golden ocean

by purplefishes

junmyeon goes to see his long lost lover; just to find the love of his life.

recently a man, going by the name of kim junmyeon, had celebrated his thirtieth birthday; only then realising how he wasn't young anymore even though it seemed like he started middle school a week ago. now working in the busy heart of seoul was all that he knew. in the early hours of the forenoon he'd awake in this king sized bed, all alone, feeling the cold empty space next to himself. he thought love was overrated when his friends in high school practiced the art of dating, now they were masters of love happily living with their spouses; junmyeon felt isolated as the cronies, he once had, were creating families, raising children... although deep in his heart he knew that he needed to act upon this situation, to not end up dying without ever having someone by his side, his mind thought the opposite. why would he need a partner he is one of the best office senior managers in the megacity. he has all the freedom he ever wanted to have, and he worried about his future when he was more innocent and dumb. now his life didn't contain any risks and was as plain as flour..

all of the thoughts that paraded in the korean's mind made him relieve a deep sigh. pale rosy cheeks were squished by the pillow as the latter tried to low-key suffocate himself.

he didn't find it a struggle to get out of the warm sheets. everything ran in a routine so he was used to it; nothing was ever out of place meaning that the days of the male were dull and lifeless. a certain pang of regret always sat in his heart, pulling heart strings one at a time, trying to make junmyeon break down or at least trying to make him change himself. no gaily occasions occurred in the guy's life - except the times he got a promotion, or when one of his co-workers didn't forget that it was his birthday and gave him a card with a horrible pun written on it. nor steaming hot coffee, nor the cold arctic showers woke him up. for the past nine years he felt like he was in a trance, life flashing past by. day after day after day... a cycle that now seemed to be nearing in half-life, causing unease to the senior manager - to the senior manager that showed a pearly white smile to everyone before he went to his office to hit his head upon one of the hospital white walls. sometimes this room suffocated him. although it was large and monastic, its peace was always shattered by the grunts that came from the male's throat as he growled out of pain. rest of the time was either spent going to meetings, spacing out amidst looking through the glass wall facing the flashing lights of the south korean capital, or [rarely] doing work - but he wasn't lazy. he spent all of his free time at home doing all of the unexecuted paperwork.

yeah, it wasn't a great idea. he quickly developed dark bags under his eyes; concluding to him learning all the tricks of concealers, almost becoming better than his make-up loving co-workers. even if the maquillage was the top tier, the man looked creepy. he was fairly pale when he entered the company at the age of twenty-one - now he looked like the relative of the famous transylvanian vampire. rations of food that he ate weren't as generous as they should've but the man still kept healthy by doing full-day sessions at the gym during the weekends. all of his life had run in a predicted pattern, no enthusiasm, no worries, no doubting. everything always fell in the correct place leaving the image of the life, that junmyeon had lead so far, black and white; or, simply, dull.

but soon this came to a close….

one of the golden evenings of early june, when the sun was illuminating his honey brown locks of hair, a sudden knock on his door echoed in the orange tint room.

"come in," his deep voice announced to the latter behind the door. a secretary from next door entered his room, his hands holding a stack of files and loose papers. junmyeon quietly sighed at his co-worker, baekhyun.

"hey," the younger spoke as he lowered the workload onto junmyeon desk. "i'm leaving early today, so the boss told me to give my work to you."

an urge to hit his head on the wall arose in junmyeon, but he simply accepted the work; giving the boy a friendly smile as the guy walked out the door. as quick as the trail of baekhyun was gone, junmyeon slammed his hands on the desk yelling nonsense.

of course he loved his work but he wasn't a robot. he also needed time for himself. for the past nine years he has been working, he never had a vacation in his life. maybe he did had if you count the time he went to yifan's, right outside of seoul, to get some more paperwork as he got sick and wasn't in the office for the day. although junmyeon wished that he hadn't gotten sick that day; but he at least managed to get some countryside air for the first time in the decade. he never went outside of the city with his family, the only time he did was his senior trip at the end of his university life.

cold, golden waves gently hit his ankles as junmyeon looked as the sun disappeared behind the horizon. he never felt more alive. slowly he fell in love with the sea; each wave caused butterflies to awake in his stomach and his cheeks to turn pink. soon enough the korean found himself crying to the beautiful sea, his salty tears mixing with the saltier water. even if it meant that he will be called a crybaby for the rest of the year, he continued to silently sob because of the joy. this memory haunted him everyday; every time he was lost in thoughts when doing his work. usually sitting there, behind the desk, with glassy dark chocolate brown eyes. 'surely the fellow students would have comforted him' you say? well, our boy was the lone wolf, independent and antisocial. only in the recent years of business did he develop his confidence and professionalism.

with a deep thump the files scattered on the breakfast bar of the golden haired male's condo's marble plated kitchen.

earning the money to buy whatever he wanted wasn't his dream anymore, that dream died a couple of years ago. he now wanted to live life: but he was to dedicated to his work. physically, he felt restrained from filling in the form for some days off-work – it wouldn't be a few days though, for the time he had worked his arse off he would, at least, have a couple of lengthy months on the sandy beaches. a tranquil blanket settled on his shoulders as soon as he remembered the glistening of the ocean, his fingers gently stroking the spine of the folder before flicking the damned cover open and going headfirst into the world of work. in this way he worked for the next eight hours, only realising that he needed to go to bed when the grandfather clock struck one o'clock.

the slim rims of his glasses gently tapped the marble surface as junmyeon rubbed his eyes, they were strained from the bright light of the laptop. in a slow manner he crawled into the shower and prepared himself for bed. as his makeup was cleaned, junmyeon released how diluted his bags were. they were difficult to deal with on the past days, as they were getting more sloppy and darker than in the past few years... without much effort the korean man fell asleep in the covers of his bed, and just like every night he dreamt of the same dream. the dream he dreamt for the past decade.

it was more like a memory not a dream.

he felt the hot sand squeak below his feet as he walked the sand dunes of the clear shore. silently observing the sunset. the sunset which dyed the ocean amber and gold... and the gentle wind that caressed his hair sent shivers down his back. this was as much as he could relax. sometimes he would try to roll down the dunes like a little kid, but as soon as he started to prepare himself to do something besides the observation his alarm clock would go off; crashing his fantasy with the cold splash of reality.

although this morning the coolness was more fierce than usual, so cold that his eyes pained in their sockets as junmyeon freaked out – he was an hour late to work! by tripping over, forgetting his breakfast and make-up, he tried to save time to get quickly to work. his heartbeat was erratic, so erratic that it felt like he was being winded by his own body. with one great sweep he brushed everything off his desk into his suitcase and ran out the front door - forgetting to lock it, hoping that no-one with try to rob his stuff but he wasn't really attached to anything in his condo, so it won't matter either way.

"sor-sorry that i am late!" junmyeon huffs and puffs as he runs into the joint area of the office, bowing down so his forehead touches the ground with his palms flat on the dirty cheap grey carpet. a fat cold drop of sweat rolls down his temple as his CEO strides in a cocky manner before stopping right in front of him.

"so..." yifan's grin as audible as ever. "you arrived at a perfect time even if you're late, mr kim." long slim fingers curl around the back of junmyeon black blazer collar; demanding for the man to stand up. the latter does as told.

"what's happening?" junmyeon realises the silence that was an elephant of the room. everyone's eyes were fixed on a figure that limply stood next to the giant.

"we found the needle of our haystack, kim."

"what?"

"we found a faggot."

"what?"

"there's a fag in this room."

"who?" no emotion rung in that voice.

"this fucker," yifan pushed the slim figure adjacent to him, it fell on the coarse floor, grunting from the harsh contact and the light carpet burn on his palms.

there he was, the gay of the office; mr byun baekhyun. tears had stained his smooth porcelain skin, his disheveled tie hanging loosely on his feminine neck. with a shallow thump junmyeon settled his portfolio. even if he looked like a zombie the authority that he had ownership of stayed. he crouched down next to the man, his hand grappled the bottom jaw of the younger male. vibrant hickeys covered the boy's collar bones that were now visible as his shirt was ripped open - probably by the angry yifan. a swift blow to the latter's cheek was given with junmyeon hand of authority.

"you are disgusting," he stood up, his baritone voice booming in the silent room filled with at least forty people. "you are a disgrace to our firm. you're a malfunction of a normal person. you should disappear. you're worthless, you cock-sucking bitch."

now baekhyun splayed on the floor, heavily heaving as scorching hot tears rolled down his red face. all he now needed to become a truly worthless mess was a kick in the stomach which would later make him pass out of pain; so as if by request yifan's foot rammed it self into the latter's lean abdomen.

"piece of shit," the taller snarled before he spat at baekhyun's pain-ridden face, "go to your office, pack your trash and vanish before i take legal action."

"you don't have any-" then he was winded again, this time by junmyeon's shiny black leather shoe.

"shut your mouth, whore." yifan spoke coolly.

"come." he now signalled junmyeon to travel with him to his office; without hesitation the latter did so, even if he was still infuriated by the secretary's actions. "you'll need a new secretary..." he spoke in a hushed voice as he sat down in his luxury leather seat behind the redwood desk. the two shared a brief chat on why was the office administrator was late: the reasoning behind the fact was, apparently, traffic jams. the dunderhead didn't even own a car, but he did own a license. he was slightly startled when yifan looked at him with an endearing look that trailed over his entire body.

"please, stop doing that." junmyeon proclaimed.

"why?" with a sly smirk the head, of the small brand, teased.

"you look gay."

"can't i look at my employee? i mean... uh, it's the first time i've seen you without your maquillage." wide eyes bored into the chinese male's as he declared the fact.

"shit!" junmyeon gripped his suitcase, without wasting a tenth of a second he sprinted to the gentlemen's toilet. it probably looked like he needed a dump really badly or something; but it only turned out to be his want to see his own ugly tired face.

he looked like a monster.

his eyes looked like they have retreated into the back of his skull, leaving the circumferences of his almond eyes dark and baggy. his gaze seemed soulless no matter how much he grimaced at the mirror... icy sweat rolled down the korean's spine - he was in panic. even if the latters of the office had seen him just a few minutes, he still felt ashamed. inside of his chest another emotion pulsated; it cried to junmyeon brain a feeling similar to guilt and delusion... stumpy fingers made their ways towards the darkened circles, the contrast of colour between the fingers and bags indicated that junmyeon wasn't in a good condition. in a panicked manner the man rummaged through the unorganized portfolio, searching for the godsent concealer that would make his day just a fraction better.

knowing his luck, he didn't find his treasure. it only felt like his day had gotten worse with every second that passed. first, he was late; second, his concealer is somewhere at home, so he looks like he hasn't slept in the past twenty years; lastly, he fired his secretary. how was the last point bad? well, you see... junmyeon already was feeling like his spine would break with the amount of paperwork that he held in his hands on the way back up to his condo; now with his secretary burning in hell he has double the times of work. poor thing will need to use twice as much coffee, concealer and fake smiles to remain the senior manager. it may seem that being a top dog should've been easy, after all everyone else should do the work for you - you'd only make the decisions! not in this case... the firm was small, only recently they have decided to move out to another building next year where they can employ more people and relieve pressure from the senior heads.

by the time of one in the afternoon junmyeon's fingers felt like they were going to crumble. in the past hour he had written, at least, two thousand words. deep inside him the feeling of uncertainty had settled down - sadly it made the latter feel even more exhausted. by the time of lunch [at three past midday] the dusky amber haired male felt dead. nothing else but dead. the malfunctions in his overpressured brain multiplying faster than bacteria reproducing in the innocent victim. another longing had awoken in his gut.

a wish to see the ocean.

a wish to feel the sand under his bare feet.

a wish to feel the waves hit his legs.

a wish to be free.

and a wish to see his long lost love;

the ocean.

i don't know whether it was the dream to see the ocean, or whether was it was the thought that he could construct an ocean; but he started bawling. he never wanted to end up this way. his desire wasn't to sit in an office chair all day long, typing so fast and inefficiently that your fingers were deemed to fall off, just to return home to repeat the same bullshit again. this instability that pent-up in him was determined to be released at the nearby wall which was carrying small scars. scars made by fingernails, by junmyeon's forehead, by his puny fists.

now that whole scarring parade was repeating itself. all of the canned emotions released on a wall that didn't deserve to be treated with such rough mannerisms.

a hissy fit. that's what it was every time, every goddamned unexplainable time. no matter how much junmyeon ripped his hair, he didn't understand the guilt that made him feel impoverished. slowly, with each passing day, he felt his hopes of the bright future become more barren as he barely slept and started to not give a flying fuck about anything. junmyeon felt like losing his potential, like he was just going to be an old and depressed man in the upcoming year. that he will die alone without a wife, without offsprings...

never experiencing the joy of life.

without a single doubt all of these emotions only left the male to weep an endless river every night. every night he'd cry his eyes out so much that they'd have become a representation of the thar desert by the time he fell asleep... with his strawberry red eyes he would slump over to the basin in his comfort room – to splash some cold water on his eyes and try to wake up from this endless cruel dream he never wanted to be in.

until recently the male felt like he had died inside, but today was the day he was pronounced dead emotionally and mentally; he got a new secretary. A secretary so irritating, so attention-demanding that junmyeon felt like he was trying to look over a year four pupil, rather than having a fellow male help him out. jongdae was truly going to be the end of junmyeon's existence. in the short breaks, that the upperclassman had, he searched for bridges that wouldn't take a long time to get to as he didn't want to become deaf before he was able to throw the twat off it. that should do everyone a good deed. it genuinely would, even yifan [who employed the dude] was growing tired, and had too much work to deal with so he couldn't find his co-worker another new secretary. of course this left everyone feeling like they had a stick up their ass that constantly yelled, screamed, screeched, threw tantrums and completed only one file in an entire work day.

even if you looked beyond the horizon, jongdae will always be there. recently he grew fond of junmyeon; so the poor thirty year old has to drag jongdae around his house and make extra food. well, he could just remove him, couldn't he? unless he wanted to be terrorised by the ringing of his doorbell… thus junmyeon chose just to please the man, letting him stay on the couch and watch some stupid movies on the plasma tv. but the demanding male got even worse when he got tired – he started to whine. whining for the fact that junmyeon didn't buy him popcorn, whining because it was too cold in the lounge, whining because the telly took one second too long to turn on...

"look, jongdae," junmyeon stormed over from his desk to the prick that he wanted to send off to the grave. "i had enough of your bullshit! you're my secretary, your job is to help me not spend my disposable income on popcorn, coke, shitty shoes and amazon sex toys!"

"it wasn't me, i don—"

"then who the fuck was it?!" junmyeon was infuriated, "and if you're thinking of saying that it's me, then you'd be glad to know that i don't want to handcuff myself to my own bed! i never had a fucking relationship in my life; it just seems like your trying to take the mick out of me..."

without any other information, junmyeon turned back to retreat to his office, but a warm hand clenched the rim of his dress shirt before he was able to flee from the scene. jongdae's strong pull force spun him around, now he was standing face-to-face with the male he released how indignant the younger one felt. unsteadily his eyes flickered across jongdae's face; enticed by the gorgeous brunette. junmyeon felt his own breath hitch after their eyes met – both staring with a sense of lost and longing, a longing of warmth. brawny arms found their route to the senior manager's teensy-weensy love handles that made him look slightly less physically trained. the clock counted ten seconds before both of the males' chests hit each other – only then the two woke up from the trance, faces as red as cranberries. arms that were clenching each others bodies now came back to their sides faster than a retractable measure tape, going up northwards to hide the duo's hot cheeks.

junmyeon recovered quickly, an ache that felt like a hole in his chest remained, in a couple of elephantine strides he reached the latter [who was crouching down and holding his fluorescent red cheeks]. with a quick swoop a hand had punched a blow to the back of the younger's head; the male groaned from the stinging sensation it left as his hand rubbed the spot. his boss's hand wrapped around his wide bottom jaw, making him look at the latter as he was some bad filthy dog that just had bitten a child. junmyeon eyebrows were so tightly knit that for a split second jongdae thought that he owned a monobrow; of course all of this ended when he was pushed to the ground, punched in the stomach and called a faggot. he pleaded, with tears in his eyes, for the man on top of him to stop... it was no help.

it didn't stop.

the stinging in his stomach, a metal pang of blood in his mouth, wobbling of his tired bruised legs... all of this caused by a man, a man that was his boss. a person that he was supposed to serve - and he was sure that this wasn't a part of being someone's secretary... no hesitation was present at the time when he managed to push the older off of him. jongdae's mahogany brown eyes scanned the latter's face, his hands on the male's arms, his hips and legs pinning down the other's pair of them. dried tears were evident on junmyeon's face, if you didn't include his watery eyes you'd still be able to tell this. ragged breaths were inhaled and exhaled by him, soon leading him into a sob. it was painful, so painful that the raven haired male holding him down felt it in his thorax.

"why are you crying?" jongdae questioned as the two hugged for junmyeon's comfort.

"i think... i don't know," he seemed out of breath and on the verge of fainting from exhaustion.

"i believe you need a rest."

"uh... don't worry. i'll go to bed soon..."

"not that type of rest; a vacation type of rest."

"i don't have the time."

"bitch, you haven't taken days off for almost ten years, you can have a eight month holiday with the snap of your fingers."

"why do you even care about me?"

"because i'm your secretary, even if i am a shitty one i still care." a passion-filled youngster argued...

so the two continued the light-hearted arguing about this the vacation until deep into the summer's night. junmyeon opposing the secretary's wish for him to travel somewhere to relax for at least a month. the bagarre continued in the office as they threw passive attacks to each other whilst walking past or near each other. attacks usually involved calling the latter a bitch or a pussy, flipping the occasional bird or junmyeon calling jongdae lesbian [after the latter tried to prove that he wasn't gay and accidentally hooked up with a girl – who turned out to be wanting to have a threesome with him and her girlfriend] after he'd dragged out junmyeon to the nearby club, only for an hour as junmyeon refused the drinks and invites to dance. by the looks that they got from people in the office it seemed like no-one cared, brushing off as friendly interactions, which they kind of were... but it was more of a worry for jongdae. he was already angry for the man's scrappy sleeping routine, not to forget the detestable way he makes food…

now, his dream was to stuff the older in a box and ship him off to hawaii so he could breath for a second. jongdae felt like he was frozen in time once he saw the variety of concealers that the elder had been collecting and using daily, simply to hide the bags under his eyes which could've been easily removed if he wasn't so stuck up and asked for help. though it would never happen so the concerned, recently graduated, business bachelor decided to go talk to yifan about the situation.

"you think i haven't said anything similar to that to him before?" was the answer jongdae got after a twenty-five minute long rant, the taller even scoffed at him.

"you should at least try to act upon it, you have the most power. junmyeon probably has never been outside the peninsula, and, by the looks of it, if he has he hasn't slept normally since then." he quickly raked a hand through his dark hair, "does he even have a hobby?"

the male behind the dark hardwood desk grasped at his chin thinking about his employee, "i believe he goes to the gym on the weekends; but he used to go there with his early secretary so i am not that sure...

