Seimei walked me into my room and lit a night lamp. He helped me to take off my clothes and put on my blue pajamas. I then lied down on my bed and let him cover me with a soft duvet. He reached for a book and started to read me a story about kittens. I was slowly getting drowsy but I felt uncomfortable before I dozed off.
"Seimei...", I murmured.
"What's up, Ritsuka?", he asked.
"I have to pee. Can you bring me my potty?"
He closed the book and put it on the nightstand. From his look, I knew he's up to something.
"How about I teach you to use the toilet?", he asked.
"Nooo! I like my potty better."
"How old are you?", he asked.
"Four and a half but it doesn't matter! Mom said I'm fine with the potty and I hate the toilet anyway", I said.
"Yeah, if she had it her way, you'd still run around in diapers", he said. "Remember that time? You said you like it that way and won't sit on your potty."
"So what", I rebelled. "Now I like it."
"So? Maybe you'll give the toilet a try?", he encouraged me. "It can't be that bad."
"It is", I said.
"How can you know if you never tried it?", he replied. "It's the same as your potty, just a little bigger. Remember how I helped you to quit using diapers? Was it so bad?"
"I guess not...", I said.
"You're a big boy now, Ritsuka", he said. "Almost a grown-up. All boys your age know how to use a toilet. Soon you'll go to school, and you can't take a potty with you there."
"Don't they have potties in school?", I asked.
"Nope. Just toilets", he said.
I frowned. I thought it's really unfair to forbid kids from doing their business the way they like. So what all boys my age use a toilet, I thought. I liked my potty. It's comfortable, blue (my favorite color) and has a cute kitty on it, why would I want to get rid of it?
"Come on, let's just have a look at it", he encouraged me. "If you don't like it, I'll give you your potty. Fair enough?"
"And you won't make me sit on the toilet?", I asked.
"I won't, I promise."
"And you won't flush it?", I asked. I hated the loud sound it makes.
"I won't, you have my word. I won't do anything against your will."
"Okay then", I consented hesitantly.
He turned the light on and walked me into the bathroom, holding my hand. I was standing on cold floor, looking at the toilet. Even with the lid down, it seemed so big and menacing compared to my potty. I didn't like it one bit.
"Come on", said my brother. "Don't be afraid."
"I'm not!", I said.
"Then let's come closer."
He gently pulled my hand, I followed. I stood in front of the toilet, clutching on Seimei's hand.
"See? Nothing to be afraid of", he said.
"I'm not afraid, I just don't like it", I replied.
"Why?"
"Well... I dunno", I mumbled trying to find something to hate about it. "It's big."
"Yeah, and big is cool, right?", he remarked.
"It's loud."
"Only when you flush it", he said. "You can leave the bathroom before i do it."
"I can take my potty wherever I want", I said proud of my solid argument.
"You still have to go to the bathroom to get it", he shot me down. "Come on, let's have a look inside."
He slowly opened the lid, still holding my hand. The inside of the toilet was a bit scary. The hole in the seat was way too big for me to sit on.
"Want to try sitting on it?", he asked.
"You said I won't have to!", I objected.
"You don't, just asking", he calmed me. "Aren't you curious about it?"
Suddenly my bladder started to remind me why we came to this place.
"I have to pee!", I whined covering my wee wee with both hands. "Give me my potty."
"Come on, give it a try, it's easy", he said.
"It's too big, I'll fall inside!"
"You don't have to sit on it to use it", he said.
"I don't?"
"Yeah, you can pee standing in front of it", he said. "In fact, most boys do it that way."
"Really?"
At first it seemed a big hoax to me, but at the same time it was kind of exciting.
"Of course", he said. "Remember last Saturday when we went to the park and you had to pee? I took you to the trees, pulled your pants down and you peed under one of the trees. That wasn't scary at all, now was it?", he asked.
"Nope."
"It's just the same here, you just need to aim inside the bowl", he explained. "And aiming is cool and exciting, right?"
He got a point about that. Until that time at the park, I had no idea that you can aim with your pee. That's so different from just sitting on a potty. There was just one little problem about the toilet.
"But... I'm too short to reach over...", I said.
"I'll help you."
"Um, okay", I agreed.
"Really?", he said kind of surprised.
