To Woo an Azarathian Beauty
One cup of Draconian moon dust.
Three tablespoons of crushed Gjornh Leaves.
One Flank of Korthar.
Sixteen Legs of Tamaranian larvae.
A dash of dried Gornok skin.
And finally, one vile of oozing Lojhhnk slime.
With a wooden spoon, Starfire stirred together the ingredients. It took a lot of self-control not to dip in a finger and have a taste. This concoction is known on her home planet as a Horthonian Blarg cake. It is a traditional dish used to express one's feeling of closeness or love to another individual. Usually, it is baked on the Tamaranian equivalent of a honeymoon, however it can be used among lighter circumstances, such as a young Tamaranian boy attempting to woo a beautiful Tamaranian girl. Starfire perceived these as fitting conditions to bake one right in the Titan's tower.
Throughout the creation of this delicacy, Beast Boy and Cyborg had come and gone whilst making exaggerated choking noises and grabbing their necks. Starfire had become accustomed to this type of reaction to her creations. She never took any of it personally, as she felt similarly about popular Earthly foods as well such as pork and most cereals. It especially didn't matter to her because this cake wasn't for either of them.
In the time of exactly two hours, her cake was complete, and resided in the shape of a rounded rectangle with a puffy muffin-like top. It would look almost Earthly, were it not for the purple tint with white hairs sprouting from it.
Starfire placed the cake onto a small platter and carried it to its unbeknownst recipient. She knocked on the door with her elbow, as both of her hands were full.
The door slid open, revealing an indifferent, grey-skinned face. "Yeah?" came the monotone greeting.
"Friend Raven, I present you a Horthonian Blarg cake in a most sincere expression of my feelings!" The orange haired girl extended her arms toward the shorter girl.
Raven eyed the cake suspiciously for a few moments before glancing back to Starfire. "Uh, thanks?" She took the platter from the enthusiastic Tamaranian. The two girls looked at each other, Starfire with a bright grin and Raven with a bewildered yet softly stoic expression. Slowly, the door slid closed.
Starfire's smile glowed more than ever, feeling entirely accomplished with her doings. Surely it wouldn't be long before Raven would come out of her room and confess that her feelings were mutual, and she too had interest of developing a relationship of closeness and potential love. Starfire retreated to the living room to relax and wait out this response in anticipation.
It was about fifteen minutes later when Starfire heard feet frantically pounding down the corridor, running. She instinctively turned to look and caught the corner of a dark violet wispy cloak. She knew instantly whom it belonged to.
Following her, Starfire stopped short when she saw that Raven was headed to the bathroom. As she lingered outside of the recently slammed bathroom door, she could vaguely make out the sound of someone vomiting.
"Raven!" Starfire called, knocking on the bathroom door worriedly.
She heard a faint sound, as if Raven was trying to respond, but it was quickly followed by the sound of more vomit.
Come to think of it, Starfire thought, Raven had not looked pleased to receive the cake. Though, it wasn't very much like her to sport a huge grin either. Now she was sure that all she'd done is succeed in making her sick.
Raven didn't even know what a Horthonian Blarg cake is, Starfire supposed, feeling worse. In her original plan, she intended to explain exactly what it was used for, but the more she went over it in her mind, the more difficult it seemed. Starfire would experience the 'choking up' and the 'forgetful pauses' to a point where handing Raven the cake itself became a complexity, even without the other girl knowing her intentions. Now she looked like a fool.
Feeling terrible, Starfire shrugged off her failure and decided that she merely has to try again. There must be more than one way to woo an Azarothian beauty.
The next few days, Starfire spent in her room, furiously writing. Her wastebasket, which sat beside her dark pink desk became filled, and eventually overflowed with crumpled papers. On the opposite side of her desk was a pile of blue, black, and red pens, all of which were melted, crushed or somehow destroyed completely. Her overwhelming strength was often an inconvenience.
Finally, at the end of four long days, she had a satisfactory result. Immediately, she grabbed her page of loose-leaf paper and sped down to Raven's room.
Knock-knock-knock.
The door slid open.
Before Raven could get a word out, Starfire began to spew. "Good day, friend Raven! Over the course of the week, I have compiled a collection of words and sentences of which would be considered dark, in the favor of us spending the quality time, and I give you this oral reverse-invitation, for me to join you in one of your dimly lighted, cafés of gloom for the night of when the microphone is momentarily unclosed for us to read our depressing and melancholy works of written expression!" And with that, the tan girl shoved forward her loose-leaf paper.
Hesitantly, Raven took the paper.
