by djFusion
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Have you ever woken up one day to feel like you've been wasting your entire life away, never noticing the rate it was flying by - pissing away your prime with meaningless thrills that don't add up to anything the second after they're gone?
Well, that's my life right there.
In the past fifty-four years, there hadn't even been a flicker that made me feel like I had a real purpose with my existence here - something that assured me that I could be important for the cause and needed for the win. But you see, I'm not exactly the strongest among the people I've chosen to make company with. Hell, I'm not even the smartest - Bulma reminds me of that everyday I see her. It just that... it isn't easy to feel like you're not wasting space when everyone around you can double even your best efforts with ease, but that all goes along with my story, I suppose.
I'm the Other Guy. The B-Team. The one you call last when everyone else comes first. I think people would understand where I was coming from if they, too, had to watch even children surpass them in every possible way. My best friend can relate. We're human. They're not. It's that simple.
I used to be a part of the group. Granted, that was a long time ago, but I was always thrown in the mix before this all started up here. It was nice to actually feel relevant in a situation, back when things weren't so goddamned complicated with this fucking planet. Perhaps that's why I lost interest in trying to save it; it was then when things started losing importance to me.
Yup, that's definitely my life in a nut shell.
Or was my life... that is until a few weeks ago. Two years and sixty-nine days, if anyone's counting.
I can still feel the anticipation from it. The chase. The hot blood pumping through my veins with that vigor and youth that I hadn't felt in years. Come to think about it, I've never felt like this! I finally feel like I have a reason to be waking up in the morning and live for something, instead of slogging away through my mundane routine that had become so pointless over the years.
I think found my reason to live again... even though I might be losing
it as I speak.
For the past twenty-four hours now, I've been watching my life slip out of my hands, dragging myself around my crummy apartment and doing nothing but avoiding the hole I've dug myself into. For as strong as I've become in the past two years, I'm realizing that I'm still too afraid to make this next step in my life. In our lives. Even if it is what she wants just as much as I do.
I've fallen in love with someone I shouldn't have. I think that's where
this all started.
From the second I saw her - after all those years of growing up had disappeared and been replaced by the young woman she's become - she captured everything about me. I never even had a chance. She reminded me of everything I wanted to make of myself - back before things became so pointless to me - and replaced my hapless existence with the passion of my youth that I forgot was ever even under it all anymore. Thinking back, I guess I started to fall into my age... that is before she gave me a new reason to become young again.
I can still remember exactly the way it happened. It still amazes me how it even happened at all! I know I don't look my age, but Dende knows it wasn't my intention to fall in love with a sixteen-year-old girl that summer I spent at the Kame House. But despite my desperate attempts to ignore what she was doing to me from the second I set foot on that island, I was hers. It started as a game of cat and mouse, making blatant attempts to be close to her and talk about anything. Excuses to be alone with her. Protect her. To accidentally touch her arm, or smell her golden blonde hair that cascaded over her shoulders when she let it down... Everything about her made me want to become a better man then the one I had been for so long.
Soon, our little sly encounters evolved into something it probably shouldn't have, since no longer were they these little talks ending in laughter and playful pushing around. I was the adult in the situation and it should have been my responsibility to act like one, even though my heart obviously had other plans. It didn't take long for our nights to start parting on awkward silences and the feeling of mutual anticipation that both of us were too scared to act upon. But maybe scared is the wrong word here? I think something about morals had more of a play in it.
She doesn't act her age either - I think I should mention that. She's a hundred more times intelligent and mature than the whiny women my age that I've dated in the past. She's witty, and clever, and... innocent. Like she's been protected by the solitude of this anonymous island from everything in the world that would try to take it away from her.
Maybe that's why I'm brought to my present situation.
Like I said at first, it was easy to write off our growing connection with a playful attitude, but after a while, it was becoming obvious. Damn right difficult to ignore. She would start sneaking off to my room in the middle of the night, spending most of it curled up to my side - nothing implied at first, but I think I got too used to feeling her warm little body pressed against mine. Again, more times I should have directed her otherwise, but I no longer had a choice by that point. It didn't take long at all before I started returning her embrace, holding her, smoothing my hands over her feather soft skin that I felt that I had been waiting my entire life to touch.
By time the summer was almost over, I was hopeless. I wasn't treating her like my best friend's daughter anymore and I certainly wasn't looking at her the way a fifty-four year old should have been looking at a young girl like her.
