Author's Note: Thank you to my beta MeeraNaamJoker/PartlyGood.

"You're so lucky," Simon mused. He smiled crookedly at Jellal as his eyes flitted from the road to his friend in the passenger seat.

"Yeah? I don't feel very lucky sometimes."

"But you are! Erza is so special and amazing. How can you not feel like every day is… special and amazing?" Simon laughed at his own lack of words.

"At least you have parents," Jellal muttered.

"Hey, I'm sorry, man. I wasn't even thinking." Simon cringed and looked over at Jellal again.

"It's fine. I'm just a sad drunk, I guess." Jellal turned his head to stare out of the window and into the darkness. "You should probably keep your eyes on the road."

"Listen," Simon slurred slowly. "I know you and Meredy had a shit year but I wa –"

"Holy shit! Simon! Could you fucking pay attention?!" A truck whizzed by, flashing headlights and blaring a horn at them, and Jellal wished he'd taken Simon's keys when he'd had the chance. The guy had always been a lightweight, despite his size, but he'd only had a few beers at the party and Jellal hadn't thought him so drunk as to be barred from driving. He was starting to think otherwise.

"Yeah, but seriously," Simon frowned at the dark stretch of road in front of them and squinted a little. They were approaching a tight, but familiar, curve. "Sometimes I just wi –"

M A Y

"And what happened next?" The woman in the sleek black chair asked. Jellal glanced up at her in surprise. He'd almost forgotten she was there.

"It's… kind of a blur, really. I remember graduating high school earlier that day, and the party later…" He paused and stared hard at his clasped hands that were beginning to sweat. "I remember the police lights… and the ambulance. There was –" Jellal's eyes squeezed shut and he tried to take in steady breaths but his heart rate was climbing again. He hated this. He'd worked so hard to redirect.

"We don't have to continue if this is too difficult for you, Jellal." Doctor Milkovitch's voice echoed in his head, not quite slicing through the building anxiety.

"I'm fine," he gasped. "The, uh, the paramedics came and someone pulled me from the car… no wait… I was –" Jellal tightened his hands into white knots. "I wasn't in the car, I'd been thrown. My seatbelt… I wasn't wearing a seatbelt that night. Simon was trapped and they –" He still remembered the blood. There'd been a lot of blood. "He wasn't… whole."

"I see." She scratched something into her notes and crossed her legs. "Why don't you tell me about what happened two months ago?"

"It wasn't even a formal call," Jellal started. "We were parked outside the restaurant eating dinner – er, I was eating dinner. My partner was scratching lotto tickets. He has a thing for them, I guess. The crash happened right in front of us and the smaller car's bumper actually flew off and broke a storefront window across the street." He closed his eyes and tried to remember. "They were just fucking kids, you know? The driver of the truck was so damn drunk he couldn't even speak properly. I wanted to deck him." Jellal glanced up at Doctor Milkovitch after the admission.

"I'm not here to judge you, Jellal. We have doctor-patient confidentiality." He nodded and went on.

"I knew right away the kid driving was dead. His entire torso had been driven through by the steering column." His legs started to bounce. It was a new habit. "But his face… goddamn that fucking face of his. He looked so much like – like Simon and I just…" Jellal scrubbed his hands over his own face and regretted it. They'd been sweaty and he somehow felt worse. "I just kind of stared. Like a fucking rookie I stared. My partner shoved me out of the way and pulled the girl from the passenger seat. She's still in the hospital, I hear."

"Jellal –"

"I'm thinking of quitting my job." Doctor Milkovitch raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow and her pen stopped moving on the page.

"As in extending your leave of absence?"

"No, like quitting." She leaned back in her chair and eyed him carefully.

"That's a big decision. What will you do instead?"

Jellal sighed irritably. "I don't know. Walk dogs in the park for rich people?"

"I think maybe you should consider an extended leave before acting on what you're feeling right now."

"Maybe," he mumbled as the egg timer chimed.

Jellal stared at the yellow light emanating from inside his microwave. He'd just as soon skip dinner but his stomach had disagreed. The rain outside pounded the windows and besides the small, sallow glow in front of him the rest of his apartment was dark. He couldn't have said what was in the plastic dish, only that he ate it.

He almost let the call go to voicemail but an unsettled feeling in his gut told him Meredy wouldn't have dialed him if it wasn't important. Reluctantly he answered.

"Hello?"

"Jellal," she said softly. "I need you to come home."

"Meredy –" He perched on the edge of a couch cushion and hunched over.

"Don't start with me, Jellal. I need you."

"Did something happen?"

She hesitated and Jellal started counting seconds. "Yes."

