Dumb's the Word

by frostyfreezyfreeze54

Buster resolves to culture himself so Wade can take him to a local black history festival at the community center. Meanwhile, RK develops a knack for getting Ashley and Sanna better grades using ice cream.

1. Dumb's the Word Script

Thank You, Heavenly

Theme Song: "Let It Roll" by Divide the Day

SEASON 5

EPISODE 20

Airdate: February 26, 2017

"Dumb's the Word"

#TYH520

SCENE 1

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

One afternoon, Sparky, Buster, and Jaylynn are all watching TV.

BUSTER: Hey, look, High School Musical 2 is coming on tonight.

SPARKY: Do we have to watch that?

JAYLYNN: What do you have against High School Musical 2?

SPARKY: I don't care for it.

BUSTER: Are you kidding me? What do you not like? The story, the music?

SPARKY: I just feel like Troy's friends are ungrateful dicks. I mean, he got all of them fancy jobs, he's trying to prepare for his future and they hate him because he's not around all the time.

JAYLYNN: I think you're missing the point. It was about knowing who your real friends are.

SPARKY: See, I feel like you're telling me what you think the movie is instead of what it really is.

BUSTER: You know, Troy actually was being a dick. I mean, he just stopped talking to them for no reason.

SPARKY: Dude, he's not their dad. If they really had a problem with him, they could have just quit their jobs but they kept working there.

JAYLYNN: If you were them, you would understand how they felt.

SPARKY: Not really. If that was me, and my friend gave me a summer job, I would have kissed the ground they walked on.

JAYLYNN: Yeah, but that's you, bro.

Beat.

SPARKY: Wait a minute, Jaylynn, I thought you hated High School Musical

JAYLYNN: I only hate the first one. The other two are cool.

Wade rushes in and starts panting from exhaustion.

WADE: You guys...I have some absolutely excellent news!

JAYLYNN: You created a planet with intelligent life?

WADE: No, I'm pretty sure that's out of my range. I bought tickets to the tenth annual Black History Festival at the community center next month!

SPARKY: A black history festival? That's pretty cool, Wade.

WADE: Are you feigning your interest?

SPARKY: I wasn't trying to be blatant about it.

JAYLYNN: Wait, the Black History Festival is still a thing? I thought they got rid of it because it cost too much money to put on.

WADE: No, that was just a dirty rumor. But after protesters stepped in and a couple race riots, it was saved at the last minute! I can't wait to spend the night saluting all the black leaders and icons. Huey P. Newton, Gil Scott-Heron, Langston Hughes, Maya Angelou. This is going to be the best night ever!

SPARKY: Well, it looks like you're going to have a lot of fun.

WADE: It's true. I feel like a schoolgirl going to this function. I was also feeling like a schoolgirl because I knew at least one of you would have an interest in attending.

JAYLYNN: I can't go. I'm going to be busy next month.

WADE: Doing what? You don't even know what date it is.

JAYLYNN: Why do I have to tell you exactly what I'm going to do? Just take my word for it, man!

WADE: Yeah, sure.

SPARKY: I might not be going either. I have...a meeting with...the garage. You know that garage. You have to clean your garage every now and then or there's no point in having one.

WADE: You guys are sickening, just sickening.

BUSTER: I'll go. I want to check out what they have to say about Oprah.

WADE: I don't know, Buster. Are you sure you would be into it?

BUSTER: Half and half. But I get to spend time with you. I don't see a problem with that.

WADE: Why I don't just keep the extra ticket for now? Doesn't hurt to shop around looking for potential plus ones or else people will be asking me why I didn't ask.

Sparky and Buster both look at each other confused.

JAYLYNN: Hey, where's RK?

RK: OPEN THE DOOR! OPEN THE DOOR!

Wade opens the door and RK comes in riding on a black and white electric hover board.

RK: CHECK ME OUT, I'M A FIREMAN! I'M A FIREMAN! WOOHOO, I'M A FIREMAN!

SPARKY: RK, you better make sure you keep your...

RK ends up crash landing off the board and on the floor.

SPARKY: Balance.

JAYLYNN: I don't get it. Why would you doing that make you a fireman?

RK: Jaylynn, if I took the time to explain why I do the things I do, we would be here all day.

BUSTER: Cool! You got the new electric scooter?!

RK: Sure did, man. Picked it up at the store today for a measly $300.

WADE: You spent $300 on that thing? Why?

RK: Because I want to look cool, feel cool, and be cool. And this here board is what you need to be hip these days.

WADE: So you just want to fit in?

RK: I like the damn scooter, okay, could you not bust my chops over this?

SPARKY: Well, I have to say, RK, you made a smart move. Kids all over the place want their hands on that scooter.

BUSTER: Yeah. I hear with a special attachment, you can use GPS to figure out where it is if you lose it.

RK: Well, guys, when RK Jennings does something, he always thinks about what he's doing and how he should do it. It's in the DNA.

JAYLYNN: Dude, you wouldn't mind if I took that for a spin, would you?

