Okay, first of all, this was not a way Bunnymund wanted to wake up. Ever. Secondly, what on MiM's name was PITCH BLACK doing in his warren? Thirdly, why on earth were Pitch wearing an pink apron? Fourthly, why was the boogeyman crying his eyes out against his shoulder?
"He does not love me baaaack!" Wailed the said man to the more than less freaked pooka. "I cleaned, I tried to cook for him and I was all nice and sweet all day and no, he does not like me, he haaaates me!" Bunny folded his ears against his skull while trying seemingly comfort the ex-Nightmare King.
After quarter of hour that felt like an eon to the pooka he had finally found out that Pitch were – apparently - in love with Phil, the bigger than life yeti and North's head of security. How the hell was that even possible, he did not know. Bunny were quite sure he were dreaming, unfortunately the crying, snotty male that hung on his arm were very real.
"So, lemme get this right' mate, ye burned 'is kitchen and called 'is brother carpet material that needed some skinnin' after ye threw 'is wife and kits out of the house.. And now ye'r wondering why 'e does not love ye back?" Bunny asked incredulously. When Pitch only nodded, the pooka sighed. Why him? If it was not Jack freezing his warren and slowing his work down, there were some ex-monster crying for him about his love life. He needed an vacation, long vacation, somewhere far far away.
After two more hours of listening the Nightmare Kings rambling about how awesome, handsome and strong certain yeti were, and how it was so not fair that he did not love him and Pitch wondering should he get a sex change operation that Phil would like him, Bunny had had enough, so without so much ceremonies, he opened a tunnel to the north pole and without so much as a warning, dragged the other male with him.
When they get to the pole, they were greeted by a sight that Bunny was exactly not expecting, but after his day so far, nothing did surprise him anymore. In the middle of the Globe Room were standing rest of the Guardians and very ashamed.. Cupid? Oh for the love of..! Don't tell me.. Pooka yelled in his head before dragging certain black haired male to the others.
"My aim was wrong! It didn't mean to hit HIM!" The diaper clad, winged baby yelled to North just before certain pooka interrupted him by dropping Pitch to his feet. Bunny's expression were telling it all. He was not happy. Nor did he find the situation amusing like Jack ans Sandy seemingly did. "Oh, Bunnymund! So nice to see you!" The cherub tried to sound happy and carefree. "Fix 'im. Now." Were the only answer he got from the growling pooka. "Okay okay! You don't have twist your ears to knot!" The smaller huffed with annoyance. "I didn't mean it! It was an accident!"
After quick enquiry, the love sprite picked a new arrow from his quiver and aimed it to the Nightmare King without hesitation. Just when he was about to shoot it, Phil walked to the room. And the chaos were ready when Pitch sprang to his feet and threw himself to the yeti with loud 'I LOVE YOU' and fresh tears. The yeti in question cursed loudly – or at least that what Bunny thought, yetish is snot commonly understood language after all – and tried to pry the other male away from him. Cupid cursed too, after nearly hitting Jack with the arrow now meant to Pitch. Thanks to that, Jack accidentally freeze over the floor of the Globe Room and North fell to his back nearly squishing few elf on progress. This was the point when Sandy decide to step in and exploded a healthy dose of dream sand in the room.
Just before Bunny hit the floor and fell asleep, he realized something. If the arrow was not meant to Pitch and it was fired at the pole, who was it meant to? North? Jack? Or some of the yetis? If he were lucky, he would never find out. At least he wished so.
-o-O-o-
Very quick drabble without a real plot. I just needed to get it out of my system.
I also know that humor/crack is not my forte at writing, so this is also sort of an experiment for me. Maybe someday I'll be better in humor than in angst.