My name is Clarissa Raymond. I am a muggle born witch and damn proud of it. I fought hard in the Second Wizarding War for my rights and fuck anyone who still gave a damn about blood purity. There were more more important things to worry about. But hell if I knew what they were.

I was 21 when Voldemort returned and 24 when he was blasted to hell. I was older than so many who died, which never ceased to depress me. Little Colin Creevey… He had been a first year my seventh year. I can remember him so well… I remember when he asked me one day to tell him the story of the famous Harry Potter… God rest his soul…

I laughed to myself. God. There was no god. Not when you're like me and every religious leader condemns you to hell… Except the Dalai Lama; he's ok.

Oh right, I'm a lesbian.

It's hard being a lesbian in both the muggle and wizarding world. Muggles are just ignorant arseholes and wizards all have sticks up their arses. All they care about is carrying on the family name and making little pureblood babies. Perhaps I'm being unfair though, there are always those few who are understanding.

My best friend at Hogwarts, for instance, Naomi Adler, was always accepting of me. She was the first person I told. She was the first person I trusted. She was the first person who knew me.

She just nodded when I told her and asked me, "What's for breakfast?"

I nearly cried in relief. She still liked me and wanted to be my friend. I had been awake all night worried that she would abandon me. All for nought though.

We still kept in touch, though not as much as we used to. Perhaps once or twice a month, depending on how busy we are. Naomi works as a Healer and as one of the newer employees, her hours are hell. I, on the other hand, have a glorious job as a barkeeper at Piper's Orange Club in London. It's a lesbian club.

It's a nice escape from the sterile and pretentious life of wizarding London. At the Piper's Orange nobody judges you or wants you to be different. You can be you. And I treasure that more than anything. There's also the fact that I make a killing in tips because let's face it, I'm fucking gorgeous.

So, while everything in my world wasn't perfect and I wasn't always happy, I was okay. I liked the status quo and that was that. A hook up here and there. Meeting with Naomi and getting completely pissed. Work. Booze. Life was life. And then everything went bat shit crazy when I met Narcissa Malfoy.

I was working the late shift and Piper's Orange was going crazy. It was July 17, 2013 and the muggle Parliament had just passed a bill legalizing Gay Marriage. It pleased me slightly, but it still didn't do anything for me in the eyes of my fellow witches and wizards. But the muggles on the dance floor only had one world to worry about so good on them.

I poured a drink for a pretty woman with short blonde hair. When I put the beer in front of her, she winked at me and beckoned me closer.

"When's your shift over?" she whispered into my ear, her breath tickling my ear.

"Sorry, love, can't talk pleasure when I'm doing business," I said back to her, laughing slightly

She looked disappointed but got over it quickly when an older woman sat next to her. She was probably in her late 50s and this was clearly something that Blondie was into.

"What's your name then?" asked Blondie in what I assumed was a flirtatious manner.

I rolled my eyes and went over to another patron, humming to whatever tune was playing over the radio. You gotta love muggle radio. And clearly everyone else did. They were all dancing wildly to the music. I had never seen so much grinding. Gross.

When I turned back to the older woman and Blondie, I was surprised to see Blondie again. I went over to the woman. "Did you scare off Blondie?"

The woman smiled at me. It was surprising to see how much warmth she put into it. I had totally pegged her for an uppity bitch who judged everyone else.

"Something like that," she said, still smiling.

"What can I get for you?" I asked, brushing the hair out of my eyes.

"Some gilly-" she cut off. "Whatever's on tap."

I grinned at her. "I don't give it out to just anyone, but I have a secret stash of gillywater and firewhiskey in the back."

She suddenly looked horrified. "I have to go."

The woman got up and weaved her way through the crowds on the dance floor. I stared after her confusedly. Why had she been horrified about me knowing she was a witch? For some reason, I had a burning desire to find out why.

I called over to the other woman barkeeping, "I'm going on break!"

She nodded harriedly, over run by the sheer amount of people clamoring for drinks. I opened the divider and pushed through the gyrating women on the dance floor. Was that a…? Seriously? Pelvic thrusting?

Of course, the pulsing music and flashing lights didn't help. Merlin, how did these women stand it out here. I've been in this mosh pit for a few seconds and I want to throw myself in front of a dragon.

I finally made it through to the entrance corridor, where I could see the woman exiting the club. I ran to her and grabbed her shoulder. "Wait!"

