loved each other.
They finally woke up hours later. "Oh, God. Nick and Catherine are going to be calling everywhere trying to find us." Sara said, looking at the clock.
"Why don't we tell them today?"
"After the shift's over." She said, kissing him gently. "Right now, we need to get to the lab before they call out the entire department." He laughed, knowing she wasn't far off base. Their excuse to be alone was usually that they had to work, so their friends thought they were workaholics. "I love you."
"I love you too. Always."
Catherine Willows and Nick Stokes walked around the office trying to find their friends. "Where in the world could they be?" Catherine asked, worried.
"Sorry I was late. I needed to get something to eat." Sara said, coming to find them. They would find Grissom's office a few minutes later where he had mysteriously appeared; it was easier like that and they'd never caught on. "Do we have any cases yet?"
"A few." Catherine said, walking to the table where the files were lying.
"Warrick called today. He has a vacation next week; he's bringing a surprise." To avoid the temptation of the casinos and in order to get a promotion, Warrick had moved out of Las Vegas, but used his vacations to come visit.
"Actually, I've got a couple of surprises too, but I'll tell you after the shift's over." Already she felt like jumping up and down from excitement and it was impossible to hide her grin.
"We still need to find Grissom." Nick said.
"He might be in his office by now." Catherine said, leading the way, holding the folders in her hands.
"There you are, boss." Nick said as they entered the office.
Catherine handed him the folders. "Nick, Sara, I want you two to split up; each of you take one of these. Cath, I need you to work on a case with me." Grissom told her.
A few hours later, Sara paced in the lab as Nick tried to calm her. "Why are you so worried?" He asked her.
"Well, let's see. How many times have people on this shift had guns pointed at them? Catherine or Grissom could be hurt somewhere."
"They're together. One of them would have called it in."
Brass appeared in the doorway. "There's been an accident."
Nick moved closer to Sara, sensing that she wasn't as tough as she liked to pretend, as he asked, "What kind of accident?"
"Catherine's on her way to the hospital." The words that followed were too impossible to believe, much less say.
"What about Grissom?" Sara asked, hand out to Nick for support, breathing with difficulty.
Brass shook his head. "It was too late…there was just too much blood." He felt lost too; Grissom and Catherine were two of his closest friends.
Sara started to faint and Nick held her gently. "It's all right, Sara. It's all right." He knew that it wasn't and might never be again. They all depended on Grissom, in one way or another, and he worried about the effect on Sara. Looking at Brass, he said, "I'm going to take her to the hospital to get checked out. Can one of your officers call Warrick?"
"What about Lindsay?"
"I'll take care of it." He answered, already on his way to the Tahoe.
Sara's doctor walked out into the hallway. "You brought her in?"
Nick nodded. "How is she?"
"The shock's not good for the baby. She needs rest, someone to take care of her."
Nick was stunned. "Baby? What baby?"
"She's ten weeks pregnant." As Nick heard the news, he pieced together who the father was and he felt sorry for her, hiding from her friends, being pregnant and raising a child without its father.
Days later, Greg Sanders rang the doorbell and Nick answered it. "Ecklie sent me to bring you these." He said, barely visible behind the armful of flowers.
"Come in." Nick said, taking some from his friend and sitting them on a table nearby.
"How's Sara?" Greg asked as he put down the rest.
"Not good. She's talking about moving, needs a change of scenery." Sara had several open-ended job offers.
"And Catherine?"
"Went home from the hospital this morning. Lindsay's with her; Brass is making the arrangements for the wake." Catherine had remembered Grissom saying something about being cremated, but they were having a wake as well in an attempt to say goodbye, something no one could do.
"When is it? A lot of the people in the lab want to come."
"Tomorrow. Warrick will be back in Vegas tonight."
"Who's the supervisor? Who should I be giving the evidence to?"
"I'm acting supervisor until Cath comes back to active duty. There should be a new CSI within the next few days to replace Grissom."
"Is Sara really moving?" With Grissom dead, Warrick and Sara both gone, Catherine and Nick would be the only ones left.