"although i do stand with your point. he joined the office around eight years ago and he hasn't taken any breaks; even if he was completely wasted after the new year's eve party [he didn't have anything to do there so he just got as drunk as a lord]. even if we try our hardest he is still going to be extremely stubborn, it would only be a miracle if he signed up for a holiday." pondered the male as his gaze travelled around the room, searching for solutions as he didn't want to go to court for worker mistreatment, simply because of his own headstrong senior manager.

"so... errr, will you do it?" jongdae stopped the boss's train of thought.

yifan nodded in agreement and sent the former a cheeky smile after jongdae bowed with an extreme amount of serotonin rushing through his brain. a wave of adrenaline ran down his legs as they sloppily moved in a happy manner, bringing jongdae to junmyeon office. without thinking about knocking, he bursted into the empty office. the latter was nowhere to be seen, it was dead quiet besides the pitter-patter of heavy raindrops on the large glass windows. now you may think our protagonist is in the bathroom, most likely fixing his make-up – as he found public toilets extremely unattractive, and he would rather pee himself than use the facility. thoroughly, the korean checked every corner and space of the room trying to find the former's suitcase; it wasn't anywhere in his horizon. neither was his head's laptop or charcoal grey fleece lined coat. deep in him, a barren sentiment settled in his heels. it stuck him to the ground, as if his feet were drilled into the ground and his legs were frozen... for the past three hours he was been working with the man directly, as they spoke over some details that needed to be prepared for tomorrow's interview for the new human resources department manager's, chanyeol's, helper.

with the entirety of his heart, the lad had sworn he was talking to his lead before rushing off to yifan for a 'quick' chat. endless possibilities of scenarios ran through his head. of course there were a few stupid ones, like junmyeon playing hide-and-seek, and there were a few questionable opinions, like junmyeon spontaneously combusting and dissolving into thin air.

he shook his head stronger than a kid shook a new snow globe, leaving the guy slightly lightheaded but with a fresh mind. in an instant jongdae ran to his own, smaller and more cramped, room to find a baby blue sticker on his planner.

it read 'hey, sorry for leaving without a warning...' the quick, messy handwriting was slightly smudged and seemed like it was written by someone experiencing a stroke. the latter size was inconsistent, capitals smaller than lowercase letters and vice versa; words slanted in random directions making jongdae feel like he had just discovered his longtime secret dyslexia. panic surged up his spine, little goosebumps formed on his forehands that were shown off by the rolled up sleeves. smooth fingers crossed the keypad of the phone that stood stationary on the male's desk, the male quickly dialled the senior manager. every bleeping of the phone synchronised with the alarm that blared in the youngster's head, a trickle of sweat rolled down from his wet hands that grasped the phone tighter with every beep. in a couplet of seconds the other line was picked up, a far grunt was heard.

"junmyeon-ah!" jongdae greeted himself with a small amount of politeness.

junmyeon deep rumbling voice echoed in the latter's ear as he was joked in an infuriated voice; "what the fuck do you want, lesbo?"

"haha! still keeping up with your jokes?" desperation pumped through the smaller; he only got a dissatisfied sigh as a reply to his abuse of inside jokes...

"can't you just get straight to the point?" his voice was scruffier and more croaky than usual, "i know you're bent, no need to hide." he added with a exeunt of a light chuckle — it made the man over the line feel a bit lighter at heart.

"you see, it's not the best thing to disappear without a notice." our somehow lovable secretary told, his mannerisms represented the ones that are made by parents when they are disappointed in their offsprings.

"am i supposed to go to you when i cut my hand open? are you a person how knows first aid?!" apparently junmyeon believed that the louder he got the better his point got, but we all know the truth isn't like that, so with the last syllable he was screeching at his phone in the middle of the ae waiting room as he really didn't know how to give balanced reasoning in these situations.

the phone was suddenly silent and the transmission was once again a pattern of rhythmic beeps.

anyone else would have probably brushed the disappearance, but jongdae wasn't anyone; again, he made a dash to the ceo's office. everyone kept their interested glances on the younger as he screamed gibberish amidst his run with his hands in the air, he was a real life resemblance of a cartoon character. even the way he knocked on the door was exaggerated as he knocked a bunch if famous song beats to take the attention of the boss sitting on the opposite side of the door; but he wasn't forbearing enough thus with a loud bang he opened the door just to find the ceo and the human resource manager shooting him a deadly glare.

"i swear to god if you are here to complain about junmyeon calling you les—" chanyeol got cut off before he was able to submit his full complaint to the man at the door.

"junmyeon is in ae!" the screaming was so loud that the pair was surprised that jongdae was still alive and breathing, well hyperventilating would be more accurate...

"what?!" yifan stood from his seat, his titanic size hands spreading the papers on his desk as he leaned towards the exit of his office, eyes fixed on the figure of the man in the door frame whose face was distorted due to the panic.

with a swift hand motion jongdae signalled the duo to follow him, the figure from the frame disappeared with the couple of chiefs. large leaps took them to the elevator in just a few seconds. massive gestures of jongdae's hands illustrated the phone call to the two towers standing next to him; he did wonder why chanyeol came as well, he barely knew junmyeon better than a co-worker.

chanyeol, by junmyeon, was a douche. he enjoyed annoying people, whether was it by personal attacks at the wrong moments - say after you cried because you got a call that your grandma died - or annoying you until you start yelling at him. yifan and jongdae threw a knowing glance to each other; both thought that the red haired man was not a great addition to the trip. at the end the duet never told the latter to stay in the headquarters and ended up dragging him to yifan's car. as the world's most impatient man he fulfilled the task give to him: to make the pair at the front of the car thoroughly irritated by the time the car was stopped by the front exit of the hospital.

the three didn't hesitate, they ran straight to the building hoping that their co-worker is fine. of course they were being overly dramatic, it was only a cut – junmyeon himself described once the trio appeared in his room with subtle melancholy scribbled on their faces.

"how the hell did you manage to cut your hand open?" jongdae said as the visitors sat beside the senior manager.

"umm…" junmyeon pressed his lips together as he looked at the scruffy floor of the ae. he couldn't say that he purposely tried to inflict pain on himself; he knows that his, low-key, friends will panic and try to get him a counsellor or a physiatrist. so with a spark of imagination he quickly blurted out, "i was cut by a piece of paper!"

"a centimeter deep cut from a piece of printing paper; do you live in some magical fantasy land?" yifan's tone seemed disappointed and filled with fury as he spoke to the guy. guilt made itself apparent on the caramel haired male's face.

he sighed, "i don't want to talk about this…"

"why, mr kim?" chanyeol said, genuinely shocking the latters for not being a rude prick and caring. junmyeon grew more aware of the surroundings, every movement, click, step or blink was magnified making his heart thump on his sternum emitting a light ache.

"because," he let out his words with a soft breath, "because i feel… i feel like dying. i feel like i am worthless; like i am not worth the oxygen i breathe."

time stops. everything falls silent. the three did expect something serious but not to the point of death; they only wanted to hear something like fatigue…

large soft arms of chanyeol surprised junmyeon when they swirled around his shoulders. he finally felt the human contact that he lacked, tears arose in his dark chestnut eyes leaving them glassy. after he tried to hold back an audible shiver of breath, he felt another pair of hands encircle him closely followed by a soft hand that stroked his locks. now, tears poured down his cheeks. tears that never stained the wall or the velvet pillowcase. warmth surfed through his body leaving him feel happier than someone who had reached enlightenment — if he didn't mind the profanity that chanyeol threw at the nurses that were looking at them like the group was some ungodly deformed creature of outer space…

minutes and minutes passed. all four lost in time, all four seeking something that was deemed incorrect by society, by the office, by the senior leadership team, by yifan… their thoraxes felt hollow as they took shallow breaths back into the reality, the reality they only left in the events of the greatest dangers... or maybe they entered the reality back then, after all is reality just sitting in an office chair for twelve hours a day? or was it feeling a heat in your heart so powerful that you feel like passing out in a river of flowers? whatever life was, whatever reality was, in the end they returned to their workplace.

bandaged. tired. hollow.

those were the three words that appropriately concluded the existence of junmyeon; the aftershock of his actions seemed to had made his soul flee. much like some ragdoll the former sat at his desk, limp fingers gliding over the keyboard. if his fingers didn't write anything, maybe his forehead would…

it did: but the words didn't make any sense.

drained of colour, and of life, the caramel haired male walked out his solitary cabinet – he hasn't seen jongdae in the last few hours. his heels dragged against the floor with an unsteady beat, much like the sound of the club music when he got smashed by the cocktails and glasses of other kind. he didn't remember how he came to be dancing nor did he recall how he got home without cracking his head open, open like a raw egg and then letting his fried-to-death brain leak out to the sewers. amidst his way to the shower, at four in the morning, he received a notification of an email. this, at the moment, wasn't a priority so he simply conducted himself to the shower.

hot breaths of the water soothed the muscles in his back. yeah, he might have felt like a drowned rat, but now he didn't look like he had spent the last four hours dancing to obnoxiously loud edm and crying on the steps of his condo building. songs of his adolescence and college years flew from his throat, as he came back to a peaceful mindset. back in those days he would hang out with friends, meet new people and live more than he did now. unlike most people he regretted his current position in life more than he regretted the choices he might have made in the years that he didn't care about getting old, love or money… now as he reached the point of being a fully grown adult male he had understood that he missed out all of the treasures that were presented at the age of twenty.

no, he didn't waste a few years like other people; he wasted an entire decade for a job that had no end goal, a job that made him into a mindless working machine with a smile permanently stuck on its sleep deprived face.

goosebumps showed on his tender pale skin as he clambered out of the shower, the cool air letting him breathe deeper breaths. a mustard yellow towel swirled around his body intaking all out the water drops and then rested on his wet hair. only in clad boxers he laid down on his bed. his left hand reaching to the side to grasp his phone. a message from yifan.

'hey.

'earlier today jongdae came with a concern to my office. to no surprise, he talked about you,' yifan's message wrote. ' after today's incident i agree with his point; the point being that you need a break. you been working with me since my business was a baby but i believe that right now is the time for you to rest. and don't date to tell me otherwise.

'for the past few days you walked in deadly pale with huge bags under your eyes, your makeup isn't working anymore and people are spreading rumours of you carrying out nasty 'projects' at night. if you're wondering how much you could be gone for, you could take a four month break, currently.

[i hope you don't i don't want to be left with these idiots for that long] .

'i will respect any of your decisions, just please get some rest.'

sitting on his bed in utter confusion wondered what made jongdae become so aware of his problems before he spilled the peas in the hospital. was it the displeasing smudges on the walls? was it his retirement from makeup? was it his actions and the way he couldn't bare to lift his feet when he walk? was it anything that didn't return until after the gratifying moment in which he felt blood stream in his body?

tons of unanswered questions ran through his head, he didn't know if he should be concerned about jongdae or to be taken aback by the youngster's actions of affection. his room turned into a smear as his fingers collided with the phone screen typing out a message that made him feel as if he had given himself an asthma attack. with a shallow exhalation he pressed save.

'i'll go, for a month. to jeju.'

in a flicker of time he received a text that radiated happiness, yifan's deep rumbling breath echoed in his ears.

'i'm not a travelling agency i don't need to know where you're going; but i'll note down the vacation.'

the friday night was then settled, placed in the draw and forgotten. junmyeon now faced the horror of planning a vacation in a couple of days. of course he wasn't concerned about this the entire saturday as he spent the day lounging around with a terrible hangover, it was accompanied with multiple bottles of sparkling water and boxes of painkillers… life seemed to slow down. up until one thing happened.

jongdae.

he bursted through the door, a suitcase at his side shouting a foreign language before he tackled junmyeon into a bear hug. after a moment of swaying like trees in a storm amidst the hug, they decided to plan the travel of the elder. rather than booking a hotel, the former chose to stay at a rental holiday home. he chose the one nearest the sea, his love and his life, so he could watch as the sun's last rays bounced on the surface of the liquid mirror, to feel the golden glow warm his face and bring him back to life from the frozen routine as an office manager. it was his dream to feel the fine sand drift through his toes as he jogged towards the water, the salty air tussling his light brown ruch locks of hair in rhythmic wind beats that slapped the hair on the man's scalp. junmyeon felt like he was in school again when jongdae presented tips and tricks on how to pack a suitcase, on of the tricks being to not take the suitcase and survive with a backpack in all certainty junmyeon didn't find this funny as the vacation probably was worth to him more things that to anyone else he knew.

on the early tuesday morning his heart contracted faster and faster, the calm man felt his pulse at the heels of his feet as his chest grew light. with a clasp a hand landed on his shoulder snipping him around; his gaze meeting jongdae's, his face was distorted in a similar way that a parent's face would look when they would let their first child off to school. a pride yet a loss resonated in his dark eyes. he quickly pulled junmyeon towards himself, burying his face into the boss's shoulder. as a response, junmyeon wrapped his shaking arms around jongdae's slim waist and drew circles on the small of his back. tracing the shoulder blades and the vertebrae underneath the skin and the thin, soft wife beater.

then jongdae spoke, "remember, if anything goes wrong - don't panic. you will remain in korea, so everyone will know how to speak korean. once you get there, straight away go to your beach house check your food and wa—"

junmyeon pulled out of the embrace, "don't worry, mom." he said, a grin creeping up to his face as he placed a tender kiss on the latter's forehead. the male only rubbed the spot telling junmyeon that he was the 'lesbian' one. both of them let out a huff of laughter, gave another half hug to each other before junmyeon walked over to the security check - his secretary's concerned stare bored into his back. at the peep that he took before advancing further into the airport, where the former wasn't allowed, he waved a jongdae who enthusiastically waved back with a giant grin.

nerves rushed down his arms, wrapping his forearms and seeping into junmyeon's biceps. having not flown a plane before he was scared shitless. people around him stared at him, of course you'd look at a man who was shaking in the middle of the queue for his tickets to be checked. gladly everything went well; by going well it meant that he didn't stutter or trip over his words. awe lathered him as he stepped into the facility with enormous windows looking out to the runway, it was filled with people - some asleep, some angry due to their cancelled flights and some trying to control their kids from drinking an excessive amount of fluid before boarding.

right before his boarding started he received a call from yifan. the latter said that everything will be fine and the junmyeon should relax. even if those words were in a way getting repetitive they felt nice and warm in his chest; most certainly when people like chanyeol said them as you wouldn't expect your, to some extent, bully to wish you good luck. amazingly enough he got over the nerves that now seeped deep into his puny bones; hypnotised by the breathtaking view outside the window of the aircraft. the light powder blue faded into the blue dark abyss of space, below his unworthy feet lied lives for thousands of people, thousands of different lifes with so much meaning that his head started to ache. his small hands grabbed each side of his head, slowly he doubled over: placing his head in between his thighs. junmyeon didn't recover until the end of the flight, his head still spun as he stood up and walked to the gimhae airport baggage area to retrieve his dark blue plastic suitcase filled to the brim with vital ingredients of his life.

a quick stroll to the front of the public transport association building was all it took for him to get a taxi to busan new port, to get there to catch his farry. the seventeen kilometre ride was quickly over, he handed money to the foreigner that was driving the cab and stepped out with a disgusted face due to the sound of his skin being peeled off the leather seat. to no surprise over the few hours the temperature skyrocketed… half of the people in the crowd wielded an umbrella or some sort of cooling device; to junmyeon unfortunate fortune he wore a grey shirt with only complemented the streams of sweat that rolled from his armpits and and neck.

another boring boarding passed, he placed his suitcase in a prescribed locker in the premium lounge that jongdae offered to include in his booking… it was good that he listened to his mate, he didn't need to drag around the extra kilogrammes; making him feel as free as a bird as he replicated the famous titanic pose on the end of the boat. the ocean looked at him, and he looked back: his arms wide open and his cheeks of a cherry colour.

blue.

the emotion that now had vanished from his life.

and the colour that surrounded him as his mind floated away from reality.

a giggle of a genteel manner awoke him. junmyeon arms quickly shot back to being stuck by his sides, and his head turned to observe the nearby form that enjoyed his foolish behaviour. junmyeon heart fell to the floor as he saw the man with luxurious coal black hair. the dimple in his cheek, without a doubt, made the korean's heart swell and contract faster than when he saw the ocean. foolish reflections from the water played on the taller's face as his gentle gaze absorbed the ravishing face of junmyeon, his eyes turned into crescents as the honey haired dearest flushed a darker shade of crimson.

his toned arm extended, "yixing. you?"

junmyeon reluctantly grabbed his hand, repressing the want to caress the former's soft hand, "junmyeon." both of their smiles grew larger as they peeked up to look at each other after facing the floor. it only got more awkward as they remained with interlocked hands, red cheeks enjoying the waves. a silent platonic confirmation written between them as junmyeon tried to understand the cardiac arrhythmia that temporarily occured in his chest when the younger-looking male enjoyed the view of his tired body.

"how old is you?" yixing unfolded their fingers and leaned back; an accent was audible in his relaxed voice that rumbled deep in smaller's abdominal area.

"thirty," shyly replied the former, pretending not to see the boy's shocked face… he braced himself for the worst.

"you are look young, your skin be, uh, so smooth ." the man's eyes twinkled as he enjoyed his view from top to bottom. "even if i am, if i be, seven years young i can't help but drown into it eyes." he said with a wink.

currently junmyeon was more frozen than the ice in antarctica [damn you, global warming]. once again the feather light sensation of tickling spread in his chest causing his breath to hitch into a higher key, with more shallow breaths that weren't able to cooperate with the beats of the valves inside the heart. on the hot day he didn't think that he wouldn't think that he was able to become more heated; he was wrong he felt like he was a chip in a deep-fry. unconsciously, the korean found himself playing with the hem of his shirt before running away. the pressure of standing next to the stranger made his marrow hurt; his long lean legs ran in a mannerism that was only acceptable if you had just ran a full marathon. confusion suddenly invaded his mind as his bottom contacted the seat next to the closed coffee bar. steam was prepared to float out of his ears if he didn't stop thinking of the male that he had just ditched - regret stirring the gastric acid in his stomach. he couldn't bare to think about his ador— funny way of speaking; the broken korean was only realised there at the bar - at the moment that he actually spoke junmyeon didn't understand that his linguistic skills weren't amazing. still, his head spun at the thought of the former.

in frustration he slaps his hands on the dark polished surface, the hard slap echoing in the quiet area. soon the hands root themselves into the hair as the heart rate increases signalling anger. he felt like it was wrong to go back there as the male could still be standing there, but that way he won't be able to see his love; the ocean.

soon another thought counterattacked this one: he was going on a holiday to an island… the ability to spend an entire month with his lover that intoxicated his brain.

the refreshing nap that he took by the giant window of the farry soon vanished. like an alarm the honk of the colossal ship parked itself in the port, a claxon on the speakers asked all passengers to return to their vehicles, or go to the exit [if you went on feet, like junmyeon did]. familiar smell of salty water entered the male's nose, his brain sent into a relaxing overdrive that stimulated his senses. with quick steps he found himself on the pick-up area sooner than he imagined; his cabdriver seemed astonished as well - or at least that was what he meant when he choked on his half-dead cigarette releasing that the latter was early.

blues of the sky started to slowly turn lifeless, even grey, before a waterfall of rain bucketted from the heavens. junmyeon sat looking melancholy at the fields and little houses that they past, he had barely seen anything like this in his life. the forest that engulfed then in a dry and dark protective tunnel were new to him too. deep inside he felt like he was on a new planet; after all some things do feel better in reality than in pictures. was it the tranquility or was it the travel fatigue that made his eyes blink slowly and for his breath to rare.

