In hindsight, not enough thought went into some decisions.
Maybe a bit less than not enough, to be perfectly honest. That statement implies some actual thought did go into this, which was not the case – this decision was made in the spur of the moment. A scolding which wouldn't even make it to the top fifty of worst she ever received – to be fair out of these at least thirty were related to what she'd describe as miscellaneous customer service issues - became the straw that broke the camel's back. After a couple decades of continuous faithful service as what some would describe as a sniveling toady, but which Reisen herself had always described as apprentice when asked, she quit her job.
In theory, this wasn't too bad – there was no better symbolic way of showing she has severed all ties with her past and truly became a rabbit of Earth. Tragically, while Gensokyo was a rather welcoming place, making ends meet in the way Reisen preferred to – that is, without getting her hands too dirty - without being affiliated with a larger faction, was nearly impossible, which at the moment seemed considerably more significant than debating complex identity issues. And to make things worse, her options for joining a prominent group were, to put it lightly, limited. Recent outbursts of almost militant antitheism courtesy of her dream self would make a sudden desire to study the tenants of buddhism, taoism or whichever new faith managed to awaken a saint this month rather suspicious. Humans at the village would likely fear infiltration if she kept asking there. Her only attempt, on the very same day as her retreat from Eientei, resulted in many questions about Eirin's medicine, which made her realize her ingenious human disguise was considerably less crafty than she imagined, considering she was still recognized by past customers and their families now, in her usual blazer and skirt, and with unsightly ears sticking up high into the air.
After a week or so of unsuccessful attempts at finding a place to stay, Reisen was about to start pondering if her philosophical opposition to the lifestyle of nondescript forest yokai wasn't a bit unfounded. Sure, cannibalism and occasionally losing humanoid shape uncontrollably were definitely downsides, as was the absolute lack of self-awareness these pitiful creatures seemed to display, but at the same time the simplicity of their lifestyle kept so many worries away...
Her state definitely would attract whichever cosmic force was responsible for aiding pitiful small entities in need very soon, if a considerably more bombastic cosmic force didn't decide to pay her a perfectly timed visit, effectively taking her off the radar of any higher power.
Reality itself cracked at the edges as Hecatia Lapislazuli, officially appointed Goddess of Hell and less officially legal guardian of at least one fairy, manifested right next to Reisen's makeshift hideout. Vibrantly colored spheres orbited her head and a brand new t-shirt bought from a self-proclaimed human prophet a few days earlier proudly announced her belief in „saurian invasion from hells" to anyone who'd actually attempt to read the inscription, written in a font whose creator presumably intended to meticulously eradicate any and all rules of typography with each line drawn. Easily her best find in ages. She was a bit disappointed the vendor couldn't find a matching kid-sized one that she could gift to Clownpiece, but sadly the world isn't perfect.
"Hey, rabbit. I heard from my sources you're looking for a job", she proclaimed cheerfully.
Reisen, suddenly roused from her meditations, was mortified. Surely this was going to be her end – having heard of her new unfortunate circumstances, ancient enemy of the moon came to settle the score and finish her off when she was at her most vulnerable, despite earlier promises of nonaggression. Thinking quickly, the rabbit stood up and reached into her pocket and pulled out the raygun.
"I'm not going down without a fight!", she shouted, her hands shaking.
"Hey, chill. I just wanted to talk", groaned her visitor.
"I don't trust you!"
"Well, that's fair, but if you think you are doomed anyway can't you spare a few minutes to at least listen to me?"
"Okay", mumbled Reisen, lowering her weapon.
"Great. You see, I heard from a few dream world information brokers that my old adversary is left jobless, alone, wandering the wilderness inhabited only by cannibals and minor gods with strange stem vegetable obsessions, and of course being the nice person i am i decided to check myself and offer you help if needed, after all it's hard to get a worthy opponent nowadays, and you have certainly proven yourself to be one – besides, we parted ways pretty much as friends, didn't we?"
"Is your sweet talk supposed to fool me so that you can strike when I no longer expect it?"
"What? No, of course not. I genuinely want to give you a job"
"What sort of job?", asked Reisen, probably a bit more enthusiastically than she should considering her worries from mere seconds ago. Hecatia decided to pretend she didn't notice that.
„I need a live-in caretaker for Junko. I usually do this myself but hell became really busy lately. And there's one more reason but this is not the time and place to discuss it, as much as I'd like to do some sightseeing around Gensokyo – it's a nice break after the monotonous landscape of the moon. I'm almost sad I didn't spend my holidays here instead of helping Junko in her invasion... But enough about that, if you want to know more about the issue at hand, you'll have to go with me."
