Raindrops
I gazed mournfully out the window.
Thinking.
Something I'll admit I don't do very often.
Mourning.
Something I do all the time, not that I always show it.
When I formed a team to find Sasuke before it was too late—before he really did abandon the village—I was so hopeful. I really thought that we could do it. The team was strong and determined. We promised that we would save Sasuke from himself, but now it's too late. Now I'm stuck in the infirmary room, healing physically and mentally.
Images from my battle flash through my mind and I shudder.
Why? Why? Why?
Why couldn't I be stronger? Just strong enough to defeat Sasuke so that he could see what a mistake he's making. Then again, maybe it's more than that. I can't help but think of all the times I acted so cocky around him, trying to out-do him and prove how much better I was. How much better I thought I was.
Is that why he left?
It must be someone's fault, because he sure didn't run away for kicks.
I took everything like a joke, even when I proclaimed how I was going to be Hokage some day. Not that I was kidding, at all, but I never really knew the kind of suffering I needed to know. The kind of suffering Sasuke must've lived with for so long. Even when he sells his soul to Orochimaru, he'll still feel all that pain—I wonder if he realizes that?
Not that I have any right to talk about realizing anything.
I never had a family, not really. No one ever really liked me, sad to say. But for Sasuke it was different.
I was a hero in my own right, but he was nothing more than something too pathetic to kill. People sacrificed themselves for my safety and for love of me. The opposite rang true for Sasuke: people he loved killed each other and left him hanging limp and useless. Everyone cared about me; no one really cared about him when you look back on it.
I always thought about how hard my life was, but maybe I wasn't thinking enough. I guess I've been going about this all wrong for a while now. Thinking about myself, but never thinking enough about others. Especially the ones who matter most to me: my team.
I glared out at the pale gray sky, tracing the raindrops' paths as they fell from the sky and landed on my open window.
Did we ever once ask Sasuke about his family, and how it made him feel that he was all alone because of his brother? I mean, it's not like we would've cried and hugged and junk like that, but maybe we could've just talked about it and helped him a little more.
I swallowed nervously.
What was going to happen to our team now that we weren't even a team?
Honestly, I don't think most people understand what being on a ninja team means or what it feels like. Sure, first, you have the pride of being a full-fledged ninja, but it's so much more. Your team is your second family. For some people, like Sasuke and me, our team is our only family. So maybe I do know how Sasuke feels, at least a little bit, anyway.
'Cause he forced me to find out.
"It just wasn't enough for you was it?" I demanded. "You had to beat your brother at everything. Anything big brother does, you have to do it too, right?" I shouted at the top of my lungs, desperately wishing my words would reach him.
"Well good job, you killed your family, Sasuke!"
I stopped immediately and gasped a little, partially from being out of breath and partially due to the shock I felt. I lifted my hand to my chest and gripped the shirt there. Why does my heart hurt like this?
A broken family.
That's what we are now, just like Sasuke and his brother. No one deserved to be a part of two broken families, but I guess that can't be helped for now. I thought about Sakura and the way she looked at me before I left. The look in her eyes when word of Sasuke's disappearance spread. So empty.
Man, he's such a jerk—does he even realize what he's done to her if nothing else?
I sighed and shook my head, coming to a conclusion and actually feeling conclusive for the first time in what seemed like a long time.
Sasuke was not lost to us; he would never give up who he is. He may abandon us to search for more power, but it was all with good intentions. I think that means he can never truly be evil, despite all the bad things I know he'll have to do before he can come back home on his own.
I would fight with him every step of the way if I could help it. My team, or at least what's left of it, needs me here, but every chance—every free moment I have—I will dedicate to helping Sasuke find the light in his darkest hour.
No one was ready to give up on Sasuke yet, especially not his team.
I glanced out the window again and watched silently as the raindrops continued to patter against the window. I walked over and placed a hand on the cool glass as my own raindrops escaped on the day the sun refused to shine.