I know it's been forever and I'm very sorry. I've been trying for awhile to write this and it just never did come out right and I'm still not happy with it, at least I'm not happy with the parts that I write. but I wanted to give you something and I hopefully you guys will like it. Thanks to my beta/writing partner, you're the best.
They're not mine and sadly never will be.
I let out an audible sigh of relief as I unzip the dress I wore for my pseudo date with Mike Jergens. I want this dress off so badly that I didn't even have the door closed to the locker-room before kicking my high heeled shoes toward my locker and having my dress half way off my body. Every time I think about this dress I can't help but recall the events that caused me to be wearing it in the first place.
It all started when three women were raped in less then a month after signing up for speed dating. They all agreed to go out on a second date with a guy that in the beginning was a complete gentleman and as the date progressed he became a control freak. All three women rejected him for a third date which in his mind gave him a reason to rape them. As I am the only female detective in the squad I had the uncomfortable task of trying to catch the attention of the perp.
After slipping my outfit off and hanging it in my locker, I grab my jeans and pull them up my legs and on over my hips. There is something to be said about slipping into your favorite pair of old worn jeans, jeans that fit perfectly and that you have had for so long that there are holes worn in the knees.
I turn back to my locker to takeout my shirt and I catch a glimpse of the dress I will never look at the same way again. When I think about this dress and the events that happened while I was wearing it, I can't help but remember why I had to wear it in the first place. The sensation of nausea appeared at the thought of that man with his hand on my knee. I wanted to slap that hand away so badly that it took every fiber in my being not to.
When I got up and walked out of that restaurant, I know that within minutes of my exit, Mike would be right behind me to follow me home. All I had to do was make it safely into my apartment and I would be just fine. The second I shut the door to my apartment, Elliot and Fin arrested the little weasel and read him his rights, not that he should have rights.
I turn back to my locker one more time and grab my badge, I slip it onto my belt and I am instantly transformed from Rachel Martin to Detective Benson. I no longer feel like the hunted but the hunter.
As I make my way out of the locker room,I find the squad is bustling with activity. It's refreshing to be back in my element. I feel at home when I'min this place, where there are detectives on the phone gathering information on their cases, or on their computers doing background checks or catching up on paperwork.
Walking over the coffeemaker,I pull out my coffee cup and fill it with coffee. I take a sip of the hot liquid as I walk over to my desk to check my messages.I feel the warm liquid run down my throat and it's like a drug I can't get enough of.
I find that I have no messages,so I get up from my desk and make my way to the observation room, where I can hear Casey and Elliot talking about what I assume is the Mike Jergens case. I can't make out what they are saying, so I decided to walk in.
"You should have waited until he attacked Olivia," I hear Casey say matter-of-factly when I step into the doorway. Did I hear correctly? Did I hear Casey say that Elliot should have waited for Mike Jergens to rape me?
The last thing I hear is the distinct sound of my ceramic cup hitting the floor and breaking into a million tiny pieces. Everything after that is a blur, all I can think is I can't believe that Casey, one of my best friends,would think something like that, much less say it out loud.
I don't know how I got here,but I realize that I have ended up in the crib. It's like I am on autopilot, I have ear plugs and blinders on that make it hard to see or listen anything. The one thing I become aware of is that I have tears in my eyes, I guess I started to cry somewhere between the doorway of the observation room and the crib. I can't believe that me, detective Benson,big bad cop lady is crying;I don't do that.
All of the sudden, I feel a presence in the room. I quickly wipe away the evidence of the tears that ran down my cheeks, I don't want people to know that I had a moment of weakness; I don't even have to move to know who had walked in. I can feel him, whether he's standing fifty feet from me or not.
He makes his way over to the cot that I have taken residence on. I have my face glued to the wall in front of me because I don't want to look at him. I don't want him to see the tears that I know have pooled in my eyes. I feel the thin mattress shift with his weight as he sits down next to me. I instantly feel relief just by him being in the same room with me. He can always do that to me, just by being next to me. He doesn't have to say anything; just him being next to me is enough. It takes everything in my soul not to launch myself into his arms and hide my face in his chest.
"Are you okay, Liv?" Elliot finally asks after a few minutes of silence. When I look up, I can see the concern in his eyes. He's really worried about me and is trying to show that to me. He knows why I'm here in the first place; he knows the reason for me to be here is what Casey had previously said.
"I'm fine, Elliot,"I try to sound confident even though I feel anything but that. "We should probably get back down stairs," I continue as I stand to make my way to the doorway. I try not to look disappointed in front of him, because I'm sure he can read me like a book and would notice if I am.
