"You mean to tell me you've never been up there doing a little cloud seeding?" Dean asked incredulously.
"Look, I've never had occasion, okay?" Castiel said, embarrassed.
"All right. Lemme tell you something. There are two things that I know for certain, one: Bert and Ernie are gay. Two: you are not gonna die a virgin. Not on my watch. Let's go." Dean grabbed his coat and walked out of the door of the dilapidated house they were using as their 'hideout'.
Castiel followed reluctantly.
—
After the disaster at the brothel, and Dean laughing harder than he had in a long time, the pair of them settled back into the Impala.
"That didn't go well." Cas said, his monotonous voice serious.
It made Dean laugh once again. Instead of risking crashing Baby, he pulled over to the side of the road. The road was empty this time of night, the only sounds that could be heard was the chirping of a lone cricket, the rumble of the Impala's engine, and Dean's laughter.
—
Eventually Dean had managed to calm himself down, and once again they were driving. He didn't look at Cas the whole ride back, afraid that even a glance at the man would set off his laughter once more.
Pulling up at the abandoned house, the blond turned towards the angel.
"I can't believe you fucked up so badly." He chuckled. "You must be the only person - or angel, whatever - that could fuck up having sex when you're paying the girl."
"I'm sorry." Cas flushed red.
Dean didn't even know that angels could blush. It was kind of cute.
"What are you sorry for?" The hunter's smile dropped from his face, head tilted in confusion. "You didn't do anything that needs an apology for."
"I knew how much me losing my virginity meant to you. I'm sorry I messed it up."
"Aw, Cas." It was Dean's turn to get flustered, feeling the beginnings of his face heating up. "I don't care if you loose your virginity or not. I just thought it'd be something I could help give you, y'know, as a thanks for all you've done?"
Dean knew his face was bright red.
"You don't need to thank me, Dean. It's been my pleasure. And there's many things you've done for me, as well, so if anything, I probably owe you more than you owe me."
"Of course you don't, Cas!"
"Well then, you don't owe me anything."
There was about a minute of silence, before Dean remembered something.
"I promised you that you're not going to die a virgin." the blond spoke so softly that the angel's sensitive hearing had difficulty hearing what he said. "And I never go back on my promises."
"It's fine, Dean," Cas shook his head, "it's my fault, anyway."
"There is one thing I can do." the hunter stepped closer to the angel.
Instead of speaking, Castiel raised an eyebrow in interest.
Dean stepped even closer, wedging himself in-between Cas' legs.
"I'll be Bert, if you'll be Ernie."
And then he swept the angel in for his first ever kiss.
Cas was rather overwhelmed by his senses - taste, touch, smell, sight and sound - but he loved every second of it.
Dean smelled and tasted so good, and damn it if Cas didn't want more.
—
There are two things that Dean knows for certain, one: Bert and Ernie are gay. Two: Castiel definitely wasn't going to die a virgin.
Not on his watch.