Hi!~ I'm finally posting this after working on it like a full month. I really wanted to do it. It was my very first project in english (Not my first language) and I somehow ended up with more things getting posted first but i still think of this one as my first work in english and i'm proud of it. That aside, I really hope that you like it!
In case that you don't know what Hanahaki Disease is, here, I took this from internet and my own knowleadge about this.
The Hanahaki Disease is an illness born from unrequited love, where the person's throat will fill up with flower and they throw, and cough up the petals, or flowers. This disease dissapears if, the person feelings are returned, or through surgery, but the feelings for the other dissapears with the flowers. If the flowers are not removed, and the feelings are not returned (Or not returned in time) then, the person lungs will fill up with flowers, and they choke on their own blood and petals and die.
Yeah, quite angsty. This prompt was on my to-do list for a long time already and I'm happy that tsukiuta was the fandom that made me actually do it. Well, after all of this, let's go to the fic!~ I hope that you like it!~
For you, Flowers
Hajime had known what was happening months ago. It didn't even cross his mind that it could affect his health, but it did.
The very first petal appeared while he was brushing his teeth. When he was done, he saw it. It was almost white, just the tip had a very faint blue that was beautiful at his eyes. He couldn't help but put it in his pocket and stare at it, till it withered. For a while, that was the only one.
Sadly, it didn't stay that way for long.
Hajime would like to say that it was sudden, but it would be a lie. There were a lot of moments that made him fall, even though at first it was plain interest. He wondered how someone like Kai, who seemed so normal, could get along with Shun's antics so easily. Then, aside from his interest, he liked the way he treated the small ones. The way he treated him.
It was refreshing in his own way, he liked teasing him like Haru did, but also tried to take care of him in the few moments where Hajime was exhausted to make a fuss about it. Kai would be there when Hajime got out of jobs late, to chat a bit till they got sleepy, or even to teach him how to make the cups of instant Yakisoba that Yoru and Aoi hated.
Hajime liked those moments. They made him smile when he thought about them. As the days passed and the smiles increased, so did the petals.
He knew he had to do something about it.
-o-
"The middle group is watching a horror movie upstairs, so I came here to review some scripts. Arata and Yoru were not amused with the movie choice." Hajime couldn't help but laugh. Yeah, Arata was a big scaredy-cat, that wasn't new. "Ah, did you eat already? There's some left over, I'll heat it up for you."
He didn't have any time to protest. Kai was kind, so much that it hurt. He had that big smile that made him feel better after the long days he usually had, and was always willing to hear him out if he wanted to talk about anything.
"I like you, Kai."
He waited for a response. After a few seconds of nothing, Hajime looked at him. He was rubbing the back of his neck, embarrassed.
"Wow. I like you too, Hajime. I never thought you would say something like that. I'm happy. Now let's get you something to eat, so you can go to sleep. I'll clean everything."
Hajime just sighed, while he let the other pat his head. Kai had misunderstood everything, but at least he was smiling. That was enough for now. Even though the blue petals that he threw up that night seemed to think otherwise.
-o—
He had come home after a day that had started really early. Kai drove him back to the dorms, before going out again to a show with Procella. Hajime said that it wasn't necessary, but Kai didn't take no for an answer. Something about liking being reliable.
Just after he entered to the room he heard Arata and Koi fighting again.
"That's mine."
"Eh~ It didn't have your name in it."
"Oi. Let it go, Pink Head!"
"Arata, Koi, stop-."
Well, at least the coughing fit he got made them stop fighting.
"Hajime-san!"
He could feel the petals he had been swallowing during the car ride making their way to his mouth. Despite how soft they were, they left his throat aching every time he coughed them.
Arata and Koi were looking at him, worried. He didn't want them to see the petals that he had in his hands. He had to stop.
He took a few moments to breathe again, and then talked. "I'm sorry."
"Hajime-san, you look pale. Do you feel like you're going to be sick?"
"Should we call a doctor?"
He shook his head. The last thing he needed was making this bigger than necessary. "I'll be fine, don't worry."
"But…"
"How about a tea, then?" Arata suggested.
