There's not much time left, and Ludger knows it.
Victor's death is on constant replay in his mind. Elle's grief and rage drag him down even if he understands why.
And that's why he goes back to making the soup. It's quiet now, and Ludger can relax just a little, even if not for long. He assumes everyone has gone upstairs, either to rest to try to comfort Elle.
And that's how Jude finds him, he near jumps when Jude touches his arm tentatively.
"I know it's tough," the young scientist says softly, those golden eyes sad and sympathetic. "What a mess, huh? But she'll come round." Jude is definitely what Alvin would term a 'do-gooder', even if there's not much he can do, he still wants to help. Ludger nods, not trusting himself to speak.
Jude lets out a sigh, gently tugging him away from the pan of soup. Before he can register what's going on, Jude is craning upwards, lips caressing his own before the younger man pulls away, that endearing blush already forming on his cheeks.
"S-sorry, I just-"
He trails off, making a vague gesture that could mean anything and Ludger suddenly realises that yes, Jude has hit on the exact thing he needs right now. Escape. Distraction. Delay. And he can't deny it, Jude is attractive. It could be just a friend offering comfort, it could be more, but either way Ludger knows he wants it. Ludger pulls Jude close, their second kiss harder and deeper than the last, and Jude lets out a noise of protest as Ludger suddenly shoves him into the door, but doesn't push him away, he doesn't stop the hands wandering up under his coat to cup his ass, Ludger rocking against him with obvious need.
Ludger breaks the kiss eventually, panting as he leans into Jude, his forehead against Jude's. As much as he longs for more, they aren't alone. Milla, Rowen, Elle and Rollo are upstairs, they were lucky they weren't interrupted. He wants more, he wants to know what Jude would look like, the sounds he would make.
Reluctantly he pulls away, aware of the blush on his face that matches Jude's.
Jude smiles sadly, his gaze understanding.
"Next time, right?" he says quietly.
Ludger just hopes there is a next time, that alternate dimension where Jude and everyone else dead to Victor...no, his hand - occupying in his thoughts.
There is a next time, where time is even shorter. And Ludger's grief is deeper.
Elle is gone.
Julius is dead.
Both of them thought they were doing the right thing to help Ludger. He hates them for not giving him the choice.
The group plan to go to Canaan the next day. Ludger needs to recover his strength, they say, they all need to be prepared. Ludger hates them too for knowing what he has to do, hates them for pushing him into this situation.
Doesn't stop the fact they're right.
And Jude is there once more, hovering at his bedroom door as if afraid he will be spurned.
Not tonight. Ludger knows that no matter what will happen in Canaan, he won't return. And so he will take anything and everything Jude will offer him.
He locks the door, then pushes Jude up against it, the hesitation they showed the first time lost now. Ludger ruts against Jude desperately, and Jude is moaning softly with each push of their bodies together. Jude pushes Ludger away eventually, eyes bright as he tugs him to the bed, already working his clothes off. Ludger tugs Jude's coat off, he pushes Jude down first, nudging his legs apart. Jude gives him a nod of assurance, helping Ludger to undress him. Jude isn't nervous, he clearly has thought this through and made his decision. And Ludger is glad, for after he's gone he doesn't want Jude to regret it.
He's embarrassed, he doesn't have anything to ease the way, or protection. Jude shakes his head and smiles.
"It's okay," he murmurs, a do gooder as always, forever putting everyone else first. "I still want this."
He does his best to ease Jude in regardless, stretching his passage with his fingers, hoping that will relax him. Jude hasn't done this before, and honestly Ludger hasn't either. Outside of Julius and a few vague acquaintances and old schoolmates, he never had proper friends. And here is Jude, giving him everything. When it comes to penetrating Jude, Ludger can only grit his teeth and go slow. Jude is tight, so tight and it's obvious to him that Jude is trying to hide how uncomfortable he is. Ludger wants to apologise, but all he can do is groan, and Jude suddenly smiles up at him, a silent reassurance that it's all right, that he's fine and together they'll be okay.
It's a lie, but Ludger appreciates it.
Moving inside Jude is a pleasurable set of sensations, and the knowledge that he's Jude's first, that he has had an impact on the world even in such a small, almost pathetic way, it makes him glad. He leans forward, nibbling at Jude's neck and it earns him a needy moan. It makes him rock harder than intended into the younger man, and Jude cries out again, arching up.
"Right there," he gasps, eyes fluttering shut.
Jude doesn't last much longer, climaxing over his own belly. Trembling and panting and flushed, the sight of him in the aftermath is arousing, and Ludger thrusts over and over until he too reaches the peak, thrusting as deep as he can to spill into Jude.
The two of them don't speak for a while, Jude is caressing his arm, and Ludger runs a hand through messy, sweaty dark hair in return. Ludger wants to break down, to cry and confess. He knows he won't return from Canaan. He'll give up anything for Elle, his life means nothing without his daughter, 'fake' or not. But he can't. Jude would try to stop him, he knows it.
"I love you," he says, breaking the silence eventually. "Thank you."
He wants to add goodbye, but can't.
Jude shifts, meeting his gaze.
"I do too," he says shyly. "We'll work this out, alright? We'll save Elle."
Ludger nods, holds him close. Jude's head a comforting weight on his shoulder.
He just hopes that Jude can forgive him later, when he finds out.