A/N After the continuity fail of the scarf Emily gave Laura never again appearing onscreen after 'Faith' I just had to write this.
Kind of a companion piece to go with 'Fixing the Match'
Reading FtM first would really help to appreciate Bill's expectations at the start of this
Faith Revisited
Watching Laura run her hand along the inside of her already unpacked overnight bag a second time it was clear to Bill that something was wrong.
"What are you missing?" Bill asked.
"The scarf that Emily gave me."
Frowning, she asked. "Did I leave it here last night when I went back to sickbay?"
"No. I don't think so. I didn't come across it this morning. Are you sure you brought it with you here last night?"
Here at the ends of the worlds the sudden appearance of anything new was notable and Bill didn't remember her having a scarf with her last night – aside from the one on her head - but then it had been the middle of the night and what he had been paying attention to was the return of the sparkle in her eyes. It had been missing for some time now.
After thinking about it a moment, she answered. "No, I'm not sure."
"Could you have left it in sickbay?"
"I must have." She admitted.
Tory would be here in half an hour to start the President's day. Trekking to sickbay and back would eat up most of that time. Despite having slept a stone's throw from the press room while on Colonial One, he knew she didn't sleep well if at all in the openness of sickbay. She had to be tired after being in sickbay for most of the night.
"Let me go get it."
She opened her mouth for the refusal he knew she was sure to offer. She would insist on doing it on her own and most likely include some biting retort about her not being an invalid quite yet. Instead after a second's hesitation she surprised him and - if he wasn't entirely mistaken - herself. With a nod, she agreed.
"All right. I think I'll lie down until Tory gets here."
Ishay smiled knowingly seeing him draw near. "You just missed her, sir. She left about twenty minutes ago."
"I know. She left her scarf here."
"Well let me help you find it."
Together they stripped the bed she had been in and didn't find it. Ishay went through the bedding a second time while Bill looked under the bed for good measure.
"Are you sure she left it here?"
If not here, Bill didn't know where else it was that she could have left it. She didn't mention any stops along the way. He said as much.
"I'll go ask around. Maybe someone passed by, noticed it and put it aside for when the President comes back tomorrow."
When Ishay returned empty handed and shaking her head, Bill tried to delicately broach his latest, slightly macabre thought on where the scarf might have gone. "The scarf belonged to Emily."
"Emily?" Ishay repeated.
"Yes. Is it possible that someone found it, didn't know she had gifted it to the President, and sent it with her?"
"I suppose anything's possible, sir. You'll have to check with Emily then."
"Yes." Bill paused. "Could you?"
"Sir?" Ishay looked confused.
"Could you check with Emily?" Bill repeated.
"Ah … certainly, sir." With a perplexed look, Ishay moved to the handset on the wall. Her hand on it, she asked. "Where would I find Emily?"
Laura had said she was from one of the freighters, but Bill couldn't remember if Laura had mentioned which one. Besides - "She not still here?"
"Emily?"
"Yes."
"No sir."
"She's not in the morgue?"
"No one named Emily works in the morgue, sir."
He was so sure that Laura had said her name was Emily, but maybe he had the name wrong. "The woman who died here last night."
Ishay was beginning to look concerned but she sounded entirely certain of what she was saying. "Admiral, no one died here last night."
Bill tried to prompt her memory with more of the details he could recall. "The woman with liver cancer."
Her eyebrows furrowed. "Sir, the President is the only cancer patient that Dr. Cottle treats."
Bill was willing to concede that maybe he had gotten the name wrong, but he couldn't have gotten everything wrong. "She was in the bed across from the President."
"Sir, you know that the chief of the President 's security made Cottle clear out her entire section of sickbay."
He did know that. But then -
The Chamalla.
Ishay started to question him. "Sir, did the President tell you -
Bill lied to shut down any further inquiry. "Tory notified the President of the news this morning. I just assumed Laura met the woman here, but clearly I was mistaken."
Returning from sickbay, Bill found her asleep.
He wanted to call Tory. Tell her not to come until Laura woke of her own volition and called for her, but he knew life wasn't about what he wanted.
Even though he knew she hated him doing it, he stood there just watching her sleep. He had sat there watching her sleep many times since she had taken up residence in his quarters. One of the times she had caught him doing it and in a tone that absolutely pierced his heart snapped at him. 'Take a picture. It's sure to last longer.'
The past few months she had been so on edge. Her patience with him, with Baltar, with Lee, even with Tory – in short with everyone had been almost nonexistent. She seemed to be trying to be everywhere all at once. Trying to shore things up on every front, to get done everything she could as if it were a foregone conclusion that she had only a finite amount of time left in which to accomplish anything.
Even in slumber Bill had grown accustomed to seeing her features marred by anxiety and determination.
Today, last night she had seemed so much more at ease. Even now in her sleep he could see the change.
With a slight hum she opened her eyes.
"Did you find it?" She stretched out her hand toward him.
Bill shook his head. Having nothing else to give her, Bill offered her his hand.
Taking it, she squeezed it.
Her voice was full of self recrimination. "How could I have been so careless with it?"
"Laura -"
He wasn't sure how to start. While the Chamalla often influenced her subconscious in dreams, waking hallucinations were less common. Certainly she had experienced them before, but never before had she been unable to tell the difference between reality and the Chamalla visions.
"If there's going to be a funeral service I'd like to attend. I know you never met her and it's not really your thing, but come with me?"
The words slipped out before he could even think about what he was doing. "She's already gone."
The lies came so easily once he started. "I thought that the scarf might be with her. I asked Ishay to check, but she was already gone."
"Oh." Her hand still in his, he felt the shudder that passed through her. "They certainly don't waste any time."
Bill knew what she was thinking, but unable to bear the thought of it himself, he tried to push the image out of his mind.
She couldn't die. For so many reasons only the least of which was that he was never going to be able to let her go out the airlock into the cold emptiness of space.
He squeezed her hand less as an attempt at comforting her and more as a confirmation for him that she was still there with him.
There was a knock at the hatch.
"That would be Tory. Which means you're late for your shift."
It was said banteringly, without the reproach that had tainted so many of their recent exchanges.
As she swung her feet off the rack in preparation of standing he tried to take back his hand.
She didn't let go. "Are you all right?"
Untrusting of his voice, Bill simply nodded.
She didn't quite look as if she believed him, but she didn't press.
"I'll be working out of here today. If things aren't busy in the CIC stop by for lunch?"
Not knowing what else to say, he admitted. "I'd like that."
"Good." She smiled at him.
Giving it one last squeeze, she released his hand and moved toward the hatch.
finis