Disclaimer- characters belong to Spooks and Kudos. This is simply recreational. Here is my first attempt at a fanfiction story. I think the first two chapters ramble a bit, and are a bit angsty but hopefully it will be better. Please review :) The basis of the story is set during series 10 using the spoilers that have been released.

Chapter 1

"Scarlet!" Harry called in frustration, having almost finished making himself presentable. This indeed was a feat he had rarely achieved over the last two months. Having been 'temporarily suspended' from the service, pending the inquiry, Harry had not really seen much point in dressing to impress with only Scarlet for company. That dog, Harry had thought darkly, would consider any human being on earth handsome, if they offered her a decent enough meal. The only times it had been necessary to go out in smart attire had been to sit through the inquiry itself. Scrutinizing his career with a fine tooth comb was both very draining and extremely humiliating; as was the novelty of being questioned by the most self-glorified, sanctimonious, and machiavellian panel he had ever had the displeasure to meet. The only thing that had kept him going throughout the sessions had been his sureness that these men, had they been in the same situations as he had over the years, would have probably made the same decisions, or more likely have cracked sooner. In short, they were all talk and paperwork, and no action. Still, Harry had to concede; at least they were not politicians. Starting down the stairs, Harry called again, this time much louder:

"Scarlet!"

Within seconds the little terrier came bounding obediently in to the hall to greet her master, wagging her tail happily, and staring at him innocently. The only tell tale sign that she was not as innocent as she was making out, was the fact that Harry's red tie was dangling pathetically from her jaws. Harry sighed, and tugged at the tie until the little dog relinquished her grip, became bored and wandered into the hallway.

Harry's eyes followed her before he sighed and glanced down at the material in his hand. Scarlet had clearly slobbered all over it and Harry also noticed the presence of teeth marks.

"Thank you Scarlet," Harry sighed sarcastically, and trudged back upstairs to find another tie- that would teach him to leave his clothes spread out on the bed.

As he tied a more miserable grey tie around his collar, Harry moved towards the mirror and stared at his reflection. A tubby, middle-aged, balding man stared back; a man whose weary facial expression mirrored that of his miserable grey tie.

"What am I doing?" He thought aloud.

What was the point in going back to a job he was tired of? If Harry had had a chance to talk to his twenty-five year old self, he would perhaps have warned him to avoid this job at all costs. As he had so recently found out, being a tool of the state was not so nearly as enchanting with the knowledge that it could turn on you at any moment. For the past two months Harry had been convinced it was the end of his career- it would be loss of job if not prison or even exile. Yet, he had come out suspiciously well from the situation with his career, life and even knighthood intact. He wondered briefly who must have had a hand in this surprising outcome- the Home Secretary probably, although he could not help but ponder why he had so desperately taken measures to help him. A decent politician- was there such a thing? Either that or he had more friends than he thought. Harry rather hoped it was the latter, for during the course of the inquiry he had only really been reminded of the many enemies he had made over the years.

Had he friends back at the grid? Harry had always preferred to think of them as colleagues rather than friends; it was always easier that way if anything came to them. He had been doing this job too long and he knew it. He had seen too many people die- each death more painful than the last. Over the last ten years Harry had dealt with the death of eleven colleagues. Eleven. Colleagues who, despite Harry's outward declaration that that was all they were, he nevertheless considered them as friends. Who did he have left? Adam and Ros were dead, Tom was decommissioned, Malcolm had retired, Juliet- some friend she turned out to be, and Dimitri and Beth had barely scratched the surface in getting to know him.

But there was only one name that stood out as he asked himself that question. Ruth. Harry swallowed and tried not to think about her, but she was not an easy woman to forget. Sweet, gentle, brave Ruth. It was true, she had lost her sweetly naïve, overenthusiastic nature a long time ago, but that same woman existed- he knew of the heart and gentleness underneath the cold shell. He had seen that person. But then, pretty much all he had thought of over the past two months since his suspension, was her. Harry swallowed again, a lump coming to his throat. What would Ruth do when she saw him again? He knew her well enough to know she would be angry, and hurt that he had not kept in touch with her since…well. As he slipped on his jacket, Harry tried not to think of how much he had hurt her through both his job, and his feelings.

