A/N: So here we are once again, and yes it had been awhile. I figured with all the happiness going around about tomorrow it would give me the chance to break your hearts just once more. Don't hate me too much, I was listening to the song after a particular bad day and this idea stuck with me, so I just had to write it down.
If you haven't heard the song, Terrible Things - Mayday Parade, I would strongly suggest that you do, because it won't make quite as much sense without it. Or maybe it will, but it's a really good song that will rip your heart out, what's not to love?
Disclaimer: Castle and the song belong to their rightful owners, neither of which happen to be me. Sad, I know.
All mistakes are mine, and I really, really, really love reviews and feedback. Even if you hate it, let me know and I'll see if I can write you something better!
Bold & Italics are song lyrics.
Just Italics are flashbacks.
And I hope you know what that leaves the regular font as.
I hope you like it!
By the time I was your age, I'd give anything
To fall in love truly, was all I could think
That's when I met your mother, the girl of my dreams
The most beautiful woman, that I'd ever seen
"Castle, it's okay."
"No, no it's not okay, this is the farthest thing from okay! How can you even say that?" He couldn't believe what he was hearing, his whole world was crumbling down around him and she seemed to be completely okay with it.
"Because," she started to reason as she grabbed his chin and forced him to look at her. "I got to live the life that I wanted to live, the life my mom wanted me to live. I have you and Sam, Alexis and our parents. I'm so happy Castle; this family is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. How can I be mad at that?"
"Because you're leaving it!"
It was just supposed to be a routine checkup; instead the doctors found a tumor, three months at the most, cause: unknown. After everything that Kate Beckett had been through and this is how she would go. This fucking cancer, that seemed to be a completely, unpreventable occurrence.
"I'm not choosing to leave it, but you have to focus on the good things that…"
"There's no focusing on the positives Kate; you're not going to be here to see him graduate or get married or start his own family, dammit Kate you cannot be okay with this!"
"Of course I'm not! But Castle…"
"No," he refused. "No, there has to be something we can do, some sort of treatment, we have the money, we just need to find the right…"
"Rick," she cut him off pressing her forehead against his. "Please," she pleaded.
"Kate, god Kate, what about me? You act like you don't even care what will happen to me when you're," he paused, not being able to accept the unspoken outcome. "I won't survive it."
"How can you even say that? Of course I care what happens to you. But I know you'll be okay, you'll do it for Sam and Alexis, and my dad. You'll stay strong for them, I know you will. Please Castle, I don't want to spend my last few weeks thinking about the what if's and the regrets."
"I just want to be." She releases on a sob and he has no choice but to pull her into his lap and hold on tightly as she lets the tears fall.
She said, "Boy can I tell you a wonderful thing?
I can't help but notice, you're staring at me.
I know I shouldn't say this, but I really believe
I can tell by your eyes that you're in love with me"
"Daddy," a small voice snaps him out of his trance.
"Yeah buddy?" He questions as he looks down at the ten year old.
"What does vin…cat, omna…." He chuckles as his son continues to try and pronounce the phrase.
"Vincit Omnia Veritas."
Katherine Beckett-Castle
November 17th 1980 – April 4th 2025
Vincit Omnia Veritas
"Yeah, what does that mean?"
"Truth conquers all."
"Oh, is that what's on Grandma Jo's too?" He asks innocently as he looks up at his dad.
"It is." He remembers how adamant Kate had been about making sure that he knew about his grandma and that they went to visit her gravesite at least a few times a year. A tradition that Castle still carried on, due in part to one of the many numerous promises he had made to her before she died, the only difference being that her grave was now included.
"Daddy, you're crying." His son didn't miss a thing, a characteristic he picked up from Kate no doubt. Castle reaches up to swipe at his cheeks, not even realizing that he had been crying.
"So it's okay to still be sad sometimes?" Sam asks warily.
"Of course it is buddy, but mommy wouldn't want you to be sad all the time, she would want you to remember all the happy times we had."
"Like the time we all went to Disney World for Gram's birthday?"
"Yes, exactly like that."
"Do you still miss her?"
"Every day." He answers truthfully.
"Can you tell me the story again?"
He hears Kate's voice echo in his head as if she was still there to tease him about it, 'He definitely got his romantic side from you.'
I said, "Girl, can I tell you a wonderful thing?
I made you a present with paper and string.
Open with care now, I'm asking you, please.
You know that I love you, will you marry me?"
"Oh my God." She whispered unbelievingly as she took in the sight before her; Castle on one knee in the middle of the ice rink at Rockefeller Center with hundreds of candles surrounding him. When she had gotten the text to meet him at the ice rink, this was the last thing she had expected.
"Kate…"
"Yeah?"
"Would you allow me to be your one and done?" He couldn't quite describe the sound that came out of her mouth; his best guess would be a laughing sob. Before he could contemplate it even further she skated the few extra feet to meet him in the middle of the rink, and pulled him to his feet.
