On the night before Ron's return, Harry sat watch outside the tent while Hermione slept inside. She cried herself to sleep again, as she did almost every night. To be honest, Harry was sick of it. It was hard enough trying to keep spirits up given all they had going against them, but her depression set off by Ron's absence was making things unbearable. He had made a concerted effort to comfort her only to be rejected. He was starting to feel as if he would be happier if she too decided to abandon him and leave him to this task on his own. She was starting to become a barrier, in more ways than one.
Harry had never felt anything more than friendship for Hermione. She was a most loyal and trusted friend, even more so than Ron, as his departure proved. He couldn't deny however, that these weeks of just the two of them alone, he had started to have some confusing feelings about her. Earlier that day, he woke from sleep and couldn't find her at their campsite. Before panic set in, he remembered that she liked to sit close by the lake sometimes and he just wanted to check to make sure she was there and that she was okay.
As he rounded the hill just above the spot where he knew she liked to go, he saw her form rise up out of the water and he was afforded a full view of her naked back and just the top of her bottom. He immediately felt guilty at the sight, this was Hermione after all. But he couldn't look away-it was an erotic sight for certain. He stood perfectly still as he watched her tilt her head back into the water to wet her hair. She must have charmed the water to be warm because steam rose from the area where she stood. After another minute, Harry realized that he wasn't really breathing, he heard himself gasp for breath and then quickly turned and ran back to the tent. He jumped back into his cot and pretended to be asleep, not sure how he would bear to look her in the face again.
As he lay there in his bed, Harry began to have improper thoughts about Hermione. He was a teenage boy after all, and she was an attractive teenage girl. Beautiful really, he told himself. The sight of her in the lake was not to be erased from his mind. How could he be expected to be out her with her all alone for weeks, months and not start to have some of these thoughts? He suddenly wondered to himself why didn't he just give him to his physical urge and just make a go for her.
One answer: Ron. Ron was in love with Hermione. Hermione was in love with Ron. She was devastated that he was gone. But that's just it, thought Harry – he's gone. Was Harry expected to maintain a loyalty to Ron when Ron so easily left him, left her? It was Ron she cried for every night and Harry's efforts to bring her comfort or even distraction were often ignored or dismissed.
Then there was Ginny. He cared about Ginny very much and it was painful to break it off with her before they set out on this hunt. But Ginny was out of his reach now, unattainable. Hermione was here, she stayed here for him. That meant something to Harry. She was with him to the end.
Late that evening, Hermione silently dropped the Horcrux locket onto Harry's cot as she entered the tent, emotionally depleted from wearing the damned thing all afternoon and evening. Harry wondered what kinds of thoughts the locket perpetrated on Hermione. He wondered if it used Ron's departure to torture her. She collapsed onto her own cot with a book and without looking up she just gave a whispered, "Good night Harry."
Harry pulled the locket over his head and made his way out into the cold air to keep watch. The second he felt the locket hit his chest he felt the heavy weight of it. Immediately he could hear the high pitched voice ringing in his head, telling him all the things he didn't want to hear. But tonight, a new topic:
"What are you waiting for? Didn't you see her today? She knew you were there. She knew you were watching her. She wants it. She wants you. She has needs too. Why do you think she stayed? She could have left with him. But she didn't. She stayed with you. She chose you. She'll submit to you if you want her."
Harry was shocked at the intensity of this voice in his head. Most nights the locket just spoke to him about how he will fail this mission that Dumbledore set him out on. How he is failing his friends along the way. But this message tonight was aligned with the thoughts he had earlier in the day, after seeing her in the lake. Harry tried to block the voice but it continued to hiss and encourage him all through the hour, and into the next. Harry found it difficult to maintain composure; every counter thought he had was met with a stronger argument from the voice in his head.
"Who knows how long you'll be out here together? You're both stressed and tense. If you take her, you will both be better off for it. She'll be relieved, relieved to know that at least someone wants her, even if it's not him. It's not really him she's grieving, it's being rejected. If you show her that she is indeed, desirable, you'll make her happy. She'll be happy. She wants it too. Go to her. Take her."
