This is sort of a parody of Eminem's "My Name Is." But it's more of a poem because it's not ryhming or anything. I wrote it with my friend Leigh'sa (hermyandronforevr). Please review.
Hi! My name is.. (what?) My name is.. (who?)
My name is.. tikee tikee Draco Malfoy
Hi! My name is.. (huh?) My name is.. (what?)
My name is.. tikee tikee Draco Malfoy
Ahem…Excuse me!
Can I have the attention of the Minister?
For one second?
Draco
Hi kids! Do you like cruelty? (Yeah yeah yeah!)
Wanna see me stick Nine Inch Wands through each one of my eyelids? (Uh-huh!)
Wanna copy me and do exactly like I did? (Yeah yeah!)
Try Polyjuice and get fucked up worse that my life is? (Huh?)
My brain's dead weight, I'm trying to get my head straight
but I can't figure out which Weird Sister I want to impregnate (Ummmm..)
And Blaise said, "Draco Malfoy you a Pothead!"
Hmmm! "So why's your face red? Man you wasted!"
Well since age eleven, I've felt like I'm someone else
Cause I hung my original self from the top of my mansion
Got pissed off and ripped my Mom's tits off
And smacked her so hard I knocked her clothes backwards
I smoke a fat pound of grass and fall on my ass
Faster than a fat witch when she sat down too fast
C'mere slut! (Draco, wait a minute, that's my girl dog!)
I don't give a fuck, Voldemort sent me to piss the world off!
Hi! My name is.. (what?) My name is.. (who?)
My name is.. tikee tikee Draco Malfoy
Hi! My name is.. (huh?) My name is.. (what?)
My name is.. tikee tikee Draco Malfoy
Draco
My Potions teacher wanted to have sex with me in Hogwarts
Thanks a lot, next semester I'll be 25
I smacked him in his face with a cauldron, chased him with a wand
and zapped his nuts to a stack of parchment (Owwwwwwww!)
Walked in the Three Broomsticks, had my cloak zipped up
Flashed the bartender, then stuck my dick in the tea cup
Extraterrestrial, killing Muggles
On a broom while they screaming at me: "LET'S JUST BE FRIENDS!"
Ninety-nine percent of my life I was lied to
I just found out my Mom does more dope than I do (Damn!)
I told her I'd grow up to be a famous wizard
Make a potion with drugs and name it after her (Oh thank you!)
You know you blew up when the women rush your stands
and try to touch your hands like some screamin Malfoy fans (Aaahhhhhh!)
This guy at the Leaky Cauldron asked for my autograph
(Dude, can I get your autograph?)
So I signed it: 'Dear Tom, thanks for the support, ASSHOLE!'
Hi! My name is.. (what?) My name is.. (who?)
My name is.. tikee tikee Draco Malfoy
Hi! My name is.. (huh?) My name is.. (what?)
My name is.. tikee tikee Draco Malfoy
Draco
Stop the tape! Potter needs to be locked away! (Get him!)
Crabbe and Goyle, don't just stand there, OPERATE!
I'm not ready to leave, it's too scary to go home (Fuck that!)
I'll have to be carried inside the train and away
(Huh yup!) Am I coming or going? I can barely decide
I just drank a fifth of firewiskey-- dare me to fly? (Go ahead)
All my life I was very deprived
I ain't had sex with Pansy in years, and my palms are too hairy to hide
(Whoops!) Clothes ripped like Sirius Black (hachhh-too)
I stutter when I talk, I'll fuck anything that walks (C'mere)
When I was little I used to get so hungry I would throw fits
HOW YOU GONNA BREAST FEED ME MOM? (WAH!)
YOU AIN'T GOT NO TITS! (WAHHH!)
I lay awake and strap myself in the bed
I'm steaming mad (Arrrggghhh!)
And by the way when you see my Dad? (Yeah?)
Tell him that I slit his throat, in this dream I had
Hi! My name is.. (what?) My name is.. (who?)
My name is.. tikee tikee Draco Malfoy
Hi! My name is.. (huh?) My name is.. (what?)
My name is.. tikee tikee Draco Malfoy