"Olivia,talk to me. I know you heard what Casey said down there," He says as he also stands. He's not going to drop the subject that easily. Not when he is talking about his partner, his best friend.
"El, I'm fine," I say again, hoping he will drop the subject so we can get back to work. I don't want to think about how a person who I thought was one my closest confidants would suggest that I sacrifice myself so she can make her case.
"I know you're not fine, Olivia you just heard one of your best friends say that I should have let that sick freak rape you," Elliot whispers to me, putting some of my hair behind my ear. I shiver at his touch, thinking it's the first time he has touched me this intimately. I look back at him before starting to speak.
"I know what Casey meant when she said that and I can't disagree with her. If we would have waited, we would have caught him in the act," I say. I do know what she meant but that doesn't make it sting any less. I try my best not to break down in front of him, but at this point is something I can't hide anymore.
"I can't believe you just said that! I can't believe you would sacrifice yourself to make a case." The next thing I realize is that he has spun me around to face him. "Under no circumstances will I let the woman I love purposely be raped," Elliot says forcefully, looking me in the eye. The words escaped his mouth before he could even think about it.
Wait a minute…What did he just say? Did Elliot say that he loves me? I was certainty not expecting that at all.
Realization hits him as I look into his eyes; he looks just as confused as I am by this point. He drops his hands from my shoulder and drops his eyes to the floor. He turns and is not facing me anymore. I starts to think about how I feel about his spontaneous declaration of love. I can tell just by looking at Elliot's, he is just as dumbfounded at his words as I am; I starts to think I could feel the same. Holly crap…
"What did you just say?" I ask slowly, I know what he said but I just want to hear it again. I simply can't believe he said he loves me. Oh my God, I can barely think at this point. Why is he taking so long to answer me?
"I said that under no circumstances will I let YOU purposely be raped," Elliot says stressing the word 'You'. Maybe he didn't mean what he said, maybe he meant he loves me as a friend, but I know what I hear and I know he knows that I heard him. Why would he take back what he said? Damn it!
I spin him around like he had previously done to me just a moment ago. He needs to look at me when saying this. I have always looked at him when I said something this important to him and vise versa. This is just not a simple conversation, I know he has to feel uncomfortable and embarrassed, but come on!
"That's not what you said and you know it. Elliot, I've known you for seven years and you've never lied to me, at least not that I know of, so please don't start now," I say as I left his gaze to meet mine. I know I can find the truth there.
They say that the eyes are the windows to the soul, and when I look into his beautiful crystal blue eyes and into his soul, I know he loves me. This time I'm sure he does.
We have always been able to communicate with our eyes, we can have full conversation just by looking at each other, and we can also tell when the other is lying. I know the man standing in front of me is lying like Pinocchio. I'm surprised that his nose hasn't grown in the last ten seconds.
"Liv..." Elliot trails off before even starting to talk. I could swear he's more nervous than me. He closes his eyes and waits until the right words would appear in his mind. We've spent seven years together, and I know he'd never thought he would end up telling me that he loves me. I'm not sure that he had ever even thought about it. It certainly never crossed my mind until this very moment.
"No, Elliot, tell me what you said," I pleaded with him this time, because I can't take it anymore. I want this to stop now, so I could say that I love him too and maybe even more. My gaze fell from his eyes to his lips, thinking how wonderful it would be to kiss him.
He put his hands on either side of my face so I have no choice but to look at him, not that I'm complaining. I know why he has decided to do this, he want me to know that whatever he is about to say is the whole hearted, honest to god truth. Before a single word leaves his mouth I know everything he is about to say is what he really feels.
"I said that under no circumstances will I ever let the woman I love purposely be raped."
"I..." Before I ever get an opportunity to responded with my word his soft lips are on mine. Instead I respond with my body. I slowly trail my fingertips up his chest until my arms rap around his neck and I can help but kiss him back.
I don't know how much time has passed, but before I know Elliot's lips are no longer on mine. He must have been in need of air because as I pull back he is breathing heavy. I must have stopped breathing all together because I didn't realizes how in need of air I was.
"Hey Elliot?" I ask with my arms still rapped around his neck after I catch my breath.
"Yeah." his forehead is against mine looking into my eyes.
"I love you, too." I say as I lean forward and capture his lips with mine. "Now, lets get done stairs and get this over with so you can take me home." I say after we break apart once again. I playfully spin him around and push him toward the door with my hands on his shoulders and we make away done stairs. This is going to be one interesting interrogation.
Sorry for any mistakes. Please read and review I really want to know what you think.