BURDEN OF GUILT

What if Starsky wasn't surprised to find out about John Blaine's secret life? What if Starsky is hiding a dark secret of his own? Some dialogue and story line is taken directly from the episode "Death in a Different Place" from Season Three.

A/N: the idea for this story came from a reader who prefers to remain anonymous however I still want to thank them not only for the inspiration but for having enough faith in my writing to trust me to bring their idea to life.

Chapter 1

Detective David Starsky stood at the grime covered window staring out through the glass into the alley below. His sapphire eyes were veiled, hiding his thoughts from the other officers in the room. He ignored the dead body lying sprawled across the double bed in the middle of the room. He had spent most of his career dealing with the seamier side of life and some cases were more personal than others. This was one of those cases.

The victim's name was John Blaine. Lieutenant John Blaine of the Bay City Police Department. To Starsky, he was more than just a fellow police officer; during the brunet's troubled teenage years, John Blaine had been a major part of Starsky's life.

Starsky turned as he sensed his partner's presence in the room. He always knew when Hutch was nearby. They were more than just partners; they were best friends and had been since meeting at the police academy. The tall blond moved to his partner's side and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

The rundown hotel where John had died was known for renting rooms by the month, by the week, by the day or by the hour. The tenants who lived there tended to mind their own business and look the other way. They would not make very reliable witnesses to aide Starsky and Hutch in their investigation. In any murder investigation, the first twenty-four hours are the most critical. After that, evidence gets lost, witnesses disappear, and memories of the event fade. Because of Blaine's reputation within the department, this would be a high profile case and there would be pressure from above to find his murderer as soon as possible. The press would also be snooping around looking for a story. The murder of a highly decorated police Lieutenant would sell a lot of newspapers, especially if there was any hint of scandal involved.

The two friends watched in silence as the coroner's men moved the body from the bed to a portable gurney and left the room. With a heavy sigh, Starsky sat down on the edge of the bed and said,

"His money was gone. They're looking for prints. They don't know the cause of death…probably suffocation." Starsky looked at Hutch, drawing emotional support from those ice blue eyes. "What'd you get?"

Hutch's mouth tightened into a hard, thin line. "One of the ladies downstairs said she saw Blaine come into the hotel last night…late…staggering drunk," There was a slight pause "With a trick." His voice roughened as he added, "Male."

Starsky looked at his partner with a stunned expression on his face. "John?" He said in a strangely subdued voice. "Is she sure? Maybe she made a mistake…"

"No mistake." Hutch said in a harsh voice, his anger surfacing, his eyes reflecting his frustration with the case. "John was in this hotel last night with a nickel and dime hustler."

"What are you talking about?" Starsky said hesitantly. "There has to be some mistake…" He watched as Hutch paced the floor, his hands jammed in his pockets.

The big blond stopped and turned to stare at his partner.

"The manager of this hotel said that Blaine has had a room in this hotel for three years." Hutch informed his partner in a clipped tone.

"He was probably undercover." Starsky suggested.

"Up until six months ago, he was in this room with the same man…recently there have been others." Hutch snapped as he tried to force Starsky to face the truth about the man they had both known and worked with.

"He could have been undercover…" Starsky insisted, his voice no longer sounding so confident.

"Dobey says no." Hutch told him.

"I don't buy that."

"Buy it or not, Blaine's dead and he was with another man."

Starsky looked away and muttered something under his breath. Hutch couldn't be sure but it sounded as if the brunet had said, "He wouldn't be that stupid…" Before Hutch could comment, Starsky shoved himself to his feet and growled, "Let's get the hell out of here."

Starsky walked out of the room, leaving Hutch to follow. Hutch knew how close Starsky had been to John Blaine and his wife, Maggie. John's murder and the discovery that he may have been a closet homosexual had to be devastating for his partner. Starsky had always credited John Blaine with helping to keep him from a life of crime when he moved to Bay City to live with his aunt and uncle after his own father was murdered.

