A Very Weird Opposite Day

A/N: Seeing as I missed the first day of Randomness Week, I decided to combine day 1 and day 4 into... well let's just call this a crack fic. It's actually what happens when you put a bad night's sleep and ice cream together. If you have heart problems or arthritis and women who are nursing, pregnant, or may become pregnant should probably have some sort of life support next to them while reading this.

"Opposite Day? What the crud is Opposite Day?" exclaimed Numbuh 4. The poster had just appeared on the school news board that morning and sent the whole school body into hushed whispers on acting for opposite day.

"It's where you act oppositely silly," Numbuh 3 giggled.

Numbuh 5 and Numbuh 2 looked at the poster carefully. Opposite Day! Where you do what you don't usually do. If you're good, you're bad; if you're bad, you're good. Smart to dumb and hard candy to gum. Make this the best day ever!

"Well whoever wrote has some great penmenship," commented Numbuh 2 while staring warily at the crayon writing.

"So whot am Ah supposed ta do?" asked Numbuh 4. "Weh all know the opposite of meh is a coward locked away in the broccoli mines."

Numbuh 5 looked at him and back at the board. "Eh… it's just a game. Besides, Numbuh 5 thinks you're already playing."

"What're ya talking about?"

"Well you're looking at the announcement board. You never look at the board."

"Hey, Wally! You did something opposite!" Numbuh 3 laughed.

"What? No! Ah was just here because—"

"What else can you do that's opposite," Numbuh 2 wondered and looked around the hall. He smirked evilly as his eyes laid on the one person he knew Numbuh 4 couldn't stand.

"Hey Numbuh 4, I dare you to ask Numbuh 86 on a date."

"WHAT?"

"Yeah, that would be nice of you Wally," Kuki smiled.

"Which is totally opposite of Wally's character," Hoagie laughed.

"NO WAY!"

"Oh c'mon man. It's a dare. You're not chicken are you?" asked Hoagie.

Before Numbuh 4 could answer, Numbuh 2 started dancing around flapping "chicken wings" and going, "Buck, buck, buck, BUCK!"

"Shut up."

"Buck, buck, buck, BUCK!"

Wally clenched his fists and then stormed off towards Numbuh 86. Numbuh's 5, 3, and 2 looked on in amusement and… shock.

Numbuh 4 stomped up to Fanny, earning an irritated look from the fiery, Scottish red head. "What do you want boy?"

Numbuhs 3, 5, and 2 watched from a distance, Numbuh 2 straining to hear what was going on.

"What's she saying?" asked Numbuh 5.

"I don't know."

Numbuh 4 sulked back over, hands stuffed in his sweatshirt pocket. Kuki ran behind him as he passed.

"What did she say Numbuh 4?" she asked giddily.

"Yes," he muttered.

"What?" Hoagie asked.

"Yes! The cruddy Sheila said yes!"

"Way to go Numbuh 4," Numbuh 5 rooted.

The Aussie shook his head and groaned. "Gah! Ah don't even date cruddy girls! Ah'm a kid!"

"You're twelve."

"This is so wrong," he moaned. "What koind of evil force is doin this tam meh!"

[I grin evilly from my computer.]

"Soooo… what are you two doing?" Kuki giggled.

"Ah don't know!"

Later that Night…

"I had a real good time Numbuh 4," said Numbuh 86 with her heavy Scottish accent.

"Uh… yeah, Ah guess Ah did too," he rubbed the back of his head nervously. They had started at Lime Ricky's with a few root beers and three rounds of arm wrestling [Fanny won]. Then it was off to the arcade until 6 o'clock when they walked back home.

"We should do it again," Numbuh 86 hinted nervously.

"Uh yeah… maybe another time…" They walked up to a tall house that shared the street with the treehouse and Numbuh 2, 3, and 5's houses.

"Well… this is my house."

"Yep." What the crud is going on? Ah don't loike girls, especially not this one! This isn't meh!

"Um… would you like ta come inside?" she asked.

"Nah, Ah'm just gonna head home."

"Oh," she said disappointed. "But then ya wouldn't get ta meet you're kids."

"MY WHAT?"

Suddenly the door burst open and little red heads and blond heads ran out, grabbing onto Numbuh 4's arms and legs.

"DADDY!" they screamed and laughed.

"NO! What the crud is this?"

One of the girl's came up and held up a rainbow monkey. "Daddy! Hug my rainbow monkey like you always do!" she whined.

"NO! Ah hate rainbow monkeys!" And even though he tried to fight it, he found his arms taking the colorful stuffed animal and giving it a big hug. "ACHK! This ain't roight!"

"Come inside Wally," a feminine voice cooed from inside the house. A bright light shined through the doorway, blinding the operative.

"NO!" But he was being dragged towards the door. Wally fell to the ground by the force of the pull and started clawing at the cement, looking for some hold. The driveway was a smooth as glass.

"Come play tea party with your kids," the voice said sickeningly smooth.

Wally moaned. "NO! Ah've nevah even been ta New Jersey! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Wally shot up from bed, his fingers clawing the sheets and his blankets wrapped around his footy pajamas. Sweat dripped from his yellow hair and his eyes were wide with fright. After regaining his bearings, realizing he was in his room in the tree house and not being dragged away by phantom babies, he leaned back and sighed.

"It… it was just a dream. Just a cruddy dream," he muttered in relief.

"Numbuh 4! Get up! It's Opposite Day today!" Numbuh 3 called happily from the hall outside. It was like a punch to poor Numbuh 4 as he fell backwards with a pillow over his face.

He screamed, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"