Harry felt himself being pulled from his seat and carried into the tent. He made his way over to Hermione's cot and bent down on one knee, leaned in close and saw that she was sleeping a restless sleep. The voice continued to encourage him get closer to her, to touch her. Harry did.
Hermione woke startled to see Harry knelt in front of her, staring at her and stroking her arm.
"Harry! What is it? What's wrong?"
She looked up and knew immediately that something was not right. The look on Harry's face was not recognizable. He looked like a deranged version of himself. She assumed that he had fallen asleep on watch and had another terrible nightmare. She grabbed his hand and held it in her own,
"Harry its okay. You probably just fell asleep and had a dream. We're safe Harry!"
The touch of her hand to his and the comforting tone of her voice was enough of an invitation to him. Harry climbed on top of Hermione and began to, clumsily, try and kiss her full on the mouth. Hermione was too shocked to respond for a few seconds but she quickly realized what was happening and began to shake her head side to side, trying to avoid Harry's mouth on hers. Harry responded in anger by pinning her arms above her head and holding both of her arms down with one of his hands while trying to steady her face with his other hand.
"GET OFF OF ME HARRY! Harry please! What are you doing?!" she cried as she tried to squirm her way out from under him. But Harry was very strong and whatever state he was in right now was feeding him more strength as he began to grope and pull at Hermione's clothing.
Hermione was panicking and then remembered her wand. Her wand! But then realized that she had relinquished it to Harry after his had been destroyed in their visit to Godric's Hallow. She began to squirm, kick and push back at Harry harder and with all her might she freed one hand and reached up to dig her nails deep into the corner of his face near his eye. Harry cried out in pain and jumped back from her. He looked back down at her and Hermione could see that Harry's eyes were no longer his own, they were glowing white and fierce with anger at her. Harry's hand reached down and caught Hermione's throat and he began to squeeze tight. She seized an opportunity, reached for the locket and pulled as hard as she could, ripping it from his neck and she threw it across the tent. Then she pulled her knee to her chest and then sent her foot right between his legs with all of the power she had. Harry fell limp backward in pain and Hermione fled the cot and out of the tent, into the cold night, grabbing her wand on the way that sat on the camp chair just outside the tent.
When Harry awoke, he was alone in the tent, lying on the floor and in pain. His face hurt and he felt a searing pain between his legs.
"Hermione? Hermione what happened?" he cried out but there was no answer.
Harry sat up carefully and allowed himself a minute. He slowly began to remember everything that had just happened. Harry sat stunned on the floor as what had just occurred began to sink in. Where had she gone to? Did she disapparate? Should he go look for her? What had he done?
Hermione ran as far as she could without crossing the protective barriers they had established. She fell in a heap behind a tree stump that she had become familiar with in the past week. Fear racked her body and she felt herself shaking violently. Her lungs were burning from running so long and hard in the cold air. Her feet were frozen as she had no shoes on her feet, only socks, but the rest of her body was too shocked to feel the cold. While Hermione knew that Harry's actions had not been his own, they had been the actions of his possessed state, she felt as if the last certainty she had here on earth had just been shattered. Harry had attacked her. He tried to force himself on her. Not in a million years did she think that Harry would be capable of hurting her like that. The look in those eyes was enough for her to know that he would have not only forced himself on her tonight, he might have killed her.
She held here wand tight in her hand and performed a warming charm toward her feet to try and regain feeling in her toes. Her neck throbbed in pain from his grip and she was having difficulty breathing. She lowered herself onto the ground, curling her head into her knees and began to cry. She wanted Ron here so badly. Her anger and sadness toward him was now pure longing for his presence. She cried out, but the word only came out in a whisper, "Ron."
Harry felt both sick and exhausted. His insides were churning and burning with pain and he felt an occasional need to vomit. How could he have attacked Hermione so violently? The locket had seemingly been a vessel to allow Riddle to possess Harry's mind and body, and to act on the thoughts Harry had been having from the voice in his head all evening. However, Harry knew that it was his own original and impure thoughts about her, thoughts that had even seeped into his dreams, which had allowed Riddle to have this kind of access. He had exposed a weakness, and they had paid dearly for it.
