Where We Belong
There is a tiny pocket of land in rural Illinois where time stands still.
This, Elise thinks, is the only explanation for how quickly everything about Camp Takota has come rushing back to her. She remembers all the old songs, all the stories and every part of the camp routine. It should be a shock, but this place basically raised her twelve weeks a year for most of her young life, so it kind of feels like a second home.
Her friendships haven't changed at all. Max is, well, Max. She was always the mature one, even when they were ten years old, so it comes as no real surprise that she greets Elise brandishing colour coded lists, maps and plans for months' worth of activities. When she thinks back, Elise isn't sure she can think of a time when Max wasn't at her most comfortable with a clipboard in her hand and a whistle between her teeth.
Allison hasn't grown since Elise last saw her. It adds to her youthful charm, she thinks. She cracks jokes and plays games and downright lies to people, but Elise wouldn't have her any other way. There's something about Allison that makes this whole thing feel easier; more comfortable. Well, comfortable enough that she's not running for the hills the second she gets the chance.
/
The first time anything feels truly different is the night the three of them go up to the cabin. They all sit round and she tells them the story, the real story, of her failed life in the big city. The two of them react the exact way Elise predicted. Allison gives sound advice. Max hides her anger and gives her an out.
Back when they were kids, Max was the one who encouraged Elise to write. If she was angry or upset, Max would tell her to pick up her notebook and take a walk. It helped. Not straight away, but it always helped.
This time, Elise is glad that Max doesn't hand her a pen and a notebook and tell her to take some time for herself. Instead, she's presented with a shot glass full of tequila. It would seem alcohol is everyone's favourite problem suppressor now that they've grown up.
It feels strange to be allowed in the cabin without the supervision of Allison's mom or Sally. It feels even weirder to be drinking, legally drinking, with her two childhood best friends- even if the two of them clearly been getting drunk together for the past few years. For a while, Elise half expects someone more senior to open the door and present them with a pitcher of homemade lemonade and a plate of cookies. After her fourth shot, she is hoping that someone more senior will be waiting back at camp to take care of her in the morning.
They spend the night reminiscing. Looking at old photos, badly re-enacting dance routines and arm wrestling. It's comfortable and easy until Elise almost shanks the 'intruder' (even if he was hot, she didn't hear him knock and- hey- she's a city girl now. She knows how to defend herself) and then suddenly things feel different again.
/
Allison is a lesbian.
She really should have known. This isn't the first summer she's seen the girl practically live in vests and cut-off jeans. But still. Allison is an out and proud lesbian.
Elise really doesn't think it changes much. Being at an all girls' camp, the boy talk was usually exhausted by about the second week. (Plus, in their day, the resident handyman was Sally's elderly father so there wasn't even a remote chance of developing a crush during the summer).
The three of them never really talked about relationships. The closest they got to talking about sex was comparing bra sizes and complaining about their menstrual cycles. Truth or dare got boring after a while because Max would do any dare, and the only person who ever got asked any 'truth' questions was Elise because she was the only one to have made it past second base.
But it doesn't matter. Allison is a lesbian. So what?
/
Eli changes things. He's cute and eloquent and he listens, which is working out well for her. Maybe it is the whole 'all girl camp' thing, but whatever she has going on with Eli feels forbidden and exciting.
Plus, Eli makes her feel comfortable. He's a lot like Allison in that respect. Elise feels like she can be completely herself around him and he would still be there. She doesn't have to change. It's refreshing, and it makes her sort of glad (in a weird, twisted way) that Vanessa ruined her relationship with 'the douchebag' (Allison's suggestion. Elise thinks it suits him perfectly) before they had the chance to make it legally binding.
She doesn't feel self-conscious around Eli at all. It could be because this camp seems to make everything feel easier. It could be because he is a wonderful person. Or it could be because a) he knows about the poison ivy currently burning its way through her crotch and b) he's already seen her covered in her own urine.
She kisses Eli at closing campfire. It feels like the right thing to do. His lips are soft and he knows what he's doing and he kisses her regardless of the fact that it has been days since she has showered or changed her clothes. It's nice.
Just nice.
/
They get drunk afterwards. Elise, Allison and Max.
They try to reassure Max that she has done all she can. They say 'everything happens for a reason' a lot. They calm her the best way they know how- more alcohol.
Max is asleep by the time Allison stops procrastinating and goes to do the dishes. She leaves Elise with a warm hug and a kiss on her left cheek.
Elise sits cross-legged on the floor for a few moments, listening to the sounds of the lake lapping at the shore and Max's gentle breathing.
She can't think any more, she decides. Picking up her flashlight, she walks out the door of the office and into the night.
/
Eli would have been quicker getting across the lake if he swam. Elise tells him this as he pulls up on the shore in his ridiculous fishing boat. The middle finger she receives in response just makes her laugh.
They've had a good time together. Every free moment she's had over the last couple of weeks- when she's not been helping Max restore this place to its former glory- has been spent in Eli's company. They've laughed. They've talked. They've put the world to rights. But something was still missing. Elise isn't sure what it is, but it's definitely missing.
It takes all the courage Elise has left to look him in the eye and tell him she's maybe not as into this whole 'thing' as she first thought. She consciously tries not to sound like an asshole, and she
braces herself for a sharp, painfully insulting reply that wounds her internally and shatters her self- confidence.