For a few silent moments, she read over her teammate's intensely sinister poem.
She then offered verbal commentary:
"Jesus, Star."
Unfortunately, when the girls returned from their trip to the café, Starfire had only succeeded in embarrassing herself by being unable to contain her enthusiasm on stage during her Open Mic performance. Instead of making the desired impression, she had instead gotten her and Raven laughed out of the café. It was an incredibly humiliating experience for the two of them—well, it was for Starfire once she realized that the audience is not supposed to throw things onstage.
Starfire's attempt at a more personable method was futile. She figured that if she tried to show similar interests to Raven, perhaps she would realize how alike they are and perhaps express an interest in Starfire.
She was wrong.
Feeling only a little bit more dejected than the time before, (but less terrible) Starfire once again shrugged off her failure. There must be more than two ways to woo an Azarothian beauty.
Next, Starfire decided, she was going to do something that would definitely work. She almost wanted to ask the advice of Cyborg, or maybe one of the other boys but that seemed like it would take the sincerity and originality out of it.
Truly believing that the third time's a charm, Starfire went to the mall in search of something to buy. Everything traditional that she came across seemed like Raven wouldn't like it. She remembered reading in a magazine article that creativity is key. If creativity was what Raven needed to really see Starfire's feelings, then creativity is what she would get.
Starfire closed herself off in her room once more, with her three gifts, tape, scissors and a brand-new roll of dark purple wrapping paper.
Knock-knock-knock.
Raven's door slid open.
"Hi Star," Raven said, her tone almost sounding exhausted.
"Raven, I have journeyed to the mall of shopping and I bought you some gifts in honor of your loveliness!"
She raised an eyebrow. A black aura engulfed the three gifts, lifting them from Starfire's arms. Raven turned around and headed into her room, leaving the black-engulfed gifts to trail behind her. "You can come in."
Starfire impatiently followed her friend.
"Have a seat. Now tell me, why in the name of Azar did you buy me three gifts?"
"I have already told you! It is in honor of your loveliness!"
Raven's cheeks tinged pink. "Really, this is most unneccesar—"
"Open them!" happily cried Starfire, clasping her hands together.
Raven sighed. With her powers, she removed the wrapping on all three gifts simultaneously.
Raven blinked.
"A toaster, a calculator and a lawn gnome."
Starfire bit her lip.
"I'm failing to see a pattern here."
The Tamaranian girl began to sweat, and scratched the back of her neck nervously. "You see, in my quest to present you with three gifts, I was at a loss for what exactly to purchase, for you do not like the chocolates and you cannot stand the jewelry and you already have an abundance of bound paper reading-books," she explained quickly, holding her arms out to Raven's shelves, cram-packed with books.
"Uhhh…" Raven scratched her upper arm with her opposite hand, uncertainly. "Thanks, Star. I've always wanted a toaster, a calculator and er… a lawn gnome."
Starfire squealed joyously. "I am glad!" She lunged forward to engulf Raven in a bone-crushing bear hug.
"Please… don't… hug… me…" Raven choked, beneath Starfire's superhuman strength.
The next couple of weeks, still nothing occurred to match Starfire's expectations. How hard could it possibly be to woo someone, wondered Starfire. She was running out of ideas. This began to depress her.
Feeling quite dejected, Starfire shrugged it off. There must be more than three ways to woo an Azarothian beauty.
The next day, she awoke with a brighter disposition and a box of crayons. After borrowing a piece of blank paper from Robin, she began her next attempt.
Art, she'd heard, was one way to someone's heart- especially somebody like Raven who took interest in creative hobbies such as poetry. And though it was difficult to restrain from using pinks and yellows, Starfire tried to stick to the darker colors knowing it would just have to appeal most to the dark girl.
Though, Starfire did end up cheating a little, and colored a majority of the picture in bright colors, but it was all in good taste.
After hours of rigorous coloring and contouring, she rolled up her artwork and headed down the hall to Raven's room with the sureness that this would play out to her expectations.
Knock-knock-knock.
The door slid open. "Hi Star…" Raven said, suspiciously. Her voice was less cold this time. It was almost timid. "Er, do you need something?"
"Not at all! I have constructed a piece of artwork in your honor!" She held out her rolled-up drawing toward Raven.
Tentatively, Raven took the paper and unrolled it. The picture looked as if it were drawn by a kindergartner. It was a picture of Starfire and Raven holding hands. The background of Raven was night, with a full moon out and birdlike things that Raven could only assume to be bats. Starfire's background was a sun and flowers- though she wasn't sure why the flowers were in the sky and the clouds were among the grass.