Harry knew he had to find her make this right. Hermione knew the power of the locket, she felt it herself when she took her turn. He hoped she understood the power and possession that the locket held over Harry in that moment. She had to know that he would never hurt her like that, regardless of his own thoughts and wants and needs. She was his most loyal and trusted friend and he desperately feared he had lost her. He was also worried about her out in the woods on her own, she must be freezing. Another lurch in his stomach as he realized her fear of him drove her from the comfort of the tent. She may be feeling safer out in the night, exposed, than here near him. Regardless, he set out to find her, grabbing a blanket for her on the way.
The night grew colder and Hermione continued to cast warming charms on herself every ten minutes or so. She had no idea how long she could stay out like this but she was terrified to go back to that tent. What would she do now? Should she just apparate back to the Burrow? Or somewhere else? She longed to go home, her home with her parents. No, she couldn't allow herself to think about her parents now, to contemplate her non-existent self, not now. With her head swimming and her heart broken, she began to cry again, feeing hopeless and entirely alone. Then she heard Harry in the distance calling for her, he sounded like himself.
"Hermione? Hermione? Please answer me. I'm so sorry Hermione. Please it was the locket, it was Riddle. I'm so sorry, please Hermione." He was crying, pleading. She could hear regret and shame in his voice but was it to be trusted? She was so confused but she knew that hiding out all night was not an option. She rose from her spot with her want outstretched toward the direction of Harry's voice.
"Stay back Harry. Don't come closer. I will hex you into next week. I mean it." She heard the footsteps stop and she could see him in the moonlight about twenty feet away.
"Hermione, I don't know what to say but I'm so sorry and I won't wear the locket again. I can't." Harry told her.
The thing is, she believed him. She believed that it was the locket; it was Riddle that had attacked her tonight, not Harry. Harry had been possessed; the look in his face during the attack was proof of that.
"Harry, I know you wouldn't hurt me, but you have to know that I don't trust anything right now. Where is the locket?"
"I left it in the tent."
She came a bit closer to get a better view of Harry. "Ok, then walk back toward the tent and I will follow you." she said cautiously and continued to hold her wand out toward him.
"I brought you a blanket." He said.
"Leave it there, I'll get it." she instructed.
Harry turned and back to walk back toward the direction of the tent. Hermione had no idea where she would go with this but she knew she was freezing and needed to feel her feet again. She grabbed the blanket from the spot where he left it and wrapped it around herself.
Back in the tent, Harry went to his cot and sat down. Hermione stood at the entrance of the tent continuing to brandish her wand at Harry. She was trying to show strength but she could feel her energy start to collapse. She started to cry, and so did Harry.
Harry stood and raised his hands in the air, "I'm so sorry Hermione. I don't know what else to say. Please know that I would never hurt you."
She hiccupped and looked around the tent. "Where's the locket?" she asked him.
"Over there, on the floor, where you threw it." Harry pointed across the tent. She slowly walked in that direction and saw the locket on the ground. She reached down and as much as she hated to touch it, she picked it up.
"You can't wear it Harry." She told him.
"I know." He replied.
"I don't want to wear it either. Not after this…after tonight." She said with a tone of sadness that broke Harry's heart.
"Let's just leave it on the table for now where we can see it." she said and Harry nodded.
"Ok, that's a good idea." He said carefully. He went on, "Hermione, tell me how to make this right. Please I can't lose you, you're the only friend I have left now."
His plea reminded them both of Ron. Or rather, the absence of Ron. Hermione felt the ache in her heart from his departure return with full force.
"Harry, I know it wasn't you. I do. But I would feel just feel safer if I can set myself a protective charm. I'm sorry Harry." With that, she waved her wand and gave the incantation and a protective shield surrounded her side of the tent. Harry's face fell but he nodded in agreement with her decision to protect herself. He wanted to go to her and hug her until they both felt the pain of the past hour go away. Hermione gave the best hugs, he thought.