"Of course I would."
He swears that those were the most beautiful words that ever came out of her mouth. He couldn't contain the smile that spread across his features as he slipped the ring onto her finger. She wasted no time in closing the distance between them to share a quick, passionate kiss before she buried her face into his neck, her arms wrapping around his back as his came around her shoulders.
"I love you." He heard her murmur into his skin.
"I love you too."
Now son, I'm only telling you this...
Because life, can do terrible things
You'll learn, one day, I'll hope and I'll pray
That God, shows you differently
"I don't want to fall in love."
"Why not?"
"Because what happens when the person I love dies, I would be sad forever, just like we are now with mama."
"Oh, Sammy…no, you can't think like that, you have to…"
"Was it worth it?"
He stands dumbstruck for a minute as the question works its way through his brain. Was it worth it? Such a simple question coming from a little boy who shouldn't have to worry about things like this, what was it with his kids being wise beyond their years? But then the memories come flooding back to him; stolen embraces in the precinct hallway, good morning kisses to go along with a cup of coffee, the nights when sleep never took over so they would stay up talking about everything and nothing, or sometimes not talking at all. Sam being born, seeing his first…everything. Everything. And then, the answer is obvious.
"Always."
He son looks up at him momentarily, his eyes narrowed as if mulling over his answer, trying to make sense of it.
"I wouldn't have traded it for anything. Sure I would have given anything for more time with her, but when you love someone that much, even one minute seems like all the time in the world."
She said, "Boy can I tell you, a terrible thing?
It seems that I'm sick and I've only got weeks.
Please, don't be sad now, I really believe
You were the greatest thing that ever happened to me"
"What's it say, what's it say?" He bounced excitedly behind her as he peered over her shoulder.
"There's still another minute left Castle, hold on!"
"I can't wait any longer." He huffed impatiently.
"I don't know what I was thinking."
"What do you mean?"
"Trying to have another kid when I already have you to take care of."
He gasped in mock offense, "you wound me detective."
"Well your ego could benefit from a few good strikes."
"Wow, another one; straight to the heart. You know I could just leave you to wait this out on your own." He started to turn around and leave but a pair of hands on his waist stopped him.
"No! No, no, no this is half your doing, you're waiting with me for this, don't think you can…" The alarm on his phone cut her off, and he could feel her breath catch on an inhale as she slid her arms all the way around his stomach and buried her face in the cotton between his shoulder blades.
"I can't do it," she admitted quietly. "Look for me?"
Not being able to turn her down at her vulnerable moments like this; he turned to face the sink. She got her answer as he shifted their positions so that he could hoist her up in the air and spin her around. With her legs locked around his waist and arms around his neck; she pressed a smile into his cheek.
"Kate."
"Rick."
He pulled back to rest his forehead against hers.
"We're going to be parents," he whispered as if trying to keep the magical moment between them.
"Castle, you already are a…" He cut her off by cupping her cheeks and pulling her in for a kiss.
"I love you." She stated as they broke apart, and then laughed as she wiped a tear from the corner of his eye.
"My love for you is like…"
"I love you too doesn't suffice for you does it?"
"I'm a writer, sue me for trying to spice things up a bit."
"Well if you take me back to bed; I'll show you spicing things..ahh!" Her screamed echoed around the bedroom as he all but threw her on the bed. He started kissing his way down her body before pausing at her stomach.
"And I love you too little one."
Slow, so slow
I fell to the ground, on my knees
"Daddy?"
"Yeah sport?"
"Can you tell me how you and mama met again?"
He laughs, knowing that if Kate were here she would nudge him in the side and point out that she was right about their son being just like him in that aspect as well. Always inquisitive; wanting to know the full story. 'But it's not quite so annoying coming from him.' Kate's voice reminded him once again.
"Again!" He exaggerates as he kneels down and begins tickling their son. "You must've heard it a thousand times already!" He says loud enough to be heard over his son's shrieks. Pausing to let him catch his breath, the little boy looks at him skeptically; hoping that he gets to hear his father tell the story, which somehow always ends up being woven into an awe-inspiring fairytale in true Castle fashion.
"I guess one more time won't hurt." He concedes as a smile lights up the boys features, he maneuvers the boy up onto his shoulders and stands up, testing his balance.
"How about over hamburgers and fries?"
"Remy's!" His son cheers. "Can I get a strawberry milkshake too?"
"Just like your mother." Castle murmurs as he takes one last look at the tombstone.
"Until next time love."
So don't fall in love, there's just too much to lose
If given the choice, then, I'm begging you, choose
To walk away, walk away, don't let her get you.
I can't bear to see the same happen to you.
Now son, I'm only telling you this...
...Because life, can do terrible things
Please don't shoot me! I hope you're not too much of an emotional mess to leave a review, and if you are, then wait for 'After the Storm' to mend your broken hearts tomorrow then come back and leave one.
Thanks for reading loves,
- Anna Lee