He had to reassure them. It wasn't their problem that he had to deal with such a troublesome thing. "That would be nice. Thank you."
"Then, we'll bring it to your room! Go rest, Hajime-san!"
With that, both of them went to make the drink. Good, he had to take out all the petals that were in the back of his throat, and had to throw away what he still had in his hands.
Unknown to him, a small petal had made its way to the floor, where Arata and Koi could see it. "… Let's keep this a secret for now. I'm sure we'll know if is serious."
-o—
Petals made an entire flower. They hurt when going out of his mouth, but flowers were worse. They were more noticeable, too.
"I didn't know that you liked blue flowers so much, Hajime-san."
"Yeah, me neither. They do look pretty! What do they mean?"
"Blue flowers mean disinterest in a romantic proposal, right?"
"Ah, so you have to gift lots of this one, Hajime-san!"
Aoi and Kakeru were in his room, asking for his help with their homework. He looked at the flowers again. He had washed them, and put them up as a decoration in his room. To make him try harder.
The flowers had started after a few joint concerts, where he was a back-up dancer for Kai.
It had been truly difficult. When he touched Kai's face with his hand, his eyes were so focused, so serious. Hajime had seen it before during practices, but seeing it with the idol's clothes, with the different lights, it gave him chills. He longed to feel that again.
An untamable beast. Kai sure was a beast that didn't let anyone get more near than necessary, guarding his secrets from intruders. But, whenever Hajime put his eyes on a goal, he did everything to reach it. This wouldn't be different.
He still had time before the flowers became a serious problem.
"So, where do you want to start studying?"
-o-
Kai was stargazing. He had seen him doing it before, but that day... He was kind of sad. "Kai?"
"Ah, yes?"
"Is something wrong?" Hajime knew the older had his own troubles, but never before he had wanted to talk about them. After a few minutes in silence, he thought that this time wouldn't be different.
Of course, Kai surprised him. His eyes shined in a way he hadn't seen before, as if he wanted to cry. "Hajime... Had you ever been in love? I know a lot of people have been with you, but... Have you ever loved them back?"
No. He had never loved back someone who had confessed to him. He hadn't see the point. Had he not met Kai, Hajime was pretty sure he would still live without knowing that type of feelings.
"A lot of people say I should give it a try to dating but I really... I don't think that I can do it. Did I ever tell you about my first love?
"No. We never talked about something like that."
"Ah… You see, I had a first love when I was a child. She died of an illness. I promised that I would do as much as I could, watch as much as I could, the stuff that she couldn't do. I decided to enjoy life to the fullest. Then one day, when I get to meet that girl again, I would tell her of all the fun things. It's… Surprisingly romantic, right?" Kai was looking at the stars again. Hajime didn't dare to talk, to interrupt him in such a vulnerable moment. "I've been thinking about it, since a lot of people told me that rejecting everyone because of her, was… That it would be something that I would regret later. Right now, with the idol life and everything I don't have the time for it, but in the future… I don't know."
His heart ached. He felt like the flowers inside his body were moving, taking away his breath. He couldn't talk.
"Hajime? Are you okay? You look sick all of a sudden." He had Kai's full attention now, but he didn't want it. Not like this. His sad eyes were now filled with worry, and honestly, he didn't know which look he hated more. "You've been coughing this days, right? Let's go inside. I don't want you to get sick because of me."
He had to, at least, say it. "Kai. I don't think that is wrong of you to dedicate yourself to her. You shouldn't do something like dating if you don't feel like it, now nor in the future. It's your life, and no one should tell you how to live it."
A little smile, followed by a hand messing up his hair. "If I ever do end up dating, I hope they are as nice as you, Hajime. Sorry I made you go out. Let me make it up to you."
The tea Kai made that night burned his throat.
-o—
More nights passed after that. Sleeping was getting more and more out of his reach, and it was getting annoying.
"Hajime! ~ Is morning already! Time to wake- Hajime!"
He didn't have an idea of what he looked like after a night of practically throwing up flower after flower. Some were even stained with blood. After a while it had stopped, but he couldn't find the energy to take them out, not even to move. "Ah~ Don't be so loud, Haru. It looks worse than it its."
