Disclaimer: I own nothing... Happy?

Author's Note: Hey! This is my first story, ever! If you want to review and ramble on how I'm a pervert and how disgusting my story is, you don't need to! I already know those things, but if you want to review anyways, feel free to!

One summer morning, Hermione woke up incredibly hyper and bored all at once. Not a very good combination, if you ask me. Anyways! She wanted to do something very exciting, so she decided to show up at Number 4 Privet Drive, and rape Harry's relatives: The Dursley's.

So, Hermione got dressed ready to apparate over at Harry's. Suddenly, she remembered that she forgot to put a tampon on, since it was the time of the month. Hermione ran in the washroom, shoved a tampon between her legs, and quickly got out. Now, she thought, I'm ready to rape the Dursley's!

She apparated in front of the Dursley Residence, full of excitement.

"I'm gonna rape the Dursleys!" she squealed, rubbing her hands together maliciously.

She kicked the door open, and, to her surprise, found the Dursleys lying on the ground of the entrance hall, already raped.

"Oh, man!" she moaned.

Harry suddenly came out of nowhere, and when I say nowhere, I mean nowhere!

"Hey Hermione! What are you doing here?" he asked.

"Well, I was just about to rape your relatives, but someone else did it before me" said Hermione, eying him in anger.

"Oh, don't blame me, I have needs to fulfill" chuckled Harry.

"Well, so do I!" glared Hermione.

"Sorry! You could always rape them another time!" said Harry.

"Yeah, whatever..." blooped Hermione.

Harry didn't know what to say, so he just looked at the Dursleys lying on the floor motionless. Uncle Vernon was wearing a hot pink kimono, with fluffy socks, Aunt Petunia was wearing a black stripper's lingerie, and Dudley was wearing nothing but fuzzy pink slippers. So, for approximately 12 hours, Harry was just staring at those figures, while Hermione was watching Anime Porn in the basement. Suddenly, Dudley's privates gave Harry a brilliant idea.

"Hey Hermione! Wanna go clubbing!" said Harry.

"Sure!" screamed Hermione in joy. More people to rape, she thought.

They apparated in front of a muggle club in downtown London, somewhere near the Leaky Cauldron. They entered the club and Hermione rushed towards the bartender.

"One Pepto-Bismol, please!" shouted Hermione.

The bartender gave her an odd but still served her what she demanded.

"There you go..." said the bartender.

"Yay!" squealed Hermione, as she drank the whole bottle in one gulp.

Harry and Hermione went on the dance floor, and Hermione, being drunk on Pepto-Bismol, started rubbing her rear on Harry's face. Harry ran away like a scared little pup and sat down into a chair. Hermione rushed after him. Harry started twitching horrifically in front of Hermione.

"Harry?" Hermione asked.

"Uh... I need to go to the washroom! I think I have diarrhea!" whined Harry.

"You mean you have an intestinal disorder characterized by abnormal frequency and fluidity of fecal evacuations?" squealed Hermione.

"Yeah, whatever!" Harry yelled.

He looked over at the first person he saw: Crabbe... and Goyle.

"Can you guys take Hermione home, because I think she might become a prostitute if I leave her in London alone" said Harry.

"Sure, man!" said Crabbe and Goyle both at once.

As Hermione was drunk because of all the Pepto-Bismol she drank, she didn't mind Crabbe and Goyle taking her home. She had drunk so much that she blacked out while she was walking with Crabbe and Goyle towards the Leaky Cauldron. When she woke she was chained to the floor of a strange room she didn't recognize she was naked and sore all over. Her lip was bleeding and swollen and she had several cuts on her breasts. Fuck, they raped me she thought. After a couple of minutes of thoughts, she realized that getting raped by Crabbe and Goyle would be the best that she could get, so she didn't seem to mind. She decided that the wisest thing to do in a situation like this is to fall back asleep, and wait to be raped again.

Author's Comment: So... how was my first chapter? If you have any ideas of possible rapes or how Hermione could get out of this "sticky" (Pun intended ;)) situation, add it to your review!