Daria, Poem Unlimited: The Meme Wars, Part II, or "Show ya moves!"
By Project Pegasus
Black Sloane thought his plan was fool proof, but he forgot two things: the bounty hunter and race car driver, Captain Daria Falcon and the young hotshot pilot and detective, Jane Wheeler! As Captain Daria Falcon and Jane Wheeler raced around the turbines of his Dark Reactor at escalating speeds, Black Sloane knew that he couldn't stop them from overloading the system and ending his dream to create a parallel evil Dark Universe where he would be crowned the lord and master.
"Boost Fire!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Jane as she wrenched a lever and sent the engines of her Dragon Bird into overdrive.
"Full Power!!!!!!!!!!!" she shrieked as the jets on her racer propelled her to incredible speeds. As she looked out of her cockpit, she saw that the Dark Reactor was short-circuiting.
Black Sloane saw the same thing. "My Dream!" he lamented impotently.
The velocity of the racers proved too much energy for the Dark Reactor. Suddenly it began to implode. The track around it began to crumble, sending both Captain Daria Falcon and Black Sloane's racers into the eye of the storm.
"Black Sloane," Captain Daria Falcon said in the cockpit of her falling Blue Falcon, "Let's say you and me take a trip to Hell together!"
"Captain Falcon!" Jane screamed (she seemed to be screaming a lot that day) as the Blue Falcon and Black Bull fell out of sight.
"The one who exceeds Captain Falcon has the right to assume the title," Captain Daria Falcon said to Jane, knowing this would be her death speech. "Jane Wheeler," she continued, "from this day forward, you are the new 'Captain Falcon.''
At that moment, Captain Daria Falcon saw that Black Sloane had ejected upward from his Black Bull and was charging her Blue Falcon.
Captain Daria Falcon released her racer's canopy and leapt downward to meet Black Sloan.
"I cannot be destroyed!" he yelled across the swirling tempest of the implosion to Captain Daria Falcon, "and neither can my dream!"
But Captain Daria Falcon had had enough of Black Sloane. And to think, he had almost been her first.
"FALCON . . ." Captain Daria said pulling back her arm, her Falcon helmet being lifted from her head as it receded into the maelstrom "PAWNCH!!!!!!!!!"
At that, she hurled her glowing blue fist right between Black Sloane's eyes, a shockwave of energy emanating from the impact of the well placed Falcon Punch.
"BRRAARGH!" bellowed Black Sloane. The last thing he saw was Captain Daria Falcon looking down at him, knowing that her final mission was complete. His body was transformed into pure kinetic energy as beams of light and heat began to shoot out from his mouth and eyes.
"Captain Falcon!" Jane Wheeler yelled. But it was too late. Captain Daria Falcon was caught in the explosion.
The explosion of energy from Black Sloane's transfigured body could be seen from a galaxy away as bad, synthesizer-driven Japanese pop music played as a soundtrack.
Later Jane Wheeler found Captain Daria Falcon's helmet, the only thing that was left of her, but she was still too distraught to put it on. To assume the title of her mentor seemed like sacrilege. This changed though when Jane found out that if she wore her Falcon helmet to Pizza King, she received a 5% discount on any medium pizza with two or less toppings. Her heart was finally at peace.
::The End (?)::
Want to see Daria 'n' Pals fight it out in an Internet meme of your choice? Go to my profile and send me an email.
Disclaimer: All copyrighted materials are property of their respective owners (and you know who you are). Daria Morgendorffer, Tom Sloane, Jane Lane and the Pizza King belong to MTV, the title of Captain Falcon belongs to he who can exceed Captain Falcon, and Internet Memes belong to the collective unconscious.