"Chandler Bing, Ladies and Gents"

Show: Friends (post season 10)

Genre: Angst, Tragedy, Drama

Rated: PG-13

Summary: He cheated when their marriage was failing: a story of what happened. Chandler's POV.

Author's Note: I wrote this from 9:30 pm- 11:00 pm, and I cried. Un-betaed. Please, don't kick me out of the Mondler fan club for writing this.

Disclaimer: I don't own them.

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So I screwed up.

After eight years – eight friggin' years of marriage - I cheated.

I suppose I must start at the beginning. You all know the story- had sex in London, fell in love, got married, and got Erica and Jack.

What you don't know is what happened afterwards.

The next two years were pretty good, romance-wise. OK, as working parents of a mischievous set of twins we weren't all lovey-dovey, but it was definitely still there.

In the sixth year if our marriage, everything changed.

Ross and Rachel were finally to get married. I mean, it had only taken them 'till they were 38 to realize they were perfect for each other… Anyway, we went to their wedding (don't worry; I made fun of his wedding number four). I was Ross' best man, which surprised me. We had kind of drifted apart, especially with Joey moving to L.A. and Phoebe and Mike moving upstate with their daughter, Sandrine.

So they'd said their vows, etc, etc, and then the priest (not Joey, thankfully) told them they could kiss.

And so they did.

As their lips met, I saw something- passion. I realized then that Monica and I have that.

Whoops- had that.

That's when the fights started.

I suppose those fights were as much my fault as they were hers. Nearly every night there was yelling, crying, and screaming- and nearly every night Jack and Erica learned a new curse word from our large collection of vulgar language.

We somehow made it through another year. I think it had to do with the fact that we both got promoted, which equaled less time around the house and each other.

I think another reason we survived year seven was because of our fear. Drifting apart as we may have been, we simply could not deny the fact that Joey, Ross, Phoebe, and Rachel would freak if we separated. Not to mention what would happen to Jack and Erica…

However, I knew from the beginning of year eight that things weren't going to work out. Our first sign was that we both forgot our anniversary.

Number two is that I cheated. Remember Wendy from Tulsa?

Wendy, the woman who'd hit on me (while both of us were married) and very nearly made me cheat about six years ago, had joined my company that day one week ago.

Stayed after the meeting and tried her stuff on me… and it worked.

I remember kissing Wendy, then driving her to my house… no, not my house, our house. Monica, Erica, Jack, and me.

I had not been listening that morning. Erica had a bad cold and Monica had decided to stay home to take care of her.

The look Monica gave me when I walked into our kitchen- our kitchen- kissing another woman was terrible. I'd only seen it once before.

It wasn't an angry look, and I'd only seen it when Joey had let slip that I'd tried to run away at our wedding. Her face was a mixture of confusion, great sadness, and simple shock. As soon as I saw it, I pushed Wendy away.

My brain was clouded and only one thought came to me: What the hell had I done? Here she was, the woman I loved, the one I would give my life for, and she was looking at me like a loyal puppy about to be slaughtered by its much-loved master.

Next to her was my child- my little Erica. My girl suddenly did not seem so little right then- she was five years old and perfectly capable of comprehending what Daddy had just done.

"Daddy?" Erica asked softly, her eyes wide in fear and puzzlement.

My eyes swelled with tears and my heart wrenched. The tears poured down my face. How I wanted to hold them- Monica and Erica- and tell them that it was just a bad dream, a nightmare. I took a step forward to comfort my little girl- and Monica moved in front of Erica, shielding her from harm.

But Daddy had already caused that harm.

"Out," Monica said so softly that I could barely hear it, "Get out."

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And so, for the past week, I have been going from hotel to hotel, emptying booze bottle after bottle, smoking cartons of cigarettes.

Finally, I have decided something.

I would like to say several things before I end it with the shot of a gun in this cheap hotel room. First- Ross, Rachel, Joey, and Phoebe: I'm sorry. You were awesome friends- I just screwed up, and I deserve that ass-kicking times 1000.

To Erica and Jack: My two kids. You mean everything to me. Learn from Daddy's mistakes and love your Mommy. Know that I love you.

The gun is to my head and I write my last words: Oh, my Monica. Please, please never forget me. I messed up, I left you alone. I just want you to know this: I love you with all my heart, mind, and soul. I just screwed up, and I couldn't stand it anymore.

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The End. Please review, no flames.