"Didn't you two try to kill me?"
"Oh, come on, it was just a game, I didn't even use one percent on my power. Besides, we told you right afterwards there's no bad blood between us anymore, don't you remember?"
"It's not like I have any other options...", the rabbit sighed with resignation. She had no reason to act this way, as weird as it sounds the ending of their previous encounter really wasn't all that unpleasant. And she really, really needed to find a new place to stay anyway. Befriending past enemies seemed to work well for the shrine maiden, so why shouldn't she try the same? Just for a bit, to gain the stability necessary to be able to go back to Gensokyo and enjoy a life free from woe and lunar influence, of course.
"Great. Let's depart, then. I prepared the paperwork in advance so you just need to... well, go to hell with me. And meet with your yama because I want to do it all according to their rulers, so that nobody complains."
Reisen recollected her brief meeting with Eiki Shiki, Yamaxanadu, judge, jury and overworked secretary all rolled into one.
"Our... yama? The yamaxanadu?", she asked, surprised by Hecatia's carefree tone. Even senior yokai dreaded Eiki. However, this feeling was quickly replaced by another one – deep satisfaction. Yes, OUR yama. Finally, someone saw her the way she wanted to be seen – as a denizen of Gensokyo, not a temporary runaway from the moon. A rabbit of Earth.
"Yeah, that one. Honestly this is the first time I have to deal with them directly in what feels like a millennium. I don't even actually know that girl we have to visit, she got promoted mere centuries ago after spending a few thousands of years as an assistant to a senior yama – which meant she had to fill in for the old geezer constantly for a friction of the pay, while still balancing her own duties. You know, the usual intern routine. I heard that made her really strict and old-fashioned, even by their standards, but it shouldn't be much of a problem when you have me at your side."
"I see...", murmured Reisen as she tried to evaluate the potential risks. Yamas were not to be taken lightly, and the goddess' dismissive attitude of them probably wasn't just empty boasting. Earning a powerful benefactor like that, on top of giving her the desired stability for some time, should also at least give her a small chance of survival if her recent decisions will end up invoking Eirin's wrath – something she didn't really consider before, but what suddenly dawned to her now. And she knew all too well what her wrath would result in, she heard the tale about the fate of emissaries sent to bargain with Eientei in the past. Every moon rabbit did, certain stories spread fast, and certain kinds of people – and lagomorphs – love to gossip, especially about gruesome topics. In comparison, the unknown dangers of hell seemed preferable. Back during her military service, she already witnessed the horrors of the alleged dwellings of the highest gods, and if hell was the polar opposite to that according to religious dogma of the earthlings, it had to be a somewhat chaotic, but overall reasonably nice place. Also, after what happened recently, she wanted to get as far as possible from the moon for a bit – and hell surely was even further away than Gensokyo? As much as the double deserter enjoyed the idea of living here, disappearing for a few months didn't sound bad. Especially if it wouldn't change the fact she was finally identified by someone else as an earthling, like she dreamed of for a few years already.
"So, what's your choice?", asked Hecatia with a smile on her face.
"I might as well give in. Take me with you."
"I knew you'll make the right choice. Take my hand, I left my other body at our first goal today so I can take you there in a split second."
In a flash of light, both of them disappeared.
The landing was soft, thankfully. Former moon rabbit looked around nervously, while the goddess of hell readjusted her collection of floating globes. It took a bit to get accustomed to the dim light – what was seemingly early afternoon was comparable to twilight in Gensokyo. Sun, much smaller than the one she was accustomed to, was hidden behind heavy pitch black clouds, seemingly hanging pretty low – the spires of a humongous building vaguely resembling a considerably enlarged buddhist temple rearranged a few times by someone really, really enthusiastic about flames and skeletons and then once again by a heartless architect churning out identical blueprints for sad, empty office buildings, pierced the cloud layer, as far as Reisen could tell. They seemingly were on its patio; multiple heavy doors lead into the unknown depths.
"What is this place?"
"We're in Naraka. The informal capital of yama-controlled part of hell and headquarters of the Ministry of Right and Wrong – creative naming sadly isn't one of their strengths. I don't think this is why some old lords of hell see them as unworthy upstarts, but you can never be sure with some of them."
"How about you? How do you feel about them – on a personal level, that is?"
"I don't really mind. Playing along with them is fun and they're pretty pleasant compared to some other bigwigs, even though their attitude can be annoying. And I appreciate their sense of aesthetics quite a bit", said Hecatia, pointing at one of the doors, decorated with an elaborate relief of Citipati, cheerfully inviting the dead and living alike to come inside. "I'll answer all your questions later, for now follow me, we have to get to our meeting on time."