The woman startled at the sudden contact and pulled out her wand. She pointed it threateningly at me, but I was ready and had my wand pointed at her. We continued pointing them at each other before I sighed and started to lower mine. "Clearly, this isn't solving anything."

She also put down her wand, though she still held it firmly. "I can't stay here."

"Not ready to accept who you are?" I asked shrewdly.

"How dare you speak to me like that. A member of the House of Mal-" she broke off.

I smiled internally. People were so easy. The House of Mal… The House of Malcom? The House of Malone? The House of… what? The House of Mal… foy! The House of Malfoy!

"You're Narcissa Malfoy?"

She hesitated before deflating and sighing. "Yes."

"You've got balls," I said, very impressed.

"You can't tell anyone," she said. "I was never here."

"I've seen enough women come here who were 'never here.' Never a Malfoy though," I murmured.

"Never a Malfoy," repeated Narcissa.

I laughed. I enjoy a play on words.

"You don't have to go," I pointed out. "I know for a fact that I'm the only witch here."

"I've had enough excitement for one night," said Narcissa tiredly. "I suppose I shouldn't apparate though. Best take some muggle transport."

"Oh come on, have one more drink. It'll be on me," I said.

Narcissa smiled slightly. Again, I noticed the warmth in it. "Oh alright then!"

"Brilliant!"

"I never caught your name," said Narcissa.

"Clarissa."

I grabbed her by the hand and led her back into the masses. I kept a tight grip on her soft hand, afraid of losing her. Sitting her down on an empty stool, I asked, "Some firewhiskey?"

"Might be a little too strong," said Narcissa worriedly.

"You've got to live while you're young," I said cheerfully. "That's one of Piper's Orange's many slogans."

I reached under the bar and pulled out a bottle of firewhiskey. I screwed off the top and slid it over to her. She picked it and took a long swig. "So what are some of the other mottos, Clarissa?"

"What ever happened to Saturday night?" I answered, before thinking for a second. "There's uh… Bitches got to learn… and… Everything is about sex. Except sex. Sex is about power."

Narcissa nearly spit out her firewhiskey. "That's one I've never heard of…"

"It's true though, isn't it?" I pointed out.

"It certainly is with Lucius," Narcissa said into her bottle, her head tilted back and her white streak of hair flashing in the light.

I must say I was surprised to hear Narcissa talk about her husband like this. There were rumors for years about their relationship and it seemed I was about to find out. Though I guess I already knew more than anyone else. Maybe even Lucius. Did I know more about Narcissa Malfoy than anyone else? For some reason, I liked that.

Without waiting for me to respond, Narcissa continued, "When ever we had sex there was never any love or intimacy between us. He just wanted to… use me… and control me…"

Wait, was Narcissa Malfoy talking to me about her sex life?

"I've never had sex with a man," I said casually.

"Really?" asked Narcissa. "You're not missing out on that much, though…"

"Ever had sex with a woman?" I asked, inflecting my voice to let her know I wasn't trying to pry and was just joking around.

She giggled. She fucking giggled. God, she must be pissed. "Not all the way…"

"Not all the way?" I repeated, raising an eyebrow.

And then she blushed. I guess alcohol makes you act like a teenager. "Just some fooling around with a roommate of mine at Hogwarts…"

"And that was?"

"Over 40 years ago," murmured Narcissa. "Merlin, I'm ancient."

I ignored the last part and focused in on what she originally said. "So basically, it's been 40 years since your last decent shag?"

She nodded darkly, taking another swig. "Depressing when you put it like that."

Narcissa tried to take another sip, but was disappointed to find it empty. She looked expectantly at me. "Top me off, Clarissa?"

"I'm cutting you off, Narcissa," I said. "You're completely pissed."

She shook her head angrily. "I want firewhiskey!"

"No!"

"Well, fuck you!" she yelled, before spinning around on her stool to avoid facing me. Apparently, Narcissa Malfoy was an angry drunk. Who would have thunk? This night was very enlightening.

"Come on Narcissa, I'll get you home," I said, walking over to the divider and coming around next to her. "Bedtime for Bonzo!"

She looked at me sleepily. "Take me to my nice warm bed?"

"Yes! You're nice warm bed with fluffy covers and a soft pillow," I said.

"That sounds nice," she said. But then she frowned. "I don't want to go back."

"You have to go back sometime," I snapped. "Remember? This isn't actually your life."

