Shot by a Loose Canon
A/N: Beta'd by UberChimerism
Originally posted on Deviantart.
In a moment of meta-ness, Neji and Hinata of the Hyūga Clan had gotten their hands on all of the volumes of a manga and movies eerily named after a friend of theirs from the San'in Region, Naruto. They had just finished reading its epilogue…and Neji could already feel a migraine akin to the Caged Bird Seal coming on. What in the name of Toneri have I been reading? It showed great promise in Part I, but Part II...what happened to the Hyūga stuff? Why weren't we mentioned in the Shodai's flashback? And why, in the name of Hagoromo, did I die like some lowly Genin?! And the Uchiha…Itachi is gonna Mangekyō someone's ass for that…
In a huff, Neji inserted the DVD of Naruto: The Last. Hopefully, that would bring some method to this madness…
Hinata, meanwhile, knew not what to make of what she and her cousin had just read either. Yes, she'd had a crush on Naruto for a while, but as his novelty to Konoha faded, her affections had turned elsewhere: Neji's teammate, Rock Lee. True, his bushy-browed, bowl-cut, green-clad, exuberant self was something to get used to, but his resolve to be a splendid ninja despite having less to work with than most made him shine brighter than the Sun, and Hinata was a heliotrope inclining towards that Sun.
Speaking of heliotropes, the names of the children she and Naruto ostensibly had… Himawari made sense; that meant "Sunflower" and followed the Hyūga naming scheme. But Boruto, especially for her eldest…? And for that matter, why had neither of them inherited her Byakugan?
When The Last played, another question begged itself: what was with the constant kidnappings? First that Hyūga Incident, now this? Was that seriously all she was? A damsel in distress?
Eventually, the movie ended, shedding no more light on the cousins' questions than before. Thus, they turned to the internet…and were met with yet more madness than method. Amidst the digital carnage of shipping wars, the Hyūga cousins stumbled upon the outrage of fans dissatisfied with the ending…and in particular, from those who realized that the Neji of the manga was essentially a sacrificial NaruHina cupid.
The migraine was coming back. Neji rubbed his eyes. Still the same drivel. He activated the Byakugan. Still the same tripe.
He couldn't take anymore. Without a word to Hinata, he went into the bathroom, locked the door, looked himself in the mirror, and cried soundlessly, unheeding of his cousin's knocks or soft calls.
After a few minutes of appealing to her cousin in vain, Hinata darted out of the room, looking for someone, anyone! So in a hurry was she that she nearly ran into Natsu and Itachi Uchiha, a frequent sparring partner of Neji's.
"Whatever is the matter, Lady Hinata?"
"Big Brother Neji locked himself in the bathroom and he won't come out!"
"I'll coax him out." With a reassuring smile, the Uchiha prodigy breezed past the worried heiress and to where Neji had locked himself up.
To his right, Neji heard the door open and close. In the mirror, he saw the reflection of Itachi of the Uchiha Clan join his own, wearing the same shell-shocked expression as he.
"Told you."
In response, the Uchiha simply nodded. What he had just read and seen about himself and his clan…especially his little brother…
Momoshiki was surely rolling in his grave. Tearing at his eyes.
But it would do no good to just stand there and cry.
"Amaterasu."
In the backyard of the Hyūga manse, flames as black as the night sky engulfed the stacks of graphic novels and DVDs assembled for this purpose. Altogether, their Uchiha caster and his Hyūga companions enjoyed the cathartic burning of the madness kindling.
After a time, the black flames of the Sun Goddess burned even the ash of this kindling into nothing before it itself dissipated into nothing. Cathartic burning ended, Itachi turned to his Hyūga protégé. "Let us now train, to rid ourselves more of this madness." After a nod of assent from Neji, the two prodigies went to the Hyūga training grounds, while a relieved Hinata happily went inside to help Natsu prepare some tea.