Angel
Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
For a break that would make it okay.
There's always some reason to feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day.
Ginny stood in front of her wardrobe, gazing at her battered reflection. Her face was swollen and red, and her eyes were full of tears. She had just gotten back from Harry's funeral. He had been killed in the final battle, right after he defeated Voldemort, leaving Ginny alone and broken hearted.
Harry had been the only man she had ever loved. She had known the risk she was taking when she fell for him, but no one can really control their heart's fate. Heartbreak had been bound to befall them, but she never cared. It's crazy, the chances one takes for love, and she had loved him with all of her body and soul. Deep in the back of her mind, she knew it would end this way, but anything was better than never having the chance to love him at all.
The last night she had with him had been amazing, yet at the same time, it hurt her so much. Knowing that their earthly bodies were going to be eternally separated killed her, and she never wanted to let him go. She somehow felt complete in his arms, somehow whole, and she had never felt that before him. But now, those arms were gone, and it was all she could do to stand on her own.
Outside, the air was crisp, and leaves were falling. Ginny watched them float through the air slowly, her body numb as the cold ground outside. She began undressing, her mind racing with memories passed. They had such wonderful times together, and she cherished every one of them. There had been times that made her laugh, and times that made her cry. All of them were times she would never forget.
Night was falling fast beyond her window, and Ginny's body and soul ached with weariness. There was a soft murmur below her in the kitchen, but she had no desire to be part of the conversations. She slipped on her nightgown just as there came a knock at her door. Wrapping her robe around her, she opened the door.
Ron stood before her, a blank expression on his face. But in his eyes, Ginny saw a gentle understanding. She could take it no longer. With a great sob, she collapsed into his arms. He comforted her, and she knew that he hurt too.
"Ginny, he loved you so much. You know, he wouldn't want to see you this way. He only wanted you to be happy."
At this, she briefly glanced up, allowing Ron a peek at her eyes, which were overflowing with tears. Then, a sudden rage overcame her. She began violently swinging her fists. Ron received several severe blows to the stomach, and was reeling from their force.
"How – am – I – supposed – to – be – happy – without – him?", Ginny screamed through clenched teeth, struggling against Ron, who was now holding her arms to her side. After a few more moments of thrashing, her body went limp, and Ron caught her. He pulled her close, stroking her fiery red hair, comforting her in a way only a brother could. She was once again sobbing uncontrollably.
"I'm so sorry, Ron", she cried, burying herself deeper into his chest.
"Shh, it's okay. Besides, I probably did something somewhere in the past to deserve that one", he replied. "I know it's gonna be hard. I miss him, too. Just know that if you need to talk, you can come to any of us. We're here for you, Ginny."
"Thanks, Ron", Ginny answered, drying her eyes. "But it's gonna take a while. Right now, I really need to be alone."
"I understand, say no more", Ron replied with a hug. He then closed the door behind him, leaving Ginny to herself.
She leaned against the door for support, breathing deeply.
I need some distraction, oh beautiful release.
Memories seep from my veins,
Let me be empty, oh and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight.
Shaking she made her way to the closet to hang up her robe. As she returned it to it's place, she caught sight of a familiar article of clothing. Trembling, she picked it up, then clutched it to her chest. Inhaling deeply through her nose, Harry's scent filled her nostrils. It was a sweatshirt that Harry had given her one night when she had forgotten her sweater back in the common room. It had been freezing out there, and she had pleaded with him to keep it for himself, but he refused. The thought of it alone brought a second wave of tears. She took off her nightgown and threw it on the aside, then pulled the sweatshirt over her head. It brought warmth and comfort to her, and she immediately felt less alone.
With its sleeve, she wiped the tears from her cheeks. Then, she crossed the room and laid down on her bed, the same one she and Harry spent their first and last night together upon.
In the arms of the angel, fly away from here.
From this dark, cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear.
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there.
Ginny breathed deeply, her chest rising and falling with rhythmically. She rolled over onto her side so that she was facing her nightstand. Beside her lamp was a picture of the two of them together. It was taken the last Christmas they had together. Ginny was sitting on Harry's lap, wearing a Santa hat, and Harry was dangling a twig of mistletoe above their heads.
She watched the picture, as Harry winked at her, and then engulfed her in a passionate kiss. Ginny missed those times. Even the simplest things with Harry had brought her great joy. Reaching into the drawer, she pulled out a small, red diary. She laid it beside of herself, and let it fall open. She began to read.
So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn,
There's vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting, keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack.
Dear Diary,
I'm so confused, and even more, I am scared. The war against Voldemort is raging, as is the one in my heart. I am so in love with Harry Potter, but yet I fear the worst because of it.
Rumors are going around, and I shudder to think of which ones may be true. I overheard Ron talking with Hermione a few days ago, and they were talking about Harry and the prophecy. Ron said that for Voldemort to die, Harry must also. This scares me more than anything. I need him, but I don't know it he feels the same way. I would give anything just to be loved in return by him, just to feel his touch, and know that in his heart burns the same passion and longing for me. I cry myself to sleep every night, falling into the same blackness that pierces my very soul. I fear that without him, the darkness will consume me, until it is all I see and feel. One moment spent knowing that Harry loved me in return would be enough for me. It's all I ask, all I desire. I pray that I'll be given that chance before it's too late.
It don't make no difference, escaping one last time.
It's easier to believe in this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees.
Ginny slammed the diary shut and returned it to her drawer. She had been wrong. The time she had with Harry hadn't been enough. She had wanted to spend the rest of her life with him, and he had felt the same. Their love had been so real, and Ginny still felt it.
Burying her face in her pillow, she screamed and cried tears of fury. She missed him so much, and there were still so many days to come that she would have to face. Hardships loomed ahead, as did many milestones that Ginny longed to share with Harry.
"Harry, it's so hard. I know you want me to be strong, but I need you so bad. I want some comfort, if just for tonight, to be numb from this pain. Please, just come hold me. Don't leave me alone tonight", she whispered, tears rolling down her face. "There's so much happening, and I'm so scared." She continued to weep into her pillow, which was now nearly soaked. "Stay with me, till I fall asleep."
In the arms of the angel, fly away from here.
From this dark, cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear.
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there.
Ginny rolled over onto her back, shaking still. Her body rose and fell fiercely as she caught her breath, trying her best to collect herself. She laid her hands gently on her stomach, inhaling deeply. She had to calm down. This was this last piece of Harry she had on Earth. Tears filled her eyes as she spoke again.
"I haven't told them yet; I'm waiting for the right time. I wish you could be here for all of this. I always knew this would happen, but I just thought that you'd be here for it, too."
Her voice cracked, and then trailed off. She felt another gentle touch on her belly, not from her own hands, nor any other mortal ones. She drew in a sharp breath as something of a smile flitted across her face.
"You would have been such a great father", Ginny whispered as she closed her eyes. A sudden peace flooded her soul, and she knew she was not alone as the gentle touch remained on her abdomen. She knew he wouldn't leave her.
"Stay with me, tonight."
May you find some comfort there.