"sir," the driver, who's name was luhan [or that was what his driver's license told, awoke the former at the back. "sir, we're here."

"oh! sorry, luhan." junmyeon apologised bashfully as he clambered to get his suitcase off the seat; and then handing twice of the price of the fair to the man. that guy only replied with a gummy smile as he gave a very physical shake of the hand - it looked like a half hug in a way…

when the car disappeared into the rain, the golden haired male ran towards the villa like house. dark wooden boards covered parts of the house making it seem more aesthetically appealing as the colour contrasted with the creamy beige brown of the bricks. under the small glass roof in front of the front entrance, junmyeon searched his pockets for his keys. triumphantly, he found them instantly. but a certain sorrow washed over him when he realised that the keys were on the key chain alongside his other thirty keys that belong to the office facilities and some spaces in his condo and garage. having a quite boring life helped you remember your keys so spotting the odd one out was more than simple.

as he stepped into the luxurious household his nose smelled the sweet aroma of something that seemed so familiar, but even if junmyeon bangged his head against the floor he wouldn't been able where he smelled it before. after the ridiculing questions got boring he clambered upstairs; as excited as a child on christmas. his heavy quick footsteps echoed in the bottom floor as he emerged to see the master bedroom with large panes looking off at the, currently stormy, sea. both of his bags fell to the floor as his suitcase laid on the bed. he was at complete awe; he'd never seen the sea so angry, so vicious… even if the shock was a lot to handle it seemed that it only strengthen his adornment - stars glistening in his eyes where the obvious signs.

but soon the façade fell. he only now realised… he was feeling the same as he did when he saw the well sculpted man; his heart was now starting to race with rage. he wouldn't be gay! it's disgusting! just the image of him holding hands with a dude made him gag, his muscles spaz as if they were trying to get this feeling off of his shoulders.

as he stumbled backwards in shock, he made contact with the bed and sat down. his fingers grazing his face, leaving red trails behind. he threw away the glasses that rested on his nose bridge; not hearing the shattering of the lenses as the pair dropped down the stairs. with locks of hair tightened in his fists, junmyeon hit his head; the pain making him let out bloodcurdling sob and stomp his feet in agitation of the future.

no it's not that!

it wouldn't be that ever, not in junmyeon life.

he probably got ill from the rain, yeah… it's the rain. yixing was just another handsome man like the couple of males in his office! after all he wouldn't be gay; he hates gay people. he'd never be one, it's impossible: unrealistic in a way too. a wave of calmness brushed away his panic, now he was tired thanks to the yixing boy… with a quick sling the button-up hawaiian themed shirt, high-class swimming trunks and his sandals splayed on the floor – their owner was getting comfortable in the bed sheets as he lost his gaze in the endless rain outside the window. even if it was the middle of summer, the only heat seemed to be emitted by him [with traces of frustration].

the lullaby of the pitter-pattering rain soon sent him to sleep, helping to get rid of the dreaded bags underneath his eyes. soon, when the bed seemed like it was a kettle, junmyeon sprung up: soaked head-to-toe in his own sweat.

why was this happening?

well, when junmyeon walked in it was chilly in the house so he explored his horizon without figuring to put the ac on. that was a suicidal step as he probably was closer to having a heatstroke than ever. junmyeon forehead was pulsing hot, maybe he did get sick but he didn't feel poorly. his head ran through every scenario possible until it stumbled upon a rather unpleasant surprise… an image of a certain somebody flashed in the former's head before the guy lowly squeaked as his muscles tensed and salty water covered his forehead. it couldn't be, could it? no. no way in hell waa he homosexual… but why does it feel so ethereal to imagine the deep dimples, the well-rounded smile, the crescent smiling ey— what was he thinking? the guy was way too young for him! he also never would want to be in a relationship with a male. once again his blood pressure rose; exposing his unstable emotions and reactions when it comes to social situations that occurred once every year at his desk job.

after regaining calmness again he sat almost butt naked on the bed; the entire galaxy of stars playing in his sparkling eyes. it was late eve, the sun grazed its alluring rays on the surface of the steady sea. a tug inside his chest made junmyeon on the balcony and lean in to knead the bronze reflection of the water. even if it was freezing balls, his own pair wasn't cold as the long lost lover reappeared basking him in glory of gold and warmth. he felt lulled by the swooshes of the tranquil waves and the gentle breeze. the pleasurable moment was cut short by an impressively loud seagull flying out to sea. immediately the korean froze over; he had now registered the strong glances that bore into him from his nextdoor tourist-neighbour… tinges of red splattered on his face as he turned away trying to hide his lack of clothing.

after the turn he felt like jumping off the balcony on to the well cut grass. now you may think, why? well… what would be your reaction if you'd been on a ferry and saw the same person staring at you from their balcony; right after you had a breakdown because you thought that you were attracted to them simply due to the factor of an increased heart rate. it could have been the adrenaline of travel! the one who was half-blind [as his glasses layed on the top step of the stairs] instantaneously drove his hands down to his private area: his eyes however stayed on yixing who cocked an eyebrow at him in a confused approach towards the action on the adjacent balcony. amidst all of this panic junmyeon was silently not only cursing at the people who decided to make the balconies glass bordered; also he whispered about his downstairs region reacting after an attractive smile was sent to him by the fella on the parallel balcony. yeah, he wasn't homo but the man was fine as a seventy-year-old wine, the deep-set dimples also made him melt under his gaze the same way he felt when he looked at the ocean with was now reflecting itself on the boy's face.

then the former spoke in a loud announcing voice, "is you need short?"

"what?" junmyeon didn't understand that.

"you need leg!"

"i need… what?"

"leg," he stroked his thigh to show the subject before pinching the thin material of his basketball shorts. junmyeon released a small gasp as he understood what the man was saying, surely not because of the pale clear skin of his thighs.

"junmyeon, you're not a faggot! stop thinking like that, simply because you've seen a man better looking than average you shouldn't be trying to hide your half-hard-boner. i mean he looks cool, but he can't speak korean for sh—" junmyeon thoughts were cut off.

"go, put pant!" yixing singaled. the naked male nodded and gave the boy a cheeky smile before running into his own rented house.

a light-hearted emotion tickled yixing as he remembered the crescent-shaped smile, without a second chance to think a bit more he continued observing the sun. whilst junmyeon sat at his coffee table, now fully clothed but rather confused. anything social always threw him off the rails especially if it had anything that may be misinterpreted as romance. after a silent treatment towards his irrational feelings, he had come to a conclusion that he was just excited to meet new people – and the hard on was to be deleted from everyone's memory. even if he met the man today he shouldn't try to ruin their relationship instantly; the man has bad korean too so junmyeon should probably shelter him from scams and other interlingual things that may occur. with regards to the silence his phone notified him of a new message via vibration.

lesbo:

'heeeelloooooo️i hope you're ookkeyy-dokkkeyy!!! hOw are you doing???? *ω]'

he fucking hated jongdae. every text took away happiness from his life… just - just, why do you need so many emojis? it was left unexplained but the duet managed to have a good chat. the former in seoul said that the office is a mess as there's no one that has enough time to do junmyeon workload and that yifan regretted that he employed a bundle of certain people… it felt so good to read the comedic situations that happened in one day, it felt so good to meet new people, it felt so good to see his love; it felt amazing to fall asleep in a bed that wasn't covered in sweat that had been forgotten to be showered off. the day passed and another came.

the growling of junmyeon stomach woke him up at six o'clock: heavy sleepy steps lead him to the kitchen. his hand wrapped around the fridge handle and pulled open the door to only find that he was the only snack in the house. all cupboards were raided in case they had food in them, at the end the dude was only left feeling more hungry so he called up a cab and journeyed to the local market. there with a couple of swift moves he gathered food supplies that would sustain him for - more or less - a week. although half of the time he spent sprinting around the isles, the other half was pretty much spent by trying to comprehend the dialect of the woman selling fresh fish that her husband caught this early morning. it was stressful for him, but he would imagine for someone foreign - like yixing - to try to buy something without knowing anything else but the basic korean.

a tinge of dejection crashed in his thorax as his mind tripped over the name of the [suspected] chinese guy. junmyeon pondered upon the feeling at the back of the bus that slowly drove him to his apartment.

he'd only talked with the guy twice: once, he introduced himself and ran away after a prolonged shaking of hands, and the second time he just embarrassed himself by going out to the balcony with only his boxers. both times were cringe worthy to remember, so a slight part of junmyeon pleaded to meet the male and apologise for his unsuitable behaviour. maybe a fresh eel wouldn't hurt… he doesn't want the boy to feel unsafe or intimidated by koreans, so junmyeon felt that he needed to show respect and tolerance more. by looking at this scenario from a different angle, the plan was low-key creepy as you'd normally not predict that a thirty year old man will present an apology gift to a twenty three year old. was is too sketchy? probably. was there a mysterious drive behind it in junmyeon mind? definitely.

a harmonic doorbell rang in the large resort house, the eel limply laying on junmyeon hand slowly soaked in its pungent smell. patience ran low as junmyeon repetitively smashed the doorbell before a grumpy, half-awake yixing opened the door; his face brightened as the panicked korean shoved an eel to his face.

"i'vebeenactingkindastupidlatelysoi'dtoapolo—" his slurred speech was stopped by a finger that was set on his lips by his temporary neighbour. his hand then trailed down to the broad chest of the former. he gently fixed the crease in his shirt caused by the fact that his shirt was slightly small. sparks were felt on junmyeon's chest, a heat rose to his cheeks as he was unable to react. soon he returned to normal and looked down at his shoes as yixing's hand moved away from him; he wanted to curse because he was acting like a giant wuss and because he stepped in a pile of dog shit along the way - amazing.

with a wholesome smile yixing glanced up at junmyeon; both of them felt shy but only one knew why. "thank you, i will have this, um, by dinner so you can come eat, okay?" junmyeon stood frozen, for a reason not apparent to him. "um...okay?.." yixing asked the guy who stopped in his tracks again, only now the latter replied with a shallow nod before turning around and heading back to him apartment. his keys jingled when he tried to unlock the door. after multiple attempts he did enter the building. his jelly-like kneecaps brought his straight to the living room: here he laid on the sofa, feeling a hot sensation surround his face. was he sick?

he never experienced such heat that made him feel like he was being burned like a witch in the barbaric medieval era. yeah, he had the occasional sicknesses that caused him to turn red but not to the point of looking like a tomato. maybe he got a sickness from a foreign person at the airport and his body is not able to defend itself. or maybe it's his hidden chronic illness uncovering itself! in complete distress he dropped the bag of food on the floor, creating a giant mess. with large steps he bounced upstairs to the en suite bathroom. he looked red-er than the blood that flowed in his circulatory system- if the mirror wasn't playing tricks- he felt worried for his well being. did he actually catch a disease? does he have an inherited blood dysfunction? questionnaires of queries passing his brain faster than light; most of them involving the factor of death. he had heard before that a person's skin changes in colour before they have cardiac arrest, so was he having a heart attack?

well, nope.

he wasn't, but his nextdoor neighbour would of argued. he was able to see that the man was head over heels; but yixing wasn't going to make it easy for the latter to confess. after studying a bit of psychology he had developed a sadistic side to him that enjoyed seeing people breaking barriers… maybe he was just too authoritative with his expressions and he just felt joy because other people did something that he wasn't able to do. yet he felt amazing in such places like gay bars even though he tried to hide his attraction. at times he did feel like that part of him was a bit too greedy and caused misunderstandings to occur, like the one between him and his college roommate sehun… a subtle guilt made itself present deep in his gut; he felt like crap for asking junmyeon to an indirect date. the possibilities of what would happen is junmyeon wasn't interested in him… would he have to force homosexuality onto the poor man to achieve self-satisfaction?

most likely, yes… but it wouldn't be a relationship that he would anticipate to have — he always wanted to have a sweet relationship where his partner was kind and not afraid to go out to the public for a date, a guy who would accept his faults and listen to him demands. he wasn't able to imagine junmyeon doing anything like that as he could barely think that junmyeon was invested in him. maybe this is just a sick prank? all of these thoughts made his head heavy and he mirrored junmyeon's actions by taking a quick nap on the soft bedding, as the soft breeze of the ocean jiggled the light textile curtains that dragged on the ground in a rhythmic manner. his breathing calmed down and drowned him with a soothing round of rest.

sincere touches tested the fabrics of the jeans, junmyeon was deciding what to wear to the dinner. his hair was still soaked with water after the quick rinse, it created dark splodges on his grey shirt. he didn't choose a complex outfit, a simple black denim and grey t-shirt combo with a pair of white trainers. his naturally wavy hair was tamed down and parted at the middle to show off his forehead that often got praises. a designer watch nestled itself on his wrist, its dark shiny steel surface added a bit of life to junmyeon's [still] tired face. an hour was spent of his makeup as he tried to hide his records from the sleepless nights.

after finishing his mini fashion show he looked at the full length mirror installed next to the bed, he quickly sprayed on some deodorant and perfume so he didn't smell like fish or the ocean outside his window; in someway he felt desperate to show as much of his character to yixing, in a way he felt like his task this eve was to impress yixing and to introduce him to the basics of korean [the man will be scammed real soon with that language level].

in the nearby house yixing was wearing a light button-down that revealed his pumped pectoral muscles. it was ordered by his old friend, sehun. of course anyone would think of junmyeon the sameway, but maybe the red cheeks and the uncomfortable fiddling with the boxers weren't supposed to indicate this, maybe junmyeon was trying to be friendly and offered the fish as a result of buying too much… not every single friendly gesture was an instantaneous crush, or was it? because if it was then yixing might be a dream man of everyone. the chinese man also didn't truly agree with sehun that junmyeon was gay. not to stereotype but he did act in a way any non-straight human being would; but then again this is east asia and people don't dig that stuff, so he may just be protecting his career, reputation, family's trust… all of this yixing could only wonder. although after the dinner he may find something out and report to sehun so he can play detective for a bit longer.

slim pale hands stoked the slithery scales of the dark turquoise eel. with a slick slice, the belly of the fish was pried open; all of its guts falling on the wooden chopping board, tainting it a shade of red. all of the bits were disposed after the head and the tail and the scaled skin entered the plastic bag. with a gentle scrub under the lukewarm water the fish was ready to be worked on; after it was separated into two pieces, and after the bones were removed, yixing spiced it and added it into a stir-fry pan alongside some scrumptious vegetables. amidst the pans cool down time the doorbell rang; yixing shouted for the person so wait for a few seconds so he was able to take off his apron that had let his shirt to remain the baby blue from before.

the shirt technique definitely worked - unless junmyeon always looked at people's chests at the start before looking down at his feet with red-tipped ears. he fumbled with his hands before he was let in by the former inside the house, there he sat down and waited for a dish to be served. it was served; but the server, and chef, made it more awkward when he bowed down lower that needed when placing down the dishes; this of course made junmyeon internally melt as he wasn't prepared to observe abdominal muscles that were almost as well-sculpted as his. the korean argued the same gay argument in his head, and feeling like slamming his head into the gorgeously made dish, until yixing sat down and bowed to indicate the start of the minimalistic feast. after the flash junmyeon couldn't bare to look at yixing; everytime he tried his heart ached and he found himself sweating profusely as he released that his heart was pumping itself so hard that he was barely breathing in a normal rhythmic pattern. he didn't have an explanation why, but he depended on the idea that all of this was an illness he caught.

"are you like this?" yixing spoke out-of-the-blue, his dish halfway through being finished, "or do you not like, because you not talk?"

now junmyeon felt slightly guilty for ignoring him, after all he was just a young guy that had entered the world of adults a few years ago. so he replied, "it's very good," he presented a thumbs up to gesture his words. "where did you learn how to cook?"

"my job: my restaurant." he gestured back by pointing at himself and then spreading out his arms as if to show off his, most likely, chain of restaurants that kept his life ten times more interesting than junmyeon, who was seven years older. "junmian, what work do you work?"

junmyeon briefly set aside the feeling of his name being told by the latter, which made him feel warm and fizzy, and spoke up, "i'm a senior manager in a company in seoul."

"what do you do in you are office? like tax patrol or bank…" yixing's blank and innocent look completely opposed the outfit that he wore, the shirt that revealed a tad to much skin and the ripped leather jeans added to his alluring vixen look. if the boy wasn't so young and innocent he would be laying on the floor with the korean on top of him; but by this point junmyeon needed his mind from wandering especially when he sensed a hot shiver roll down to his stomach - that didn't pose anything great.

"we... we ship seafood to c-china." uncomfortably he squirmed in his chair, trying to be as secretive as possible. boy did he fear liking the younger, and did he try to prove himself that he indeed didn't, well situations like the one on the balcony and this deemed to create a raval view to the entire play. "you know like… uh, fish and seaweed!" slivers of sweat trailed along his spine.

