Rivendell Rent-a-Horse: A crackity crack crack fic.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Lord of the Rings. The Immortal Professor Tolkien does/did. Nor do I own any other allusion that you might find in here. The only thing I own is the cracked-ness of this fic.
"But daddy I don't want to ride a rented horse!" Arwen was whining again, dragging on her father's arm.
Elrond himself sighed, taking off his dark sunglasses, clutching at his forehead. "Dear…. You know that your horse is in the shop, your brothers won't lend you one of theirs, and I can't loan you my horse, you know you're not on daddy's insurance, so if you want to make the scene, you're going to have to ride a rented horse."
As for me, I was trying not to make the horse equivalent of a sigh. They just had to put her in this scene, didn't they? Somehow I think that if this scene were done a thousand times, there would only be one note of consistency between those thousand: Me. That's right. No matter who's riding at the Ford, I'm always the one being ridden. Ah, well, such is the life of yours truly, Asfaloth, the single most requested mount in Rivendell Rent-a-Horse. I think they just all have a thing for the Fine White Steed.
Glorfindel, now him I like. He's very nice, and knows how to ride a horse. Also, the other horses don't tease you if the Balrog Slayer is riding you. And to be honest I didn't even mind when he put the hobbit on me, at least hobbits are light. It's when things happen like that mangled version of the Mirkwood Prince — that is an episode I would rather not repeat — or the Out Of Character Princess that things start to get messy. Please don't get me wrong here: I love the gal. Arwen's a doll. She just shouldn't be the one riding to the ford. But hey. You can't argue with Fanfic authors…
At least this one looks like it's Crackfic, if only from Elrond's frock. Sweet Eru, but did they really have to put him in the Pink-and-Orange flip-flop dress? Well… I suppose it's better than the chandelier dress, but not by much…
In any case, I'm afraid I must sign out now, as my groom has come to take me to Miss Arwen. I'll see you at the Ford, then, shall I?