"Do you forgive me then." He asked her. She was quiet for almost a full minute. "It wasn't you Harry, so there's nothing for me to forgive you for." She said absently. She had yet to look him in the eyes.
"Hermione, will you look at me?" Harry asked. She stared at the floor for a few seconds before replying, "I'm sorry Harry, I'm really tired now."
He understood, she needed time. He watched as she changed her socks and lay back on her cot, she faced away from him and curled herself up tightly. Harry stared at the floor for a few moments thinking of all that was almost lost tonight and then said, "I'm going back out to sit watch."
"Harry?" she said.
"Yeah?"
"We have to destroy the locket."
"Yeah, I know we do."
Twelve hours later, he had returned. Ron had returned after weeks and weeks of being away. Hermione's response was anger. As much as she wanted to embrace him and never let him go, she decided that being angry was more in line with how she was feeling all around. Still angry at Harry about the night before, angry that the two of them stood there, looking at her as if all was back to normal, as it was before. In her mind nothing was the same. Everything had changed.
Harry and Hermione had silently decided to not speak about then night before. She stil had not fully recovered from the attack-physically or emotionally. Harry seemed to be overcompensating his awkwardness by being extra cheerful about Ron's return. The two boys stayed chatty and especially excited about the fact that they had successfully destroyed the locket, which brought great relief to Hermione. But even the elation of being rid of the locket was not enough to soften her mood.
"Hey" Harry approached her as she sat outside the tent.
"Hey Harry." She replied staring at the ground. He sat down on the ground a few feet away from her.
"Are you okay?" he whispered.
"Not really" she answered honestly. She wasn't in the mood to make him feel better.
"Ron is really glad to be back."
"That's good, I'm glad he's okay." She said absently.
"He's desperate for you to forgive him. Can't you try? We need to get back to where we started. Please Hermione?"
She stared at him in disbelief. "We can't go back Harry. I can't. Everything is different now. Can't you see that? After what happened last night and Ron just leaving like that? Just like that-he was gone. Just like that, you snapped and then … you were gone. I don't feel like I can trust either of you – ever again. I'm sorry, but I can't."
With that she stood up and walked away, into the woods.
Ron stood near the entrance, listening to their conversation. Shamelessly desperate to know her thoughts. When he heard her walk away, he immediately felt a pull to go bring her back, but something she said gave him pause and caused him to step outside to ask Harry.
"Harry, what happened last night?"
"What?" Harry replied, surprised to see Ron there.
"Last night, she said you snapped and you left. What happened?" Ron asked innocently.
Harry felt a lump in his throat form. How could be bring himself to tell Ron what he had done? What he had put her through? Ron may lose it and go off on him, and if so wouldn't he deserve it? What if Ron left again? Harry felt that ultimately, Ron needed to know truth. Now that they were all back together again, it was important to be honest with each other.
Harry spoke slowly. "Ron something did happen last night. It was bad. I was wearing the locket. It was telling me things, he was telling me things. You know how when you wore it, he talked to you?"
Ron nodded.
Harry's mouth went dry before he continued. "Well, before I could make sense of what was happening…"
"What Harry?" Ron asked anxiously. At this point. Harry began to cry, emitting gasps and sobs that brought about a panic in Ron.
"Harry, it's okay mate." Ron told him kindly, putting a hand on Harry's shoulder.
"No, it's not okay Ron." Harry responded defiantly between sobs. He went on,
"I was possessed-the locket allowed him to possess me last night. He told me to go to her and to have my way with her. He took over, he used me to attack her, she was asleep and he, I attacked her.
Ron wasn't sure he'd heard correctly, "What did you do Harry?" Ron asked warningly. "Did you hurt her?" Ron rose from his seat, not sure of what he was going to do if Harry's answer was yes. "Tell me exactly what you did!" Ron demanded.
"She was sleeping and I kind of jumped on her, tried to kiss her, I know she was a bit in shock, she begged for me to stop but he insisted that she wanted it. I grabbed her and touched her and she fought off. She scratched me in the face, here" He pointed to his eye. "She knew it was the locket, she ripped it off my neck and threw it, and then she kicked me hard between the legs and ran out into the woods."