"oh! i love fish! it's good for you body too!" yixing seemed to bounce out of his seat and lean towards the troubled man. this only sent the guy further into hell. the action didn't only allow him to peek down the shirt again, but it also showed off the guy's lean muscular legs that concealed themselves in the jeans that loosely hung on his, quite, elegant legs. "i love to ate..?" he questioned his own grammar before fixing it, "eat some fish by you, junmian!" he continued on crushing junmyeon soul and heart with his never ending adorably silly korean skills.

at this point junmyeon felt like he was bound to die from the foolishness of the former; but deep inside him a piece of his mind wondered if yixing was tricking him [that theory seemed extremely possible when the chinese took out a bottle of wine and poured a generous amount into the male's glass, gladly he didn't drink it]. anxiety seemed to cool down whatever heat that was created by the younger; for all he knew the boy was from china, worked in a restaurant and barely knew how to speak. the possibilities are endless. he may end up being kidnapped or something, after all normal people don't just invite random stranger's to their house after a day of meeting them… at least not normal people. the hullabaloo was settled when junmyeon was able to see the tipsiness in the raven haired boy's eyes. more gentle than ever and more caringly than ever, the gaze of the taller swivelled around junmyeon body. under the pressure junmyeon was, once again, only able to look down and not speak a sentence as he felt slightly sick again… why did he always feel so sick around the former or when thinking of him?

why him?

junmyeon needed to take a breath of fresh air after the whole act settled down and he re-entered his building. time passed as his heartbeat bore into the regular pattern, the valves that made the beat now snapping shut more calmly and stronger. this improved the blood flow that travelled to the brain and, a long with the fresh air, his mind cleared… before going in to panic and havoc. everything he ever did in his life was irrationally stomped on in this mayhem; his relationships between other male human beings thoroughly analysed by his brain that was as confused as he was. it couldn't be possible for him to have a crush on a guy! that's bonkers! insane talk! moonstruck! why was he in this position? all of his life he spent in a silent restful peace until now, where he was questioning his sexual orientation because of a chinese tourist… for sure he knew that he didn't like the man as a being, but his body and movements his sent junmyeon mind to the moon and back. every time he was able to see the dude he felt so good, not only in the perverted way but in a more innocent way in which his heart would clench uncontrollably and make his chest hurt. all of this just baked the golden locked male to sleep, to sleep with his dog shitty shoes and jeans...

on the other hand, yixing slowly washed the impure dishes with his head in the clouds thinking about what happened… but he wasn't only thinking of that. a gash on the formers left palm raised a concern in him. the chinese male already knew that the cut wasn't a new one, he felt it when he held junmyeon hand on the ferry when he got a bit too caught up in the moment and forgot to release it. concern flooded his marrow, making his body ache and making him feel like a worried parent of a sort. for no reason, whatsoever, he felt responsible for junmyeon; even if he tried to seduce him for fun just a bit earlier. now, he was only able to feel guilt settle in his stomach… no idea why it felt wrong, but a feeling of guilt only made it self more dominant. maybe it was wrong to try to be a vixen and try to romantically involve a man in his life - for god's sake, the man could have a family! this feeling of uncertainty and regret seemed to bury him deep into the ground, making him more hesitant about him actions towards junmyeon. guilt tore at his heart, leaving him embarrassed, feeling immature… the embarrassment triumphed to the point at which yixing was not able to acknowledge the fact that the man he, partially, harassed was nextdoor.

gloom settled in his throat as he sat on the sandy beach, mesmerized by the quiet movements of the waves. an absurd amount of guilt started to gnaw at his insides: it left him in a pit of unclear and hazy emotions and morals. it left him in an outrageous state of mind that made it feel like time and space was melting… confusion plus this new challenging environment of korea didn't benefit yixing. especially when he delved into the reasoning behind his guilt; the chinese guy mostly got stuck behind the idea that he was only 'friends' with junmyeon for the past few days - for fuck sake, he didn't know about him besides his name, age and job. even those statistics sent him into the hell of irrational thoughts: like, why does a thirty year old office manager is trying to not blush whilst looking at a twenty-two year old? what if he was cheating on his spouse?

all of this mess in yixing's head made him dig his hands deeper into the sand, and for his toes to curl until they ached and cramped to the point that he felt the need to yell. much like a venting teen he sat in a three-ring circus, his mind overflowing his skull forcing him breaths to become more sloppy and slow. why was he feeling like this? this wasn't supposed to happen; all he wanted to perform yesterday was a joke and now he was stuck in a skull-cracking hell hole. much like a newborn babe he was useless, nor he was able to talk properly to junmyeon to settle things, nor was he brave enough to speak about this bullcrap with sehun. yixing began to run back to his house as his insignificant life seemed to crumble before him. if his neighbouring fellow thought that it was weird to see a fully grown man running barefoot on a gravel footpath, they truly wouldn't understand the need of a tub of ice-cream at that exact point of time.

much like the fella, yixing, junmyeon felt responsible for making everything feel so awkward last night. not only did he seemed to find it difficult to combat the idea of him being not heterosexual, but now he needed to deal with some sissy boy that probably didn't know how to do taxes. after dreadful hours of thinking, in the bloodcurdling silence of the rental house, he decided to hypothesise the idea of the duet of them being an actual item. well, first he would be fired from his job [most likely that yixing will be fired too]; then he will be accused of being a pedo due to the age difference; that most likely will result in the need of some sort of runaway to the usa or europe… not a great future but it could be easily avoided by simply being secretive about the rela—

hold your horses!

why was junmyeon thinking about solutions?

why didn't he tear at his hair for being born bisexual?

why did the simple fantasy with a good-looking man make him content?

was he turning gay?

a flooding rush of sweat drenched him toe-to-crown. this wasn't right, it wasn't natural, it's horrendously disgusting. junmyeon felt like he was being crushed by a invisible force, cold tiles of the kitchen floor heated underneath the distressed figure that wept on the ground in remorseful tears; the bile inside of his stomach wanted to flee from the appalling body that junmyeon owned. he was a fatal failure. he, against his morals, became something he hated. at no locale of him life did he feel so beaten, at no point did he feel like stopping to breathe just to help himself without thinking about the consequences it would present to other people. the realisation felt like his skin was being flipped inside out, revealing his miserable puny insides to the world; all thanks to the chinese tourist.

in complete panic he grabbed his phone and dialled jongdae; the beeps echoing on loudspeaker in beat with his broken breaths.

{hello..?}

"hey... hello, jongdae."

{man, what happened?} jongdae's parent instinct broke free once he heard the shivering speech of his fellow co-worker, {are you okay? you sound, uh... breathless.}

"a mental breakdown does count as feeling shit, doesn't it?"

{what… what the fuck does that mean? are you okay?!}

"no, no i am not," junmyeon tearful breaths caught on the microphone. "i'll never be okay."

jongdae proceeded to paraphrase himself to find the answer to the sudden puzzle, {jun, what happened?}

"i… i'm – i am…" the words stuck on his tongue not letting go, "i think, i believe and despise the fact that i might be turning queer…"

a repressed sigh was heard on the other end of the phone, {you don't need to stress about that, everything will be fine as long as yo—}

"nothing will ever be fine, jongdae! real life doesn't work like you want, especially for gay people in our firm, especially for gay men that work in the environment around yifan!" tears streamed down his plush pink cheeks before being wiped down with a sweaty hand or falling on the sweatpants of the male, a male in apprehension.

{junmyeon, listen to me! chanyeol is okay even though he is g—}

"jongdae! does it seem like i want to talk about park fucking chanyeol?" anger rushes from junmyeon body before he slammed the phone into a wall, audibly shattering the glass and making the battery pop out of the phone as the case broke off because of the impact.

on the other end 'the lesbian', jongdae, was completely dumbstruck from the sudden death of the call. although he understood the need of junmyeon and concluded that he should let junmyeon cool down: for all he knew the guy might of been drunk [even if it is the mid-day].

the rest of the day was spent in a headache causing tranquility and solitude. neither of the guys wanted to talk: yixing being too afraid to apologize for his childish actions towards a partial stranger; and junmyeon being sceptical about everything in his life and not willing to accept that he was bending for the guy, he still blamed the stupid illness he caught earlier. even if the two of the pair felt something that interested them in the latter they resisted to believe that, trying worthlessly to distract themselves. in the end the internal inconveniences of emotions caused the pair to grow a distance between each other, both felt guilty when they saw the former in the backyard; especially yixing.

he felt a pang in the base of his waist when he saw the sparkling eyes that looked at the ocean from his nextdoor, temporary, neighbour's yard. the way the mature figure sat patiently waiting for something in the waves before placing his golden brown haired head on his folded forearms, releasing the few extra tears. that image always aroused the want of needing to hug the latter in yixing's tighten chest. he always felt adrenaline rush to his feet, he always need to resist the chance of ruining the relationship even more. now, he sat at the recliner; recalling the chat he had with sehun on wednesday, two days ago. he mentioned everything that happened even if it felt wrong, and even if sehun needed to suffer through watching his friend tearless-ly cry on facetime. in a way sehun managed to be smarter than yixing and demanded to former to simply apologize to junmyeon for the uncomfortable atmosphere.

after days of waiting uselessly, yixing acted upon his gut feelings. it was three in the noon; sun shone in penetrating rays at the light brunet's scalp, junmyeon scalp. he was making his way down the road towards the bus stop, red from the unnaturally heated temperature. all of the scenarios of junmyeon fainting played in the mind of the chinese man. he didn't have any ice-cream or anything cold, so he ran to his rented car that came with an overpowered air conditioning system that would totally help junmyeon to cool down - it would also reduce the time needed to commute to the small market nearby.

in a few turns of the steering wheel yixing was headed for junmyeon, who seemed to leave a trail of sand behind him as he walked on the sand-covered pavement leading to the bus stop with vibrant advertisement boards.

"hey!" a voice came from behind junmyeon, his head and body turned to look behind himself. there stood a new sapphire blue suv, one of it's rolled down windows showed the small young face of yixing with a friendly smile waving at him. "hop in! i'm heading to the shops too."

junmyeon fiddled with the straps of his backpack due to the sudden change of plans, he was slightly surprised yet happy. he himself was rather afraid of ruining his relationship with yixing so he appreciated the former's act. with a swift swoop the sapphire car door was opened, it released a wave of cold conditioned air that only made junmyeon clamber into the car faster. yixing gazed at him with a soft dimple-revealing smile on his face, gladly junmyeon had his eyes closed as he was enjoying the cool breeze hitting his face and feet. the squishy plump red cheeks of junmyeon glistened with sweat when he turned to look at yixing with a pleased smirk, a silent acception of the subtle attempt to lighten the spirits between to duo.

smooth lo-fi–like beats played in the car, both of the males enjoyed the silent moment in which their emotions came to rest and time seemed to slow down. even if the moment seemed to be pleasant, junmyeon wanted to disintegrate into thin air. after all, how would you feel if you sat in a car with a man you doubted your sexuality for; with a man who has seen you blush at least ten times; with a man who tried to [most likely] allure you; with a man who has almost seen you get a boner because of his fair skinned inner-thighs?

all of these murky emotions that joined them made junmyeon uncomfortable in his seat, he started to twist and turn until he faced away from yixing and watched the racing landscape outside the passenger's window. he felt ashamed of himself. he should've been the one letting the seven-year-younger guy ride with him; not the opposite way. junmyeon should be showing off his achievements in life as a manager of a shipping company that earns more than it should, thanks to its ceo's clever scams. if his parents knew in what situation he was currently in - besides the situation in which he was thinking he may like guys - they would probably disappointed. they're quite rich and have a lot of expectations from junmyeon so this whole act would most likely make their heads burst from anger. but it's not like junmyeon could just exit the car, unless he wanted to break a few bones and make himself bleed to death.

a wave of electrical shock rolled down his body when the car suddenly stopped; his depressing daydream dispersed into nothing. junmyeon turned to look at yixing, who only flashed an unexpectedly uplifting smile leading into, another, of his scrappy korean phrases, "come, we need meat to beat so be eat bird breast!"

to this junmyeon only lowly blushed, as the chosen phrasing wasn't the bestest; "xing," the nickname unexpectedly slipped through his lips, to this yixing only softly cocked his head in adoration. "it's tenderising meat."

"but you beat the meat." yixing refused the advice of a professional much like a child who felt that they were entitled to be always correct.

to this junmyeon replied with a simple answer that always worked with younger kids, "no. don't say that. it an offensive phrase in korea.." he chewed on his own inner lip waiting for the paler guy's response; in the end he waa more than satisfied with his easy trick as yixing started to shush him when he teased the latter with the 'beating' quote.

time flew when the couple adventured through the market that was cramped with fish, poultry, meat, vegetables… the list was endless, you'd probably be able to find everything from a to z. soon, after multiple hours, junmyeon's and yixing's cheeks tired from smiling and laughing (mostly from very bad puns that junmyeon subconsciously promoted). at the calm hour of four o'clock the pair decided to dispose the buyings in the car before advancing further into the small town; there they stopped by an ice-cream cart and learnt that both of them were madly in love with cookie dough ice-cream. the sweltering heat of the day was cooling down, allowing their ice-creams to live on without becoming an absolute puddle: though eventually junmyeon accidentally dropped the half empty cone on his shirt when he sat at a bench looking out to the sea. maybe he dropped it because his hand was tired; maybe he dropped it because of the swirling feeling caused in his stomach by the sea; maybe it's the strong aura of yixing sitting at the other end of the bench, looking up at the sky as the sun grazed this slowly-tanning skin.

"hey, um, i expect that you don't have a spare shirt…" junmyeon queried the former male.

"what," yixing slowly fixated his head back into its natural position before bursting into laughter. even if the chortling was directed towards him, junmyeon still felt his heart beat a good mile per minute and then he felt a soft tickling in the depths of his intestine; the sensation got stronger and stronger with each passing hoot that yixing released. it didn't take a minute for the tingling to become a pain in his chest cavity.

why was he feeling like this?

was he truly catching feelings, or was it just a normal feeling that he had covered up with the never ending workload?

every fractional part of yixing made junmyeon question his life. it felt like a cruel inhuman joke. was it even possible for a twenty three year old to have a thirty year old wrapped around his finger… surely the elder party should be more dominant in the relationship, showing its wisdom and teaching the younger party. but in this case it was all inside out and upside down. the elder party, unknowingly, melted from each smile, word or act that the younger generation owned. all of this ended up confusing the korean even more, he felt like he was inside a washing machine. everything was twirling nonstop in his head; whether they were theories, ideas or anxious possible outcomes they still raced in his head so hard that his head was starting to ache.

all of this sickly good pain was caused by the oblivious yixing, the man who was a fantasy of people over the world. all the people around the globe might of thought that people like yixing may not exist and just be a fruit of their hormone filled brain; but here junmyeon sat with a man that seemed too pure to live that managed to make his blood rush south simply with his choice of clothing. if it needed to be called a privilege or a challenge, the whole situation with the boy seemed to be a challenge that slowly developed into a attachment. but for junmyeon this supposedly slow process was skipped, even if he didn't dare to tell himself, he managed to get completely caught up in the trap of the latter the second he saw his black hair being ruffled by the wind.

like a bolt from a blue sky, a hand landed on junmyeon's knee. junmyeon currently sat with his head between his knees trying to get the taste of vomit out of his throat. all of this illness was done for even more when he turned to view yixing. how was it made worse?

well, as quickly as junmyeon sat back up his face was just centimetres away from yixing's. now… now that was the moment junmyeon wanted to just disappear. his heart was totally going to have arrhythmia if these heart palpitations continue - of course by then yixing will probably be long gone to china and junmyeon will not be in a position to make the guy pay for his medical bills.

"are you okay?" yixing's eyes locked with junmyeon as he spoke in a hushed tone, his body seemed relaxed but the area around his cheekbones started to glow a soft pink. with caution he slid his hand to junmyeon waist, the former frozen in panic - simply spectating the first crush of his life. yes, first crush. he knew he was infatuated with the man when yixing touched his nose tip with his own. but by the sudden retraction to the other end of the bench, it was visible that yixing had his own difficulties on his back.

both were too embarrassed to speak on the ride back to their accommodation. their goodbyes were only whispers in the breeze. a ball of mucus in junmyeon decided that this wasn't a correct way to end their play date. after a gentle thump, yixing felt a pair of warm hands surround him; the palms of junmyeon laid flat on his heart as his own heart beated between the lower section of yixing's shoulder blades. both of the beats were far too quick, neither of the males admitted this fact. in the caring hold yixing spun a hundred and eighty degrees to face junmyeon. junmyeon who for some reason stood there glossy eyed, a quick swoop of the chinese boy's finger under the eye took away the tears and made a smile crack through junmyeon repression of emotions. his crescent-shaped eyes twinkled like the august night sky…

with little to no conscientiousness, the taller stroked the cheeks of the older, they glowed a light dusky pink under the light of the setting sun. his eyes weren't able to escape the captivating orbs of junmyeon, so he decided to peck the male on his forehead to break free - he kissed him right where his bronze honey hair parted into two opposite directions. with a slight surprised jump junmyeon looked up at yixing, the male once again sent one of his classical smirks before turning and walking into his house; but not before he ruffled junmyeon fluffy locks. appearing tomato-like red, he waddled back to his house with content flowing through his veins.

emotions spilled over the edge of junmyeon mentality, he felt overjoyed yet overwhelmed. the heart in his chest pulsated faster than ever in his life. his irrational brain thinking of wanting to run to yixing's house to simply kiss the man, to envelope him in a close embrace. to feel his own heart beat in rhythm with yixing's as they hand the best time of their lives; captured in each others arms, lost in the dark brown pools of the former, smelling the aroma of their bodies' mingle and mix… all of these possibilities caused junmyeon to grow fond of his emotions towards yixing even more but he was afraid anymore. all of the anxiety was gone, all the grey gloom in his heart was cleared.

yixing stood to be ten times better than his 'let's bang our heads against the wall' parade, when dealing with negative emotions. but junmyeon feared of one thing. a thing the thought was going to happen at the fishy dinner. what if yixing ends up just playing with him and later just throwing him overboard when the vacation is over. heat and coolness turned in his body, was this emotion one sided… or was it not?

junmyeon waves all of the thoughts away. his body resting on the soft mattress, his shirt still stained with the sugary milky substance. it took a few minutes for a sense of fatigue to run over his body. he feels a little giddy from remembering what happened earlier, much like a junior high school girl who had a crush. just the image of yixing's face made him feel light. his plump bottom lip, the straight long-bridged nose, the droopy caring look of the eyes and the shimmering black hair. he swore that those parts looked stunning but there was something that made his heart leap. the dimple. each time it unveiled itself, it sent junmyeon into internal overdrive. the chiming high-pitched light laughter that came along with it only improved the experience…

as junmyeon continued to build castles in the air, the prince of the castle was in complete misery.

when the action was taking place his, yixing's, mind was so foggy and misty; he wasn't able to control his limbs. a shy sheepish grin from junmyeon made a shiver run under his skin and further from then, from that back hug, he wasn't thinking clear. that kiss, that ruffle… no way in hell would he do that to a guy he is trying to prank. the past few days there has been an increase in the amount of times in which his body disobeyed his mind. every time it happened, as well, he was near the korean or thinking of him. not only did he fear for himself to a certain point but he also felt anxious for junmyeon. yixing bites his lip in pent up frustration due to the next door neighbour.

night settled in the calm ocean view fortresses of the men, both sat looking into space. one had discovered love and one had been scared away by a warmth in his gut. nevertheless - both managed to fall asleep, whether it was at ten o'clock or four in the morning.

junmyeon felt refreshed once he woke up from his dream-land, the fuzzy sensation on his skin was still apparent. with a spring in his step his way to the bathroom seemed shorter than the entire week prior. a quick peep at the mirror made him proud of himself (and his co-workers) as the dark circles were now faded away, just a light tint of darkness was visible in the corner of the eye. a quick shower washed away all the sweat that was caught up in his pores. the steaming water mirrored the comfort of last night's envelopment, making the showering male blush to the tips of his ears as all of the evening's entertainment replayed in his head. a few swipes of the towel caught the rolling and tumbling water drops from his body, it was then placed on the broad shoulders to catch any of the water dripping from the light brown locks of hair. a simple combo of long loose swimming trunks and a white sleeveless shirt was enough clothing as the house heated up like a greenhouse during the hot days.

a few hours passed, and so did dawn. the beach was alluring junmyeon, with its waves that were as warm as a mug of tea. sand rose into the air as it was kicked from it's cool settlement by the quick paced jog that junmyeon used to reach his former love. his shirt and sandals were scattered on the small dusty seashore, why? well he embraced the young soul that was trapped working in the office for the past ten years, so it was no surprise when he started to strip down to his trunks on the way to the enormous body of water. he dove, swum, and played alone in the water just like a small kid. a few minutes of the nonstop activities got him slightly tired so he relaxed his muscles, allowing the water to raise him to the surface and floating like a water lily on top. those spirits of yesterday still have him goosebumps, disturbing his relaxed aura and making junmyeon flail around like a helpless shipwreck survivor… this was until he discovered that he was able to stand on the seabed; and that the water barely reached his bellybutton. to this he only light-heartedly laughed before proceeding in to swim a few unspecified lengths alongside the beach, swimming from the fat old tree in his neighbour's backyard to the end of the fence of yixing's neighbouring visitors'. a jolly good feeling spread in his chest, he was finally setting free of routine and finding the importances of life.

but he would of freaked out by one factor that had been haunting him since his arrival to the beach.

it's yixing.

the confused man had barely woken up after a stressful night, on his way to open the sliding curtains of his bedroom he noticed a figure running towards the beach. the golden retriever like hair was a dead giveaway; in response yixing only crouched down to view junmyeon from a more discreet angle. the boisterous laughing released by the elder was music to the foreigner's ears. whenever junmyeon smiled out of contentment a flip was felt in yixing's heart, he was holding back an urge to run to the oceanside and splash the clean blue waters with the manager of a fish shipping company. if his friend, like sehun, had told him that he felt like that whilst he looked at someone, he would of caught on faster than a hunting dog. in this case, when he was the protagonist of the event, yixing was unable to realise anything and became thicker than a stoned ninety year old - who most likely talked about being best friends with da vinci. the passionate weights in his chest choked him as soon as junmyeon started to re-emerge from the great lake: his toned moist muscles contracted in the sunshine as he swept his brown hair away from his glaring eyes. even if yixing didn't want to admit it, he still found the korean more than moderately attractive. and to know that be was able to make that bod of muscle melt with a warm hearted hug… that sent him over the rails, and the fact that he had played junmyeon feelings made him grow more conscious of his actions in the future. the way he acted to junmyeon was similar to a rebellious teen who seemed to not give a single fuck, it only made the age difference seem more bigger and made the relationship feel slightly corrupted.

after a belated bowl of oats for breakfast, yixing found himself lying down - bored to death. a bubble of shame looked to be surrounding him, one again he felt at fault for doing something for junmyeon. something that he couldn't get to understand. something that made junmyeon double pump ache when he thought about the near future that featured yixing. droopy eyes followed the slow rotations of the ceiling fan, it spun like a clock just in a different pattern: one spin took around one and a half seconds. it lulled yixing into a trance, a trance that was broken by a hearty knock.on the door. with deep and rusty grunts yixing marched to the front door, not looking at the peephole as he really wouldn't mind if a killer murdered him and his confused state of mind.