Haru was all over him in a few seconds, inspecting him from head to toes. After that, he sighed and made him get up to clean everything and then to take breakfast. Even though Haru hadn't said it, Hajime knew what was eating the other inside.
"The blood appeared last night. I know about the surgery, but I'm still thinking it. I want to say my feelings before that, but they are not getting to the person the way they should. I think I still have time to decide about what to do. Don't worry, Haru."
Hajime still received the silent treatment for a few more minutes. Once he placed his coffee cup down he noticed that Haru was staring at him.
"Just... Take care of yourself, please."
After a few seconds of nothing, a hand he knew very well was in his hair out of nowhere.
"Kai! Stop that!"
"Yeah, make sure that he gets some rest, Haru. He has been coughing these days. Tell him to not ignore his health."
"I'll try… You know how stubborn he can be."
"Thank you for talking about me while I'm still here." But a quick glance to the clock told him that he wouldn't be there for long. He had an interview, a program, and a photoshoot.
Shun had said something about taking him on a date again, too. It was going to be a long day.
-o—
They went to various places but decided to stay in a park after eating. Since there was no one at the dorms until late at night, they had no reason to rush back home. Hajime was content with that. It was relaxing being with Shun. He had made him forget about that morning almost completely. They were in silence, and it seemed like a good moment to say what had been bothering him.
"Did I ever... hurt your feelings without noticing? I'm sorry if I did. That was never my intention."
Shun looked at him in surprise for a few seconds, and then laughed. "My King has nothing to worry about~ If Hajime is happy then I'm happy. I'm satisfied with just being by your side."
"I see."
"What brought this on? ~"
"…Words have quite the impact, don't you think?"
He had wanted to say that for a long time already. He was blunt and could hurt others easily. He knew it, and tried to control himself, but it wasn't till lately that he noticed how much words could affect someone. He could feel that horrible feeling creeping up his throat, and Shun decided to give him privacy, going to get them drinks.
There wasn't any blood on them, which was good. He couldn't help but stare at it, while waiting for Shun.
"They are really pretty, those blue flowers. Do you know their meaning, Hajime?"
"Aoi said that they could mean disinterest in a romantic proposal."
"Well, yes. Flowers have various meanings, varying in cultures and time. It can also stand for gratitude, honest emotions. The infinite, the unreachable."
"Something I'll never have, then?"
"Even when they can be quite sad, blue flowers are also said to signify hope, desire, love, and looking to the future with positivity. Grace and beauty. Quite fitting for you, if you ask me."
"What do you think of the Hanahaki disease?"
"Its... Interesting, in its own way. Hanahaki. You cough flowers because of a person you love, a one-sided love. Why do people choose to let go of their feelings? Why they choose to die with them? Every person is so different and they take such varied paths... A human observer like me can't help but be interested."
"What do you think of me?"
"Hm? ~"
"Me. The disease..."
"I think that Hajime is amazing as always. Being able to go forward with your feelings even when you don't know how the other person is going to react..."
"I'm pathetic, aren't I?"
"Non, non. I would say that you are quite unique. A lot of people would try to get the other person to feel the same for them, but you aim to get your feelings clear, even if they can't be reciprocated."
"I won't force Kai to feel the same for me. I don't want his pity. I just want him to know it, at least. If something were to happen to me..."
"I won't let anything happen to you, Hajime."
The tone he used didn't let place to objections. Those weird moments where he would be serious.
"Shun..."
"I'm sure that Hajime will find a way for things to work out at the end. This kingdom still needs you, and I will be more than glad to be able to serve you as you may need, Black King. Don't forget that. Kings don't have to do anything alone. Anything you may need I'll give it to you, so continue being interesting, Hajime~
"... I'll try? But... Thanks, Shun. For everything. "
"You have nothing to thank me for. Well, then. Should we head back?"
As soon as he said that, a taxi stopped in front of them.
"…Did you do something again?"
"Just a demon world secret, Hajime~"
-o-
He was restless. There were a few minutes left before they had to go to perform, but he couldn't shake away the feeling that something was wrong.
