Disclaimer: Seriously, I don't own Harry Potter or any of the affiliated characters. J.K. Rowling does. I'm just trying to fill in the gaps in her stories the way I want them to be filled. Don't sue.

Chapter 1: Father

An itch woke Remus up that night. His last transformation was two days ago and the larger wounds were still healing beneath tightly wrapped bandages, and he couldn't reach the itch. Instead he rubbed the bandage on his arm furiously until the itch finally dissipated and a burning pain replaced it. He could cope with the pain at least.

The latest treatment attempt had failed, Remus sighed and turned onto his side, trying to forget the look of disappointment he had seen on his parents' faces when they opened the cellar door and found him lying in a pool of blood.

He had to keep reminding himself that they weren't disappointed with him, it wasn't his fault (or so they said); they were just disappointed that the potion they had tried this time hadn't help.

Gradually, Remus became aware of the noises coming from downstairs. His parents were talking, he realized. He hoped they weren't fighting again. His parents made a habit out of only fighting when he was in bed, but he still heard them and he knew they only ever fought about him.

He couldn't make out specific words from the conversation, but there was something unsettling about their tones. There was a kind of electricity behind the murmurs, one that let Remus know a fight was about to break out. He tried to block out the sound by shutting his eyes tightly and pulling a pillow over his ears, but the murmurs were steadily becoming louder. Until, finally, Remus was able to make out what his mother was saying.

"I know it didn't work John! You don't have to keep saying it! We'll just have to try again and keep trying until we find something that does help!"

His father's reply was muffled, but Remus could hear his tone become increasingly agitated.

"Do you think I care how much it costs?! This is our son, John! Our only son! If it helps even a little, it doesn't matter if it bankrupts us, it'll be worth it!"

His father began yelling as well, "If anything, Anne, these so-called treatments, are just making things worse. You know Remus hates taking them too! I'm just trying to think about what's best for our son!"

Remus silently agreed with his father, he did hate taking all the strange potions that were supposed to help him with his transformations. Nothing stopped him from hurting himself and the potions would just leave him feeling worse than usual when he woke up the next morning.

"You're 'just thinking about what's best for our son'!?" Remus flinched as his mother began shrieking, he knew what she was going to say next. "You sure as hell weren't thinking about what was best for him when you passed those regulations! They warned you John, they warned you what would happen but you didn't listen."

"I was just trying to do my job, Anne!"

"Yes, you were 'just doing your job' and now our nine year old son will never have a normal life!"

It's not his fault, Remus thought miserably. He should have listened to his parents and stayed indoors that night.

"Oh it's so easy to say what I should have done. Have you already forgotten!? We were getting threats before those regulations ever hit my desk. I can't change what's happened; if I could I would, in a heartbeat. I don't know what else I can do to earn your forgiveness Anne! It's been five years and every single conversation always comes back to this!"

Remus realized he was holding his breath, waiting for his mother to retaliate. After what seemed like an eternity, she responded and it made Remus wince. His mother had begun sobbing.

"I know. I know it always come back to this. I'm sorry, I'm so, so so-sorry" she hiccupped. "I want to forgive you John, god, how I want to forgive you! I want us to just be happy for Remus' sake. I've been trying for years to move past this but I ca-can't, I just can't."

Although Remus had wanted nothing more than to block out his parents conversation and go back to sleep, he found himself straining to hear more as his parents' voices became softer.

"Anne… I…"

"Every month when I see him hurt like that, every time I see his scars, every time I have to ignore letters from my parents, my brother, my old friends… Every single time, I'm reminded that none of this would've happened if you hadn't… if you hadn't…" She trailed off.

"I'm sorry." There was something so weak about his father's voice, so defeated sounding, Remus shuddered.

"I know you are, and I'm sorry too."

And then there was silence, Remus found himself crying but he wasn't sure why. His parents fought all the time, but something about this night felt different and he knew it was entirely his fault. He wanted curl up into a tiny ball and vanish from his parents' life, maybe then they could learn to love each other again.

Remus woke up a short time later, it was still dark out and he wasn't sure what had disturbed him for a moment. Then a light began creeping across his room as his father pushed open his bedroom door. Remus didn't move, but continued to watch his father's shadow carefully as it approached him.

"Remus?" he whispered. Remus didn't answer and his father sighed. For a moment, Remus thought his father was going to notice that he was awake, but instead, he turned away and gently closed the door behind him. There was a muffled shuffling noise and Remus suddenly felt very nervous.

Throwing the covers off, Remus scrambled up. He scrunched up his face in pain as the sudden movement stretched a wound on his side awkwardly. The discomfort subsided quickly though and he rushed to the door.

"Dad?" he gasped throwing the door open as he ran to the top of the staircase.

John Lupin was already at the bottom of the stairs and looked up in surprise at his son's voice.

"Remus, you're awake."

"I—I couldn't sleep." Remus began to feel sheepish; he knew he wasn't supposed to have heard his parents' fight earlier.

His father just nodded sadly. He looked old, Remus realized suddenly, older than a man his age should. There were bags under his eyes, his hair was disheveled and his face seemed gray, if he didn't know any better, he could've sworn his father had been crying. A moment passed in silence before John shook his head softly, as if trying to wake himself up.

"I've got to go now Remus."

"But, where are you going?" Remus panicked as he noticed the suitcase by the door.

"Away. Don't worry though, it's only for a few days Remus. Your mother and I just need some time apart so we can clear our heads. I won't be gone long." Remus knew his father was lying, he could hear it in his voice, but he wanted to believe him. Remus nodded.

"Be good to your mother alright? You're the man of the house until I get back."

"I'll be good dad, I promise." Remus watched as his father's face fell.

"I know you will be. Goodbye Remus." John picked up his suitcase and turned towards the door.

"Goodbye dad." Remus' voice sounded much meeker than he had meant it to and it caused his father to flinch as he grabbed the doorknob.

For a second, Remus thought his father he had changed his mind; that he was going to turn around and give his son a hug and promise that he would stay and fix things with his mother. But after a brief pause, John Lupin opened the door and walked through the threshold without so much as a glance back at his son. The door closed behind him with a soft click and Remus knew in that moment that he would never see his father again.

After what felt like an eternity, Remus left the staircase and returned to his bed. He wrapped himself tightly in his blanket and stared numbly out his window. The sound of his mother's muffled sobs two rooms over was rhythmic and it gradually lulled him back into an uneasy sleep.