I was looking at her like she was my new reason to live again.
I love her... not that anything I do now will change that.
I know weddings are supposed to be happy events. But not for me. I'm finding that I'm too scared to go through with what I'm supposed to here, despite the fact that I know she does truly love me, and I know she's waiting for me to do the right thing now - to be at her side and tell her that I want to spend the rest of my life with her. To sweep her off her feet in front of everyone in the church that doesn't approve of what we've created together. I want to tell her I love her, but I'm here and she's there.
Which brings us back to now...
Sitting on the edge of my un-made bed, dressed and ready in my suit without a tie, twirling that little simple band of gold on my finger that belongs on hers today, not mine. I can't believe after all this time, I'm still proving to be as pathetic as they've told me over the years. And their right - I'm letting the best thing that's ever happened to me slip away if I don't go through with it, as Dende knows she'll never want to speak to me again if I can't hold true to the promise I made to her. To me. And I'll lose the only reason that has made everything I've fought for in my life over the years worth it.
I'm not going to let my destiny go on without me. Not this time.
As fast as I can move, I run out to my car and step on the gas. The church is only a fifteen minute drive from here. I bet I can make it in five. Speeding laws no longer apply to me right now.
Traffic light after traffic light, train stops and busses. Goddamnit! Nothing is on my side!
Please, Dende, don't let me regret this for the rest of my life! I know I was the stupid one for waiting until the last minute, but I can't let her make it to that altar without me! Please let me get there in time!
The more time ticks away, the less cautious of a driver I become. At this point, I'm spending more time off the road then on it, near plowing over innocent bystanders who think I'm some madman behind a wheel... well, their not too far from the mark actually.
Five minutes...
Nine minutes...
Thirteen minutes...
Fuck!
Why is it taking so long? I have to believe at this point that fate is doing every damn thing in the book to keep me from that church! I'm running out of time. We're running out of time. She will never forgive me if I'm not there to prove to her that I do love her. That I don't give a fuck what people think about us. That I knew from the second that I laid eyes on her that there was no chance that I would ever be able to live without her. I may have been able to give her the typical relationship that someone her age deserves, but I've done everything possible to make sure that she knew that this is what she really wanted, even if it did turn out to be me.
I will not stand her up now. Not after all we've gone through.
I can't remember how many times I abandoned my own life and responsibilities to be with her every chance I got, or how many lies I've told to the world over the past two years to keep what we had untouched by the prejudices of every eye that wanted us apart. Nobody could accept that a man at my age could possibly be genuinely in love with a young girl like her without having 'dirty old man thoughts' or intentions to do something that wasn't in her best interests. We've done nothing but defend our relationship - to my friends, to her parents, to everyone - so why have I buckled under the pressure now to do what I've fought so hard for?
I finally pull up to the front of the church.
Am I too late? Is it all over?
I hear music inside. I think I still have a chance.
I park my car on the sidewalk outside of the doors and run up to the door before, but I hesitate. I grab a hold of the large wooden handles on the main double-doors, nearly crushing them in my hands before taking a deep, shakey breath. I've never been so scared in my entire life as I listen closely to the words on the other side that will change my life forever...
"If there is anyone here who objects to the joining of these two in holy matrimony, speak now or..."
I throw open the doors.
And there she is.
She's more beautiful now than I've ever seen her before, and for a second, I forget about every eye laid upon me like I've completely lost my mind. Even through the span of the church between us, our eyes meet, assuring me without a doubt that I'm doing the right thing.
Tears start to stream down her face and the hand she was forcing herself to hold slips out of her grasp. She never doubted my promise.
I don't even have to say anything. She already knows why I'm here, even if the lavender-haired confusion next to her doesn't have the slightest idea what's going on. It's really not Trunks' fault for all of this; I was the one who pushed her away and drove her to the arms of another man - one who wouldn't insist that he was a mistake for her and that she deserved better then a old man like me. It just that it wasn't until twenty-four hours ago that I realized that I was wrong.
Soft gasps and whispering fill the room in seconds, but I can't hear
any of it. I know she can't either. I can only hear her heartbeat echoing
into mine, and her smile tells me that she never stopped believing that
I would come for her. Not even for a second.
I've found my reason to live again. And I'm not about live a life without
my Marron.
~:~ fin ~:~
~ for my best friend, Kinomi ~