Dear Stiles,
I'm sure you'll be surprised to see this letter. But I had to write it, I couldn't leave Beacon Hills without a word. I couldn't abandon you but I had no courage to say goodbye in person. I know you've probably just thought „what a faint-hearted sourwolf" but I hope you understand. You always do.
Firstly, let me explain all of it. I've decided to leave about a month ago. After all those things we've been through, I need to take a break. I'm renting a flat , reading a few books and thinking about everything. I really need this and I'm sure it'll be good for everyone. Especially us. I'm aware that I'm terrible at relationships, as you perfectly know. But I feel like it's a good moment to tell you that I do care about you. I saw your face when you found out about my decision. I heard your heartbeat and I felt that anxiety from you. I'm sorry for that. I didn't want to make you feel that way but it was necessary. You aren't just an acquaintance because of Scott, not anymore. You've became one of the most important people in this supernatural world. I've realised that we're on the same wavelength but we're so stubborn and silly and we're quarrelled all the time. I was denying all my thoughts and hidden signals from you for too long. I don't know what it is but I feel like you have to know. I'm pathetic right now but you know what? I don't care. I've lost so many dearest and nearest in my life that I've understood the importance of feelings for people. I wish I could change, I don't want to be too cautious anymore. But I guess I need some time to learn that.
I really do hope that you know what I mean by this letter. I don't know if I'm going to come back. And above all, if it's a smart idea to send you this. I'm sorry for everything, Stiles. I am. Please forgive me and take care of Scott. He needs you now when he took over the responsibilities of protecting Beacon Hills.
And the most important thing – take care of yourself. Be careful, don't get involved in something dangerous. Stay safe, Stiles. I wish you all the best from the very bottom of my heart.
Yours,
Derek
Stiles read the letter twice and he still couldn't believe it. Derek has some feelings towars him. There's that invisible, undeniable bond between them and he can utterly feel it. But what now? He's felt the anger taking over him. „How could he do that? He wrote the fucking letter and he doesn't even know if we're going to see each other again. Oh, yes, we are. „ Stiles glanced at the big clock on the wall. It was just half past noon so he grabbed his car keys and the wallet, shoved the letter into the pocket and left the house. His jeep seemed to be exausted but Stiles didn't care. He looked again at the envelope and Derek's new adress. „It can't be like that. This way or another. I'm not going to wait my whole life for him. Or maybe I actually would? No, Stiles, no. You're going to talk to him and tell him what you think." He spend the whole time on that nervous monologue. He felt completely terrified, he even stuttered talking to himself. With the rest of his courage, he knocked at the door which opened after a while and he saw the cutest view in his life. Derek was standing there half asleep, his hair sticking out and those hazy eyes...
„Stiles?! How...What are you doing here?" Derek's eyes opened wide as well as his jaw.
„Are you serious? You send me that letter and you're asking now?" Stiles was irritated and wanted to scold at him.
„Come in."
Derek invited him to sit on the couch.
„Why are you here, Stiles? I'm sorry, I souldn't have sent you that letter..."
„Shut up," said Stiles sharply. „I just don't get how could you write those things after you left? What the hell were you thinking? I care about you too!" Stiles was shouting now.
Derek looked totally confused. Like he was struggling with himself, with his own mind and heart. He hesitated but he looked straight into Stiles' eyes. He knew it's the only way to find out what are his feelings. And when he did that, Stiles stopped talking and sighed. His eyes brimming with tears sinked into Derek's.
„I think you should go." Derek said suddenly and Stiles felt like being slapped.
Derek was convincing himself that it'd be better for Stiles to live without him. His heart was breaking but he knew it's the right thing to do. He had to knew it.
„Go. Just go!"
Stiles blinked in shock and ran out of the flat. Tears were streaming down his face that he could barely see where he's going. „You're so stupid Stiles. He didn't write that he loves you, he just cares, like others do. You're so naive." He hid his face in his palms and felt so empty. Like his will of life just went away. He was about to start the engine when the door opened. Derek was standing there with the most painful face Stiles has ever seen. He realised. Derek wanted to protect him from himself. He is too cautious again. Stiles wanted to say something but Derek leaned and kissed him with all his passion. The kiss was so soft and full of love and fear. Stiles pulled the man closer and forgot about the world. It was the most beautiful moment in his life. They both felt like they were thirsty and they finally got some water to drink. It felt so right and so unbelievable.
„Stay," Derek murmured between the kisses as they heard that song on the radio:
„My whole life
Waiting for the right time
To tell you how I feel
And though I tried to
Tell you that I need you
Here I am without you
I feel so lost, but what can I do?
'Cause I know this love seems real
But I don't know how to feel...
We say goodbye in the pouring rain
And I break down as you walk away (Stay! Stay!)
'Cause all my life I felt this way
But I could never find the words to say (Stay! Stay!)
Alright, everything is alright
Since you came along
And before you
I had nowhere to run to
And nothing to hold on to
I came so close to giving it up
And I wonder if you know
How it feels to let you go?
We say goodbye in the pouring rain
And I break down as you walk away (Stay! Stay!)
'Cause all my life I felt this way
But I could never find the words to say (Stay! Stay!)
So you change your mind and say you're mine
Don't leave tonight
Stay...".