A/N: My first entry to the first challange on the quotechallenge lj comm (check it out, it's really friggin sweet). There's three topics (Thinking, Time, and Truth) and you pick a quote from one (or each, like I did) that inspires you and write a fic or original work. I'm working on my other two entries now... which won't be House stories, but they'll still be awesome. Anyway, a lovely little angst-ish Chase/Cameron fic, spoilers for Insensitive.
Disclaimer: Not Mine
Deep Down I Know
"We know the truth not only by the reason but also by the heart."
Blaise Pascal
"So I'm thinking we should have sex."
"That makes sense."
I told myself what I was getting into. Actually, I didn't have to tell myself, she told me. She had laid it out, as clear as day that the only reason she thought we should do it was because it was convenient.
And because I was the one person she knew she would never fall in love with.
I ignored it at the time; I just wanted to be with her. Even if it meant pretending that what she had said didn't matter. Pretending that I, too, was just looking for some moment of pleasure before my life rushed past.
But it did matter.
I can't quite remember when it started, but I know that it was before that first time. Before she dragged me into her apartment, her pupils telling me she was obviously high, and convinced me that sex was a good idea.
No, it was long before that that I begin to wonder what a relationship with her would be like.
I suppose I knew that it wouldn't be some sort of beautiful dream, but when she suggested that we have sex simply because we could I figured it was the closest I would ever get.
Still, I managed to hide the truth from myself. The simple fact that she was, for some mysterious reason, still convinced that she was in love with House. This fact I expertly pushed the back of my mind, and took the time to enjoy our purely sexual relationship; but part of me wanted more.
Actually, all of me wanted more. I was falling in love with her, the woman who had informed me that I was the least likely of her colleagues that she would fall in love with. I wanted to go beyond convenient sex. I wanted our relationship to become exactly what she had assured me it would never become.
I, however, cannot compete with House. This is what haunts me at night when she rests contented in my arms. I know, deep down, that the less interest he shows in her the more she will show in him.
This is what keeps me awake at night when I am not with her. This is what I know, in my entire person, to be true. This is why I can never tell her that I have fallen in love with her.
I have fallen in love with Allison Cameron.