After a few minutes of nothing working, he thought about giving a call to his mother. She would certainly help him calm down a bit. Even when he wouldn't like to admit it, her voice had something soothing to him. Maybe it was that mother's power that Arata and You always joked about, saying that it applied to Yoru and Aoi too.
But just as he grabbed his phone to make the call, the staff told him that there wasn't any more time. He had to go to the stage.
He gulped down all the water that was left in his bottle, praying that the petals would stay inside his lungs. It seemed to work at first, till the lights turned on and he noticed that Procellarum was watching them from the first row.
In the parts that he didn't have to sing he tried to swallow all down. But of course, his body had a different opinion. Once the song had ended, the lights had been turned off, and they were going backstage, he dropped to his knees, and couldn't hold it back. Not anymore.
"Hajime!"
"Hajime-san!"
"Call an ambulance! Now!"
His throat ached, like it was burning. He couldn't breathe. His whole body felt like it was ripping apart with every cough. It was awful, his eyes were closing, and he couldn't see anything apart from the blue flowers that were now filling his surrounding, and all the screaming made him even more sick. Was this how everything would end?
Shun. He needed his help. Shun would understand what he wanted, and help him. He tried to say so to Haru, but with all the fuss around him it was impossible to know if he had catch it or not.
Hajime didn't stay awake enough to find out, either.
-o—
"His condition is critical; we need- "
"And I said that it would be okay. He will choose what he wants."
Hajime didn't know where he was. There were a lot of people in the place he was, but he could only recognize Tsukishiro, Haru and Shun. Were they arguing?
"What's… wrong?"
"Hajime-kun! You are okay!"
"Making us worry like that… How cruel, King."
So it was time already, uh? He looked at Shun, and was surprised to see that serious look that he didn't exactly like.
"Everything will bend if it is for you. You know that, right?"
Yeah, he knew. It was okay. He had made his choice already, after all.
-o—
He was exhausted. Even if he was back to the dorms, that night had been declared as one of total rest, and he didn't dare to protest to Haru's, Tsukishiro's nor Shun's gazes. Gravi had come to his room as soon as they could, some of them still had their stages outfits on them. There were a lot of tears and hugs and scolds, but it was fine. He had made them worry, but it wouldn't happen again.
After that, Rui and Yoru had visited, and couldn't help but hug him and cry in relief. Iku and You were next, both of them clearly affected by the events, and after a quick hug and a small talk, they were back to their dorms.
He was almost sleeping when he felt a light knock on his door, and in seconds Kai was in front of his bed, handing him a bouquet of blue flowers. Oh, the irony. What could they mean in this situation?
"Good to see you, Hajime. I didn't want to bother you, so I'm going to be quick. Here, we bought this for you. Flowers." Kai smiled after saying that, and took them to a vase that had his own blue flowers before. It seemed like his usual big brother smile, but tainted with a bit of something that he couldn't quite pinpoint. Sadness, maybe? Happiness? Relief?
Hajime didn't know if the way he felt with that was good or not. But he had made his decision, and he didn't regret it.
"Kai. Do you have a second? We need to talk."
Hi! I hope that you enjoyed it!~ I swear that I love Hajime!
Well, that ending. My idea was that you could think whatever you want. Shun gave Hajime time to choose what he wanted, not let others choose for him.
Did Hajime ask for the flowers to be removed? Or did he prefered to stay with his feelings?
What happens, then? Kai actually likes him back? Kai rejects him? What does Hajime do in case of a rejection, then? What happens with Kai if Hajime choose to remove the flowers? What if Kai didn't like Hajime in a romantic way and now he choose the surgery?
You can think whatever you want. I have my personal choice but I won't force it on you xD
I was thinking that, here, Shun loves Hajime more in a way of showing his gratitude. Hajime made Shun interested in something, made him actually want something. I think Shun is satisfied with that, and having Hajime confide in him like an equal is more than enough. But well, if you like angst THAT much and want to think that Shun has feelings of romantic love for Hajime, I won't stop you.
This is the last thing i swear it! I love Hajime! Feel free to tell me anything. If you see an error or whatever.
I really really hope that you enjoyed it!~
Bye!~