"heya!" junmyeon tilted his head to the side with his left hand waving a salute to the opposite direction.

"hello…"

"yesterday i kinda dirtied the shirt you were wearing so," he rummaged through a plastic bag before revealing a soft green t-shirt with a small white clipart illustration of a simplified leaf, "you can have my shirt as ice-cream doesn't wash out that well… it's… it's a little too big for me so i think it should a suit you perfectly!" junmyeon spoke in a sheepish tone, his tomato red face pointing down, the only light blush that was perceptible on his ears.

slowly, yixing reached out to grab the shirt prior to looking at it in adoration. the green shade was calming down his initial stress caused by the sudden interaction. "it's a good colour… uh, but you, ummm, don't need… do this." he fumbled with his grammar more than usual as an electronic tingle spread in his - now - sweaty palms.

"don't worry it's fine." junmyeon smiled at him with his loving look: those crescent smiling eyes and bulging pink cheeks…

the taller couldn't resist shooting a smile back before heading for a thankful hug. the tense position on junmyeon felt unnatural to his body, but it only came across as a reaction to an unexpected action. after an odd second or two, yixing wasn't able to let junmyeon free so the senior manager tangled his arms around yixing's lean waist. the want of yixing's warmth made him subconsciously snuggle into the crook of formers collarbone. in response, yixing placed his head lightly on junmyeon. they swayed side-to-side in each others arms. when the time came to separate yixing delivered his authentic signature move; a kiss on the forehead and a ruffle of the hair. but before walking away he cupped junmyeon face which grew plausibly darker as he leaned further in to brush their noses in a eskimo kiss. that moment junmyeon was a hundred percent sure he will have a cardiac arrest at any upcoming second.

"this is what i was trying, uh, to try to do to…" yixing heaved an unsatisfied sigh, " i tried to do this yesterday." junmyeon, the tomato, only cocked his head in confusion. "at the bench!" yixing proclaimed with slight frustration.

"ahhh…" junmyeon finally caught on, "look, i'd love to talk with you later, like tomorrow or something. are you free?"

"yeah." yixing replied not knowing what he signed up for.

"see you tomorrow!" this time junmyeon swirled his hand in former dude's hair before running away to his house with a trail of laughter. after waving for a few seconds to no-one in particular, yixing felt his heart clenching in his chest. he was completely dumbstruck even if he did have a giant grin on his face, a new shirt and a blush that travelled down to his protruded collarbones and the top of his pectorals.

both of them felt enlightenment after that short meeting, both splayed on the leather sofas. re-imagining the touches as the latter's face resonated in their minds, a rhythm grew faster and the bass got louder with every reviere. both felt cowardly towards each other, so cowardly that the frustration brought the entire mood (of the day) down to the oblivion of hell. junmyeon feared that by the end of the day he will end up bald with all the hair that he tore out of his scalp, in order to cope with the suddenly apparent feelings towards the young chinese man, yixing. the man himself was spacing out, not knowing what to do. should he call sehun and talk about his uncertain feelings towards junmyeon… should he stay quiet, after all maybe junmyeon doesn't like him all that muc- "that couldn't be true!" yixing cut his train of thought, "he looked at me with sparkling eyes, for fucks sake! of course he likes me. welp, i'm just a giant pussy that cannot properly get together with someone!" his voice bounced off the clean wall of the singular housing estate. there was where he decided that the level of flirting should increase and that he shouldn't be afraid of the sweet bun, also known as junmyeon. yep, he might be a manager of a large shipping company but that won't stop yixing from using cheesy jokes, and wearing that t-shirt tomorrow to show that he cares about junmyeon affection. after all he should be doing this quick due to the fact that the man is leaving in about two and a half weeks.

whilst yixing became an entrepreneur in his little scheme, junmyeon remained dead still and bright red on the sofa. deep breaths escaped his mouth as he felt that he wasn't capable to breathe throughout his nose due to the nose rud from the raven haired beauty. junmyeon couldn't dare to imagine how close their faces were and how lovestruck he was… just like a middle school kid who figured that they had a crush on their classmate.

in movies this would be the part where he would drink until he blacked out amidst dancing from happiness, simply due to the hinted acceptance of his passion; but that wasn't the case. too much happiness just made him freeze in time and space, question everything like an ancient greek philosopher. although, at certain time he did have an overload of energy that would cause him to eat half a tub of ice-cream whilst dancing to loud rave-like edm music that he would despise hearing if he wasn't running on the energy that yixing gave him with a simple, yet sweet, gesture. and the rest of the time was hugely appreciated by smiling at nothing, the sharp and dropped features of yixing resonating in his brain; once again, making him fall deep into love for the man. he didn't cared to give a shit what people will think of them and wondered if he was bisexual or was he only into dicks. delving deeper into the matter, he tried to figure whether he was a dominant or a passive figure when it came to pleasure: thus, he proceeded to imagine lewd acts that, may or may not, happen in the future - maybe even with yixing.

the day passed away, after all of the emotional groundlessness was settled with a few great gulps of wine for yixing and with a casual rave music party for junmyeon. even if both of them were shaking in their boots at the idea of tomorrow, they still got by to get a good amount of sleep.

far out on one of the edges of the jeju island two men felt nervous for their dear lives; one shaking from the nauseous excitement that he celebrated last night by relaxing completely, now having to bare a slight headache from the loud music and the unusual amount of physical activity. unlike the first one, the second male seemed to be physically heather, owning a clearer cognitive thinking skill but having a very distant connection with his emotions that flew around as he wondered about junmyeon, hid body, his muscles, his face, his eyes; his rosy lips. no doubt that yixing was slightly freak out by his own low-key perverted mind that wanted to feel the warmth of another human being. he'd meet people alike junmyeon, but still in a completely different subdivision of personality than him, and he didn't seem to be attracted or interested in those guys… he has seen people that had some similar body features, but junmyeon fell into his golden selection of romantic interests that he decided to deny up until he caught all the feelings in the world for the former human. yixing's lovelife always had been like that even if he refused to believe oh sehun's tips that would've been beneficial at situations like these: where he was scared - to the marrow of his bones - of failure. life went on so he was able to avoid any of the events that were coming his way.

when his questions subsided, a light jacket dropped on his shoulders as the days of summer had become less arid and more windy and rainy. he wore the same outfit as at the fishy dinner, but this time he wore the t-shirt he got from junmyeon and a light bomber jacket. lush hair gel made his hair stand up, reveal his forehead. with the little portion of concealer (that he used for pimples) he covered his darken eyes that were the only feature that showed his stressful drinking habit that may just be a great rabbit hole that he will fall in.

just as yixing finished blending out the solution on his face, the front door bell rung the classical tune: ding dong. yixing was this close to falling on his face when he ran down the horribly design staircase with shallow steps that were laid out to frequently; they looked like a slope on a really low graphic game, also known as pixelated.

"heya, yixing!" he carried a bright smile as he spread his arms around yixing who was taken aback by the sudden touchiness and affection of the former. then his arms awkwardly surrounded junmyeon, for a second he felt junmyeon squeeze him that bit more. when he released yixing from the prison of hugs, he seemed to be very bright; a smile plastered on his face that seemed to glow from the light drizzle that sprayed outside…

thus yixing proceeded, "come in, this is warm and no-wet." a gesture pointing towards the sofa felt better than usual to junmyeon, most definitely due to the fact of his realisation. at the fishy dinner he was already nervous, but not it felt like the sky was falling down and he needed to sit still to not die. his shoes rested by the front door: their owner sat on the leather corner, his gaze lost in the glass layers of the coffee table. the owner of the glass table was currently breaking his patience amidst trying to open the packaging of a bottle of white wine. after a gruesome battle, in which - sadly - three nails (the left hand's thumb, the right hand's thumb and pointer) broke, he was able to open the green stained glass bottle and pour a third of its contents into two high-end luxury wine glasses. shaky hands suddenly appeared once he saw the back of junmyeon masculine figure; a pulse in his fingers became stronger, making the glasses slightly slip as the digits began to produce an excessive amount of sweat.

a high pitched clink was heard.

"here you go!" yixing sat on the adjacent straight of the monochrome soft furniture. junmyeon gaze scornfully fell on the glamorous glass, memories of him drinking to feel better resurfaced.

"i don't drink." junmyeon caressed the wetness out of his own hands, in the dinner prior talking about not wanting alcohol seemed easier but not the self-contained want to confess seemed to be tripping him at every step. on the other hand, yixing felt like dying. he always created this uncomfortable bleek atmospheric feeling when around junmyeon, not to mention how he could barely speak korean around him - he didn't study korean for nothing for the past four years.

"you isn't… aren't going to drink?"

"no."

"why are you that?"

"personal reasons that i'd rather not dwell into…"

well done, yixing! once again you made him look like a miserable puppy that has been kicked away from the food bowl. he was biting the insides of his mouth and looking at his feet that played with carpet; his glass still untouched… "look," yixing started to move towards him, he kneeled in front of the older man after placing his glass on the table. yixing's nerves and the grey weather only enhanced the emotional manager. "you don't need to do anything for me," yixing was inwardly agasp that be didn't trip on his words or grammar.

"but…" junmyeon voice choked up, yixing's hands gripped the latter's hands which caused a shift in the shorters breathing pattern. no other murmur or answer leaves his mouth, yixing feels extremely guilty for fucking up the entire mood… with no warning whatsoever he finds a solution that might fix everything.

"remember the funfair in town, well now are grey so no-busy! we can go on ferris wheel!" yixing's electric energetic persona just punched junmyeon in his guts, most definitely making butterflies fly around his digestive system. an appreciative smile, featuring semi closed curved eyes, radiated so much love to yixing that a replica of junmyeon butterflies flew in his chest. he was in shock and confusion but yet he controlled himself to keep all of his emotions repressed.

but then came the moneymaker. all of yesterday's subsided feelings came back to yixing as this occurred.

what happened, you ask?

you see, junmyeon decided to reflect the end of last time they hung out. yeah, the eskimo kiss. it didn't matter that in the end both of them a red couple of cherries, "i would not mind to go anywhere with you," his forehead completely fused with yixing's, both of them were too dense and too transfixed in each others presence to move breaths mingled before being separated with light-hearted uncomfortable chuckles. both of them remained crimson red as they placed their shoes on and added the blue-tint raincoats to their outfits. a gentle stroll besides each other whilst they walked was filled of tension but it was also relaxed; either of them would now and again look at former before turning away with a feeling of contentment; but yet, again, a feeling of their heavy hearts was obvious. the duo were both afraid of consequences that would follow if they dated a man. they also feared rejection: junmyeon was more afraid than yixing but yixing seemed to have less emotion invested.

the quiet car ride was accompanied by pop music that raised the spirits a fraction or two. shy looks were still thrown around by the two. neither of them managed to get caught the entire way there. when they parked the car by one of the less used roads - so they wouldn't need to pay for parking tickets - the duplet then proceeded to execute the task of walking to the quay with the funfair quite swiftly.

it didn't take a minute before they started to spend money of stupid arcade games. at times they lost, and at others the misfortune cleared away and they enjoyed eating the sweets they won… after countless stomach aches, from the cotton candy, popcorn and other sweets, they settled on a bench. yixing leaned back closing his eyes as he rested. junmyeon who sat beside him looked at the little keyring pair that the two won at a game hosted by a loving old grandma. whilst he held the keyring with the bunny, yixing owned the one with a cute little ram. both of the twins had glitter in their cotton fur. serenity washed over junmyeon as the sound of the waves crashing against the pier's concrete structure, his old lover was begging him to stay. but he didn't feel like it. he wanted to feel emotions in return, he wanted to develop a life around his love, he wanted to cradle his lover to sleep in the winter nights. much like some place holder, the oh-so-longed love was thrown away. junmyeon had found something more beautiful and capturing than the ocean that only waved to him at the golden sunsets. now he had a crush on a godlike man...

"i have the sex appeal of a maths book," junmyeon suddenly blurts out.

"i don't know…" yixing rotates his head to look at junmyeon, "i hasn't ever met someone that open a maths book without saying 'fuck me'," he winked at the flustered man.

junmyeon spoke with his bright red cheeks, "that was smooth… are a genius to be honest." even if yixing acted like the biggest dumbass when trying to understand how whack-a-mole worked, and after he understood the concept of tha game he threatened to call the police on the owner for animal abuse. junmyeon was taken aback when he remembered that be liked this idiot; he couldn't just continue laughing, he held responsibility and needed to interfere so they wouldn't get banned from the fair. so he did. it did feel a bit humiliating to play the game that was deemed to be normal before yixing's in-depth rant about the game's laws in very shitty korean. the man behind the game stood looking at them, his scowled face showing annoyance and slight arrogance poked out due to high highly set chin, that made him uncomfortably look down at the players that just won the game. the pair of course chose the prizes that they both hooked on to their belt loops, looking slightly blue under the navy filter of the damp plastic-bag-like raincoat.

the two, who sat in silence adoring the ocean view, were almost blinded by the bright lights of the ferris wheel turning on - this indicated that it was now open. just like the many people on the pier, yixing and junmyeon rushed to get into one of the cabs. once there they sat on opposite sides of the small room that rose slower than a dying turtle. unsettled air hung around them.

"i have to tell you something," junmyeon spoke in a shuddering voice, the past few days had been taking a toll on his heart simply because of the want to hold the man in front of him; so he is now proceeding to make his heart happy. after all if this all goes wrong he could jump out the cab and break his bones, he won't need to go back to seoul nor will he need to see yixing's disappointment towards his cowardly move.

yixing leaned closer, his eyes swallowing junmyeon's form in a sea of concern, "what's wrong?" he observed junmyeon take in a deep breath before he reached to intertwine his hands with yixing's.

"i have never been in this position; i've only observed people who were in my current position, as books and movies showed how much it hurt if it went wrong and i didn't want to have my friends in pain, crying over something that was predetermined by the universe…" he gulps down a generous amount of saliva that rose up his throat as he held back from bawling. "my entire life was settled by my parents since the day i was born - their rules were my law. i never ran around in the yard or had any friends outside of school, my phone was routinely checked and i got slapped across the face when i fell below their standards… of course i could of left them when i graduated but by then i was too attached to my life that was created by my parents: the one that i continued to lead until a few weeks ago.

"almost a month ago, out of frustration i cut myself just to get outside of my office building as my never ending shifts made me feel like i was drowning in work. prior to this i used to bang my head into the wall, convincing that i was the one in correct. but once i did cut my hand," he turned his hand inside yixing's hold to show the pale pink scar, "i then and there released that i was not correct… all of this was proven as truth by my boss when he, and another two co-workers, came to the hospital to find me and we all comforted each other in a group hug. later that week, one of the lads told me that i should just relax, you know chill, take a vacation. so i did. i loved the ocean so i chose to go on an island; and on the way here i met you…" he clenches yixing's hands tighter in his grip, his tear-trailed eyes flicker to meet the latter's glossy ones.

"please," yixing chokes out, "tell me that everything… everything is okay."

"everything is more than okay. everything is so fucking amazing with you; you know why?"

yixing softly shakes his head in disagreement, his face glowing in the last drops of the golden sunshine.

"be-because… i…" tears surface once again, "because i love you. you mean my world to me; your the anomaly of my bland predicted life. i have met you only a few weeks ago and now i am sobbing because of this…" junmyeon snorts back all of the mucus in his nose before wiping off his cheeks with the flannel shirt sleeve.

the ride comes to the bottom without either of them speaking any other words. as quickly as they step off, junmyeon starts to run. he runs and runs, his legs unconsciously doing the work for him but the lack of oxygen that they created was needed to be repaid - thus he stopped in the middle of the beach. his breath still shaking, he was surprised that he didn't die when he was trying to confess, but by now that emotion of surprise became so meek that it sickened junmyeon. for more than a few seconds, he stands still before falling to his knees into the sandy wet shore. he knew he fucked up and there was no way back; he was going to be a disappointment to his co-workers and parents, but he is already a pain to yixing, a man that he'd pay the world for…

panting and sloppy running suddenly come into his audible audio. he knows that yixing will proceed to beat him to death for being gay… he knows that he has no chance. he kn–

he didn't knew that he will be caught off guard.

he didn't knew that he will be caught off guard by a pair of soft plump lips crashing with his, tearing at his pair in absolute hunger. yixing's pale hands travel behind junmyeon head before he pulled away from the ethereal moment. his adam's apple bobs as he gulps, he and junmyeon are completely transfixed in the eyes of each other.

"this are for time being," yixing lightens the foggy air and lets the former envelope him with a bashful hug, he digs into the neck of the younger before letting out his last tears with a light breathy laugh. the joyfulness that flooded his face said more things than word would ever do. "i love you too."

a slow tempo music flooded the air between the two embraced men; the good old 'can't help falling in love' being performed by the singer that gave yixing and junmyeon a weird stare at the whack-a-mole stall. the pale gangly hands of the younger stroked junmyeon, his shaking body buried its head into yixing's shoulder when searching for warmth and comfort. all of this came so suddenly, junmyeon was barely able to comprehend anything in his clouded mind. now, you may said that it's bad for him to be out of it due to shock but that did help him out with the following words that yixing spoke.