Ron felt his body freeze as he listened to Harry's words. This really happened. He wasn't here to protect her, and this had really happened. He couldn't help but feel some relief to know that she was able to get away. But the thought of what could have happened sat in his stomach like a heavy stone.
Harry went on, "When I came to, I realized what happened and I went to find her. She was afraid of me. She was hiding but I found her and I convinced her to come back inside. Like I said, she knew it was not me. I would never hurt her Ron, you know that right? I had no control. I know I t was my own weakness though that allowed it to happen. But just being here alone what her for so long, and she was so upset about you. I tried to comfort her but she just rejected me. I was frustrated."
"You were sexually frustrated?" Ron asked angrily. Harry was quite sure was about to take a beating.
"What? No!"
"You were feeling randy so you thought you would just have your way with her, while she was sleeping and feeling vulnerable?" Ron asked again in anger as he closed in on Harry.
Harry looked at Ron fearfully. Ron was standing over him and Harry knew whatever was about to happen he probably had it coming. But then, Ron backed away. Then he fell back on his seat. Harry could see the anguish in Ron's face. He continued,
"She slept behind a protective charm she set after we came back here last night. She was afraid of me but she knew she would freeze out here. She's afraid of me and she's angry at you. She doesn't trust either one of us right now and who can blame her?" Harry said hopelessly.
Ron was reeling. He still wanted to beat Harry senseless for hurting her, but he heard the pain and regret in Harry's voice and knew he was not entirely at fault. Ron also knew that his own actions had hurt her deeply as well. He was just as guilty of causing her pain. It was both their weaknesses that had brought them to this point and her strength waning.
"I'm going to check on her then." Ron told Harry and he walked away from the campsite, taking deep breaths to calm himself. He walked a little ways away and found her sitting on a rock not far off from the site. She turned her head, wand raised, at the sound of footsteps.
"Just me." Ron said with hands raised.
She lowered her want and remained quiet as he approached.
"Can I sit with you?" he asked her. "If you like." She said dismissively. They sat together quietly for a few moments until he finally spoke.
"When this is all over, I'm going to be so happy tossing those bloody gnomes out of mum's garden again all day. I swear I will never complain about it again."
She allowed herself to chuckle. He was thrilled ot get a response. "Will you join me? We could work together, get really good at it, maybe start a business of it?" he propositioned.
She didn't laugh though. "I'm going to get my parents when this is all over. Then we're going home." The way she said it made Ron's stomach drop. He dared to ask, "What do you mean, you're going home."
She stared straight ahead, not answering.
"What do you mean, you're going home? You don't mean forever?" he asked.
She sighed and dropped her eyes to the ground. "Yes, I'm seeing this through but when I get my parents and bring them home, I'm not coming back. Or if they're happy in Australia and they want to stay, I'll stay there."
They were quiet again for a minute.
"Thought about this have you?" he asked lightly but could not hide a cracked tone in his voice.
"I've been thinking about it for a while, since you left."
"Since I left?"
"Yeah, once you left and I finally accepted it, I realized there's nothing for me here without you. But I made a promise to see it through for Harry, and I will. But things haven't been so great between him and me with you gone; maybe I just need to go away, start my life new. I just don't have the strength to keep this up any longer, I thought I would but as it turns out…I don't" she said in a defeated tone. She stood up slowly and turned toward the tent.
"What are you talking about?" Ron asked cautiously.
"Ron, I'm tired and I don't want to talk okay?" she continued to walk away. He quickly went to her and grabbed her hand. "Hey, hey, look at me." He reached up and held her face in both of his hands. She didn't pull away but he noticed that she felt as if she were just being held up by his touch. He noticed the bruises that formed on her neck from the night before.
"What happened to your neck?" he asked suspiciously.
She pulled away, "Nothing." She said looking at him, clearly guilty from hiding the truth. He grabbed her hand again.
"Harry told me what happened last night." He said staring right at her.
"What?!" she asked incredulously.
"He told me. But what happened to your neck?" he asked again forcefully, unable to control the anger rising.
