The Smile in Your Eyes
A/N: I'm back. This time I present you with a six-chaptered story that I've been thinking for a long time. I just don't know how to write it because it involves things I'm seriously not that aware about. I just finished my exams. I don't think it went well but here's the thing: I may never be able to write at all next year. If all goes well, I will be involved with a one year exchange program in Japan. I hope you people will forgive me.
Dedication: In the midst of writing this fic, my grandfather passed away. Since this story involves deaths…I felt weird. I kind of blamed myself. It's ironic that this story started with a death…
Disclaimer: I do not own Samurai Deeper Kyo, just this story.
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The small frail hands that clung to my white coat disturbed me. I brushed it away but it crept back up, grasping for dear life. I just looked at the desperate eyes that were glazed with incomprehensible pain. Pain. I am not supposed to cause it. The hell I went through all those years, the furious battle to be the best and beat the rest, it all just flushed down the toilet. The pleading eyes haunted me again and my lips became thin. Why does it have to be like this? Why do I have to pull the plug?
"Please, doctor."
My eyes twitched and a growl escaped my lips. Again. The fifth one this year. Those pleading eyes, wanting me to end their strife…I cannot take it. I did not cause the strife in the first place. My hands were now smeared with blood and no matter how much I wash them; I can still see the cruel crimson blood. I used to love red. Now, my duty is to end the suffering. I am a doctor. I save lives. I save those who are in pain.
This woman was in pain.
I nodded slightly and added pressure. The fluid flowed smoothly. It went into the small tube and I could only watch bitterly. I looked at the young and beautiful woman. It was great that the drug worked immediately. The shock expressed on her face quickly disappeared, leaving only a small smile.
I closed my eyes.
"Time of death 21:10."
…
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN'T SAVE HER?!"
I just stared at the plump man. He lunged at me and grabbed my collar, yanking at it with his stubby fingers. I growled in disgust as I removed his hands harshly. I fixed my collar as my assistant nurse gasped at my harshness. The man glared at me threateningly.
"I PAID YOU TO SAVE MY WIFE AND THIS IS WHAT YOU GIVE ME?!" he shouted at me again at a volume close to shrieking.
"For your information," I said slowly, ignoring the onlookers, "The money you gave me was not for me. In fact, it is for the hospital's funds."
"Plus," I added quickly before he can react, "Money cannot buy a life. Your wife's time ended, maybe quite a long ago when she married you. Such a beautiful woman, treated like dirt. I will say this to you, Tanaka-san; you are the cause of her pain. My job was only to alleviate the pain caused by you. And oh, I am afraid we do not accept money earned from gambling. It poisons our equipment."
As I turned around to leave, a choked sob stopped me. I glanced over my shoulder to witness the grown man break down into tears. I was disgusted. He knew there were onlookers and to know that I had just spilled the whole truth about the real cause of his wife's death, he wants pity. It will not work, idiot.
"Sakuya, call security…or better yet, the police. You may also add that he abuses drugs."
My assistant nurse gasped, surprised. She nodded quickly and ran for help, leaving the place quiet except for the crocodile tears flowing ever so freely, wetting the beautiful white floor of this place.
"I only…only had h-her…in my life…w-why did you…" he sobbed out.
That was it.
My hands were bloody yet again.
…
"I have told you this more than once, Mibu-sensei. I thought that you took after your father…I am wrong, I see. Regretfully, you just lost your fifth patient just in a year. What happened? Are you a sadistic man? Do you like watching people writhe in pain? I expected more of you!" the supervisor said grimly, slamming his work desk.
I only stared at him, my emotions masked.
"Kyo, I trusted you with the lives of the many ill patients here."
I finally decided to speak up. Clearing my throat, I said passively, "I ended their pain, is that not my job?"
"No! A doctor's job is to save lives! Not agreeing to help them commit suicide! You say that because you think it is a noble thing to do, God gave you the power to help people! Only if you cannot will you ask for other doctors' help! Do not leave matters to yourself! I imagined you to be more-"
"SHUT UP! Are you saying that I am not capable of doing what you want me to do?! Save people?! I can save people! I understand what you want me to do BUT! It is the patient's dying wish. That woman today is the best evidence to show you that we can help them by introducing death the less painful way! She was abused by her husband and she pleaded me to save her!" I bellowed, slamming the desk too.
"Alright! Alright! I understand! You are dismissed. Please leave. You are giving me a headache."
I just complied.
…
"…Kyo, seriously, tell me the reason why you became a doctor in the first place…I heard from Sakuya-san about what you did to the poor man. You shouldn't have broken his ribs OR his nose!" came the annoying nagging from an annoying girl.