Raven wasn't quite sure how to react. "Um… it's very… pretty." She said, struggling not to find the right words. "I'll be sure to, um… hang it up?"
The Tamaranian stood before Raven with her hands folded against her chest, and her emerald eyes beaming with excitement. Here it comes, she thought. The moment she was waiting for.
However, she must have mistaken Raven's expression for something else, because she only closed her door again and even though Starfire lingered for a few extra minutes in case she decided to come back out, she was merely met with disappointment again.
Starfire returned to her own room. She felt confused and downtrodden. She was doing something wrong, she just knew it. There just had to be something else.
There just had to be more than four ways to woo an Azarathian beauty.
Lilies, carnations, wildflowers, magnolias, hydrangeas, honeysuckle, wisteria, tulips, daffodils, primrose, peonies and most importantly, roses.
Each of the flowers listed above decorated every accessible inch of Raven's room, it seemed.
The dark girl was out on some errands, it was her job to buy food at the market, and Starfire took this as her opportunity.
Every girl loves flowers. She saw it herself on television. At first, she was going to buy a single flower, and then she changed her mind to bouquet. Still, the thought lingered in her mind: creativity is key.
And now, Raven's once pale, dismal room was aglow with every color imaginable, and a strong scent that would send anyone with allergies completely mad.
Not as mad as Raven was when she returned home, though.
"What the hell happened in here?-!"
"Surprise!"
The gleeful Tamaranian girl sprung up and threw forth a shower of petals, onto Raven. Her glee only lasted so long, because when she saw Raven's expression, she knew she'd done wrong.
"…Is something the matter, Raven?"
Raven's eye twitched. She brushed the petals off herself and took a deep breath. She spoke softly and slowly, with as much compassion as her tone would allow. "Just… get out. All right?"
With officially every last bit of glee gone from her face, Starfire slumped her shoulders and dragged her feet out of the room. "I am sorry, Raven."
Feeling completely disconsolate, Starfire could not shrug this off. There simply was no way to woo an Azarothian beauty.
Late that night, Starfire sat atop the Titan's tower, her slender legs hanging off the side of the roof, swinging gently. Her hopes were crushed as she saw that nothing she did was good.
A couple of days later, she lay in bed trying to think of something, anything else. She seemed to be completely out of ideas, her creativity had run dry.
…However.
There was always the choice that had been there all along. The choice that seemed humiliating, embarrassing and extremely complicated.
To tell Raven directly. To walk right up to her and confess everything. Just the thought of it made Starfire's stomach twist and turn with anxiety. However, if she had any interest in wooing an Azarathian beauty… it had to be done.
Starfire had finally convinced herself by late that night. She went to Raven's door.
Knock-knock-knock.
…
No response. She knocked again. Nothing.
And there was only one other place Raven could be. Starfire headed up the stairs and turned the knob of the door to the roof.
Raven sat cross-legged under the starlight, meditating.
With utmost care, Starfire closed the door silently and stood watching the Azarathian beauty. She had her back to Starfire, but was beautiful nonetheless. She bit her lip and as her stomach twisted and turned, she suddenly felt like she should have turned back.
"What brings you up here?" Raven asked.
This struck Starfire with surprise. Perhaps she wasn't meditating after all. "Raven, I have something that I must speak to you about."
"All right, go on."
Starfire looked at her feet and wrung her hands nervously. "Oh, Raven. The Horthonian Blarg cake was not a normal cake. The flowers were not flowers and I do not know about lawn gnomes or toasters. You see, Raven, I-I wished to complete the wooing that I have seen and heard about so long on this planet. I do not want to be another friend on this team to you, and—"
"Starfire."
The ginger-haired girl raised her gaze from the ground to see that Raven was no longer in her meditational stance, but in fact was standing right in front of her. "Calm down," she instructed, softly. "I don't care for cakes or poems, drawings, gifts or flowers."
Starfire gasped softly, feeling tears beginning to well up in her eyes. "I see."
"No, no. I don't mean it like that. What I mean to say, is… you could have saved yourself a lot of time if you had just… come to me in the first place." Her grey hands reached out and took the orange ones of her teammate. "I'm not the best at this… at receiving this kind of attention. I'm not one to be doted upon, Star. But you know, I think you've succeeded in your wooing." A small smirk graced the corners of her lips.
Starfire's emerald eyes widened as she felt faintly colder lips touch her own.
And she learned that it is, actually, quite possible to woo an Azarathian beauty.