"Tell me." He demanded.
"If Harry told you already, then you already know she said curtly. He could see that she was embarrassed and this softened his anger until he took a closer look at her neck and could easily see the grip marks on her throat.
"He tried to strangle you? He didn't tell me that part!" Ron grabbed her hand and began pulling her toward the tent, clearly he intended to confront Harry.
"No Ron! No!" she cried and pulled away from him. She stopped and so did he. "Harry was possessed. I could see it, I could see him in Harry's eyes. It wasn't Harry." She said slowly. She began to cry and turned away from him with her face in her hands.
Ron softened again at the sight of her crying. He went to her and pulled her into him despite her weak resistance. "Hermione…" he whispered and she let him stroke her hair and back.
"Please don't fight with him. Please just leave it. Please Ron. I just want this to be over so we can get on with our lives. We have to work together to finish this. No more distractions." She practically begged.
He held her at arm's length and they looked at each other for what seemed like ages until he spoke firmly.
"Okay, I'll leave it. But no one is going to hurt you again-okay? I'm not leaving you, ever again. You hear me? I will make sure you are safe-okay?" His eyes and tone were so intense she was almost afraid to protest, so she just nodded. Then his gentle, but firm grip tightened a bit on her face, not enough to hurt but enough to emphasize his words that followed.
"And you're not leaving me. I'll follow you to the end of the earth if I have to. Muggle London, Australia, wherever, I don't care. I was dead inside without you. I can't be without you. You know don't you?"
She nodded slowly.
"When this is over, it's you and me. Sod Harry! I want you to myself. I'm coming with you to get your parents. I'm not letting you go alone. I need you and you need me. I love you … and I think you love me." Tears fell freely down her cheeks as she nodded slowly again. He wiped them away with his thumbs. It felt like an incredible weight had lifted from her head and her heart.
He went on, "I could tell you that I'm sorry for leaving a thousand times but I know that won't mean shite. I'm going to show you that you can trust me, that you can count on me okay?"
She nodded again.
He pulled her in again for an embrace. His arms surrounded her small frame and she allowed herself to accept his protective warmth and love. He was right, she needed him and she loved him. She wasn't going to let her head muck this up. Her soul needed repair and he was the only one who could make it right.
"Don't want to go back to the tent yet Ron." She said in a muffled voice into his chest as he held her close. "You can go back but I just want to stay here for bit." She pulled back and rubbed her eyes with her sleeve. Ron reached out and pushed her hair back away from her face and off her shoulders.
"Can I stay?" he asked. She gave him a shy smile, "Of course" she replied.
They spent the next hour sitting together. Hermione curled in Ron's lap keeping each other warm. They didn't speak very much but their closeness meant more than words. Her head lay comfortably against his chest listening to his heartbeat which as hard and fast.
"Your heart is beating really fast, are you okay?" she asked him quietly.
He took a deep breath.
"I'm okay. Better than really. Just want you know how much I meant what I said before, about you and me." She could feel his arms hold her a bit tighter. "It feels really good to hold you like this." He said nervously. She sighed and nessled into him even closer.
"I missed you so much." She said softly. "Please don't ever leave me again." Ron put his hand under her chin and pulled her face up to meet his eyes. "Never. I swear I will never leave you again." And he placed a kiss on her forehead. As much as he wanted to do so much more, held back, sure that she would want and need to take it slow. Blimey, he waited at least four years to get up the courage to tell her how he felt about her, he surely could wait for anything more. It was definitely something to fight for.
"I'm sorry I wasn't here for you , last night, with Harry." He felt himself get tense again thinking of how terrified and alone she must have felt. He couldn't allow himself to think about what would have happened if she had not fought Harry off so fiercely and successfully. It was too disturbing to consider.
"I don't really want to talk about that Ron, I'm sorry." she told him after a long silence. Her response worried him a bit. She continued, "I'll be okay." She said, sounding as if she was trying to convince them both.
She sat up in his lap and put both hands on his shoulders. She desperately wanted to kiss him but didn't want to be too forward. So she brought her hands to his face, pushed the strands of hair from his eyes. "Thank you Ron." Then she leaned closer to him, touching her forehead to his. She had to bite her lower lip to keep from kissing him now.