"i love you so much, as an friend."

junmyeon felt like his heart had been ripped apart right in front and of his face; small electrical impulses under his skin prickled his muscles making them twitch as he was confronted with the need to cry. the kiss made every look so goddamn perfect but the truth stung like a bitch. on the small of his back - yixing traced chinese symbols in order to help the quivering male. the music that came from the pier now seemed to be less meaningful, less inspiring: the usual song about a crush. the song that ended with the two people getting together at the end; but junmyeon now learnt that sometimes this isn't truth and even if you think it's a hundred percent foolproof you still need to check, especially if you have an irrationally acting foreigner in your hands.

"come on, let go to the ca—" yixing was cut off by junmyeon whilst he was standing up.

"what do you mean 'this is for the time being'?" sand was squeezed in junmyeon small stubby hands. tears as salty as the ocean once again ran independently on his crimson red cheeks. "zhang, are you fucking blind?"

"ah, no…" his eyes widened from the sudden outburst, "i don't understand wh—"

"yixing, have you ever had a relationship with someone you cared for more than the world?" the elder still stayed on the ground with his gaze locked onto yixing's white sneakers.

an emotionally lacking, "yes," was the answer.

" that's what you mean to me…" the tears that ran out now caused him to hiccup, hiccup so much that it felt like his ribcage was going to be shattered by the sheer force of it. it pained even more when he heard a sigh coming from yixing, and his world was immediately wasted once he observed the white trainers disappeared from his blurry peripheral vision. for hours he sat on the wet beach. he sat there until the seashore started to decrease due to the rising tide. now, sitting in the bus to find his back home, he realised why yixing might have ran away after pondering on it for a couple of hours; trying to illustrate the thoughts of the former male.

it was most likely due to junmyeon straightforwardness and dislocation in his sense of time, always going in too early… why did he feel so much pain? it was his first ever confession, he was a dumb kid who now cried at the back of the bus: here only the buzzing lights could hear his sincerest apologies to yixing, his apologies for being dumb and innocent.

at the end of his trip, at the doorstep of his house, a sudden revelation hit him. the man's actions baffle him. surely anyone with two brain cell would of caught on something fishy about him? junmyeon rigid body language shows his excitement rise from the hole of depression that bore in his gut. the latter house's panoramic windows ar lit but no signs of life was visible; was he dying in regret on his bed? there's only one way to know for sure.

a rain thunderclaps poured down on the chinese man's front door, startling his numb body; "zhang yixing, you fucking cuntbag, open the door this instance!" the soft voice of the neighbouring male's now rough and brimful of rave. it made yixing's heart race as he thought of his wrongdoing, of his stupid decision to let go of the male simply because his skin turned inside out after that hellbent resolve to kiss the dude. with fearful, yet heavy, steps he sluggishly moved towards the door. it was still being banged on with the former's fists that made the keys in the keyhole jingle from the slight vibration. spinelessness shriveled in his sweaty palms as they grabbed the cold metal handle before forcing it down and carrying on to open the door ajar.

junmyeon was left quite startled. he didn't think that yixing would just open his door like it's nothing; after all who in this pathetic earth would like to see the person they rejected a few hours ago, with tears dried on their face from the emotional baggage that you place on their shoulders. but the door was now open, junmyeon was in and yixing had no choice but to let it be. in the barren silence they made their way back to the sofa, the same one that bared their bodies twelve hours ago: back when the two resembled small excited puppies as they waited for the rain to settle down a bit. now, outside the big double glazed windows only the red flashing lights of the faraway buoys were seen, the pitch black really didn't distract either of them, it only enhanced the void soundlessness. the overhead light casted shadows on their drained faces, one exhausted from the new set of emotions he discovered, the second seemed to feel blood freeze in his veins with each glimpse he took of the former.

as junmyeon opened his mouth ajar he was simultaneously cut off by the ringing of yixing's phone, an old catchy song from a few years ago bounced in the lackluster aura - echoing in the empty space of the time. certainly junmyeon was upset, but when he tried to argue yixing just raised a finger to shush him.

all of this pressure was handled with great difficulty by the chinese man. in his right hand he held a mobile next to his ear listening to sehun's raging rants that accused the latter for being a coward and backing away at the last possible second; even though he had already kissed junmyeon and proceeded to confess his responding feelings that caused an ache in his chest with each glance he took at the male.

"who are you talking with?" junmyeon started to act intrusively as his hands tried to pry away the cellphone, "huh! who, the fuck, are you talking to?" his blunt nails left pink gashes on yixing's fragile skin.

"my boy friend!" well, except in this situation junmyeon didn't hear the pause between the two words... a wash of disassociation coursed through junmyeon body as he fell on the couch, the chinese man did prove himself to be more difficult to handle than multiple irrational chinese shipyards. whilst junmyeon sat frozen in shock, zhang realised his mistake. the phone was promptly settled on the coffee table before his gaze fell downwards onto junmyeon's nape as at this point the male wanted to rip hit own head off. he wasn't strong enough for this world, his pressure limited was that above of a newborn baby's. junmyeon fingers tangled themselves in the bronze hair as he resisted the need to pull out all of his locks.

without a spare moment the so-told zhang crouched down in front of his scrambled figure. yixing's soft milky hands trailing the course around his knee caps, his cheeks glowed a slight pink as a half-assed smirk warmed up junmyeon own cheeks and the cold element of the lounge. but, soon, the grin turned into a forced sheepish smile before the corners of his mouth sagged and created a distasteful frown. all of the disoriented ideas and perceptions ran through his head as he searched for courage to speak; he was obviously taking too long as his disappointed crush once again looked at the wooden elements of the floorboards. all doubts were cleared in the sudden action that caused the male to inwardly panic. this helped him to speak, to miraculously speak in perfect korean in front of the human that made his body shake as he tried to speak.

"junmyeon," his pale hand touched the sun kissed face of the latter. " i know that i undoubtedly acted like a total jerk, i made you feel wanted before throwing you on the ground like some dirty cloth… and my heart now feels like it's about to break when i think about what i did," both of their eyes slowly became more moist, producing a foggy filter for their vision. " i don't have any proper explanation: it all just happened in the spur of the moment. my theories on you cheating in your second half shook me to the bone, my brain was blinded by you confession so much that i didn't comprehend that you were a single man - so i immediately gave up on you after you ran away on the farry even if it felt like my heart was beating only for you, junmyeon. you left me so stunned that i couldn't speak proper korean until now," fat tears rolled like boulders down junmyeon rosy glowing face. yixing didn't dare to look up from his own hands. "so, when you confessed to me, i went brain-dead. all of my senses jumped off the pier and i ran like mad; i didn't care what other people thought of my tomato red skin as i ran past… and why didn't i care?" his voice rose an octave higher at the end of the proposed question, his eyes were actual waterfalls that drained themselves in a pattern alike to the former's.

a soft shake indicated that jumyeok didn't know why yixing wasn't afraid to publicly shame himself.

"it's because i… i-i'm in love with you!" he announced with little grace.

suddenly junmyeon bawled like a baby into yixing's warm palm, before the younger moved his arm and wrapped it around the korean's unstable shape. beads of tears leaked through yixing's shirt as junmyeon took safe on his shoulder. both of his hands gripped the taller's shoulder blades as if the separation of the two caused the end of the world.

"i'm afraid." his tearful whispered tickled yixing's sensitive neck, he emitted a small shiver.

"of what?"

"of… of what my parents will think; and if i'll be kicked out of work if i had a relationship with you."

"you don't need to worry about it now."

"why? this is imp—" gladly his overwhelming ideas came to a sudden stop, his face was an inch away from yixing's face which was crafted by gods.

"all of this rambling is making me question if you even love me as much as i do." with a sly cast about his eyes yixing continued to tease his potential future partner.

as it were an insult, junmyeon screeched back at yixing, "yes, i do! i do so much!" his frustration causing him to slightly bounce of the soft sofa pillows as yixing held his hands.

"prove it."

he didn't need to provoke the man a drop more. he instantly cupped yixing's face with his small stubby hands and pulled him towards his own face, and after a glimpse that lasted for a split second, he smashed their lips together. electric shocks travelled down their spines, making them squirm in their positions as they indulged in each others sweet taste. the chinese man's arms carelessly enveloped the others body before he picked up the petite male and dropped him in a more comfortable position on the leather three seater. at that point their lips sundered with a silent pop, each of them breathless from the mouth and tongue exercise that came so naturally. yixing felt a pride swell in his chest as he revisited the feeling of junmyeon's inexperienced technique which only caused kim to become putty in his hands when he decided to act more spicy. yes, he did get some tongue action in their second kiss.

both still laid breathtakingly beautiful to each other, even if the former's hair stuck out to every direction possible from the greedy palms that wanted to feel every centimeter of the latters body. just like a kindergartener, yixing bursted into laughter from the tension that suddenly pented up between the pair. the curling of his stomach making him hit the korean's forehead with his own. and then, when the giggles were over he opened his eyes and lost his focus in the depths of junmyeon golden oceans. once again, his hands - which rested on junmyeon abdomen - travelled upcourse on to the puffy and shiny cheeks of his loved one, the thirst for the business man's lips grew so damn painfully that yixing made headway and reunited their mouths.

both were lost in eachother, mewls, whimpers and throaty moans were advocates of the passion that stirred in each man. the kisses lasted late into the hours of three o'clock. by then both men were tired and cranky from the lack of sleep; but due to the want to say with each other, they continued to lay on the couch with a fuzzy blanket over their bodies.

a final butterfly kiss was given by junmyeon, "i love you..."

"i love you too," yixing responded with the same sleepiness and eternal joy. once he snuggled up against his partner's chest, hearing the calm rich beats helped him slowly fall asleep as he felt the man caressing his midnight black hair that was now demolished of its previous hairstyle. in the sound sleep the duo's bodies became more accustomed to each others dents and perfect imperfections. warm beats radiated in their chests as they finally understood that they found happiness and joy.

dreams filled with cotton candy clouds, warm sunshine, sweet soda water rain and fields of flowers played in their minds as the tingling sensation in the fingertips remained. everything was happening so quickly that junmyeon felt like his heart was bound to combust when he was dreaming about yixing and him venturing the forests filled with rabbits and kind deers. like little kids they ran and hid behind each tree, playing hide-and-seek. soon, these euphoric fantasies ended from the sudden irritating ringing of yixing's alarm that rung in his jeans pocket.

he fumbled around - blinded by the bright light of the sun - trying to turn off the phone. after hundreds of attempts to shut up the bloody tune, he simply concluded by taking out the phone's battery before tossing it on the perpendicular length of the corner sofa. the low grumbling of the bod beside him clearly indicated that junmyeon was waking up, but in refusal to perform the act and rather clutching the shirt of his first ever [human] lover.

tick. tick. tick...

seconds ran as the two remained interlocked with each other, yixing's hands lightly grazing the face of the smaller man whilst junmyeon cupped his pale long face; both were lost in each other, it felt unreal to have a person this perfect to hold in your hands and to give your love to. with a hissing intake of breath junmyeon rose from his position, his body instantly missed the former's warmth but nature was calling him and he definitely didn't want to piss himself in front of his boy. yixing was left alone, yet a certain sense of glory overtook him and he jumped out of the temporary bed. he shook his hands in the air and punched the pillows that laid on the couch. all of this energy came simply because junmyeon was brave enough, or at least braver than the youngster that accepted his feelings.

the sudden appearance of junmyeon in the doorway of the bathroom gave him a slight shock.

"happy?" junmyeon siad with a massive grin on his face as he supported himself of the doorframe.

yixing's embodiment turned a slight pink, "did you see… see that?"

"all the jumping around and screaming; yeah… yeah, i did." pride shined in his calm gaze that inspected the taller's body, crown to toe. his messy black hair making the smile appear even brighter. "has your korean improved recently, because you didn't fail anything in you cutest little confession ever," junmyeon slowly roamed to yixing, taking his hands into his own.

"i was always afraid to speak to you," his head bowed from the embarrassing answer, "you present always made me hold back my true passion for you, but now it seems like that block has been knocked down and i don't fear anything. now not only can i talk to you normally but…" he covered his face as he released a sheepish squawk of laughter, "this is really cheesy but… i can now tell you that i love you and hold you near me."

right at that time junmyeon felt like collapsing from the sweetness and softness of yixing's pure words. he was about to speak again but was unfortunately cut off by yixing, "i also bet that in the future i won't be afraid to hold you even closer than just a snuggle," his dark eyebrows mocked at his lover's dumbfoundedness that was created via his immature speech. a shy smile made itself present on korean's round face, his lips were bitten back in shock and his hands clenched around the zhang's, a sign of subtle reassurance.

without a lot more words the two harmonically walked to the kitchen - which still had the pungent smell of fish intestines coming from the waste bin. the classic dish of the epitome of laziness was soon prepared, with a back hug that yixing received when stirring the instant ramen noodles as they took in the water. heat energy was lost when they opened the lid of the pot and the steam rose in a mushroom-like formation. the solution was then separated into two bowls and placed on the opposing sides of the breakfast bar. in solemn silence the couple slurped the ramen, the liquid filled with spices often landing in front of the bowl and dirtying the perfectly white surface. in this case, yixing was undoubtedly more hungry as he finished this ration in the amount taken for junmyeon to eat one half of the portion. boredom flowed in the pipsqueak, making his head lie on the cold tabletop; watching junmyeon struggle with the ridiculously thin chopsticks that he had chosen. steadily his hand trailed to the kim's one, gently playing with his fingers and looking at his beautifully maintained nails.

they spent a few more hours "hanging out" before deciding to separate ways.

"hey, it's a bit late to ask you this," junmyeon said, "but, uh, can i have your phone number?"

yixing immediately whipped out his phone, "yeah, sure!" within a second he started dictating the number to the lover who stood next to the front exit, his shoes untied as he only need to walk a few yards. "lemme call you to check if you got if correct," junmyeon then proceeded to give his own number to the former. yixing placed the phone right to his earlobe and he didn't expect the phone service receptor to tell that he has no money on his phone balance. of course he questioned why this happened…

and it didn't take a long time to find the culprit of this mess.

"oh sehun! i am going to beat your fucking ass when in come back to china!" yixing tore his vocal chords as he hollered into his boyfriend's phone. why was he so angry? well, sehun didn't only spend an hour on yixing on an international call but he also recorded the audio of the two doing things that were less appropriate and threatened yixing with blackmail.

after that half-hour was wasted, they finally managed to get everything settled.

"look, i'll visit you as soon as i can, okay?" yixing only gloomily reported with a nod. "no need to be so sad, after all you're my boyfriend and i care about you!" the korean quickly pecked him on the cheek before sloppily running back to his own house; almost tripping over his untied laces. yixing only chuckled at the elder's antics that made him seem ten years younger, as if his face wasn't doing that. junmyeon - holiday tanned - face was definitely crafted by angels and singed by god himself, or that was what yixing thought when he saw the face that melted his insides and caused butterflies to fly around his thorax. and his knees would turn into jelly when he tired to reimagine the kisses that they shared in their new relationships; he couldn't deny that he also wanted to be more with him but now was not the right time, they need to slow down and enjoy each other's company as junmyeon was due to leave in a week and one seventh.

days rushed past, just like streetlights besides a fast car. a settled feeling of anger and gloom took over their hearts; after all it was their last (full) day together. both of them sat on the sandy beach near the pier. near the place where yixing could have caused a broken heart. the pale hand was knitted with the tanned one. yixing's thumb stroked junmyeon knuckles as they listened to the gentle waves hit the sandy shore. the heat was starting to go up as the time reached midday at midsummer. it barely took any more minutes before the two ran towards the cool water.

they splashed, dove, competed and played within the waves. limbs fell in an awfully more tired manner as the two finally exhausted themselves. both of them holding onto each other, so they aren't carried away by the current. fast tempos of their hearts synchronised as the two shared another longing kiss. despite the lack of time, the two maintained the calm demeanor of their slowly developing relationship. after the water turned into warm tea from the beaming sunshine, yixing and junmyeon decided to retreat to the beach, under the trees far from the shoreline where most of the people basked. shirts of light material fell on the couples shoulders, it was too hot to wear them unless you wanted to be boiled in you own sweat. the pathway from the beach to the pier was blooming with giant crowds blocking the way. so, in order to spend their last day together, the twain dedicated a short walk to an ice-cream cart - the same one as all those weeks ago. the cashier only shyly smiled at the two as he handed jummyeon the cones and received the money from his romantic partner. sure, they did get disgusted looks from people and a few shouts here-and-there; but they agreed to block it out because as long as their partner was happy everything was fine (if it was within the human rights laws).

their paws tightly clutched together as the sat on the famous bench, the bench that almost gave away yixing's feelings way too quickly and helped junmyeon realise his undoubted crush on the man. that piece of wood truly costed them their relationship, junmyeon happiness due to a new direction in life. a direction so unknown that junmyeon grew more curious with each flying second. by the end of the eve this repressed need was released.

both spontaneously, at the same time, hooked onto each others arms whilst trying to not fall down at the same time; although that fatal error was removed by yixing. he hooked his slim fingers through junmyeon belt loops on his trousers, with a great force the chinese lifted the male on his hips and carried their thirsting bodies to his bedroom. a low moan grumbled in junmyeon throat as his toned back hit the bedding. soon after his fall, yixing once again appeared in his vision, a darkness stood in the eye sockets of the younger which loomed shirtless-ly over his partner. a dive for a deep kiss was so suddenly that the gasp that emitted from the elder only allowed the taller to adventure with his muscle. a quick flick on the ceiling of junmyeon mouth got the man melting in less than a second. tenderly, lean hands moved up from his hips. the groping and other strengthy movements of yixing's snapping hips sent his lover off the rails as he gently mewled out of pleasure, arched his muscular back and shook at his climaxes; his first ones ever too. he never touched himself no matter what his hormone induced brain told him, and to be touched like than by someone that loved you more than the world was heavenly. the name of his lover was screamed as he couldn't handle the pleasure that felt so painful a few minutes ago. he didn't feel shy anymore either, but prior to this he blushed profoundly due to the latter's mouthy kisses that decorated his upper body. but then the end came, yixing slowly rode off his own pleasure and laid on top of junmyeon; completely exhausted, completely in love. his love-druken distorted smile shined before he placed a fast peck on junmyeon lips: whilst he was still catching his breaths with all types of liquids displayed on his rock hard abdomen.

the warmth and intimacy lulled the two into sleep, their legs tangled together as the arms held each other tightly - wishing to never let go, even if their master was asleep.

junmyeon woke up first from a pang in his lower back. so, he stood up to examine the situation; and before he was able to walk, he felt a trickle of cold solution roll down his inner thigh causing goosebumps to appear on his skin. the korean released an uncomfortable squirm as he wobbled over to the shower to wash out whatever was up his right end. after, a good ten minutes he heard the door squeak open before a quiet thump indicated that it was closed. it didn't take much time before he felt two hands circle his chest, and a soft lump of hair fall on his nape. the elder releases a small giggle before slowly turning around to see his upset lover looking down in despise.

"what's wrong, bunny?" the kim's hand runs through the black hair of the former, it was starting to stick to his forehead from the cool water.

a sigh escaped the younger's throat before he looked up at the loving understand eye's of his boyfriend, "i could only do so little…" his voice wobbles. "i pushed the relationship and made it all rushed, and now i can't back out to restart in a more slowly develo—"

"xingie," his voice flowed calmly. "everything was perfect. a the cute little dates you took me to… like the one day we went to the beach and played volleyball before making out in the changing booth and then getting kicked out by the lifeguard." a small grin reflected on yixing's face as he was absorbed by the former's face, "or the time we went to the zoo, we discovered that you were allergic to goats and then we spent the day at my house watching tv and cuddling… i know this all feels short, but all that we did was amazing and i would never want to experience this with anyone else; because you're my one and only.

