A/N: Ok, putting it basically, this is a fic where you are…the voices in my head so to speak. You get to come with me on a magical journey! You can review saying whatever fun stuff you want! And what's better; I'll reply! It's all going in here as part of the plot! Doesn't that sound fun?! So, here goes the prologue:
Just Ask Me: I'll Make Confusion Fun
Welcome to Ask Kairii! That's right! Finally a fic where you can say whatever the hell you want to me and I'll reply in a wacky, zany, and most likely uncivil way! YAY!! And even better, the Sanzo party is going to be here as well! Wheee!! So, what are we waiting for?
"Hey, stupid b--, stop with your inner monologue and do whatever the hell it is you're here to do before I shoot you!" Sanzo growled, glaring at me. Somehow the Sanzo party had wound up at my school and were now staying with me! They seem younger here; Sanzo, Gojyo, and Hakkai are like, I dunno, 17 or 18. Goku's only aged down by two years. It's pretty freaking crazy. But it's fun!
Sanzo, although my favorite, doesn't seem to like me much…though I've no clue why not. I'm a reasonable girl…not…ok…whatever…
At this point, we were suffering through a class called choir. Choir used to be fun, but then Nutbar emerged from the deep dark realm of Tartarus (Thanks a lot Cyh Scaevola; thanks to the Irony Gods I'm into mythology.) to torture us all! The guys hate it, basically. Well, except Gojyo. You see, my choir was one of the only classes with room left this late in the year. And my choir is an all girls' choir. Heh heh…
It makes torturing them fun! But then of course Sanzo, lord of all emo a--holes (What am I talking about? Supposedly I'm half emo…hmm…a mystery…So, maybe I mean the title lovingly?) get's all pissy and yells at me and hits me with the fan and threatens to shoot me. Ain't he a sweetheart? So, anyways,
"Kairii!"
Here he goes again. "Yes Sanzo?"
"Focus, God d--!" He commanded.
But I don't wanna! "I'm listening."
"I'm not asking you to listen, God d--! I'm TELLING you to get whatever the hell you needed done, done!"
"Ok, ok!" I sighed. "Jeez! I'm almost done!" I finished unscrewing the screws to her chair, replaced the s-- in the cd player with some My Chemical Romance, mixed up all her papers, and headed for the door with the guys. "There." Yes, we had just screwed with Nutbar and were skipping class. The first time we ditched, Hakkai scolded us. But even he hates Nutbar, and now he skips quite willingly.
"Isn't this a bit much?" Hakkai asked as Gojyo took the handle in his hand and started to turn it.
"Nah. It'll serve the b-- right." Gojyo said, opening the door.
"Oh s--!" I whispered.
"Skipping?" And there, eyebrows raised, was the she-devil herself! God d--! Why?!
"N-n-" Goku started to stutter but Sanzo cut him off.
"Yes. Now move out of the way." They had a glare off for a few minutes –which Sanzo obviously won- before she let out a growl.
"Kairii, rest assured, I'll be calling your mother about this." She smirked like the she-b-- she is.
"I'd rather be grounded my entire life than sit through another one of your s-- sessions." I said under my breath.
"What was that?"
Sanzo gave me that smirk he always gives me when I get in trouble. It was his "ha ha you don't have the balls to stick up for yourself" smirk. Well, y'know what?!
"I said, your class is a pointless waste of time and I'd learn more about singing from a mute rhinoceros from way out west!" I glared into her face. "And you know what else, you need to put down the rock because no one likes your drugged up 'Join hands and let your energies combine' theory! And we're in high school not kindergarten, thank you very much! God, I'm not gonna hold a freaking bee and swallow it!" I panted for air, having ranted quite a bit now.
"Oh my, I do believe she lost it." Hakkai sighed.
"Hell yes I lost it! I'm sick of this s--!" I screamed. The rest of the class, who had been watching all of this quietly, applauded until Nutb-- glared at them. "Call my mom! Do whatever! I'm not coming back to this class until you're gone!" I then shoved her into the wall and walked past her, out the door.
Ok…so…I'm definitely in trouble…I'm in so much trouble…
"That was great, Kairii!" Goku laughed, walking up beside me and giving me a high five.
"Yeah. It was, wasn't it?" I nodded, pleased myself. No matter how much trouble that got me in, it was totally worth it.
"Kairii (censored) to the office please." Came over the intercom.
I sighed. "You guys are lucky no one knows where you came from or anything." We headed to the office and walked in. The lady behind the desk looked up.
"Hello Kairii."
"Hi." I sighed heavily. "So what's the damage?"
"What do you mean, damage?" She asked. "Oh! That? That just happened?" She laughed and smiled at me in utter amusement. "Congratulations; everyone but her officially loves you. We'll make sure the call doesn't go through to your parents and your grade is unaffected by your skipping class." She grinned. "Actually, this is about the internship you applied for."
"Yeah?" I leaned forwards, excited. "Well?"
"You've been signed up to write an advice column." She told me. "It'll be called Ask Kairii and will be in each issue of the paper."
"AWESOMESAUCE!!" I cried. "HUZZAH!"
"That's just what they need; her writing an advice column." Sanzo growled.
"Now now, Mr. Sanzo," The awesome lady behind the desk grinned. "I think it could be very…interesting."
"Interesting?! That doesn't even begin to explain it! It'll be HUZZAHNESS SAUCE!" I cried with joy.
"What kinda advice'll Kai be writing?" Goku –the ever adorable- asked.
"Um…it says here that she'll be doing it all."
"All?" Gojyo asked.
"Yes, Mr. Gojyo," Behind the desk lady sighed. "Even love/sex advice."
"She's a sixteen year old virgin. How's she supposed to do that?" Gojyo asked.
"Just because I've never done it, doesn't mean I don't know about it." I crossed my arms over my chest defiantly.
"Ok, so they're letting a crazy hyperactive person with the attention span of a dying squirrel write advice?! She's just going to confuse people!!" Sanzo tried to reason.
"That may be so," I agreed with a nod. "But I'll make confusion fun."
"Here are the details, Kairii. I can't wait to read your column." She grinned and handed me the papers I needed. "Oh, and by the way, from now on you five are all required to go to the media center during fifth block for Kairii to write her column. You can all help here. You're dismissed until tomorrow." I nodded, led the guys out of the room, and grinned.
"This is gonna be great!" Goku cried. "No more Nutbar!"
"Somehow I have a feeling that this will be much worse."
A/N: So there you have it people! You just send in whatever you want put in here! You can even give me a funny fake name at the end of your letter! Hell, you could even send in a letter that says something like, "My chinchilla ate a torpedo! What do I do?!" And I'll make up a ton of crap! It'll be great! In fact, I think I'll use that letter at some point during chapter 1! Anyways, send in your letters!! Seriously! Kairii wants to answer your questions! So type away! Away! Like the wind!!