Author Note: Something of a tweaked and spruced up version of an old kink meme fill.
And of course, both are inspired by that one Tenacious D song. No, not that one, or that one. YES! That one
So it's not totally my fault that this thing exists. Except it kind of is.
Anyway…
Izanami
[Zombies the hell up]
I AM REVEALED!
IT
FUUUUUUUuuuuUUUUUCK!
Izanami
Yes you are fucked!
Shit out of luck!
Now I'm revealed and my fog you will suck!
This world will go blind,
And you're first in line!
You all sought the truth and now you shall all die!
[Revs up Summons to Yomi]
Yu
WAIIIIIIIT! WAIIIT! You motherfogger!
We challenge you to a rock off!
IT
Give us one chance to rock your socks off…
Izanami
FUCK! FOG! FUUUUUuuuCK!
The divine laws prevent me,
From declining a rock off challenge!
. ?!
What's the ca-ha-haaatch?
Yu
If we win-!
Yosuke
Uh-huh!
Yu
-You must take your bony ass back to hell…
Rise
And also you will have to lift the fog…
Izanami
And what if I wiiiiiiiiiiiiin?
Yu
Then you can take Ted back to hell…
Teddie
What?!
Yukiko
Trust him, Ted.
It's the only hhwway!
Teddie
What're you guys talking about? Sensei!
Yu
…to be your little beeytch!
Izanami
Fine! Let the rock off BEGIN!
MWAHAHAHA!
[Summons an enormous speaker the size of a skyscraper]
I'm a goddess, I am flawless!
[Reconstructs her bones to form a massive crimson shamisen]
Check this riff it's fucking tasty!
[The wickedest of otherworldly riffs blasts out of her instrument]
I'm a deity, I can do what I want!
Whatever I've got, I'm gonna flaunt!
There's never been a rock-off that I've ever lost!
I can't wait to have Ted as my slave,
He'll come eat me out everyday,
Rim Jobs and Lawn Tonguings for E-TER-NI-TAAAAY!
Chie
NOOOOOOOO!
[God Hands the ground in defiant rage]
C'mon, Ted! Let's bring the blizzard!
Teddie:
There's just no way that we can win, that was a masterpiece!
She rocks too hard because she's the mother of this land…
Kanji
[Unzips Teddie's suit and slaps the face of his human form]
God damn it, Ted!
She's gonna make you her fuckboi,
You gonna munch on zombie rug-!
Teddie
[He imagines it]
Noooooooooooooo!
Kanji
-Unless we bust a massive shadow mama-jam!
Teddie
[Smiles]
Guys...We've been through so much shit.
Naoto
My doppelgänger tried to give me a dick!
[Points to crotch]
IT
Now it's time to blow this fogger down...
Yosuke
C'mon, Ted!
Now it's time to blow doors down!
Teddie
I hear you, Yosuke.
Now it's time to blow doors down!
Rise
LIGHT UP THE STAGE 'CAUSE IT'S TIME FOR A SHOWDOWN!
Yukiko
We'll bend her over then we'll take it up brown town!
IT
NOW WE'VE GOT TO BLOW THIS MOTHER DOWN!
Chie
She's gonna rape Ted if we do not blow doors down!
Yu
C'mon, guys!
'cause it's time to blow doors down!
Teddie
Oh, we'll Bear Claw you!
It's time for the smackdown!
IT
Hey gender-bender!
Izanemesis!
We know your weakness!
Mystery Food X!
We rock the casbah,
And blow your mind!
We will defeat you,
For all mankind!
You hold the mirror,
We hold the beads!
You deal in falsehoods,
It's Truth We Seek!
Truth's What We Seek!
Truth's What We Seek!
Truth's What We Seek!
Truth's What We Seek!
Truth's What We Seek!
Truth's What We Seek!
Truth's What We Seek!
Truth's What We Seek!
[Sukuna-Hikona runs his sword over the strings of a violin]
Truth's What We Seek!
[Kintoki-Douji spins out some dirty-filthy beats on a Technicolor turntable]
Truth's What We Seek!
[Himiko makes the harp coo with each sweep of her delicate fingers]
Truth's What We Seek!
[Take-Mikazuchi shakes up the situation with his thundercloud drum set]
Truth's What We Seek!
[Konohana-Sakuya on the hot bloodest saxophone]
Truth's What We Seek!
[Tomoe blasts out chilling reports with an emerald trumpet]
Truth's What We Seek!
[A little ninja guitar magic courtesy of Jiraya's froggy fingers]
Truth's What We Seek!
[Izanagi drops the bass, picks it up, and plays it 'til it cries]
Truth's What We Seek!
Izanami
[But the future refused to change]
You guys are foggin' lame!
Come on, Ted! You're coming with me!
Izanami
Taste my lightning, fuckers!
[OHO IKAZUCHI!]
Yu
[tries to shield his friends with his increasingly unclothed, glistening body]
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
[EXPLOSION!]
Izanami
[The smoke clears]
Oh! Fuck!
[It's Izanagi-no-Okami]
My fuckin' ex!
[He's got a guitar]
Oh no!
[And it's got TWO necks!]
Yu
With this sweet blade,
You are now slain,
So that the truth,
Can shine again!
[Izanagi-no-Okami lets loose with a Rock Opera rendition of "Reach Out to the Truth" that totally justifies the purchase of a certain Rhythm Game spin-off]
Izanami
[Gets sent hurtling towards the giant speaker she summoned]
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
[Crashes]
Fuck you, Ted!
[The speaker starts to spark dangerously]
And fuck you, Yu!
Children of Man…FUCK YOOOOOOOOOUU!
[The speaker explodes]
[Izanami is vanquished]
[The fog lifts]
[and everyone is elected governor.]
Fin.
That's French for, "The story is done. You can all go home now. Buy some merch on your way out."