Crumpets are tasty.

That's what Asuka said to Rei a few minutes ago, but Rei looked quite unsure about that fluffy morsel. It was a chocolate crumpet, speckled with those black dots of sugar high glory, with an aftertaste of-

"Woah! What's that?"

Rei looked up to see Asuka looming over Shinji's latest treasure. It looked like nothing she had seen before.

"I don't know, Asuka." said Shinji, meekly. "I found it while I was walking through the forest. Its some kind of shiny stick..."

Shinji then accidentally turned on the device, which accidentally turned on Asuka as well.

"Intelligence reports that your son has found the device."

"Excellent. Bring him to Eva-01 to begin activation sequence."

"Ikari...how does THAT have to do with anything?"

Gendo smirked. "It doesn't."

"BEGIN ACTIVATION!" shouted Misato, prompting Makoto to wince.

"You don't have to shout every time we do this, jesus. It's obnoxious."

"That's not what you said last night." she replied.

"I knew it!" shrieked Asuka. "I knew Kaji wasn't enough for your big fat-"

"Shut up, Asuka. That is none of your business, just like you going out with every male in your class is none of mine."

Asuka's face looked like a pressure cooker waiting to explode. "Who in Deutchland told you THAT?"

"Fuck this shit." Makoto pressed a button and launched Eva-02 to the surface. "That bitch needs to shut up."

The rest of the Evangelion's followed suit, each landing in different locations around Tokyo-3.

"Ok," began Misato, "You guys remember the Tokyo-3 restoration project I was telling you about earlier?"

"Yeah, it had to do with completely reconstructing the city because of the damages the other angels made."

"Nah, Shinji." said Toji, appearing in Eva-03. "It's cause whoever designed this shit was on crack. We're gonna completely destroy this shithole."

"W-WHATT?"

"Correct." said Commander Gendo Ikari. Everyone looked at him. "Misato, deploy the Type-1 lightsabers immediately."

"Lightsabers?" said Asuka. "What are those?"

Amid the sounds of crumbling walls and an ongoing fire, the doors of the throne room opened and a lone figure approached the king.

"Your highness!" saluted a bipedal turtle-like creature. "The portal is prepared and ready for use."

"Good. Let's get out of here."

A giant turtle-like creature then hopped off the throne and ran out of the room, followed by 8 smaller creatures. They ran out of the burning castle and onto a tower precipice that was docked to a metallic flying ship. The giant made his way into the bridge of the vessel as the other 8 sat around the bridge in comfy leather chairs.

"Computer, contact that doctor."

Main screen turned on and revealed a rather fat man with a long orange mustache.

"Ah, King Bowser, I'm glad you contacted me. It seems that your nemesis has turned into my worst nightmare."

Bowser growled to himself. "That blue furball just scrambled all of my troops into mush! I never new furries had such power. They even bombed my palace! They'll pay for that someday!"

The man sighed. "In any case, as a part of our deal, I'm transmitting that bucket of fries that you demanded-"

"YEEEEAHHHHH!" roared Bowser in happiness.

"You bet everythin' on a BUCKET OF FRIES?" said one of the 8, a pink turtle with Elton John sunglasses.

"The bank vaults were full at the time because of Larry's Credit Card phishing attempt, so I went with my most FAVORITE FOOD IN THE UNIVERSE!"

After eating a few of the fries, Bowser made a face.

"Hey wait, those two are gonna look for those portals, arn't they?"

"Percisely. It will not be long before they begin searching for the interdimensional locks."

"Well, we never pressed that little red button before."

"That's because it would...Bowser, BRILLIANT IDEA!"

"Huh? What did I do?"

"If we combine our dimensions together onto a single plane, then-"

Bowser slammed his bucket on the counter. "BRILLIANT! Let's do it!"

With a sound, a glowing blue blade emerged from the lightsaber shaft. "Woah, how does this thing work?" asked Toji.

"A lightsaber is a dangerous weapon. It is not as flimsy as your pistol. It is a delicate yet powerful weapon that is capable of cutting most objects into two."

The pilots gasped in awe as the rest ignited their sabers. Shinji's was a bright purple blade to match the decor of his Eva Unit-01. Asuka's was obviously red (to fit her Sith-like personality), Toji's was yellow and Rei's was blue.

Misato continued. "But, as I said, they can cut mostly anything, so this operation is over if someone loses a limb. Got that?"

All pilots responded with a "HAI!" enthusiastically.

"Alright. BEGIN OPERATION!"

With that, the ground suddenly started to shake.

"Wh-what's going on?" asked Shinji.

"An Earthquake? Oh, what bad timing!" said Asuka.

"Report!"

"No epicenter detected. This can't be an Earthquake."

"Oh my..." Maya said, shocked.

"What?"

"Screens from NERV Branches 01 and 04."

Camera screens were put on display and many gasped that the other branches around the world were experiencing the same thing.

"What's going on here?"

On the surface, the pilots were frustrated. The sky began to glow different colors, until two large flashes of light appeared in the sky.

"Aaaagh! What is that?" shrieked Asuka as the light grew to encompass reality.

Misato awoke on the floor of the command center. "Huh?" She got up and when her vision refocused itself, she nearly fainted again. The entire crew of the command center were passed out, lying on the floor along with beings that seemed to have come from another planet. Some looked like walking mushrooms while others looked like giant furry animals.

"What the-WHAT'S GOING ON?"

Her loud voice caused others to stir from their slumber around her. Slowly, everyone on the room got back to their feet, which shortly before they all panicked at one another.

"Why am I here? How did I get HERE?"