"She says she is." Personally, Nick hoped she would stay. Carrying on was hard on them all; she didn't need to be alone, especially not with a child. Grissom and Sara were having a child; the fact was almost as impossible to believe as the fact he had to remind himself of every morning, Grissom was gone and he would never come back.
"Is there anything that I can do to help?" Greg asked.
"Drop by Cath's. I'd go over there myself, but I don't want to leave Sara alone." Lindsay was keeping her company, but he knew that Catherine was devastated about losing Grissom too.
"I'll see you tomorrow then. Will you tell Sara I'm sorry?" Nick nodded, but he doubted that Sara cared. She didn't care about much anymore and he was worried about her. It was as if she had stopped living too. He couldn't even get her to discuss the wake; he and Catherine had made all the plans together over the phone.
"Sara, I'm leaving now." Nick told her gently the next morning. "Why don't you get dressed and come?" She was hidden with the covers over her head, didn't speak, didn't move, and for awhile, he thought she was dead. He heard her crying and gently turned the lights back off before he left.
Catherine stood alone in the room with the urn when Nick joined her. "Cath, how are you?" He asked, hugging her gently.
"She didn't come?" Nick had told her about Grissom, Sara, and the baby.
Nick shook his head. "She barely even talks; hasn't been out of the house since it happened. She keeps the room dark and the covers pulled over her head."
"Cocoon. Lindsay used to do it when she was scared."
"How is she?" Lindsay was close to Grissom; she'd known him for as long as she could remember.
"I'm not sure. It's hard to believe…"
Warrick Brown joined them, gingerly hugging Catherine, then hugging Nick. "Sara didn't come?"
Nick shook his head again. "She's still at the house."
"None of this seems real. I can't believe Grissom's dead; I can't believe Sara's pregnant…"
"Where's your surprise?" Nick asked, trying to keep Catherine from crying again.
"She's outside, talking with Greg and Brass. I wanted to see you guys first."
"So did I." Sara's voice was shaking; it was the first time she'd talked in days. She was dressed in black the first time any of them had seen her without a splash of color on, and no makeup. "Warrick."
He hugged her gently. Over the years he'd worked with her, she'd gone from pain in the butt to sister and he loved her as much as he loved Catherine. "Hey." He looked at her. "I'll see you out there." She nodded silently and he left the room.
"Sorry I was such a butt, Nick. I promise I'll try harder." She said softly. "Thank you for taking care of me."
He hugged her, crying. "You better, 'cause I don't want to lose you too. Did you decide?"
She nodded. "I want to stay here. I think Gil would want me to stay here too."
"Well, you've got a built-in uncle and baby-sitter whenever you need one." He hugged her again. "I'm gonna go see who Warrick brought. I'll wait for you out there."
"Thanks." She said, watching him leave. It was just her and Catherine in the silent room and, somehow, it felt awkward. "How are you?"
"Better. How are you?" Catherine asked.
"Better. I've stopped feeling sorry for myself." She tried to smile, but it was forced and it showed.
"Sara, I'm so sorry." Catherine gushed out.
"It's not your fault." Sara said softly.
"Yes, it is. I was the one driving. I don't know what happened. Maybe if I had paid more attention…"
Sara wiped tears from her eyes. "Catherine, he loved you. You were like having a sister and a best friend both. He wouldn't be blaming you, I don't blame you, and you shouldn't blame you either. If you want to blame someone, blame the bastard that ran into you."
"I still don't remember what happened with the actual wreck." She said. "I just remember I was driving. He never drove anymore."
Sara nodded. "His hearing. He was afraid of a wreck." Her heart panged at the irony. "Brass was telling Nick that the driver that ran into you was drunk. He…he hit your door and the Tahoe flipped."
"Sara, I'm glad you're staying. I know we haven't always been friends, but…I don't know, maybe that's partly my fault after all. The boys like you and Grissom loved you. I knew that; I just…I don't know. I don't know much of anything anymore. I just know I want you to stay…and I want to be a part of the baby's life, if you don't mind."
Sara smiled, the first real smile since the morning before the wreck. "I'd like that." The two women hugged for the first time since they'd known each other.
"Let's go out, huh? The boys are going to send a search team soon." Sara nodded and walked outside with Catherine to sit beside Warrick and Nick, as a team once more.