So...about this one...we're sorry. So, so sorry.

MH

Patrick and Spongebob loved each other very much. However, they did not know of the other's love. This could be very frustrating at times, but they were happy together as best friends nonetheless. One bright, blue morning Spongebob and Patrick sat on a sandy hill together, watching the jellyfish glide by, buzzing with delight. It was one of those most blissful mornings, when two friends would sit in mostly silence and contemplated their love for one another. However, for Patrick, that bliss would not last long.

As noon rolled around, the two friends made their way back home, and that's where it all began. Patrick was the first to notice that there was a moving boat right outside of the sand castle next Spongebob's pineapple home. Outside of the sand castle stood a handsome looking creature, talking to one of the moving men. This creature was purple in color and feline in shape. He was a large purple lion, whose full mane poofed out around his ears and face. The lion showed great confidence in every move that he made, everything from talking to the moving men to walking across the street. Looking at him, even Patrick had to admit, there was certainly an attraction to this lion, but not nearly to the extent of Spongebob. However, Spongebob was having more severe thoughts about this new lion.

This new neighbor caught the eye of Spongbob almost as soon as he did Patrick's, but in a much more striking way. To Spongebob, this lion was a god, with his rippling muscles, royal-like charisma, and his gloriously beautiful face. The way he swung his mane around made him excited in ways he had never felt before. Spongebob looked at his new neighbor with wonder and lust. The lust in Spongebob's eyes caught Patrick's attention, and he was not happy, in fact, he was angry.

Suddenly, Sponegbob became overwhelmed by embarrassment, and in this embarrassment, he knelt in the grass and began grazing, just as a cow would. This caught the purple lion's attention, and he made his way over to the two sea creatures. The purple lion looked at SpongeBob and greeted him, "Hello, my name is Ryan. Are you the fellow who lives in that pineapple beside my new home? That would make us neighbors!"

SpongeBob mooed in reply.

"Are you a cow? How silly of me not to have noticed. Especially since I'm the lord of all cows," said Ryan.

Patrick was not impressed with the lord's comment, "No. His name is Spongebob, and he's MY best friend!"

"Oh," said Ryan, ignoring the sass in Patrick's tone, "Well, hello Spongebob." It was obvious that the lion was quite taken with his new neighbor. Judging by the way his eyes lit up once Spongebob finally stood up and began to act more civilized, it was clear bigger thoughts than the usual neighborly thoughts were running though his mind.

"H-hello, Ryan," stuttered SpongeBob nervously, reaching out to shake the lion's paw. SpongeBob's heart raced, as he clasped Ryan's purple paw in his hand. The sponge's hand had become clammy with nervousness, and it grossed Ryan out in a way that only made him all the more attracted to his new neighbor.

The two neighbor's eyes locked, and silence fell around them. Brief heart-stopping moments passed between the two of them, but to Patrick, they felt like hours. The starfish became even angrier as the two silently began their descent into true love. As Patrick silently seethed, Ryan leaned a bit closer to Spongebob, voice a bit less confident than before, as he asked, "Hey, would you like to take a look inside of my house? The movers are almost finished."

"I'd love to," replied SpongeBob, knees weak. He then turned to Patrick, finally remembering where he was.

"No," huffed Patrick. "You two go on. I have…stuff to do." The starfish sighed sadly and walked away.

SpongeBob shrugged, as he and Ryan made their way to the sand castle.

"So, what do you do for a living, SpongeBob?" asked Ryan, as he showed SpongeBob his living and dining rooms.

"Oh, me? I'm a fry cook at the Krusty Krab! It's the best job in the world!" Replied SpongeBob.

"A fry cook, eh?" smirked Ryan, "You know, I passed the Krusty Krab on my way into town. I should stop by sometime."

"You should!" exclaimed SpongeBob. "Krabby Patties are the most delicious things in the entire sea, I guarantee you! And I'm the best spatula handler in all of Bikini Bottom."

"Oh, you are, are you?" asked the purple lion with a devilish grin that was none too chaste, "We'll have to put that to the test sometime." SpongeBob blushed, half getting the innuendo.

"So, what kind of job do you have? It must pay a lot to have a nice house like this," remarked SpongeBob.

"I'm…um…well…I'm a…professional jellyfish wrangler," Ryan replied thoughtfully. This, of course, got SpongeBob very excited.

"REALLY!?"

"Really," replied Ryan, "Hey, why don't we go out this weekend and try to catch some jellyfish. You know, try and get to know each other better."