When it doesn't come, she realises just how much of a bastard Jeff really was.
She's not sure how to react to Eli's awkward side-hug and knowing smile, but she doesn't feel sad and that's a start.
/
Everything turns out for the best. Max's camp is safe. She has a job for next year. Allison gets fired, but that's good too.
She finds her two best friends sat talking by the lake the following afternoon. The last car has left for the suburbs and the whole camp is eerily quiet.
Max leaves after a while to go help Chet finish the decorations in the mess hall for Sally's retirement party. It's only going to be sandwiches and cake, but she is a natural born supervisor and so she has to be there.
The sigh Allison lets out moments later is telling. 'What if I'm not good enough?' she asks. Elise thought they'd covered this, but she goes through a whole list of reasons why Allison will be the country's best chef and why taking risks is a good idea.
It's about half way through her speech when Elise realises she's also talking to herself. And that she should listen when she says it's okay to make mistakes because they help you grow. It's alright if you try something and it's not for you, because you tried. It's okay to say no, but it's also okay to say yes.
Elise stops talking when Allison reaches over and takes her by the hand. She doesn't pull away because, well, Allison makes her feel comfortable. 'Are you going to take a risk?' she asks, blue eyes reaching into Elise's soul. 'I might be.' Her voice is shaky, but her mind is sure.
Their eyes lock. They're looking at each other. They're getting closer. Allison's thumb absentmindedly strokes over Elise's hand. She can't hear anything but her own heartbeat thundering in her chest.
'Guys!'
They try their best to ignore the noise. 'Guys!'
Max's voice is clearer now.
'Come on, you two. Sally's on her way.'
/
They don't get another moment alone until later that evening. They've retreated to the cabin. Max and Chet are having some 'alone' time in his caravan... Elise doesn't want to know.
'How are you getting back if you haven't gone with the Feffermans?' Allison asks, grabbing two chilled bottles from the fridge and opening them on the counter.
Elise shrugs. 'I don't know. I don't have anything to go back for, and I wanted to spend some more time with you guys.'
'With Eli, you mean' Allison suggests. Elise shakes her head. 'It... it didn't work out. I told him last night.'
Allison looks shocked. 'Why?' Elise shrugs.
'I wasn't feeling it. I... I think I need some time to figure myself out before I invite someone else in. Anyway, what about you? Are you going to be seeing more of Lindsay Johnson?'
Allison shakes her head. 'I leave for culinary school in a week. I don't know what I'm doing when I get there, or what I need or anything. And, anyway, Lindsay Johnson is engaged. To a man.'
Elise pats her on the shoulder as a sign of reassurance. She feels like maybe she should interject with something about how there are plenty more lesbian fish in the sea, but Allison keeps talking.
'I don't think I need anything like that right now anyway. I want to concentrate on culinary school.'
A comfortable silence washes over the two of them. They both take sips from their bottles of beer.
'I haven't even found anywhere to live yet' Alison admits. Elise mentally counts the days until Allison needs to be in the city and then tries to work out the probability of there being available accommodation in Allison's price range. She's not that great at math, but she knows the chances are pretty slim.
'Take my apartment.' The words fall out of her mouth before she's really even thought about it. But it makes sense. 'It's not too expensive, it's got everything you'd need, there's great travel links, there's a good deli across the road...'
'Elise, where will you live?'
She should have thought of that. She should have thought... 'I don't know. I mean, I'm not going back to work for Celia and I don't think I'll be welcome anywhere else in publishing for at least ten to twelve years...'
She stops and takes a drink of her beer. 'I don't want to go back to the city. I... I have savings and I'm entitled to a lot of refunds from the wedding and the honeymoon. I think I might just take a break. You know what', Elise finds herself standing for effect, 'I'm going to write my own book. Something I want to write. I'll take a year out and I'll do it.'
Allison is practically beaming at her as she sits back down and brushes herself off. 'Take the cabin.' Elise does a double take. 'What?'
'I mean it. Take the cabin. I'll take your apartment and you have mine. I mean, I might come down on the weekends or you can come up to the city when you need to, but why don't we just swap?'
Elise pulls Allison into a tight hug, and presses a loud kiss to her cheek. 'Let's do it!'
/
It's not until the two of them are packing Allison's things a few days later that it really sinks in.
When they get to her apartment, Allison helps her rearrange the boxes of her belongings she had packed before everything fell apart into three piles. 'Take to the cabin.' 'Leave in Chicago.' 'Jeff's crap/sell what you can on eBay.'
Allison hugs her tightly as they stand outside the apartment building. She's borrowed Chet's car and the back is full of boxes. Boxes and trash bags (she's only human). The most important thing right now is getting that car back in one piece.
'Call me when you get there?' Allison asks as they break apart. Elise nods, willing her tear ducts to behave themselves and stop threatening to leak all over her face. 'Come see me the first time you get chance, okay?' she asks. Allison nods, clearly having the same problem with her eyes as she wipes them with her hand.
'See you soon' she says, pulling her friend into another hug. Elise feels a thumb run over her hand. It's familiar. It takes her back to the lake. Her heartbeat is getting louder.
'See you soon' she echoes as she prays, for once in her life, that time in that pocket of rural Illinois speeds up.