Ron's eyes darkened with intensity and he felt an overwhelming sense of affection and love for this girl. Then his heart felt like it was melting as she continued to hold his face in her hands and began to rain tiny kisses on his cheeks and forehead. She pulled back and smiled at him.
"We're okay." She said holding his gaze for a moment.
"Let's head back okay?" she said standing and offering a hand to pull him up.
He took her hand, "Okay." he obeyed.
They started toward the tent, but then he stopped and turned toward her, "Wait. I just, I want to kiss you." he said eagerly.
They both giggled at the awkwardness of the moment. "Oh." she said. "Well, I want you to kiss me Ron, but, it's just…"
"Just what?" he asked almost fearfully, afraid to hear the rest of her sentence.
She blushed as she spoke, "Its just I'm afraid if we start kissing, well, I won't be able to stop there." She went from blushing to turning a deep shade of red as she spoke as honestly as she had ever spoken to him. She wanted to come clean about all of her feelings and desires at this point. There was nothing to hide.
"Do you know what I mean?" she asked him.
Ron swallowed hard and then he said, "Bloody hell Hermione, I don't think you could understand how bad I want you." as he stepped closer to her and reached out to stroke her cheek. Hermione took his hand in her own telling him, "Okay, so we know how we feel about each other in that department, we should be careful, right?"
He pulled her hand up and kissed it, "Yeah right." He said rather robotically.
She gave him another smile and pulled him along toward the tent. As they walked along he pulled her hand up to kiss it a few more times. Hermione felt happy and hopeful for the first time in a very long time.
They stopped before getting to the tent and Hermione turned to Ron.
"Listen Ron, I meant what I said before about the incident last night. Please leave it. Don't blame Harry Ron, he wasn't in control. I forgive him and we'll be okay. Okay Ron?" He saw the pleading look in her eyes and replied. "Yeah okay." She was relieved.
But it was not necessarily okay with Ron. He still felt like beating Harry to a bloody pulp for trying anything with her – for hurting her. He was happy to know that she was able to fight him off but still angry at himself for not being here for her also. I would be easy to get focused on beating himself up for his mistakes, but she needed him to be stronger than that.
They found Harry sitting on the far side of the tent, quiet and cautious. Hermione put her hand on his shoulder and told him, "We're okay Harry. All of us." He gave her a weak smile.
Hermione walked inside the tent, "I'm going to lie down for a bit." She said to both and then she went inside. Harry looked over to Ron, who had sat down a few yards away.
"Thanks." Harry said to Ron.
"For what?" Ron asked in a spiteful tone.
"Well for helping smoothe things over for me."
Ron gave him a hard long look, "Wasn't me, she came to that decision on her own." Then he stood and started for the tent.
"Ron, Hermione said we're okay. Are we okay?" Harry asked hesitantly.
Ron was quiet for a moment before answering, "I don't know Harry." Then he walked inside.
Inside the tent, Ron found Hermione curled up on her cot. He noticed she had his green jumper crushed up into her chest.
"Hey." He said meeting her eyes as he walked over to sit down on the bed near her feet. "I should let you sleep ay?" he asked.
She didn't answer but instead told him, "You have to forgive him and let it go Ron. Please For me if nothing else." He reached around and put his hand on her calf, running his hand up and down tenderly. "Will you?" she asked.
He nodded and she sighed. Then she moved back, making space for him next to. "Lay with me?" He smiled and at her and lay on his side, facing her pulling her in close. "This is risky." He said smirking.
"Yeah, it is. But I need to be close." She told her as she pulled herself closer. Ron felt his heart jump at her words.
"You have my green jumper?"
"Yeah, you left it here."
"Yeah, I know. Did you sleep with it while I was gone?" he asked her curiously.
She buried her head into the jumper, her face burning red. "Bit pathetic isn't it?" she asked.
Ron stared at her, amazed at how adorable she could be. Then he decided to come clean given that she was letting all of her guard down.