Starsky had been an unruly and angry thirteen year old who had been sent thousands of miles away from the only home and family he had ever known. Blaine had taken him under his wing and helped Starsky to adjust to his new life on the West Coast by becoming a surrogate father to the rebellious and defiant teenager. After Starsky returned from a tour in Viet Nam, the two of them had drifted apart as Starsky moved on with his own life but they still saw each other occasionally outside of headquarters.

If John Blaine turned out to be a closeted homosexual, the department would be targeted by the gay rights advocates. The majority of cops were staunchly homophobic. An openly gay cop would be alienated by his peers and could lose his job. While Hutch was still a rookie, another rookie in his precinct had been accused of being gay. The other men in the department had made the kid's life so miserable that he had been forced to quit the force. Three months later, he had committed suicide, unable to live with the shame of being exposed.

More liberal minded than most of his co-workers, Hutch had always been more tolerant of alternative lifestyles. Over the years, he and Starsky had both dealt with the persistent rumor that they were more than just "friends". The gossip and snide locker room remarks had never bothered them since they both knew that they weren't true.

The two detectives left the hotel and climbed into Hutch's battered LTD. He coaxed the temperamental engine to life and pulled into the flow of traffic. Starsky slumped in the passenger's seat, his gaze automatically scanning his surroundings with the watchful eyes of a cop, mentally logging faces to memory.

"Fuck! The press will have a field day with this one." Starsky muttered, slamming the palm of his hand against the dashboard in frustration. This case had all the things that the tabloids loved to exploit; a highly decorated police officer murdered in a seedy motel room where he had last been seen alive in the company of a male hustler.

"We need to talk to Maggie before she hears about it on the news." Hutch said quietly, keeping his eyes focused on the traffic. He wasn't looking forward to talking to John's grieving widow but it had to be done. It was all part of a routine investigation, although this case was anything but routine. "Maybe she knew about John."

"And maybe she didn't." Starsky pointed out, looking at Hutch for the first time since leaving the hotel room. "I mean…what's the point of telling her if she didn't know?"

"Starsky, she was married to the man for over twenty years." Hutch said, as he tapped the brakes to stop for a red light. He reached over and rubbed his partner's shoulder gently, using his familiar touch to settle the shaken brunet. "Maybe she already knew."

"No…" Starsky said in a firm, determined voice. "She didn't." He sounded so sure that Hutch decided not to probe any farther.

"We still have to talk to her. You know that."

"Yeah, I know." Starsky admitted in a resigned voice and a dejected sag of his shoulders. He glanced at his partner, his eyes pleading for understanding. "We just need to go easy, ya know? This isn't going to be easy for her to hear…even if she did know."

"I know." Hutch said with an understanding nod. One of the things he had always admired about his partner was Starsky's compassion and loyalty to the people he sincerely cared about. Starsky kept the key to his heart carefully guarded and very few people were privileged to call themselves more than just a casual acquaintance. "And if she didn't know," Hutch said quietly. "Wouldn't you rather that she heard it from us instead of from some reporter?"

Starsky's eyes darkened with an emotion that Hutch couldn't readily identify. "And what the fuck are we supposed to tell her?" The brunet hissed "Gee, Maggie, we're really sorry about your loss. John was a good man…and oh, by the way, did you know that he was gay?" There was a bitter edge to Starsky's voice that surprised Hutch.

"We have to tell her." Hutch pointed out "Before the reporters get to her.' He looked at his partner closely as a sudden thought occurred to him. "Did you know that John was gay?"

Starsky pulled his sunglasses from his pocket and slipped them on before answering. "We all live in our own little closets. Some of us are just better at keeping secrets than others." He said evasively, avoiding a direct answer to his partner's question. "You know, sometimes I really hate this fucking job." He growled as he turned his attention back to the activity on the street around him..

"That makes two of us, buddy." Hutch said softly. The light changed to green and Hutch continued driving towards the Blaine home.