"my moon and stars.

"my dear little yixing."

by then the younger was lost in his emotions, his remorse drowned by internal happiness that sprouted tears. the taller's lover's hands embraced the youngster as he heaved, junmyeon lips frequented his forehead as the latter began to cry more openly.

"i don't want you to leave me." his hands clawed the back of his partner. "i don't want to lose you, i want to see you everyday and every night. and- i-i love you so fucking much that it hurts me to not have you by my sid—"

then and there he was cut off by the elder's soft lips which contained an open-mouthed kiss. the hazy-minded men's limbs searched for pleasure once again, and it once again felt amazing for junmyeon, as it did for yixing to see (and feel) his lover moaning against the white tile wall; with trickles of water running down his body in an alluring fashion with moist slapping echoing in the small room. of course junmyeon couldn't hate the younger for the passion but he really wanted to punch him for making it a difficulty to walk down a flight of stairs. it felt like he had an entire broomstick up his arse, he was barely able to sit.

as an apology to his irrational need of intimacy, yixing dedicated his morning to make a breakfast feast for his boyfriend. it featured everything from cupcakes to a kimchi soup bowl. it made yixing have butterflies when he heard the pleased mumbling of junmyeon, who dusted a light cherry on his glowing cheeks. whilst junmyeon ate everything presented yixing anxiously downed a vine of twenty grapes; his uneasiness of the upcoming segregation. the boy understood that they will be able to call each other and talk everyday, but the fact that he won't be able to caress junmyeon when he cries or to kiss him when he's ecstatic…

a hand sloppily laid on his knee, "i'm finished." junmyeon only then sees the former's painful look, "baby, you don't need to worry about me. everything is fine." the korean's tender palms cupped and squeezed yixing's face and then he went on to kissing his lover's puckered lips. "i'll pack my bags and then we'll go, okay?" only a downcast nod was acted by the younger. it rang a pang in junmyeon gut and he couldn't resist from giving the man a hug. "it'll be okay, there's no need to cry." before exiting he once again placed a light kiss on yixing's plump petals and went back to his own house.

a touch of dissatisfaction settled in his hear as he zipped his bag. even if he spent an entire month off work, got tanned and managed to create a romantic relationship he still felt like shit for leaving. it wasn't because of the wish to say here more and hike about the area (like he did); he wanted to stay with yixing. so in order to keep his loyalty, junmyeon went to a goldsmith on one of the days that yixing was off in his work conference. a ring he had gotten from his first wage was now crafted into a smaller circle that would clip onto yixing's earlobe: where a scrappy looking earring shone at junmyeon. the feeling of regret that his partner felt now settled into him. his heart raced and he wanted to breakdown, he was so easily attached to his heavenly guardian that it pained his body to leave him after one week. after one week that contained daily trips, daily steaming hot make out sessions, daily tasty food from yixing's hands that knew more than cooking. even if he sat on his bed with an aching ass his heart still managed to hurt more than the erotically tarnished area. the thought of it did make him squirm and feel a bit uncomfortable, but be knew that he will crave to feel it again. but that's enough of that.

he needs to present this earing to his boyfriend to present his never ending love he felt for the guy; and to think that he was spitting at beakhyun on the floor a month ago for being a homosexual really recalled a sense of nausea - he definitely needs to meet up with him and to apologise for his insensitive actions.

as the the lock solemnly swore to protect the house for the upcoming customer, junmyeon felt the emptiness inside him grow a tad bigger. all that's left of his holiday was a tan, and secretively a boyfriend. nothing more, nothing less. you could say he got rid of his bags but be understood that in a few weeks he will have one's worst than ever before.

the small wheels of the suitcase rolled in the warm saturday sunshine; although their owner seemed to be living in the cold, blue winter of emotions. it was a great battle to walk to his lover's house without crumpling to the ground and wanting to never leave this place… he knew that he couldn't change anything: he couldn't change the fact that sometimes people need to longingly separate before they get to be together again.

reluctantly he fingered at the doorbell. slow steps neared the door before stopping, then the owner opened the door. his tearstained face breaking down even more at the sight of the man. around went his arms, trying to feel junmyeon essence for a bit more. both of them were afraid… petrified. the anxiety making their breaths hitch and their heart palpitations occur more frequently.

"xingie, i have something for you…" his tear-swollen eyes sparkled as junmyeon rummaged through his jeans' pocket. the small red velvet box only made the thick lower lip of the younger quiver like a leaf on a stormy day. with a shy flick junmyeon opened the box. it was obvious that yixing got confused by the size of the 'ring', but all of the unnecessary obliviousness was cleared once junmyeon picked the metal circle up and, with great care, placed it into the hole in yixing's left ear. the soft small sentimental strokes that fixed yixing's hair tickled the boy. this made his release a gasp of laughter before he crashed his forehead with his lover's one. the mannerism of gentle hands which rested on junmyeon cheeks allowed them both to share a passionate kiss. both felt each others sorrow mangle and mix with their own that was trapped in the aching heart.

"i was thinking you'd never like me, ever." yixing started, "it all started as a simple prank between me and sehun… we always were these stupid sadists in a way; we always had relationships purely to see the other person cry when you broken up with them. and i may sound like an arsehole, but i was trying to do that to you too." he takes a shuddering breath. "i did like you from the first time i met you yet unfortunately i didn't comprehend the idea until i saw how beautiful you looked at the seaside… as if i wasn't blown away by you before; i started to lean in to kiss you and i dreamt of holding you against me, but then you moved away. although i do understand you didn't mean to do it, but you made me feel like i was rejected. of course i didn't take that message well enough and started to be more passionate about you. every inch of your body and personality captured me in this spell, a spell that made me feel so frustrated at meetings to the point of where i ran out of patience and had to run out of the room. your tears always caused me to got crazy and fall deeper into the abyss that you are.

"up until this day my heart has been clearly beaten for you… you'd thought me life lessons and supported me with you never ending love. i've said this millions of times, and i'll say it again…

"i love you, kim junmyeon."

now, rivers ran freely down their smooth faces. their bodies were pushed as close as possible as they bawled the tears of joy.

"junnie, i have something for you, too," yixing plunged his hand into his bag that hung loosely on his shoulder. a silver chain decorated with an ornament showing half of a heart in pure gold. an unwelcome feeling surfaced junmyeon skin before being completely dissolved into the air. the heart didn't mean to resemble a break up - it showed two broken pieces of a heart that slotted perfectly with each other to create a love heart. junmyeon was ecstatic once his boyfriend placed the necklace on him, his perfectly shaped pink petals met yixing's once again. he poured all of his happiness into yixing before the two concluded that they needed to head towards the airport if junmyeon didn't want to be late.

even though the atmosphere of anxiety remained the same in the small volume of the car, the feeling of love and satisfaction overruled it. the ride was a pleasurable silence, junmyeon looked at the last glimpses of the ocean that he used to love whilst his lover bared a gleeful grin as he peeped from time-to-time. the countryside in the window changed into more of a suburban before the array of houses turned into big brand shops, as they did venture through one of the high street of jeju city. a few more minutes passed and now they stood in the car park of the second largest airport of korea. yixing's lone hand suddenly probed itself into junmyeon as they sat in silence…

"in three hours i'll be too far to reach." the traveller spoke with a tinge of sadness. "but i'll call you everyday i can, to make sure you're fine," his small hand squeezed yixing's dainty pale limb, "is that okay?"

"yeah…"

the door clicked open, junmyeon stepped out and was surprised by seeing his lover sat still in a trance - a quick wave through the windscreen did wake him up and with droopy eyes he meekly followed behind junmyeon. his lover did detect the unusual behaviour. in order to fix this entire oozing sadness that seemed to be taking over his boyfriend's body, the korean's hand tied itself with its partner as the owner lead the two through the awfully crowded terminal point. a large crowd which greeted people coming roar in triumph every so often; the bass of the ghoulish voices reverberating in yixing's ears that made every object seem so dull and lifeless.

a sudden stop caused yixing to step on the male's heel before bumping into him but he didn't mind it and laughed it off. "everything will be a-ok! believe me, believe in you dreams." junmyeon whispered in his voice that ran as smooth as rich whiskey. the elder massaged the knuckles of the taller as their silent goodbyes were exchanged. "remember, i'd never leave you. i'd wouldn't even think about it, zhang yixing." their last kiss was shared with tears running down their faces. the youngster's palms cupped his love's face; keeping their lips in contact as long as he could, not caring about the murmurs that were shared by people around them.

"i love you, ju—" yixing was cut off by the loudspeakers.

"please, may all the passengers of flight icn1485 make their way to the security check; the flight is due in one hour." the feminine monotone voice announced.

"i love you too," his pink cheeks glowed as his smile burned into yixing's retina, he was frozen from the hair ruffle that the man gave him before disappearing into the ocean of people that swallowed him whole. this sensation, that felt like nails on a chalkboard, followed his entire trip home. nothing helped his mentality; not music, not wine, not cooking, nothing…

numbness ran in his veins.

numbness ran in junmyeon, his crippled figure sitting at his breakfast bar scattered with papers that brought a sense of authority back into him; but the pain in his ass didn't. it clearly didn't matter to jongdae that the man may need time to readapt to his surroundings, so he posed the idea of going to junmyeon and busting through the door with a screech; so loud that it threw the owner of the place off his chair on the tiled floor that only made his tailbone hurt more.

a hug full of pureness of millions of sunny days didn't effect junmyeon at all, losing his partner did make him appear dead inside. his blank stare immediately caught the joyful boy's attention.

"what's wrong, my dude?" jongdae held his shoulders; his cat like smirk decorating his face as his quirked eyebrows stimulated a sense of confusion. a slight warmth spread on junmyeon upper arm due to the friction caused between his and jongdae's rubbing skins; his skin being almost as bronze as the ceo's secretary, kim jongin.

"remember my call from early in the holiday," the rich man spoke, "the one about me being queer."

"yeah," the movement of jongdae's hands abruptly stopped.

with a gasp of air he let out, "well, it-it is true…"

without any lying, he did expect the secretary to leave by slamming the door but he only hugged junmyeon with the warmth of a loving mother, the warmth of the heatwave that the older had in the exotic jeju. the eve was spent peacefully, with the elder confessing his preference yet keeping yixing undercover and pretending to have some other reasons that barely had any logical thinking about it. gladly jongdae's denseness really benefited him; as any other human being would have found his lies within a fifty mile radius of him. i mean, that's what dumb secretaries are for: for carrying paper, taking note and being too dense to function in the real world.

juxtapositioning to his boyfriend, yixing spent the night collecting the salty water that ran from his golden brown eyes. his heart felt like it was breaking apart, in the same way that the necklace around his neck depicted. the pain was so insufferable that he needed to hear junmyeon speak loving words that brought him to sleep, even if it was three in the night. blindly his hand navigated itself on the bedside table and found the smartphone that attempted to blind yixing before letting him dial his lover…

beep.

beep.

beep.

be—

"hello?" a husky sleepy voice spoke.

"junnie," yixing sniffled into his sleeve, "junmyeon…"

a slight gasp was released by this boy before he spoke once again. "yixing, please don't cry… i still love you, no matter how far or how near we are; is this okay?" yixing only hummed in agreement as a river flowed on his face, "if you want to know how i don't give up… well, it's really simple." a sheepish chuckle is heard from the other end of the line, "my ass still hurts from your lad even if i am in seoul."

a light chat was carried even later into the night and the two men fell asleep to each other's voices that cradled their worries. this proved yixing that: even though long distance relationships are difficult to maintain healthy and active, they still pay off as much as normal relationships do – at least, thanks to all of the technology of this day and time… but deep in the changsha citizen's gut a feeling of superstition grew making him grow rather uncomfortable with the idea of this type of romance. but who was he to judge after experiencing half of a day, straight after a emotionally wrecking separation of them two.

the boring days of work once again made junmyeon sleep less and have bright purple bags under his eyes - but this time he decided not to hide them. he wanted yifan to see that his workload is too much. he did this all thanks to the courage that grew in him after the confession which failed to be a disaster. admittedly, his boss did apologised for not understand the worker's pain straight away and treated the man with some latte at the local coffee shop. it didn't matter that all they talked were about ships and fish, as it felt so good to interact with people to show his ideas outside of the conference room.

days ran in an endless loop that didn't seemed that wrong, now.

after a couple of months, the christmas season started. only then did he actually was brought to light by how many people appreciated his existence after he started to act nicer. over twenty people bought him gifts and many more handed lovingly decorated cards; he particularly had a soft spot for the cards made by chanyeol's daughter. his eyes shone and heart trembled of joy as he spoke with his lover on his laptop… both laying in bed casting soft gazes onto eachother.

"i'm sorry i can't make it this year…" yixing scolded himself for not having enough holidays to have a proper visit, but junmyeon calmed the twenty four year old's heart. "i miss you so much. my lungs can barely inflate when i cry about the inability of seeing you soon." a tremble went off in junmyeon palms as he tried to resist the need to hug the screen of the laptop that comfortably laid on his lower abdomen.

little daily talks like these kept junmyeon going and he was always invested to work hard so he can talk more with his boyfriend. unluckily, this hope was slammed shut one night.

one night.

one night that fucked everything over.

it was a late evening, the view outside the window decorated with city lights as the light pollution blocked the true beauty that was seen by the two lost lovers in the island of jeju. this resurfaced memory only made a thirty-year-old man feel slightly embarrassed of his love intoxicated actions. the focus of the male ran free as he wrote utter bullshit on the paperwork deciding whether or not to continue the contract; but all of a sudden a loud knock was ringing across the condo. with a slight sigh junmyeon arose from his chair, placing the blanket that covered his legs on the sofa as he marched to the front door. his interest made him peek through the peephole. he wasn't greatly surprised to see jongdae standing outside his door, fiddling with the rim of his jumper. with a generous, princess-like, grand opening of the door he allowed his guest in.

he motioned his hand towards the living room, but the younger guy stood awkwardly besides him. with both hands on the handle, the manager felt the body behind him near him; his peripheral vision of the mirror only confirmed that. a panic ran through him as jongdae moved his hands towards his boss's waist. when they came in contact it didn't feel like a friendly back hug, the fingers went around his pelvis too much for this to be platonic. even if this was happening, the golden haired couldn't find any strength to move an inch - his body was completely frozen as if waited for the worst. at the end junmyeon expected the worst and he got it. all of this felt so out of character..

with an aggressive tug his sturdy body lost the ground beneath its feet. it was carelessly tossed on the sofa, the body's head bouncing from the upthrust created by the blanket that was tossed aside. a quick swoop let jongdae uncover junmyeon body's upper half that previously hid beneath a mustard yellow sweater.

"do you know why i started to work at the office?" the male's eyes underneath the inhumane man filled with terrified tears. "did you really think i wanted that shitty salary? welp, my partner you've fallen into my trap; and don't dare say anything of this to yifan or i will slit your throat clean open."

with a new sensation of terror and panic, junmyeon began to try and battle against the dominant dude above him. he was strong but the secretary proved himself to be stronger as he tied junmyeon hands above his head and straddling his hips; as his own impatient pelvis rubbed against the resisting man. there was nothing junmyeon could do, no matter how loud he screamed. unlike yixing's loving touches that made an electric current run through his lover spine, jongdae did everything without a feeling of accomplishment; treating the body like a trash bag. slapping it, biting it, going in raw and shaming junmyeon for being as tight as a virgin. fat tears rolled down his flushed body as the pain pierced his body, all the sloppy moist slapping noises only making yixing's boyfriend nauseous. a feeling of disgust trekked in his bones as he felt a warmth spread inside of him, the man's anger only made him feel more confident. and the confidence lead him to a sudden burst of power. the smaller man kicked jongdae in the gut before fumbling in attempt to get out of the tight bond that his hands were held in.

the, suddenly, horror-struck secretary ran out of the condo. leaving the tarnished man tied to his couch with a dirtied blanket. it might of taken ten minutes before the man was able to get out; prior to running to the shower. there he dove right in with his t-shirt on in the cold water, placing fingers in himself in attempt of clearing the mess inside him. the texture of it making him retch, the feeling of the lukewarm dilute running down his legs made him crawl from shame and absolute terror. his body shook violently. as minutes passed the man was soaked in water as he struggled to catch his rapid irregular breath. shaking hands wrapped themselves around his throat as he tried to breathe in the downpour. the water was caught in the male's windpipe and the coughing got even worse as the distress levels reached the optimum performance.

it took days for him to recover, he spent shriveled up in his bed as he received a chain of sexual messages from jongdae. but, gladly this stopped by thursday: when he decided that if he jerked off in the ceo's chair he will seem cool… well, now he was rather cold as he couldn't pay his gas bills because he got fired by yifan who walked in halfway through the session. to keep junmyeon safe, yifan started a court trial with jongdae. he only got a fine as junmyeon was to petrified to provide his story that left him scarred, that left him terrified of people knocking on his door. this terror that haunted him made him feels so sick each morning, making his face pale at any sound and for his body to feel weak. all of these problems topped on each other alongside the fact that yixing was off at his parents' house so he had no mental support; thus he managed to spend the rest of his winter holidays laying in bed. his whitened skin grew goosebumps with every sound that wasn't emitted by him or as a consequence to his actions, like a shampoo bottle falling off the shelf in the bathroom.

a few weeks passed before he was able to got to work again; his workflow was increased because of jongdae's expelled ass. days stretched longer and longer… none of his co-workers thinking of helping him; only when he sat face-flat of the meeting room's desk did he got called out by chanyeol. the brute force of his muscular build making junmyeon remember his harasser, making him whimper as the giant leaned him on the wall of the corridor. long arms on each side of the older's head making the man focus on the youngster's agitated glare.

"what has happened to you?" chanyeol tries to ask kindly but fails significantly.

"the work increased after jo—" an eye-opening smack landed on his cheek, he felt a surge of anger rushing through him as he held his red face.

"you are shit at lying, when i see someone tired i know that they're tired. and in this, motherfucking, case you're not tired. something has happened!" deep brown eyes were as sharp as daggers as he observed the shaking man; the man who was afraid of snitching on his ex secretary. "please, mr kim tell me what's wrong… you can't keep this facade for ever."

teeth grinded against each other and bit the lower lip in wonder. concepts, ideas and speculations raced inside the stressed out brain. forehead holding back fat drops of sweat that threatened to rise to the glistening surface of the slightly tanned skin. neck muscles contract and relax to signal a reluctant agreement to state the truth prior to the vocal cords opening and closing, with the help of the tongue, the body spoke; "let's talk about this somewhere else…"

a glad smile was shown by the abnormally tall man as he patted his co-worker's back and went into the meeting room. for a few seconds junmyeon crouched down and felt his heart pulse in his skull, he didn't like trash-talking about other people even if that meant that his mental health would be set into a better position. the anxiety and worry was breaking him apart whilst he sat at the desk, peeking at the human resources manager every so often. hands releasing some sweat which made his pen drop on the table; everyone's heads snapped to look at him, but he only have a sheepish apologising (forced) grin. cold voices echoed in his dead empty head as he spaced out reading the recap if the last meeting about the salmon fishers from busan wanting to write a deal; the poor men were truly caught in a trap as a plan that takes three two hour long meetings is more than suspicious…

it felt so fucking wrong but business was like that: scams and incorrect information, flashy signs and false facts about prices. this corruption was never okay, it should never be like this but there wasn't an alternative route that brought enough money for the company to sustain itself. junmyeon felt so disappointed; since when did money come above human righteousness and fair treatment?

so lost in his mind that he didn't realise that the room was empty for the past ten minutes.

quickly he shot up from a seat and was almost scared to death by chanyeol who was smearing his face on the glass panes showing the corridor. it was obvious that he waited for junmyeon as his navy cashmere tie hung loosely around his neck. a drop of guilty almost tripped the older as he lightly jogged over to the former.

