Dancing Lessons
Garrus went through his list of options. There weren't many if he had to be honest with himself. Liara was far too busy. Tali and Ashley were one night of drinking with James to get over the intercom and announce it. EDI didn't even need to drink to be a tell all and the person she would probably tell first was Joker and that was a worst case scenario if he ever saw one. There was Gabby and Traynor but he didn't know them as well as the others.
So, that left only Javik, Cortez and James. He shook his head as he looked at his bunk. He had to be out of his mind to think about doing this. He did want to do something special for his lady though. He walked over to the intercom.
"Uh, James, could you come up here to the main battery? There's something I need to discuss with you," Garrus said.
"Why don't just tell me now buddy?" James asked.
"It's uh, something personal."
"Oh, alright, be right up."
In a few minutes, James came strolling into the room.
"Hey buddy, what's up?" James asked.
"Well, James, as you know, Shepherd and I are... together and I was hoping to do something for her," Garrus said playing with his hands.
"Cool, how can I help?"
"I... uh... got some vids off the extranet showcasing some dances... they require a partner..."
"Oh."
"Look, if you're uncomfortable with this..."
"Can I just ask you why you didn't consider one of the girls for this?"
"I did, you've drank with Tali and Ashley, do you notice how secrets just kind of pop out of them after a few drinks?"
"Right."
"I don't Traynor or Gabby all that well."
"Right. Alright, anything to help a friend out. What did you want to start with?"
"Well, there is this one."
He started one vid.
"The tango, hey I know this one. I learned this for my cousin's quinceañera. Alright, give me your right hand and put your left here."
"Okay."
"Now, you're going to lead and... 1 2 3, 1 2 3."
The lesson was going rather well and James noted that he was having some fun with Garrus. They found themselves laughing as much as dancing. They did start to improve after an hour or so.
"I think we should take a break," Garrus said.
"It was starting to get better at the end there," James said.
"Yes, the accuracy between the vids and your movement increased twenty-five percent," EDI chimed in.
"You remembered to disable the cameras didn't you?" James asked Garrus.
"No," Garrus said rubbing his forehead. "EDI, do I have to ask if Joker..."
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I think I cracked a rib there. Anyway, back to it. HAHAHAHAHAH!" Joker said coming in over the intercom.
"What's so funny, Joker?" Shepherd's voice came in over the intercom.
"Oh commander," Joker said and the intercom cut out.
Garrus looked at his omni-tool.
"Wow, an hour, took a lot longer to get caught than I thought it did," Garrus sighed.
"Hey, Joker's a good guy, he won't spill the beans," James said. "Anyway, this was fun buddy, let me know when you want to do it again."
Garrus shook his head. Maybe being killed by the Reapers wasn't so bad after the abuse he was going to take from his teammates in the next few days.
Who was he kidding?
Minutes.
But the shoe never dropped. Maybe it was adrift in space. Garrus looked around at the crew as he sat down with his rations for the morning. Shepherd came wandering through a few minutes later. She smiled at him, her quiet little smile and went to the elevator. Not a word had been mentioned about it in what they called the night. He was pleasantly surprised.
He finished his breakfast and then his comlink beeped.
"Garrus, Jeff would like to see you on the bridge," EDI said into his ear.
"Coming, EDI," Garrus sighed.
He took the elevator and walked through the CIC. No one snickered. No one sniggered. When he got to the bridge, a panel closed after him.
"Hunh, didn't know that was there," Garrus said.
"Anti theft system," EDI said from her copilot seat.
It was then that Joker turned his chair around. He was holding a knife in his hands.
"So, Mr. Vakarian you need me and I have all the power. Once again this proves that there is nothing that you possess that I can not take away. Pity, the Havidos could have warned you. If only you spoke Havido," Joker said. "EDI! Liara! Ftt, ftt!" he said making a swiping motion at his throat with the knife.
"What the hell was that?" Garrus said.
Joker threw the knife over his shoulder to let it land where it would. He put his hands on his thighs.
"Nothing, I'm just screwing around. Though I am surprised that you've never seen Indiana Jones. We should fix that before we're all killed by the Reapers," Joker said. "Anyway, as you know I saw your horrendously embarrassing display with James yesterday and I'm prepared to keep it a secret for you."
"Okay, why?" Garrus asked him.
"Because we're best buds, that's why."
"I've seen the way you treat your friends."
"Fine, I want to help you because I owe Shepherd for all the times she's helped me out. Besides, she's the best damn C.O I've ever served under and she deserves to be happy. Also, it would be nice if at least one half of you could dance."
"Alright, thanks. I didn't know you had a heart."
"I do and it's protected by a group of very fragile ribs. Anyway, we've set it up so that all you have to do is turn off the camera and EDI will switch the feed to show you doing you're very favorite thing. If we don't have enough of you doing that we'll put up videos of you calibrating."