I just ignored her as I took a long drag from the cigarette and exhaled. I am quite aware that I am not supposed to smoke on the hospital premises, especially in front of a patient. But, do I care? No.
"Kyo! Don't smoke in front of me! It stinks!" she pinched her nose, emphasizing her words.
I put out the cigarette and shrugged, disposing the butt.
She flashed me a thankful smile and turned away. She began humming a tune someone I knew taught her. It seems like she still remembers him…
"Kyo, please do answer my question!" she reminded me with a huff.
I smirked as I leaned against the wall, crossing my arms. I raised my brows at her, challenging her. She returned it with a glare.
"I became a doctor because it is what my dead twin brother wanted to be. However, he died before he could realize it…" I dragged off.
"…so you became one in place of him?" she asked softly.
"Nah, I took the scholarship from him. I mean, he's dead. Why waste it? And also, I doubt he'd be able to go through with it though, considering I'm the brighter one…" I ended with a wide smirk.
The small petite woman in front of me punched me with all the strength she could muster –which was very little- on the shoulder. She realized her mistake when she gasped for breath, immediately clutching her shoulder. I helped her quickly before she collapsed.
"…go and rest, dogface. I'll send Sakuya later with your medicine."
She only nodded, wincing.
…
SexyDoctor:
Her name's Shiina Yuya. A girl of sixteen years diagnosed with…nothing. For years, she lived in this hospital and yet no known doctor has been able to give the verdict. For a young girl trapped in a cage, she's a pretty mature girl. Always weak, cannot move a lot…so fragile. Like a china doll. Days of resting in her room paled her. She spends her days reading sick children happy stories, trying to brighten their days. However, she does not have anyone to brighten her day. I don't want to get involved with a patient who's not of my responsibility…
BustedHeaven:
So? What are you gonna do about it, Kyo? Why are you telling me this?
SexyDoctor:
Well, I think…well. Do you wanna take a look at her? That'd mean a lot to me. You can always tell Squinty that you're having an affair with me.
BustedHeaven:
What the hell do you want me to say to my husband?! Keep Tora out of this!
SexyDoctor:
Hey, chill. I'm not sorry.
GoToHellKyo:
Hey! I won't put out dinner for you tonight! You better eat outside!
IWon'tSaySorry:
Hah. I need to stay overtime today. I was going to tell you just now.
GoToHellKyo:
Oh. Okay then. I want to tell you that we're having your favorite chicken today. Beat that. Oh yeah, um, I have to go now. My baby's crying.
IWon'tSaySorry:
Which baby? Squinty or Squishy?
GoToHellKyo:
Stop calling my baby squishy!!! Buzz off!
(GoToHellKyo is offline)
"So it's Squishy, huh? Mahiro, you are such a weird woman…" I scoffed, putting out a cigarette on the ashtray.
I reclined, staring at the white ceiling. It was getting dark. I have another five minutes before I have to go for a round. My patients are very suicidal this year. Each and one of them end up begging me to kill them off. I feel like a murderer. No, I am a murderer. No doubt about it. My hands are smeared in countless of RBCs. Unlike other doctors, I am the only one who agrees most of the time.
Dogface or Yuya, she was the girl who Kyoshiro took care of once. Because of Nozomu's wish, he tended to her since she was small. She was the reason why he wanted to become a doctor. Well, not really. His actual reason was to impress childhood love Sakuya. Haha. Frankly, I always wanted to become a doctor. Muramasa, my foster father was a great doctor. He took both of us twin brothers just after one meeting.
I used to always fight with the other orphans at the orphanage. They used to ridicule me because of my eyes. My different red eyes. They called me a Demon Child. Whenever I beat them up, Kyoshiro would always be there to stop me. His blue eyes would stare me down, cool my anger. I would comply and lower my fist and then turn around with him holding my shoulder.
I hated Kyoshiro for his power to calm me down. It made me feel weak. Easily containing me from shedding blood…it was sad when he died. I did not cry. I was too much of a man to cry. I just needed to calm down to forget he died.
He did not die…right?
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I just want to rest…
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A/N: Sorry for the abrupt end of this chapter. You guys may find this confusing. I am confused too. It's just…because of the loss. I lost my bearings…I forgot almost everything. It's just too much of a shock. It's just sad to see my dad cry, you see? All these foreign feelings rush through me, it's overwhelming. Towards the end, my thoughts were just like 'Huh? What? Why is Kyo like that? Why did I write it like that?' I can't afford to change it so yeah. Any things that you guys think I should change…do alert me. I know Kyo's OOC; it's just the way it is. I'm OOC too right now. I can't recall anything. To be frank, this death is the second close one to me, so I don't exactly know how to handle it. Btw, I know my grammar sucks.