"i have a meeting with another company in an hour, so would it be okay if you came to my house?" chanyeol explained his situation in a brief summary.

junmyeon answered with a nod; "yeah, cool, man," and then spun on his heel to retreat back into his office but he was stopped by that deep voice of his fellow office worker.

"although, please, don't freak out if baekhyun is there...he is, um, staying with me because, er, he doesn't have enough money for his own place!" chanyeol twittered the obvious lie that was easier to see through than top notch glass. after all.he was young and junmyeon didn't want to ruin his life by spreading rumours.

"sure, dude!" he said as he waved a quick goodbye.

the day still dragged on for ages, nurturing the senior manager's impatient personality. a sudden need to tell someone his troubles suddenly surged in him but the stack of papers on his desk hurt as much as a roundhouse kick to the head. like a rash on his skin, the excruciating memories caused him to throw his blazer across the room as his nails grazed his tanned skin; it was pulsing a bright red once he broke down on the papers. their ink separating like a chromatography experiment at school.

for the past month these painful fits caused him to become less productive - but not only that, as days went on they became more frequent and painful. whilst in the first days the shock was still visible in his eyes, in these past few days he spent an hour in the shower abusing his sponge to clean the evil repressed memory; his tears suffocated his breathing system making him choke as he wanted to disappear. to die…

no.

not to die.

he just wanted to close his eyes and feel alive.

it was a nerve-wracking trip to the former's house as junmyeon wanted to turn his car around at every junction or roundabout, but he only gripped the leather steering wheel a bit more and focused on his breathing to calm the heart that was jumping out of his ribcage. although he wanted to talk and let other people understand what is happening to him, in order to get help and support… but it was so difficult to not crap yourself after you pressed the doorbell, pondering of ways of how can an alive escape this situation; but during this time the door opens and you see the person you called gay before you realised that you're even gayer. you give each other a shallow bow of the head. the occupant of the household moves so you can walk in but your jelly-like legs barely withstand your weight as you step into the beautifully designed apartment - it looked way better that your shabby hut. now, not only anxiety was presented but embarrassment too… after all, would you like to sit next to a person that was fired because of your decision to have a gay-free office ages ago to increase the productivity of workers that kept on fucking in the toilet stalls.

"so, how's life?" junmyeon hands were bathed in sweat as he sat next to baekhyun's small figure.

"after i got fired chanyeol took me in, so it isn't that bad…" his eyes beheld the same feeling that junmyeon felt when thinking of yixing's perfection, "he's just a big kind baby that can really turn extremely annoying very quickly." he released a chucking invale of breath. "what has been stirring in your life? still bored and depressed?"

junmyeon didn't know if he should feel offended but he decided to not look like a defensive little kid, "kind of… a lot of stuff went recently and yeol got concerned so he invited me to talk with him here…" he says, "i did go on holiday and meet someone; but that's for chanyeol to hear!"

"these walls are paper thin, i'll gather all of the tea either way," he threw a quirky, yet sassy look.

the duos attention was suddenly caught by the sound of the door snapping open, the younger man jumped up from the sofa and sprinted to the businessman. the two suddenly disappeared from the manager's view as baekhyun visibly (through the giant mirror that stood parallel to their figures) gave the taller a 'welcome back home' kiss. it was cute and all but it clutched the elder's heart with a taste of jealousy. never in his life did he receive messages like these: if you don't count that one time he greeted his lover with a good old fat kiss. as his bitter daydream carried on he didn't realise that he was surrounded by the couple, who sat either side of him.

chanyeol's hand, then, suddenly placed itself on his co-worker's thigh, "so, sonny boy, what happened?"

a deep breath if lackluster courage entered junmyeon lungs before he spoke his essay, here we go… "okay, so for you to get all of this dog shit of a situation i have to go to the start…

"it was a few days after i injured myself that jon-jongdae," he hated that name, "offered me to go on holiday to relax and ease my stress… so i blindly said yes, we booked this amazing house with a view next to the sea and after a few days i sat on the plane to busan, then from busan i took a ferry. a ferry that had flipped my life upside down. on the boat i met my first ever lover," the duet besides him muffled their screeches. "now, before i say this - i want to say sorry to both of you for being an asshole about your 'preferences' because i got the taste of my own medicine… yeah, i'm as bent as a-a rainbow." tears shimmered on the surface of his deep brown eyes, baekhyun's hand reassuringly squeezed his - chanyeol followed his lead and massaged the man's leg. "as soon as i met him, i fell. i fell so fucking deep! but of course - oh, yes, of-fucking-course, i needed to be a right idiot and not realise this for like thirty centuries… and not only that, but your beloved mr kim, was a great genius in his day and waited for the last week to confess to the man that clearly replicated the feelings! because why the hell not!" at this point junmyeon stopped, breathed and continued with a calmer demeanor.

"that was the best week of my life. he was the most loving and caring person. this little guy even called me crying about how much he missed me after i returned to my condo. i swear to god that he will kill me with this sweetness that vanishes at night," his half-assed suggestive point makes baekhyun chuckle. "even if it did feel amazing, i was afraid to tell anyone about this incase i got fired like baekhyun; or if i disappointed my parents - mind that they have been planning out my entire future since my birth…

"let's get back to the more relevant stuff!" he cleared his throat as his heart rate increased, "as you may know jongdae has been sent out for foul behaviour but i was the center point. this whole process started a month before; at a night i never want to relive again…"

the heavy breathing concerned the smaller male to his left,"are you sure you want to talk about this?" junmyeon nodded in response, his hands holding his face as his nails inserted themselves into the fair skin.

"it was an october night, i was casually doing my work at home and then suddenly the doorbell rang. i was surprised to have guests at this late hour but when i saw jongdae- saw jongdae who acted extremely awkward and unset-unset… unsettling." a pair of hands stroked his back as he shook from the painful tears. in low whispers he continued his story describing every action on the man in graphic detail, explaining the pain that he felt surge through him with each message he received, and how he pondered about death many times without realising that it was wrong to have thoughts like these.

then when his speech subsided the three sat in a silence, the kim's face still bloated and red from the disheartened weep. it took a bit of time before chanyeol said that he will attempt to talk with the police to stop jongdae's actions as junmyeon screamed at him due to his dream of not needing to deal with authorities. in the wake of this whole argument the soft peach haired male demanded the two to stopped and announced to the oldest that there was no other way to go about this… junmyeon did take a bit of time to accept the fate. he didn't want to harm jongdae's life, but then.. he truly did ruin his dream of living with his lover by making him isolate himself from shame.

when the clock struck eight in the evening, the two owners of the apartment had successfully finished making junmyeon feel slightly better and they managed to gain yixing's number from junmyeon. once they were assured that junmyeon was safe back at home the two started to scheme a magnificent plan.

what was it?

to bring yixing's ass to seoul.

it all started with a simple introductory message, slowly pacing off into a light conversation but then it took a twist when yixing started to tell the pair that he was scared that something was wrong with the boyfriend, as he didn't message his lover in the past few months. to calm his sensitive mind the two explained the overworked man's position without mentioning anything of jongdae's vicious nature. just with the small chat, chanyeol and baekhyun agreed to fulfill the plan once they knew the man well enough; at this point they only made him call junmyeon. the duo felt like the best wingman in the whole of the universe at this point. although they knew that someone else was way better than them, they didn't frown upon it and let their hyperactive personalities live on.

on the other end of the happiness spectrum sat junmyeon. he felt slightly better after revealing his harassment story. he felt as if a weight had been lifted from his feeble shoulders, yet the nausea still boiled in his stomach. with a heavy thump he falls on his bed; today he learnt chanyeol's secret and presented his own horror story. as his head settles on the soft pillow his phone immediately goes off, making him grunt in annoyance. but the irrational emotion dissipates into the bed below him, he's filled with love and bliss when he sees his lover calling him; he was so excited that he could barely hold the phone without shaking it.

"yixing!" he screams and audibly scares the man on the other end of the line.

"haha…" a delightful loving chuckle derives from yixing, "hello to you too, junnie."

the korean felt his tears swell as he cooed from the thrill of happiness. "i missed you so much," he said in a whisper, "i'm sorry for not calling you…"

"i'd love to be with you too; i miss everything about you so much. i sometimes can't sleep because you're not by my side… and i cannot bare the thought of you deciding to cheat on me simply because i am not with you." the sentence at the very end was so hushed that junmyeon needed a few seconds to decode it.

"xing… you know i'd never do that," says the man as he grips his phone tighter, "you're the only one that i have ever loved."

the two, enveloped in each others limitless love, spent the eve talking of what happened in the past few weeks (of course junmyeon did hide his own scarring trouble). it turned out that yixing had been overstretched by his work and currently on a small break; even if his parents yelled at him for being so 'weak' and 'pathetic'. the hushed sleepy whispers continued late into the dark early february night, both of their hearts contracted in a coordinated pattern as they spoke their soulful farewells - both silently wanted to talk like this more. to express their thoughts more. to connect with each other so they feel more alive. junmyeon's shaking breathing subsided as he fell asleep to a video of yixing playing in the sand, singing a love-song to his other half and laughing at junmyeon for the small adorable noises he released with each line of the impromptu song. echoes of the video rung in the cold empty room until the phone became too weak and died in its owner's hold.

the small push from the secret couple brightened junmyeon and made him go to the rooftop more; whether it was to think or to call yixing. 'twas good to see the manager look more cheerful and happy. he was almost as cheerful as the happy virus of the office that annoyed everyone: park chanyeol, the hidden gay overlord. his exuberance only made him become more blind towards the hits that yixing and chanyeol threw at him. but in a way this was good as chanyeol was pretty sure that the man would crap himself if he understood their scheme.

whilst his oblivious lover continued on living his successful life, yixing saw a down fall in his career as one his restaurants in shanghai closed down due to his overly high standards that made people quit. that was a blow to his gut, and the feeling of it pained him more than the stress of owning a restaurant (mini-)chain. after all it wasn't just a building; it was a place where people made memories, met other people, were they earned money… it is— it was a beehive of goods rather than a building in one of the high streets of the giant city. it was an achievement of a young chef that was snatched by the cruel reality. nevertheless less, the barren feeling in his head was hidden when be talked to the older man through his phone. each smile and each chuckle made life worth living. each picture on his phone always lifted his spirits when he was on the verge of collapse.

of course any normal person would've told of their struggle to someone but yixing kept it in: he didn't want to appear weak. he could only do that in front of junmyeon, so until he was able to see him be will repress these demonic possessions that played with his head. he didn't care if he got a mental illness through his reckless behaviour; just as long as he was able to see his beloved korean manager. as long as he was able to smell him, to see him face-to-face, to touch him, to kiss him he should be fine.

a month passed, the chinese man was due in korea in one week. anyone else who had achieved as much as him would've been okay, buy he wasn't.

why that may be?

well, our little boy has never flown a plane and he wasn't really into the idea of hanging in midair to get to korea. he always preferred boats which actually had something underneath them and it wasn't simply just inevitable death. when he told chanyeol and baekhyun about his initial fear, the couple started to instantly help him overcome the fear by explaining the benefits of flying and the very little risk of flying a plane. at the start this idea seemed extremely stupid to the duo but after the endless hours of facts and shitty persuasive techniques, when yixing became alike an excited puppy, the couple sighed in contentment. nothing broke their content until night-time came and the chinese man was still sending tons of messages about planes to them; it varied from facts about certain types of planes to random trivia about the average plane traveller… by this point the two really wanted to own a gun strong enough to shoot yixing with a poisonous dart so he can go to bed: but they didn't.

as all of this ruckus was occurring junmyeon was completely blinded with the life that he started to see slowly developing. his new secretary, jongin, was the kindest person the man had ever met and he loved listening about the man's secret lover who was doing his military service. the two laughed at his, kyungsoo's, egg shaped head in the photos that he sent; and whenever jongin felt down for not having the egg by his side, junmyeon would offer his shoulder and simply explain that he was experiencing the same with a chinese man. it always shocked the youngster to know that his boss wasn't straight, as all the women in the office couldn't stop talking about his peaches - those pink bright cheeks that appeared with each smile. not only that improved: another person, a woman named seulgi, was assigned to be another senior manager mostly to lower junmyeon's ungodly amount of work and because she was worth a raise. at first she seemed to be really harsh towards the man but as days carried through the two quickly became great buddies that went out for several rounds of beer and soju on friday eves. as per usual, they always ended up needing one of their secretaries to come and help them wobble back home.

junmyeon always nonstop talked about these fun new things that happened in his life with his boyfriend, the one who sat squirming in his seat because of male's extreme obliviousness to their plan. i mean, you'd probably notice that something is happening if your boyfriend that is a chef suddenly talked about airplane food, and if your coworker working in human resources started to suggest to just have a firm that shipped fish by planes (as the prices of ship fuel rose to dangerous limits).

yixing's heart only palpated harder when he sat in the taxi with his suitcase next to him. his excitement poured over his edges and he couldn't find any restraint to not blurt all of the scheme to the taxi driver, who clearly didn't give a flying fuck and nodded at points of the story. even if he was pissed about yixing, he did decide to make him pay less just incase he started to rant about the unfair taxi prices. without no surprise yixing bounced over to the airport, the spring in his step showing his enthusiasm to see his long-not-seen junnie.

as the metal detector searched his body, he was barely withstand the situation he was in. he only perceived the couple's messages a few months ago as a joke, but now he firmly stood inside the busy airport. a rush of emotions making him cry out like the baby in one of the queues leading to the gates that allowed people to board the flying devices. the tears rolled down as he thought about junmyeon being surprised by his sudden visit, him hopping into his arms as their chests battered together… all of it sounded too good to become true in the next six hours.

so good, that yixing needed to buy himself a bar of chocolate and stuff it all into his mouth, just to stop himself from bawling like a little kid. as if on demand, when he finished the miserable portion the announcement for his gate rung in the big hall filled with people from around the world. a tingle rushed down his fingers as he gave in his boarding pass to the woman guarding the door. she confirmed that the pass was correct and with a nod allowed him to go through. his squeaking trainers echoed in the narrow hallway that lead people out to the plane, which was conveniently parked near the exit of the glass-walled cave. the scale of the apparatus blew yixing away. never would he think that sixty tons of mass would ever be able to lift off…

as he entered the plane he was diverted to the first-class seating area by the sweet looking stewardess. the chinese man was seated by the window which let him observe the people who were clambering onto the machine. everyone in that crowd of people probably had such complex lifes alike his own and it blew his mind to think about it, it blew it so much that the man blanked out for the entire duration of the takeoff. once he was awoken by a lady offering him a drink he jolted back to reality and asked for a glass of sparkling water; to this the lady nodded and walked off. as soon as she did so, yixing's head spun to look through the window as the fields and towns became smaller with each running second, and then the blue sea stretch out to the horizon.

soon he received his bubbly water and prepared himself to watch a movie he was planning to see a few weeks ago; but after a minute of the movie he heard an announcement ding in the plane, everything fell dead quiet... it warned the passengers that the crew has detected a fault in the plane's fuel tank, but the crew promised that everything was going to be fine and that the problem will be fixed, and that they will immediately be back on track. they also said not to worry about the feeling that that plane is descending.

but the promises didn't matter.

people panicked. yixing panicked.

they screamed. yixing screamed.

they cried. yixing cried.

they prayed. yixing prayed.

the promise truly didn't do anything;

as yixing still felt his body being torn apart by the heavy plates of metal before shutting down from the impact of the fall onto the golden water. all of his life flashing in front of him; before he faded.

it all ended there, in the golden ocean of flames.

the gold rays of sun hit junmyeon's sweaty forehead as he sat with his fellow manager in the cozy bar that was just a few yards away from his office. the two sat at the bar sharing old memories. they finished early meaning that they were able to be drunk as hell by the time that the sunset... although that opportunity was able to happen today, but it didn't as seulgi had a date later this night and needed to have a quick drink to de-stress herself; and that was what junmyeon was an expert in. all he needed was a bottle of beer! but the duo's chemistry was suddenly cut off by the bartender's request for everyone to go silent as he increased the volume of the grand television located on the karaoke stage; this was a routinely thing that happened every friday.

a news announcer with a familiar face then proceeded to speak as the headline of 'breaking news!' appeared on the bottom of the screen.

"today at four in the afternoon an airbus a320neo plane has collapsed into the yellow sea. it's flight path from changsha to incheon was disrupted by a mechanical failure caused by a fracture in the tank. the death number of this horrific accident involves all the people who had been on the plane; which is around two hundred lives - some of the passengers were celebrities, including, the famous actor, kim minseok and, a michelin star chef nominee, zhang yixing…" she continued to talk as junmyeon's heart crashed to the floor. his entire world popped like a bubble.

his life seemed to fall into pieces as tears brimmed his frustrated soul, the man's feeble body fell on the ground at he screeched at the pain in his chest; everyone was looking at him like an animal whilst his work partner sat frozen as she knew what the man hid from their boss. the high painful notes became more deep as he choked on the mucus prior to throwing up on the wooden panel floor as his head seemed to feel as if it were broken into two. the light-coloured stomach storage contrasted with the dark oak flooring. with a quick push he jumped up and with heavy stomps he marched across the bar; everyone was looking at his ghastly attire not trying to hold him down even if they knew what the man was going to do. his strong arms pushed aside anyone that was in his way as he walked. the trees on the sidewalk shivered along with the people who looked shook as they froze at the man's act. their faces tainted with terror as the man refused to be captivated by anyone and rather decided to tear their arms away in order to reach his destination.

the rate of his steps increased as korean closed in on the crammed street. the weak soul that he owned didn't know how it would be able to live without the chinese boy, the man that fixed the manager and made him feel so welcomed to live and be who he wanted to be. that fucking weakness failed to disappear and sent junmyeon to his own doom, to see his lover again.

to see him in the light fluffy clouds as heavenly music decorated his well-crafted face that bore the heartwarming dimple.

he wanted to see him, even if to do it he needed to jump in front of a truck. even if he needed to feel his ribs pierce his lungs. even if it broke his pelvis in half. even if he needed to hear people scream for his live.

even if it meant that he won't be able to live again...

after all his ex-lover, the ocean, was a right-old-bitch that took yixing away; just to face the consequences of having junmyeon die on the cold asphalt of seoul;

in the last golden blaze of the sunlight, that glazed the city that junmyeon was forever trap in.

--end--