RK: I wouldn't. I also wouldn't mind kicking your ass since you're trying to steal it from me, you snake wearing a beanie!

JAYLYNN: Come on, I want to be cool too.

WADE: I don't get why you would buy this when you already have a car and a bike you never even use anymore.

RK: What are you talking about? I don't own a bike.

The scene cuts to RK opening his garage door with Wade next to him. They then walk over to something with a large tarp over it, which Wade pulls off to reveal RK's old rusty bike.

WADE: This is the bike I'm talking about, RK. You bought it and said it would be great for exercise, rode on it three times, and then buried it here.

RK: You're right, I did buy a bike. Wow. Good old Earl. You know, me and him had some times together.

WADE: You named your bike Earl?

RK: Yeah. Haven't you noticed I always call my TV Earl? I like naming my stuff Earl by the way.

WADE: I never noticed that. Come to think of it, you have a lot of stuff here you don't use anymore.

RK: Well, it is a garage, Wade. You have to put your most valuable possessions here.

WADE: Dude, over here, you have a tied-up rubber glove filled with some substance...

RK: Elmer's glue, Wade. I used to eat glue all the time, that's an entire half-hour worth of stories there.

WADE: A Vince McMahon pull-string doll.

RK: Come on, this shit is hilarious. Check it out.

RK pulls the string on the doll.

VINCE MCMAHON: You're fired! Triple H, I don't care if he's the most talented guy on the roster and the fans love him! I'M VINCE MCMAHON, DAMMIT!

RK: Okay, it's only funny if you get the punchline.

WADE: Look at this! You have a VHS copy of the first season of that "Weird Al" Yankovic cartoon from the 1990s.

RK looks at the VHS, which is a drawing of "Weird Al" being chased by giant pants. The title of the cartoon is "Everybody Pants Now," and at that point, a voiceover sings the line "Everybody pants now!"

RK: Hmm. Those were dark times.

WADE: Look, RK, the point is, I don't want you to spend all that money on something that you're just going to stop playing with after three months.

RK: Wade, relax, okay? That hover board is not going to waste. I'm going to take care of it, nurture it, and one day, it will grow up to be just like me.

Wade has a bored look on his face, but immediately starts chuckling.

RK: I got you!

WADE: Okay, you got me. You are one of a kind, man.

RK: I knew it, I knew I was.

SCENE 2

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

Sparky is at his locker sorting out books while Buster stands next to him.

BUSTER: Sparky, I don't get what Wade meant yesterday. He was going to shop around? That look he gave me when I told him I wanted to go to the festival with him? It's ridiculous.

SPARKY: I was a little shocked too, but I think I'll give Wade the benefit of the doubt here. He probably thought you wouldn't like it.

BUSTER: What? That's just insane. Buster Newman does not just say he doesn't like something. Oh no, sir, he gives everything a try.

SPARKY: You hate pickles and you've never even eaten one.

BUSTER: The smell is absolutely disgusting, I have a case with that. Look. Here he comes now. Mr. Smug Guy. Walking around with his damn sweater vest and caramel complexion. I'm going to give him a piece of my mind.

SPARKY: Calm down, Buster, let's just see what he has to say.

WADE: Hey guys.

BUSTER: Oh. Hey there, Mr. Salatalamalakkia.

WADE: Buster, that's not how you pronounce my last name.

BUSTER: Really? I didn't notice. I guess I'm just not "into" pronouncing names. Sparky and I were talking just now. So why are you here? To get involved?

WADE: I was just saying hi. There's nothing wrong with greeting your friends.

BUSTER: If you want to make it into that, sure. So did you decide who you're taking to that gala convention thingy?

WADE: The festival at the community center?

BUSTER: No, the pie-eating contest at the American Airlines Center. What else would I be talking about?

WADE: You little...actually, I haven't decided yet. But I just wanted to let you know, you're a front-runner.

BUSTER: Oh, that keeps me going at night. Knowing that I have a shot at snatching up those tix. What a wonderful world we live in today.

Wade looks visibly disappointed.

WADE: Um, okay. I'll see you guys later.

Wade walks away from Sparky and Buster.

SPARKY: Don't you think you were a little harsh?

BUSTER: Oh, man, I was trying not to. But he just pissed me off so much yesterday. I don't get it, why is it so awkward between me and Wade now?

SPARKY: Well, another reason he might not want to take you to the festival is because...

BUSTER: Be-cause what?

SPARKY: Because he thinks you're stupid.

BUSTER: What? Wade thinks I'm stupid?!

SPARKY: I'm not saying he does, but that might be a reason. I mean, he's always clowning you and RK for doing and saying stupid things.

BUSTER: Yeah, but the question is, does Jaylynn do that?

SPARKY: Buster, I don't think you're paying attention to what I'm saying.

BUSTER: Oh no. It's true! Wade probably thinks I'm some mindless idiot who couldn't understand history if it bit me in the ass! Well, I know what I have to do. I just need to get on Wade's level.

SPARKY: How?

