Slice 'n' Dice: Rikku
23rd April
Wakka is out meeting Tidus in the farplane, when he remembers he was supposed to pick Rikku up with him. Annoyed with Rikku, Tidus slices her to reveal her true identity.
Tidus: Ha! Bout time you got here!
Wakka: well...you know wife wanted me to do stuff...
Tidus: oooh! Like what?
Wakka: ah usual stuff...putting up shelves, taking the kid for a walk.
Tidus: kid? A baby goat? When did you get that?
Wakka: NO! My child!
Tidus: wait a sec...didn't you have two?
Wakka: did...(stares at his feet)
Tidus well...what happened to the other one?
Wakka: ahh...Lu says she lost it.
Tidus: oh! Did she now?
Wakka: you haven't seen it around have you?
Tidus: no...( fidgets ) never seen...it in...my life...
Wakka: has this got anything to do with you?
Tidus: (ignores Wakka) did you put WANTED signs up?
Wakka: it's a child, Tidus, not a freakin' dog.
Tidus: anyway, Lulu told me the wedding didn't go how she planned
Wakka: oh yeah,that...
Tidus: the Blitzball shot huh?
Wakka: what was wrong with it? It was that cream pudding...made me vomit!
Tidus: well...Lulu told me, that you finished the ceremony with a Blitz shot.
Wakka: I did!
Tidus: well, what happened?
Wakka: ah, kicked a ball, got it right on target!
Tidus: Lulu's dad?
Wakka: yeah! On the head! And I hit the vicar, broke a 1,200 year old stained glass window, and er.. well let's just say that the Vicar wasn't too happy where the Blitzball hit him...
Tidus: in the soft spot huh?
Wakka: NO! On his hip! He'd had a hip replacement!
Tidus: hmmm...( smiles uncomfortably ) that's where...I meant.
Wakka: ( glares at him awkwardly)
Tidus: you haven't changed your hair at all have you?
Wakka: nor have you! ( points at him)
Tidus: Oh! For the love of Yevon! I'm dead mate! They don't supply us with a hair salon do they?
Wakka: hmmm...( strokes an imaginary beard, (Wakka says it's a sign of Manliness))
Tidus: what?
Wakka: did Rikku say she's comin' here too, ya?
Tidus: yeah, why?
Wakka: I forgot to meet her, I was meant to pick her up in the middle of the motorway.
Tidus: it's rush hour now.
Wakka: yeah I know...( turns away)
( Rikku walks in, battered)
Rikku: you left me in the road! Ya know!
Wakka: yeah, I know...
Tidus: ( giggles)
Rikku: I could have been killed, ya know!
Tidus: ( stares at Rikku, he only just noticed the clothes she was wearing...or lack of them)
Rikku: ( see's Tidus looking at her) I know I'm gorgeous, but take a picture of me, it'll last longer!
Tidus: I think I'll be taking LOTS of pictures of you. ( begins to daydream )
Wakka: sorry, I didn't think you would mind if you were left splattered for a couple of hours...
Rikku: SPLATTERED! Is that all you think I'm good for?
Tidus: well I can think of many things you would be good for...
Rikku: hey! ( stomps her foot ) ...thanks! that still doesn't make up for Wakka abandoning me, ya know!
Wakka: can you stop saying ( starts to prance around ) ' ya know'...'ya know'...'ya know'...?
Rikku: what are you talking about? That's not nice, ya know?
Wakka : (starts to tear his orange hair out )
Rikku: you don't look so good, ya know?
Tidus: actually, he's right, THAT'S REALLY ANNOYING!
Rikku: you don't have to say it like that! You could at least be a bit more comforting over my mental ANNOYING SPEECH disability! Its called I.A.T.M.A.P.I.T.W.S
Tidus: a what?
Rikku: I Am The Most Annoying Person In The World Syndrome! Ya, know, ya, know, ya, know!
Tidus: ( begins to get really frustrated ) SHUT...UP!
Rikku: don't you shout at me! Ya, know, ya, know, ya, know!
Tidus: ( gets out his CALADBOLG sword ) you want this huh?
Wakka: ( runs round in circles )
Rikku: ooh that's pretty...ya, know?
Tidus: ( in a fit of rage ) AHHHHHHHH! ( slices Rikku down the middle, she splits in half to reveal a robotic interior)
Tidus: hmmm... so Rikku was a robot?
Wakka: yeah, looks like it. (Peers inside) broken too...
Tidus: so THAT'S why she kept saying ' ya know'
Wakka: and that's why she always had a Spack-attack about lightning.
Tidus: well, I'm just glad she's gone.
Wakka: yeah and me, should be odd not havin' her around, ya know...oops...
Tidus: ( his eyes widen and begins to run frantically around after Wakka ) AHHHHHHH!
Wakka: ( running like a maniac) SHOULDA KEPT MY MOUTH SHUT!...YA, KNOW!