Finding the right room took almost an hour, not because the Ministry was poorly organized, but because of the sheer size of it. Countless corridors branched out into smaller and smaller ones in the wing of the building dealing with otherworlds, and since Gensokyo only existed as a separate realm for a brief moment by the standards of eternal beings such as the judges of the dead, the department dealing with it was located in a far flung area. Reisen lost count of the staircases they crossed and at times could swear they're going in circles – monotonous interior design, kept in a rather limited palette, and repeated endlessly identical sets of the same statues of prominent past reformers and codifiers of the thousands upon thousands of articles of hell law definitely didn't help – but her guide seemingly had no issue navigating through this place. While a few yamas and other entities employed by the Ministry, most of whom belonged to species unseen outside hell within the last few centuries, seemed to observe them as they passed by, most instantly turning away after catching a glimpse of Hecatia.
When they finally arrived at the right floor, a fairy dressed in a rough approximation of a full yama uniform informed them that her holiness Eiki will be ready to see them in a few minutes; until then, they're free to rest in the dedicated waiting room, which, as it turned out, consisted out of two chairs in the corridor, right next to the yamaxandu's office.
„Last time I had to deal with the ministry was also due to Junko, funnily enough", recollected Hecatia, flipping through fliers left behind by the fairy porter, most of which urged young yamas to pursue work in freshly acquired Hell of Flaming Rooster and similar eerie locations at the outskirts of metaphorical civilized world – or civilized hell, perhaps.. "She felt homesick and I wanted to bring her her old house – that's where you'll work and live by the way, my palace is off limits at the moment, still didn't clean up the supplies for the moon invasion - from Earth. Dealing with the formalities there wasn't much of a problem, a while ago a mansion just disappearing would not raise any questions. The real problem was pushing this through yama bureaucracy – it was still a recent addition to the workings of hell at the time, so they were... even more inflexible than now, to put it lightly. But I managed that, so don't worry. Just leave all of this to me and answer questions earnestly, if she'll have any."
Reisen nodded nervously. She tried to not show fear, but some things were impossible to hide, and anyone familiar with rabbits, regardless of their place of origin, could tell she's worrying – her ears were lowered. While the ruler of hell wasn't an unpleasant companion, and her anecdotes did help a bit with loosening the mood, a general sense of unease which started to settle in when the initial euphoria wore off was hard to get rid of regardless. It all just seemed a bit too easy, surely the meeting will be a fiasco and the yama will send her back to Gensokyo – or worse yet, the moon. It was foolish to think this will work, let alone that powers that be will accept her as an earth rabbit.
"Hey, don't worry too much. Like I said she's a bit old-fashioned, but it's not like she's going to measure your skull to determine if you're prone to burglary or something", said Hecatia with a smile, seemingly in response to her worries..
"She won't?" - the rabbit was genuinely surprised to find out this was, in fact, not a standard practice. Her faith in principles of lunarian occupational medicine received a considerable blow, however she had no time to consider the wider consequences, as the door of the office has finally opened.
"Is petitioner number 119, alongside a sponsor or yama-issued proof of guaranteed employment, here?"
The sponsor in mention pointed silently towards the room.
"T-that would be me...", mumbled Reisen as she moved inside, carefully evaluating her surroundings. It was a small space, barely big enough to fit three chairs, a desk and a few cabinets into it, and thus rather cramped even without the personalized additions to its interior - there had to be a limit to the amount of jizou one can contain into an area of this size, and the resident was very clearly rather keen on not only finding it, but then challenging the notion that it can't be raised. Most likely more than once. Some of them had tiny yama hats themselves.
"Please ignore these statues, their presence here is in accordance with the laws of hell. Take a seat while I prepare everything", mumbled the visibly distressed clerk from behind a pile of documents, each of which contained instructions for a different soul sent to hell. The yamaxanadu seemed less intimidating in her natural habitat than during the rare visits in Gensokyo.
"Chill, i don't really care if they are, as long as this makes you happy. Just give my new underling the paper I wanted."
Eiki saluted awkwardly and pulled a scroll from below her desk. She seemed to avoid her visitors' sight; perhaps she didn't remember that the rabbit was among these who received her lectures during the latest visit to Gensokyo, or maybe the goddess' presence automatically made anyone accompanying her equally dreaded in yama eyes. Despite being at least as tall as Reisen, and barely shorter than Hecatia, who towered above most inhabitants of Gensokyo, the judge seemingly really wanted to appear smaller than she was right now, standing slightly hunched over and keeping her arms close. While the situation was incomprehensible to Reisen, seeing the oher party at least equally, if not more, worried as she was helper her calm down.
