Rose's eyes flashed open as she heard the scream echo thorough the corridors of the TARDIS. She sat up quickly in her bed, unsure what to do. The scream was followed by a sob, as if someone was being tormented. Rose jumped out if bed, and raced for the console room, expecting to find the doctor. He was nowhere to be found. Rose began to feel panic overwhelm her, and she began looking.
"DOCTOR? DOCTOR!"
Rose raced through the endless halls of the TARDIS, but the doctor was no where too be found.
"Where the hell is he?!" Rose thought, her panic growing. Suddenly a second scream echoed through the rooms, again followed by the sound of sobbing. She looked around, panicked.
"I wonder if he could be in his room..." She thought. It had hardly occurred to her that The Doctor even had a room. Of course that was stupid, of course he would. He lives here, and even aliens sleep. But she had no idea where to even begin looking.
"Alright, where is his room?" Rose wondered aloud. looking around. As if in response, the TARDIS halls shifted to reveal a dark coloured door, with what looked to be gallifreyan carved on the top.
"I guess she is just as worried as I am..." Rose muttered as she gently put her hand on the handle. Her heart pounded at the thought of what was behind the door. The sounds were definitely coming from the room, but who was making them? And why? She slowly turned the handle and opened the door. A red pair of converse were laying in the floor, while a long brown coat hung neatly on a knob. A pair of black frames sat on the nightstand. The walls were painted in a mind boggling way, with images of red grass and silver trees blowing softly in an undetected breeze. It appeared to be night, but the way the stars lazily drifted across the sky, rose got the impression that it would soon be day. Rose felt she could stare at the moving images forever, but something else caught her eye. On the bed, the doctor's skinny frame was wrapped tightly in blankets, and it sounded like he was crying, though he was still clearly asleep. Rose stared at him, wondering if she should wake him up.
As she contemplated what to do, The Doctor suddenly jolted awake, screaming as he did so.
"NO, NO! IM SORRY, IM SORRY! I HAD TOO, I HAD TOO!" He screamed. Rose quickly ran to his side.
"Doctor?! What happened? What's wrong?" She asked. The doctor looked at her with wide eyes, and said something in gallifreyan.
"Doctor, i... i can't understand..." Rose said quietly. It took him a second, but the doctor finally calmed down enough to speak.
"I-I'm sorry, I, uh, just had a bad dream, th-that's all." He said shakily.
"Doctor, i heard screaming throughout the TARDIS. We thought something had happened to you, So we came looking for you, and the TARDIS showed us this door." Rose said softly, taking hold of his hand.
"Oh, she worries. I-I'm fine. H-honestly, it w-was j-just a nightmare." The doctor sounded like he was trying to reassure himself more than anyone else.
"Doctor, please. Tell me what happened." Rose gripped his shaking hand a bit tighter, as if to relax him. He stayed quite, except for a few shaky breaths.
"Doctor." Rose whispered. "Tell me what happened."
He took a deep breath, then sighed.
"Rose, I can't tell you. I can't ever speak of it. But I can show you." He pulled Rose closer to him, and she could feel his two hearts beating rapidly. The doctor put his hands on her face and brought his head to hers. The moment he did, Roses mind was filled with horrific images. Children screaming and running through burning red grass, daleks screeching as they kill thousands. A war rages on between the Daleks and a humanoid species. Rose realizes she is looking at the Fall Of Arcadia, Gallifrey's second city. Tears well in her eyes, but she forces herself to keep watching. Then a red ruby, an old man stands above it. He presses the gem, and the world behind him explodes. The world is burning. Rose pulls away, gasping in horror. The doctor holds her as she cries.
"Who was that! How could he-. Doctor I'm sorry, he destroyed your home, how could he?" She cried. They remain silent for a while. It feels like hours before the Doctor can speak.
"Rose, what you saw was the last moments of the Time War." He paused and took a shaky breath.
"I pushed the button rose. I-I killed Gallifrey. It's because of me-" he stopped and looked away from Rose, but as he did, she could see tears glistening down his face.
"I HAD TO!" He shouted suddenly, startling Rose.
"THE WHOLE BLOODY UNIVERSE WAS SUFFERING FROM THAT WAR, I DID WHAT I HAD to." The doctor's fierce tone broke and he began sobbing. He hugged rose tightly, as if she could fix everything, and make it alright. She hugged him back, and they stayed that way for a while until the doctor could find the words to speak again. He looked up at her. His deep brown eyes stained red.
"Rose, there were 2.47 BILLION children on Gallifrey that day. Every time I close my eyes, I see each and every one of their faces. I can save a thousand planets a thousand times, but I can never save a single one of them." He gave her a look of utter defeat, and it was at that moment Rose realized that although he pretended to be happy, The Doctor was broken. He felt it every moment of his life, and Rose's heart broke. She gave him a hug, which he returned.
"I'm sorry, Rose. I-I didn't mean to burden you like this." He said softly.
"It's alright Doctor. I think you needed someone to have an idea about what this feels like, even if they can't fully understand." She replied. He gave her a small smile, which she returned. She rested her head on his chest, and listened to his hearts beat. They were slowing down, and his breathing was less ragged and panicked. After some time, it seemed he was calmed down.
"Th-thank you Rose." He said softly.
"Don't worry about it, I don't mind."
"You should….you should probably go back to sleep, i'm sorry to keep you up."
"You gonna be alright?"
"Yeah, don't worry about me." The Doctor sighed. It was a moment before Rose spoke.
"Blimey, these walls are amazing!" she commented. "How do they work?"
"It's a timelord invention, pretty hard to explain." He said, with a small smile starting to appear.
"But they move! Like, theres wind blowing the trees and stuff."
"It's based off a field i used to play in, a long time ago. Oh, the games we'd play. We'd stay out there for hours, and watch the suns set over the silver tree line." He said, a certain sadness creeping back into his voice. Rose took his hand. The doctor looked up at the wall.
"Rose, look." He said. The 'sun's' were beginning to rise, glistening over the silver leaves. Rose gasped in awe.
"It's beautiful." She said. The trees looked like they were on fire.
"Oh, it was. It was a beautiful planet, Rose. I hardly ever watch this part. No point in watching it alone." he sighed again. Rose was captivated by the images. When it was over, she looked up to see The Doctor had fallen asleep. She smiled.
"Oh, Doctor. The things you've felt. I wish I could help." she whispered. Her mind raced with what she'd seen, what the Doctor had showed her. She quietly made her way back to her room, and fell on the bed. She saw the Doctor and the things he did, in a new light. How he managed to be so happy, despite what he felt….It seemed impossible. But then again, so was he.