Something in the back of her eyes shifted and she stood up. "You're right. I should leave. Good evening, Clarissa."

She turned around and walked through the crowds. Once again, I stared after her, feeling deja vu. Why did I want to follow her and make sure she got home okay? I made up my mind and followed after Narcissa, telling the other barkeeper that I was going to call a cab for one of the drunks.

When I made it outside, I immediately heard a retching noise. Narcissa was vomiting into a pot of chrysanthemums. I cautiously reached out and put one hand on her shoulder. "Narcissa?"

This time she didn't flinch and almost seemed to melt into my hand. She wiped her mouth and looked up at me and said in a small voice, "I don't want to go home."

I nodded and thought for a second. "Do you want to stay with me tonight?"

"Could I?" she asked.

"Of course," I said smiling. I pulled her up and held onto her arm. With a small pop we reappeared in my small, shabby flat. Suddenly self conscious, I started picking up the clothes that were all over the place. "Sorry about the mess…"

"It's fine," said Narcissa, sinking into one of the patched arm chairs.

"Can I get you anything?" I asked. "Tea?"

"No thanks," she said, putting her head back onto the chair and closing her eyes.

I smiled and headed to the loo, so I could change into my pajamas. Usually I just changed wherever but not when I had company over. When I got out, Narcissa was out of the chair and looking at my assorted flowers.

"Do you garden?" she asked.

I shrugged. "Not really. I just like what the flowers signify. Like the Holly over there. It represents eternal hope. I like that."

Narcissa pointed to one of the flowers. "And that one?"

I got closer to her to get a better look. "That's an Iris. It signifies a message."

"How about that one?" asked Narcissa, pointing at a leafy green plant.

I paused, suddenly realizing how close together we were. "Yarrow means everlasting love."

"I like that."

"Me too."

Before I knew it, our lips were together and we were furiously kissing. I was kissing Narcissa Malfoy and she was kissing me.

The next morning, I rolled over in the bed, expecting to see a woman with black hair and a white streak laying next to me. She wasn't.

I jumped out of bed, still naked. "Narcissa?"

Hearing no response, I sighed and sat back down on my bed. Too many times, this had happened to me. A woman thinks that she's free and then goes back to her old life the next day. They never reach out and explain why. They never say goodbye.

I got back up and picked an old bathrobe off the floor, putting it on and tightening it so it would stay on. I went over to the kitchen table where I was surprised to see today's Daily Prophet. It's headline read Malfoy Family Ruined? Narcissa Sighted at Lesbian Club.

A shocked cry escaped my lips. That's why she had left. She had to go home and explain things to Lucius. Was she going to deny it or come clean?

I glanced at my watch. It was nearly noon. She should've been back by now as she must have left much earlier. She struck me as an early riser.

I couldn't just wait around so I apparated to Malfoy Manor, hoping to get some clue to her decision. When I arrived, I was immediately overwhelmed by the amount of activity. Witches and Wizards were running around crazily, doing god knows what.

I eventually noticed smoke coming from beyond the open gate. It looked like it was coming from where the manor house was. I ran through the gate and towards the house. Nobody stopped me. They were all too busy to care.

"Clarissa!" a voice called out.

I turned around, strangely unsurprised to see Naomi behind me. I stopped and allowed her to catch up with me.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"I could ask the same of you," challenged Naomi, her eyes narrowed.

"I heard that there was an explosion and I was curious," I lied, guessing quickly.

Naomi shook her head, grimly. "Not an explosion. The Aurors think Mr. Malfoy did this. They extracted a house-elf who overheard him yelling at Mrs. Malfoy. He was in such a rage that he couldn't contain the magic."

"Are they okay?" I asked.

"Who?" asked Naomi, her brow furrowed.

"The Malfoys."

"The entire house is leveled," said Naomi tiredly. "There's no way there's any survivors. The Auror's will keep looking and most of St. Mungo's is on standby."

I wasn't even listening by the end. Pain. That's what I felt. Pain. Despair. Hopelessness. This was all my fault.

I disapparated, heading back to my flat, ignoring Naomi. I collapsed on the ground. No tears came. I just lied there.

If I hadn't followed her. Either time. She never would have spent the night. She would have been at Malfoy Manor when the Prophet arrived. Lucius would have slept by her side last night. He would scoff at the article in the morning. She'd still be alive.

She'd still be fucking alive.