Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Some of the dialogue in this is taken from Deathly Hallows. I only own the stuff in Snape's head, and the dialogue you don't recognize.

This piece is everything Snape wishes that he'd been able to say to Lily.

Hope you Enjoy!

Show Me the Way

As he crouched in the bushes by the playground, he tried to ignore the fact that he'd most likely get a beating for coming home with grass-stained knees. Watching the pretty red-head made this lapse in memory just a little bit easier. She was like nothing he'd ever seen before. He still couldn't believe it, even though he'd seen firsthand. She was definitely a witch. But it wasn't just that. She was so full of something that he just couldn't put his finger on. It was like she captured the sunlight filtering through the trees and bent it to her will, causing everything in her immediate vicinity to look brighter. Severus couldn't tear his eyes away.

It made him feel better than he'd felt in days to know that she was like him. Special. Different. When it was finally his turn to go to Hogwarts, he was almost positive that she'd be on the train too. It gave him hope. Perhaps if people like this little girl were at Hogwarts, there would be a chance for him. Maybe he'd be more than the badly dressed freak from Spinner's End. Just maybe, someone like her would actually be his friend. He couldn't stop a smile from turning up the corners of his mouth.

"For the first time in my life, you make me feel like I'm not alone."


He sat on the ground twisting a small twig between his fingers. It was a good thing he had something to fidget with, because it was pretty impossible for him to contain his excitement. He couldn't believe she was here, talking to him. And what's more, she was looking at him like he was smart, like he knew all the answers. For the first time that he could recall, he felt a swelling of pride in his chest. When she looked at him like that, he felt invincible.

"Petunia says there isn't a Hogwarts," Lily said, worry creeping into her green eyes, "It is real, isn't it?"

"It's real for us," he replied, "Not for her. But we'll get the letter, you and me."

Her eyes lit up at his reassurance. She looked like he'd just given her the most wonderful news in the world. She smiled, positively lighting up the entire clearing.

Severus felt his breath catch in his chest. There was no reason to be scared anymore. He'd tell her anything she wanted to know about Hogwarts.

"When you smile like that, I can't breathe."


"I don't understand," Lily said, tears welling up in her eyes, "Why does she hate me so much?"

She was holding a letter she'd just gotten from home. Severus didn't know what it said, but judging from Lily's reaction, he was almost positive that it was from her sister. Ever since they'd started Hogwarts three years ago, Lily had written a weekly letter to Petunia. Every now and then Petunia would respond and it usually ended up like this.

Severus hated when she cried. Especially when it was something he couldn't control. Like her bitch of a sister. He loathed Petunia for making her feel this way. It made him so angry that he couldn't even be around her. He didn't trust himself to.

"I dunno, Lil" he said, slowly pulling the letter out of her hand, "She doesn't deserve you."

Heart racing, he grabbed her hand and pulled her into his chest. She complied, and he wrapped his arms around her shoulders. Though he'd have like the circumstances to be different, any excuse to have her this close was enough. He held her a little tighter as her small shoulders shook from crying.

He wanted to protect her. From her sister, from that asshole, Potter, from the world. If it were up to him, Lily Evans would never have to deal with anything difficult or painful again. If he could, he'd carry it all for her.

"I want to hold you and never let you go."


"I know James Potter's an arrogant toe rag," she said, cutting across him. "I don't need you to tell me that. But Mulciber's and Avery's idea of humor is evil. Evil, Sev. I don't understand how you can be friends with them."

He watched her walk back up to the castle, clearly angry at him. He buried his face in his hands. She really was starting to catch on. He thought he could keep some of the darker stuff from her, but he should have known that she'd be too smart for that. She had to see through it eventually.

He knew they'd make up eventually; they were best friends. He couldn't stand for her to be mad at him though. She was the most important thing in the world to him. Even if she didn't feel as much for him as he did for her, he still couldn't even fathom the thought of life without her.

He'd have to be more careful about letting her know what he did with his new crowd. He'd known full well what Mulciber and Avery were truly doing. He'd known going into it. He had doubts every now and then, but at this point there was no going back.

He wasn't sure if he could do it if it meant losing Lily, though.

"It's too late," he thought, "You're in too deep, now."

"I wish I had a choice, God I wish."


"I can't pretend anymore. You've chosen your way, and I've chosen mine."

"No…listen, I didn't mean…"

"…to call me Mudblood? But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?"

As she turned and climbed back through the portrait hole into Gryffindor Tower, Severus had to brace himself against the stone wall. He felt like he was falling to pieces. Like everything he'd ever been was shattering and falling onto the scrubbed flagstone floor. He'd heard the metaphor of a "broken heart" before but this pain was more magnified than anything he'd ever experienced. He'd take Bellatrix's Cruciatus Curse over this any day.