To her surprise, Hermione noticed that Ron's face was turning even redder than her own.
"Ron?"
He took a deep breath and turned to look at her, "Ok, I feel like I need to come clean too. I guess, but you have to promise me you won't get mad." Hermione sat up on her knees looking down on him.
"Why? What are you talking about?" she asked with caution.
Ron took another deep breath and walked over to his bag, reached in and pulled out something he kept crunched in his hand. He walked back over to her with both hands behind his back. "Swear you won't hex my bullocks off." He said.
"Ron!" she said impatiently.
"Ok, here…" he reached out and dropped a black pair of knickers in her hand.
"These are mine!" she cried.
"Yeah, they are." He said, eyes averted and his face was as red as his hair.
"Where and when did you get these?" she asked.
"When we were at the Burrow, right before the wedding. I swiped them from a pile of your laundry on Ginny's bed."
She looked at him incredulously. "I was looking for these!"
"Sorry." He said sheepishly.
Hermione started to laugh and he felt relieved that she didn't become angry. "Ron, this is…just…weird." she laughed.
"No weirder than you sleeping with my jumper!" he cried in reply.
"So much weirder! I mean, what did you…do…with…wait…never mind!" she told him.
He sat down on the bed, eyes gazing at the floor and said softly, "I'm not a sickie."
She started to feel some of her own embarrassment surface and couldn't help but feel a bit flattered at the fact that he'd been carrying her knickers around. She wanted to lighten the moment so she snapped him in the arm with her knickers and sat down next to him. He chanced a look over at her, saw her smiling face and hid his own face in his hands.
"Here. Keep them." she held them out to him.
"What?" he asked, taken aback.
"Keem them, just don't tell anyone!" she warned.
He grabbed them from her, "Who would I tell?" he asked.
"I don't know, just don't tell anyone!" and she giggled as he held them up and wagged his eyebrows.
"Idiot!" she laughed. It felt wonderful to laugh.
"Think you would try these on for me sometime?"
"Ron!' she cried and smacked his arm.
"What? Someday! Not now!"
"Oh my god!" now it was Hermione's turn to bury her face in her hands. "This is a bit awkward isn't it?" she asked from behind her hands.
Ron pulled her hands away from her face and held them in his own hands. "Actually," he said, "I was thinking it feels quite natural." They fixed on each other's eyes and she had to agree, this did indeed feel natural.
"I've wanted this for so long." she confessed.
"Really?"
"Yes, of course, didn't you know?"
"Maybe, but…I guess I just couldn't see how you would want to be with me." he told her.
"Well, I felt the same way." She said.
"You can't be serious?!" he exclaimed.
"I am serious. I just thought you thought of me as plain and borning and bossy. I'm not beautiful or really that interesting." She said sadly.
Ron pulled her closer to him and put his hands around her waist, "Hermione you are so beautiful. Just looking at you, I forget my own name sometimes. And you are interesting, and brilliant, and incredibly kind."
"I haven't always been kind, especially to you. Remember the birds?" she asked in an effort to hide her awkwardness at his wonderful words.
"I deserved it." he said bringing his face closer to hers. Their faces were so close, the urge to kiss was overwhelming for both.
Ron smiled widely, "And what about me? Tell me, why me?"
She signed and blushed madly.
"You're just wonderful." She said. "Plus handsome." to which Ron snorted.
"You're blinded by love!" he laughed. Hermione put her arms around his neck and touched her forehead to his. Then she whispered in his ear "Ron there is no other man on earth I would choose. I am insanely attraced to you, everything about you." she could feel him swallow hard and his heartbeat quicken.
He looked at her longingly and whispered back, "Hermione you have no idea what you do to me." She could see desire and hope at once in his eyes and it was both terrifying and thrilling to her. She also could see that he was becoming (quite literally) thrilled as well. She decided to cool things off by offering to make some tea.
Ron looked like he had just awoken from a trance but he responded with "Yeah, tea sounds good. I'll see if Harry wants some."
Hermione smiled and felt comforted by his gesture to include Harry, "Thanks Ron." she said as he grinned and made his way out to Harry.