In mere minutes, everything was prepared, and after both sides and the permission-issuing body – that is, the yamaxandu – familiarized themselves with the contents of the agreement – rather lax, it should be noted – signatures and an official seal were placed. Freshly established employer of a caretaker for a third party described in detail in additional documentation quickly collected the scroll and started carefully maneuvering across the room to not enter collision course with any statues; a sudden question stopped her in her tracks, however, resulting in one of the small jizou being knocked over by levitating moon. Reisen hoped that if there was a miniature lunar capital on it, it perished in this confrontation with USS Bodhisattva Statue.
"Lady Hecatia, I know you are in a hurry, but... May I ask about... the war?", asked Eiki slowly, stuttering through the second part of the question.
The goddess of hell turned around, narrowly missing another of the jizou with her otherworld orb.
"There's no war, don't you worry. Your shinigamis are in panic over nothing, small time yamas like you don't need to think too much about it at the time. Stick to doing your job as usual", she replied without a single hint of doubt.
"Really, lady Hecatia?"
"Yeah, yeah, sure. And even if something happens, I got your back, don't worry. Now pardon us, there's work to be done."
"Of course! For hell to remain fully operational, we must all do our job with uttermost care! Farewell, lady Hecatia!", proclaimed the yamaxanadu enthusiastically, seemingly back in high spirits, before disappearing behind her documents again. While the lower yamas by principle dreaded the older lords of hell, their words – or at least the word of this particular one – had a certain weight to them, enough to quell many fears. Despite her immense power, Hecatia, goddess of crossroads, household affairs, witchcraft and anything else other deities didn't claim quickly enough or – more commonly - considered beneath them, didn't rise to the top just through brute strength and elimination of rivals, unlike many other rulers of the realm, including the Ten Kings themselves – she was principled, willing to play by the rules set by other people (at least sometimes), and genuinely seemed to have the best interest of both her subjects and the general public of hell in her mind, and that was enough for many younger yamas – these whose position had to be maintained through dedication and personal virtue, and weren't simply bestowed upon them as birthright, as per the case with the oldest generations - to trust her more than any other higher authority, despite official adherence to the policy recognizing no outside authority in Hell unless it submits to the Ministry and helps in reinstating the alleged lost golden age.
Arguably the fact that she was Hell's prime celebrity was a factor too.
Leaving the building was much faster than navigating through it before made it seem.
The news was likely spreading fast as this time the clerks they saw along the way on the lower floors didn't stop in their tracks or turn around. The visitors quietly crossed corridor after corridor, staircase after staircase, until the familiar heavy door became visible – the insides were decorated with similar motif, accompanied by a handwritten note .
Once both women reached the patio again, Reisen decided to break the silence.
"I have two questions. First, what did the talk about the war mean? I already deserted a couple times so I hope it's not more of the same awaiting me..."
"Oh, no , of course not. It's just a cold war, so to speak, and it's not new. There are certain... subsidiaries of the Ministry who insist on escalation, but I'm getting involved to prevent that – and for the sake of that I need to visit the depths of Avici, you see, hence my offer for you", she smiled. "Some of the yamas call it the hell of no return and only discuss it in hushes tones, but the official ministry line is that while the torment of sinners in these hells will last much longer than average, eventually they too will become a part of the system, and thus it'll be possible to rehabilitate everyone – obviously this doesn't take into account that many of the deep hells were formed by sinners in the first place and they'd rather stay there engaging in debauchery for eternity. While I have no problem with it, I'd rather keep the hells I have no real issue with intact, so the logical choice is to do what's the best for the Ministry right now, in order to keep the worst on all sides from gaining more influence."
The lunar emigre smirked. Pure selflessness and no ulterior motive, as if she was going to ever believe that. Decades of both willing and unwilling participation in elaborate schemes and power plays taught her all she needed to know to evaluate the situation.
"And this will let you push your own ideas as well, am I right?"
"You're not wrong, I do have my own plans and my own vision of hell, but I have a lot if time. They can wait. Anyway, what's the second question?"
„Why exactly do you want me to become Junko's... caretaker?", asked Reisen quickly, concluding it's not the best idea to pursue further information on the other topic.
„Oh, it's a long story, but since it will take a while to reach her place, I can tell you on the way. If you want me to go into detail, that is."
Freshly established caretaker nodded. It's not like there was much entertainment available to her, and gathering more information about the new job won't hurt.
„It all started long ago, when I fell in love...", began Hecatia.