She'd walked away. Just turned and left. How could he possibly have said that? What was thinking? He'd finally done it. He's managed to take the one bright thing in his life and tear it to shreds. He'd never get her back, not now. This must be what it felt like to be truly empty. To know that, no matter what you did, you'd never be whole again. He glanced at the portrait of the Fat Lady fleetingly before turning away. Part of him hoped that she'd come back. So they could talk and fix this. The Fat Lady merely snoozed in her frame.

"You'll never know how sorry I am. Never."


Golden bells rang in the distance as a stunning red sun disappeared over the horizon. Severus stood in an alley in Godric's Hollow, leaning against a wall in the shadows. The Dark Lord had ordered him to keep an eye on them, where they went and what they did. He wasn't sure that the Dark Lord could ever fathom the sweet torture that it had been to follow Lily. He'd been careful to guard his feelings for her.

He'd spent the past two weeks cloaked in a Disillusionment Charm while she went about her business, happy and oblivious. He told himself that he was doing this for her. Even though he was on the Dark Lord's orders, he would also be reporting to Dumbledore. If anyone could keep her safe, it would be Dumbledore.

He glanced across the square as the doors to the little church burst open and people streamed out, laughing. They lined the sidewalk and watched the door expectantly. Severus stood up a little straighter when they appeared in the doorway. Lily was in a simple, floor length white gown, a flower in her bright hair. Holding his hand. Severus watched as they made their way down the stairs, both of them simply beaming. They stopped at the edge of the sidewalk and Potter pulled her into his arms. To the very loud approval of the gathered crowd, Potter dipped her low and kissed her deeply. Severus watched, the pieces of his heart scattered on the cobblestones.

"I'm so glad that you're happy, but it kills me that it's with him."


Severus knelt slowly on the grass, bitter tears streaming down his face as he reached out to touch the engraved surface of the white marble.

Lily Potter

Born 30 January 1960

Died 31 October 1981

It wasn't supposed to happen like this. She shouldn't be here. She had been twenty-one. Twenty-one. At twenty-one she should have been radiant. She should have been at home, with her husband and her son, enjoying everything life had to offer.

But she wasn't. She was here, buried under six feet of cold, unforgiving earth, a victim of an ugly and twisted war. It wasn't fair. Why was she dead and he wasn't. If anything, he was the one who should be dead. She had so much more to offer to the world than he did. And now, he was left here. Alone, with no direction, no purpose, merely drifting.

He looked at the epitaph engraved under her name.

The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death.

Dumbledore's words rang in his head.

"If you loved Lily Evans, if you truly loved her, then your way forward is clear."

The sun broke through the canopy of oak trees, causing the white marble to glow. He knew what was required of him. He's known all along. It was the only option.

"I'll keep him safe for you."


Severus opened his eyes. He had no idea where he was. All was white and swirling. He knew he was dead. He had to be. He remembered the snake, and the blood, and Potter. Potter was the last thing he saw.

And now he was nowhere. This must be death. There was nothing. He rose to his feet, reaching instinctively for his wand; but his wand wasn't there. He always kept it with him. Where could it possibly have gone? As he began to glance around for it, he noticed a figure coming towards him in the mist. He tensed, not knowing what to expect, and then froze.

It was her. Alive, whole, and as happy as he'd ever seen her. She was grinning from ear to ear as she walked towards him. Severus knew he had to be dreaming. Surely this wasn't really happening. Surely he'd done nothing to deserve this.

"Finally," she said smiling at him, "We knew you'd be along soon."

He noticed for the first time that James was standing next to her, his hand resting lightly on the small of her back. He tensed warily, but for reasons unbeknownst to him, James looked friendly. Smiling even.

"We've been waiting for you," she said, her smile growing larger.

"Lily, I…" his voice broke. There was so much he needed to tell her.

"Shh," she said putting a finger to lips, "None of that matters here."

Severus looked at the two of them, and noticed with a shock that he felt no hostility towards James at all. In fact, he couldn't recall ever feeling this was before. There was no darkness here. He felt more content than he ever remembered being.

"I'm so glad to see you," Lily said, breaking his thoughts.

She stepped forward and hugged him lightly.

Severus thought his legs would buckle. She was real, solid, and hugging him.

"If there is a heaven," he thought, "Surely this must be it."

Lily let go and stepped back, looping her arm around James' middle. For the first time that he could recall, Severus wasn't bothered by this.

James placed one arm around Lily's shoulders and extended his other hand in Severus's direction.

"Thank you," he said, voice sincere, "For watching over our son."

Tears sprang to Severus's eyes as he too extended his hand to shake James'.

"I could have done nothing less," he replied shakily.

Before he had truly processed what was happening, Lily and James turned and began walking towards what looked like, the Hogwarts Express. He wasn't at all certain why it was there, but deep inside himself he knew that it was alright.

"Come on," Lily said, looking over her shoulder at him, still arm in arm with James, "I'll show you the way."

Severus smiled as he followed her, his soul finally at rest.

"You always have, Lil. You always have."

Fin

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