Harry descended the stairs, and his mind switched back to why he was actually going back in the first place. To put it bluntly, he had been flattered. Flattered that after everything he had done- after the trial- that they still wanted him back. It was one of his many faults- a fault that Ruth would almost certainly have noted. Even after all these years, Harry Pearce was still easily flattered, and in coming back, it would return some of his pride. Plus, he thought deciding to head straight to the grid without breakfast; he had to see her again, even if it meant facing whatever she would throw at him. Hopefully not literally.

Closing his eyes then opening them again, in a frantic effort to revert to no-nonsense, business Harry, he stepped out of the door, locked it and headed towards the car.

Two Months Earlier

Harry drew his phone back into his pocket, and sighed. Now it really was all over. In the space of one phone call…well, in the space of a few hours really, he had thrown away almost 30 years of loyal service. And was it worth it? Was Ruth happy or even grateful that he had saved her life? No. She was angry at him when he couldn't do anything to save her, George and Nico. She was angry at him when he had risked everything to do something to save her. He could not win either way. He had lost her, and he had in all likelihood lost his career, if not much more.

Now beginning to feel the cold, despite the warmth of his thick black coat, Harry moved away from the balcony, towards the door back to the grid. He was all too aware that this was probably the last time he would ever be up here again. When he returned to the grid, it might be one of the last, if not the last time he would set foot in Thames House. He walked slowly down each corridor, taking the time to take in the detail. He wondered what would happen on the grid. No doubt, they would all pay for his actions. And yet, he thought miserably, he would hand over Albany again to save Ruth, if he had to.

The pods opened and he stepped through the doors. He noticed that virtually no one was there, and he checked his watch. It was almost midnight- he had not realised it was that late. Yet as he approached the area where his more senior staff worked, he noticed Dimitri, Beth and Tariq sitting in a group around one of the desks. Upon his approach, Dimitri and Beth stood up and looked at him, concerned. Harry bitterly noted Ruth's absence.

"Is Lucas really…? I mean, did he really…?" Beth asked, still in shock at the last twenty-four hours.

"Yes." Harry replied shortly. He winced at how harsh he sounded. It had been a long day, and he was tired.

There was a pause as everyone processed this information before Dimitri sighed, "So what happens now?"

"Well," Harry said, wondering how best to break it to them. "My past is going to catch up with me I'm afraid. In all likelihood I'll be suspended as soon as possible, if not tomorrow. For me, after that…who knows? As for you, you'll probably be under some scrutiny for a while, but I'll make sure none of this comes back on any of you."

Beth, at this point shook her head at the unfairness of it all, whilst Dimitri swore under his breath. Tariq remained quiet and stared resolutely at the computer screen in front of him. After a few minutes, Beth said furiously, "They can't just throw you out in to the cold! Not after everything you've done for the service."

"Ah," Harry smiled wanly. "Well. That's the nature of the job. One mistake- one big mistake and it's all over."

Silence resumed once again. Harry looked desperately in the direction of Ruth's desk. Apparently, she was so disgusted with him; she could not even stand to look at him. All of them could see what he was thinking, but they waited for him to ask the question in his own time.

"Where's Ruth?" he asked eventually.

Beth bit her lip, and looked at her other two colleagues. When they had returned from the station, Ruth had been in a state. Her eyes had been watery, red and puffy, and Tariq had pointlessly indicated to them that she had been crying. From reports they were getting, they had been convinced of Harry's death. She had been a bit better when she had heard he was alive but she was still flustered, and panicky- even more so than usual. The type someone got when getting over a big shock. Then when she had almost keeled over through exhaustion and worry, Dimitri had escorted her up to the on call doctor himself, to check for any side effects from the concoction Lucas had given her. Despite her pleas that she was alright, Dimitri had left her there, and thankfully she had not come back. The Doctor had called about half an hour before Harry's arrival to tell them she had gone home. Upon hearing this, Harry immediately felt guilty for thinking such bitter thoughts about her both on the roof, and when he had come in.

Once there was nothing left to really say, Harry bid them goodnight. Aware it may be the last time he would see them again, he mentioned how proud he was of them, shook both men by the hand, and gave Beth a brief hug. Then, with as much dignity as he had always had, Harry Pearce swung around, and left the building