Romeo blinked his eyes open, looking around the dusty flatland. His hand fled to his mouth, feeling for the deathly liquid which had taken him to his beloved Juliet. It was gone, and his shirt was no longer stained by Paris' blood. He shakily dragged himself to his feet.
"Forsooth! What ist this place? Ist this... Heaven?"
"Juliet? Where art thou, Juliet?"
There she was, lying in the dirt, her dark hair haloing around her head.
"Juliet! Oh, my beloved Juliet, let me kiss thee!"
He threw himself down towards her lips, to be met by his beloved-
Slap!
"What were you thinking, you moron?" she screamed. "Have you no faith in my cognitive abilities?"
"M-my beloved, thee killed thyself! I saw thy body! I killed myself in thy presence, to be with thee forever!"
"You idiot! It was a ruse!"
"Wh-what?"
"A ruse! A scam! A brilliant trick! I was trying to escape to you, you infernal dunderhead! Of course you had to ruin everything! I trusted you to at least have something in that tin can you call a brain!"
"A-a trick?"
"Yes," she scoffed, her pretty mouth folded into a scowl. "A trick, and you had to go and kill the only smart man in my life, and then kill yourself to boot! I can't believe you!"
"What?"
"Oh, you idio-" She stopped. "Do you hear that? Someone's screaming."
"What?"
"Listen!"
Far off, someone shouted, "Stampede!"
"Uh oh. We better get moving or we're in trouble."
"What?"
"Oh, forget it." Juliet turned and ran. She was quite speedy, considering she was still wearing her funeral dress. Romeo started to run after her-
Ooh! A brunette!
A pretty brunette!
He stopped and started on a wonderful pickup line, really witty and excellent, to tell her of his undying love, when she turned to him. She loved him, he could see it.
Juliet? He knew of no Juliet.
His beloved opened her mouth to speak.
"Watch out! Buffalo!"
So. Yeah.
Hi. Turns out I am still alive, after all.
This was written for a writer's conference I went to in November. I'm not a huge fan of it, but I had everyone in stitches when I read it, so... here it is. I've never liked Romeo much (read: at all), so the prompt "Romeo and Juliet in the Old West" quickly turned into "run Romeo over with a buffalo in the space of about ten minutes". I hope you all enjoyed!