"Yes, just hurry!", I exclaimed, stepping from one leg to another. "It's coming!"
Seimei put the toilet seat up and pulled the bottom of my pajamas down. He then grabbed me under my arms and gently picked me up. The toilet suddenly got more scary than before. The hole was even bigger without the seat and I was higher up. I was afraid that I'd fall inside, but I wouldn't admit it.
"Don't worry", said Seimei, "I've got you."
He stepped closer to the toilet. My heart started to beat faster.
"Pull your shirt up, so you won't get it wet", he instructed me. I complied. "Okay, go!", he said.
I didn't care if I'm aiming right, I just wanted it to be over, but I was too scared to relax. My brother tried to help me by making stupid sounds, but that just embarrassed me.
"Come on Ritsuka, pssssss..."
Should have just sat on my potty, I thought. I closed my eyes and plastered my cat ears down. After a moment, I finally managed to let it go. My pee trickled inside the bowl. I opened my eyes to have a look. Wow, I thought to myself, I'm really doing it! I even forgot how scary the toilet is. I sighed with relief. The water was slowly turning yellow, as the stream started to get shorter. I accidentally dripped some on the rim of the toilet before I run out of pee.
"Don't worry about that", Seimei calmed me. "Are you done?"
"Yeah."
He put me down and immediately hugged me.
"Yay!", he exclaimed. "You did it! You used the toilet! You're a big boy now! I'm so proud of you."
I was overfilled with pride too. I looked at my pee inside the toilet as Seimei pulled my pajamas up. He then wiped my little accident off the rim with some toilet paper and dropped it inside.
"So", he asked "how was it?"
"Awesome!", I cheered.
"Want to flush it?"
Now, this was somewhat of a problem. One thing that always put me down about the toilet is how loud it gets when it's flushing. After using my potty, I would always leave it in bathroom and go away before mom or Seimei would find it. That way I'd be safely gone by the time they flush the toilet.
"So?", he pestered me. "Don't be afraid."
"I'm not, it's just too loud", I replied.
"How about we cover your ears?", he asked.
Well, that made some sense but I still wasn't sure about it.
"Don't you want to see your pee disappear?", he asked me. "You can pull the handle yourself, I bet you never did that before."
"Okay, just keep my ears covered", I instructed him.
"You're a brave boy, Ritsuka", he said. Then he knelt behind me and covered my cat ears with his palms and the other ones with his forearms. I think he said it's ready, but I couldn't hear much. I put my hand on the handle and took one last look at my pee in the toilet. I still couldn't believe I really did it. I pulled the handle. Water rushed down violently. My pee was getting clearer until it was gone, all in a brief moment. I moved back half a step and let Seimei embrace me, still holding my ears shut, so it wasn't all that loud. The small piece of toilet paper was swirled around for a moment before following my pee down the drain. The water stopped. Seimei let go of my ears and hugged me again.
"See?", he said quietly. "Not scary at all, was it?"
"It was a bit", I admitted. "But I think I liked it. It's so different from the potty."
I looked inside the toilet again. I sort of regretted flushing it. Mom and dad should have seen it before.
"Now let's go wash your hands", said Seimei.
"But I didn't even touch my wee wee", I pointed.
"Still it's better to do it. Can't hurt you, right?", he said.
We went to the sink. Seimei stood me on a small chair in front of it, so I could reach. He turned the water on and made sure it's not too hot for me. He started washing my hands with apple-scented soap.
"You think mom and dad will be proud of me?", I asked. Seimei sighed quietly.
"You know", he said, "I don't think they'll believe you after how long you've been clinging to your potty. I think it's best if you don't tell them yet."
"Why?"
"Trust me on that one", he said washing the soap off my hands. "Mom and dad are having a hard time lately. It's better to stay out of their way. I'm very proud of you and that's what matters."
He put me on the floor and dried my hands with my blue towel.
"Come on", he said. "Let's put you back in bed."
Seimei put me back in my bed and kissed my forehead.
"You learned a lot tonight", he said. "You're a very smart and brave boy, Ritsuka."
I couldn't remember being happier. Seimei reached for the book to finish the story, but I was asleep before he did. I dreamed about mom and dad praising me for being so independent.