This is a follow-up to mabelreid's "Look Before You Leap," which proved to be both very entertaining and inspiring. Hope you enjoy!
I don't have a death wish.
It's not my fault that a severely psychotic individual decided I was the one thing that 'God' sent to 'save him.' I kind of wish he'd have just passed me on by. I still have nightmares, even though I know he can't hurt me anymore. Though, considering the amount of meetings I've been to in the last year, I'm not sure that last assessment is entirely correct.
I couldn't help what happened in Texas. That poor kid was almost a spitting image of me during my high school 'sentence.' He had a family who was absent or didn't care; I have a family that apparently went to great lengths to protect me, all at a devastating cost. The thought of being videotaped while being hazed like that made me think instantly of that night on the football field--probably why I avoid large stadiums to this day if I can help it. It hurt so much to think that someone else hurt as much as I did once, and though he lashed out in all the wrong ways, he really did care about life. He wasn't purely evil.
South Padre Island, though—now there I probably should have let 'her' shoot me. What I told Morgan on that roof still stands. The 'victim' was a more horrible monster than the supposed 'criminal,' and yet it's Adam who's paying the price for that one. I don't know what I'd do if someone like 'her' decided to take over my mind one day. Thank God I have a support system to help me deal with my issues as they come.
And now I've got everyone staring at me now when I walk into work, almost as though they wonder what life-threatening situation I might try to work myself into next. Sometimes I don't ask for them—just ask Emily about Colorado sometime. I know her and the psych squad on one are still going rounds about that incident. Honestly, I kind of wish she'd have let me take it. It wasn't as though I hadn't played the 'game' before. Besides, I kind of owe her for the thing in Georgia.
Eventually everyone'll stop staring. Unless, of course, I'm wearing…oh, damn. That's why. I knew I should have looked in that closet this morning…