"Are you asking me on a date?" inquired SpongeBob, hopefully. At that moment, Patrick peered into the window, saddened that SpongeBob never took any of his suggestions to mean a romantic outing.

"If you'd like to think of it that way, sure," smiled Ryan.

"YES!" shouted Spongebob, "I'd love to."

Saturday

Dear Diary,

So, today Ryan took my out on a date. A real date, like the ones you see in movies and it was the single most romantic experience that I have experienced in my whole life. We went jelly-fishing in Jellyfish fields and Ryan showed me his super-cool professional jellyfish wrangler moves. Well, he said he was a professional, but near the end of the day, I was having my doubts.
Ryan got stung 47 times today, and that was before the rest of the swarm came. The best part of the day was at the end. I took him home to patch him up and I gave him a nice warm bath, where I bathed the pain away.

Tuesday

Dear Diary,

I just got back from another wonderful date with Ryan. This time we went to that new movie, you know, Bloody Gore Ghost, it was really scary, and that blood almost looked like red paint! The horror!

Anyway, my date was stupendous. I learned that word today, Ryan taught me. He said that the way my eyes sparkled against the light of screen was stupendous. And, silly ol' me wasn't sure what that strange new word meant. Then, he explained it to me. It means really nice things. So, I guess tonight was stupendous.

Friday

Dear Diary,

This afternoon Ryan came over and surprised me with flowers! It was just about the sweetest thing ever. I think he might really like me! It's hard to think straight sometimes when I'm around him, and I get this tickly feeling in my stomach, and my chest feels swollen. It's like I'm sick, but I never want to get better! I asked Sandy about it and she thinks I might be falling in love! And then she wanted to run all of these tests on my changing emotions and rapid heart rates.

After the flowers, we sat and talked for a while. Ryan is such a cool guy! He's done a lot of really neat stuff, like won a bubble blowing competition and served as a first mate on a pirate crew. I feel so meager compared to him, but, for some reason, he thinks I'm the greatest. These feelings I have are the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced.

Sunday

Dear Diary,

I'M SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW! Ryan asked to be my boyfriend! Of course I said yes. But I'm getting ahead of myself. I want the whole story recorded.

So, last night Ryan called and asked if I wanted to go out to Jellyfish Fields. He refused to give a reason why, but I trust him, so I said yes. When we got there he took hold of my hands, almost like the day we met and told me he had something he wanted to tell me. He looked so nervous and beautiful at the same time. Looking into his big, wonderful purple eyes, I had hoped he would tell me he loved me, but what I got was so much better. He told me that once, before he moved to Bikini Bottom, he was a very sought after lion. But he had never loved anyone back. That he's been waiting so long for someone amazing to come along, and now they had. He told me that I was the funniest, kindest, yellowest person he'd ever met, and that he loved me with all his big purple heart, then he leaned in and kissed me. I've never been kissed before. It was so deep and passionate. It hurts wonderfully just thinking about it. My heart soared. I've never been more in love.

SpongeBob and Ryan held hands as they dank out of a single large root beer float. They shared a glass, but each had their own straw that they drank from. Patrick peered in from outside into the diner window. His anger grew and grew, at this point, his anger was uncontrollable, and he could no longer control it. However, as anger grew, so did SpongeBob and Ryan's love.

Patrick would follow them around and watch them do fun stuff together. From amusement parks to SpongeBob's and Ryan's "alone time" in their houses, he watched everything.

One day, Patrick sat inside of his house, and began plotting how to get his love back since he was so sick of watching them. He thought and thought until he came up with a brilliant plan.

Patrick made his way to the park, where he saw SpongeBob rubbing Ryan's tummy. The purple lion basked in the sun, enjoying his yellow lover's petting of him. All of a sudden, Patrick jumped from the bushes shouting, "Hu-wah!" This startled the lovers very much. SpongeBob even stopped rubbing the abdomen region of his love out of fright.

Patrick attacked Ryan fiercely, shouting many insults. SpongeBob was very sad as he watched the love of his life on the ground wrestling the former love of his life. Patrick fought very hard and was winning; he even kicked Ryan in the testicles. Then, Ryan got the upper-hand, tackling Patrick to the ground. Spongebob could no longer handle watching the fight, he needed a plan to stop it.

"Wait!" SpongeBob shouted, shoving the two apart. "You don't need to fight over me! There's enough me for everybody!"

Ryan and Patrick stared at each other knowingly. The three smiled and nodded at each other, after all… SpongeBob has a lot of holes.