Garrus rubbed his forehead.
"I do plan to keep the footage for future blackmailing purposes. And to play at you and Shepherd's wedding and at your funeral. And hell, just about every occasion I can think of."
"I've deleted the footage, Garrus," EDI said.
"Dammit, EDI," Joker said. "Anyway, EDI and I were talking and she thinks that the best thing to do would be to start learning how to dance with Tali cause both of you have like the same kind of legs. Then move onto Liara and finally EDI. Cause they're the most human."
"What about Ashley? She's human," Garrus said.
"Ashley also dictates all her letters to her sisters. Which include just about everything that we do. And I mean, everything. You don't want Shepherd walking in one of those. Also, I suggested it to James and he made some vague threats towards my skeletal system."
"How did my wanting to learn how to dance become more secretive than the Crucible?"
"Well, it's a bit easier because we're keeping the secret from a handful of people and you're not eight kilometers long and floating in space."
"Right and thanks, Joker."
"Just do your thing and show Shepherd a good time."
"Roger that."
Dance lessons moved from the cramped artillery and to the more spacious cargo bay hidden behind a ring of boxes. James and Cortez would often sit on the boxes and watch Tali and Garrus dance.
"Twirl me, Garrus!" Tali said.
"That's it, Sparks, get into it," James said.
"I have to say this is a lot more fun than I thought it would be."
"That was 97% accurate to the last Turian/Quarian vid that was played," EDI said.
"Whoo," Garrus said.
"Anyone else, care to give it a go?" Garrus said.
"Hey, why not," James said jumping into the ring of boxes.
"Why, Mr. Vega, I didn't think I prepared a spot on my dance card for you," Tali said with a giggle.
"Maybe later, Sparks, Cortez, want to cut a rug?" James said.
"Heh, sure, Vega," Cortez said and jumped down.
"I should get back to the engine room," Tali said.
"Thanks for helping with this, Tali," Garrus said as the two walked back to the elevator.
"Shepherd's luck to have you, Garrus," Tali said. "Maybe one day I'll find someone like you."
"That'd be nice, you deserve the best."
Tali laughed and the elevator opened. Shepherd stood there.
"Hey, what're you two doing down here?" she asked.
"Just checking out something on the Kodiak," Tali said. "I needed an extra pair of hands and Garrus was free."
"Where's Cortez and James?" Shepherd asked.
She heard laughter from the ring of boxes and music.
"They're occupied," Tali said after a while.
"Do I want to know?" Shepherd asked.
"Probably not," Garrus said.
"Alright, carry on."
The two walked into the elevator and closed the doors. When they were a floor away Garrus wiped his forehead.
"That was close," he said.
"It's a good thing she's so trusting," Tali said.
"Yeah."
Liara and Garrus tended towards privacy when practicing. She was much more clinical than Tali who had a lax and easy going manner about her when dancing. Liara kept time as they moved.
"One, two, three, one, two, three," Liara said. "Excellent."
"I didn't know that you could dance, Liara," Garrus said.
"When you're the daughter of Matriarch Benezia you get invited to a lot of formal occasions with dancing such as this. Lots of girls looking to fool around and such."
"Ah, did any of them finally win you?"
"Not a chance."
"I see."
"Well, I think you're about ready for EDI, I'm sure she'll be the toughest taskmaster out of all of us. She can tell if your heart rate is beating at the correct speed or not."
"Yes, I expect it'll be quite a while before she lets me out of her clutches."
"Uh, guys, Shepherd's on her way down," Joker said.
"How far?" Liara said still holding onto Garrus's hands.
"The door's going to open in about eight seconds."
"By the goddess," Liara said.
"Quick!" Garrus whispered.
As Shepherd walked through the doors she came upon Liara performing a rather complicated series of movements. It led her standing in front of Garrus to turning him around, putting her arm under his armpit and flipping him over her shoulder. Garrus landed on his back, flat on the floor.
"Ah, Shepherd, good to see you," Liara said.
"Urgh," Garrus said.
"What are you two doing?" Shepherd said with a laugh.
"Well, Garrus had been explaining to me that it would best if I knew some hand to hand combat in case I ran out of ammunition on the battlefield. He was just showing me how to throw people."
"Seems like you certainly got the hang of that move. Anyway, I wanted to tell both of you that we'll be landing at the Citadel in about two hours or so. We've got some shore leave due to us while they retrofit the Normandy. Pack your bags, we're going to ground."
Shepherd smiled a little deviously at Garrus and with a bounce headed out of the shuttle bay.
"Are you alright?" Liara said.
"Yeah, but you would have ripped a husk in half with that move," Garrus said. "I think I need to stop with these dance lessons before I end up more broken than Joker's legs after a run."
"I heard that. I still have the recording!" Joker said.
"I told him I deleted it," EDI said.
"Dammit, EDI."