"Is it bad?" Meredy sighed on the other end of the line.

"I'm pregnant."

"That isn't funny."

"It wasn't a joke." He believed her but wanted desperately not to.

"But you're –"

"Not fifteen anymore! Okay?" She was silent again and Jellal knew his sister was about to mount a verbal attack. "Life didn't just stop here when you left! I had to pick up all the pieces and carry on. It's been almost eight years, Jellal," Meredy offered in a softer voice. "Can't you get over it yet? For me?"

"Yeah, okay," he finally whispered. "I'll come."

"Thank you, Jellal. I'll see you soon?"

"Soon."

His resignation was tendered and accepted with disbelief on the part of his superior. Jellal fell back on the family emergency excuse – which was even more of an oddity considering he'd never mentioned his family previously despite four years of employment in central Crocus.

"I admit this is a bit of a surprise, Fernandes," Captain Neekis said after reviewing his packet. "I know that mess over on the east side was rough for you but a full resignation? Can I ask why? Family emergency isn't very descriptive."

"My sister is pregnant," Jellal mumbled looking anywhere but Jura's face. "She's not handling it well, I guess."

"I see. Well I don't think I have to say that you're welcome back here at any time, and I'll give a glowing recommendation to any future department. Jellal –" Jura shifted in his seat. "That shrink you've been meeting with – the one the department assigned – how'd that work out for you?"

"Fine, I guess." Jellal shrugged. "Did she not submit her evaluation?"

"She did," Jura hedged. "But I'm more interested in what you had to say."

"The incident just reminded me of something that happened a long time ago. It shocked me, is all."

"Well there's nothing in the psych-eval that would prevent you from returning to work if you wanted; this department or any." The Captain gestured widely but continued to study Jellal's face closely. "You're not coming back, are you?"

"I don't think so, sir."

"Well, that's a shame, but I'm sure you'll do fine where ever you go."

"Thank you, sir." They shook hands firmly and Jellal walked out of the fire station for the last time. He didn't look back.

All of his belongings fit into a small rental trailer that could easily be towed by his car. He brought no furniture and signed over possession of everything he left behind to the landlord. When Jellal merged onto the road out of Crocus – the one that would lead him back to Rosemary – he felt both lighter and heavier.

Rosemary was a small town both in size and mentality. He and Meredy had grown up there and until the death of their parents, he'd never considered leaving. Before his senior year of high school life had been idyllic – loving family, annoying sister, gorgeous girlfriend… Jellal hadn't thought of Erza in years. Not while sober anyway. On nights when he'd had too much to drink, and his apartment was too quiet, he'd close his eyes and imagine her red hair or the secret smile she'd flash just before whispering in his ear.

There were reasons he didn't ponder Erza when his senses weren't dulled by alcohol. The first and foremost being that she hated him now – or she had when he'd seen her last. She'd screamed at him and dubbed him a coward for running away. Upon reflection Jellal knew she hadn't been wrong. The thought of seeing her again, though, made every inch of him cringe. Partly because he didn't want to see the hatred on her face and partly because he couldn't stand to see anything else there; pity or even indifference was worse than hate.

For completely unnecessary reasons he stayed the night in a motel just outside of Rosemary instead of continuing home. Jellal didn't sleep at all; he just stared at the moon from the edge of the bed and wondered what the fuck had happened to the big city solitary life he'd constructed for himself. The existence he'd worked so hard to gain was behind him, and he grieved, selfish as it was. Going home meant facing all those demons he thought he'd worked through in the year of therapy he'd invested in before college. It meant his dream of saving lives – to make up for the ones he'd lost – in an anonymous city like Crocus was over.

The bill had come and it was time to cut the check.

Rosemary hadn't changed much. The trees were still heavy with greenery and dripped with early summer blossoms. Jellal saw a few familiar faces. He wouldn't be able to keep a low profile for long. Nobody had secrets in Rosemary, not really.

The street he'd grown up on looked exactly the same. He was rather impressed that Meredy had taken such good care of the place. For a while he'd encouraged her to sell the house, but now that he'd actually returned it made him happy to see the whitewashed siding and gabled roof. Happy wasn't something he'd felt in a long time, and the sensation surprised him.

The screen door – still adorned with curling iron panels – swung open and the silhouette of his sister appeared. As he shifted his car into park she walked out onto the porch and leaned against a pillar. She couldn't have been too far along in her pregnancy because she wasn't showing in the slightest.

Meredy grinned and Jellal smiled. When he embraced her under the shelter of the porch he was overwhelmed with the fact that despite all the distance and change that had come between them, Meredy still smelled of honeysuckle, and he was grateful.