BUSTER: Bonding with him. It's so simple. I just need to find out everything he likes, see what we have in common, and study up on it. I can start reading books, watching educational TV, going to museums and stuff. By the time I'm done, Wade will think I'm just as smart as him. Then he'll have to take me to the baseball game.

SPARKY: The Black History Festival.

BUSTER: Oh, right. Boy, I need all the help in the world, don't I?

SCENE 3

iCarly Elementary School

Exterior Entrance

Seattle, Washington

RK leaves the school at the end of the day with his electric hover board while wearing a helmet, elbow pads, and knee pads. Jaylynn catches up to him before he disappears.

JAYLYNN: Hey RK. You need a ride home?

RK: No thank you, Jaylynn. I plan to ride home the only way someone like me knows how: With the board of the future.

JAYLYNN: When are you going to let me ride it?

RK: When the Braves win another World Series. And trust me when I say that will never happen.

JAYLYNN: Alright. Don't hurt yourself now.

RK: Don't run over somebody now.

JAYLYNN: Hey, don't jinx me!

RK sticks his tongue out at Jaylynn as she gets in her car and he starts riding away. He seems to be taking the opposite route, however. The scene picks up about a minute later when he is shown at the top of a steep hill.

RK: Hmm. Well, I could always go the other way. But this is way more exciting.

("Adrenaline" by Shinedown playing in the background)

RK rolls down the steep hill with a look of simultaneous terror and pleasure. He continues riding along the street and manages to evade several people on the sidewalk. He passes by the skate park on his way home, but goes back just to impress the people there. He tries doing a flip on the skate ramp, but ends up losing his board during the move. He is about to fall flat on his face before the board breaks his fall. RK later rides off a small ramp in the middle of the street before landing on a Coca-Cola truck. He appears to be stuck, but a passing wind allows him to ride off the roof of the truck and land safely on the street. He then reaches the sidewalk and stops near a tree in front of Ken Griffey Jr. Park.

RK: That was awesome! I should do that again so I can tweet about it.

At that point, RK is approached by two teenaged white boys wearing matching red hoodies and blue jeans. He has an apparent look of fear on his face.

RK: Um...hey there, gents? Interested in the ride?

WHITE BOY: Yeah. We want to check it out ourselves.

RK: Look, you bastards, I know what this is. You think I'm just going to let you ride this thing and steal it? Hell naw, you have another thing coming.

WHITE BOY #2: Hey. When we want something, we take it.

RK: "When we want something, we take it." That's what you sound like. You know, you guys can go pick on some other kid because I'm out of here.

WHITE BOY: I don't think so.

The one white boy grabs RK while the other one tries taking the board, but he elbows him in the jaw and hits him in the stomach with the board. The other white boy gives him RK a low blow and tosses him into the tree headfirst. He makes off with the board and picks up his partner while RK writhes in pain on the grass.

SCENE 4

The Saltalamacchia Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

Wade is reading Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison when Buster walks in.

WADE: Oh, hey Buster.

BUSTER: Hey you. You smarty pants...guy, you.

WADE: What can I do for you?

BUSTER: Well, Wade, I've been thinking lately. I know you see me as an idiot, but that's okay because I've decided to change my ways and culture myself.

WADE: What? I don't see you as an idiot, that's nonsense.

BUSTER: Oh, please, the writing's been on the wall for years, I've just been too dumb to see it. But the fact of the matter is, we have nothing as friends. Nothing. I want us to have that something, so I'm going to do whatever it takes to get on your level.

WADE: Okay, Buster, if that's what you want. But you don't have to alter your personality for me.

BUSTER: Trust me, I'm all about the altering and whatnot. So what are you reading, future President of the United States? Eh, see that? One day, we're going to have multiple black presidents and no one can do anything to stop it.

WADE: Well, I'm just reading Invisible Man again. God, I love this book.

BUSTER: You're a fan of The Invisible Man too?!

WADE: Yeah! But I had no idea you were into it, this is fantastic!

BUSTER: I know, we're finally bonding!

WADE: What's your favorite part?

BUSTER: Well, mine has to be when the invisible man first drinks the serum...and then he disappears. Classic stuff right there.

WADE: Wait, what? Oh, I see, you're talking about The Invisible Man by H.G. Wells. This is Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison.

BUSTER: What's the difference? Aren't you reading like, an adaptation or something?

WADE: Well, this book details the experiences of an African-American man living in a world run by white people, and his invisibility is a metaphor for how these white people see someone of his race.

BUSTER: Oh. So...ebony and ivory doesn't matter anymore?

Wade sighs while Buster stares off to the side, looking a little embarrassed.

SCENE 5

Ike's Ice Cream Emporium

Exterior Entrance

Seattle, Washington

Having taken off his helmet, a defeated RK walks into Ike's with a look of disappointment.

RK: There are only so many things that can cheer up a kid, and ice cream will always be one. Or is it laughter? Eh, I don't know, this shit isn't funny. Hey, Woody, fix me up an Oreo ice cream sundae and a...pineapple Fanta float on the side.

WOODY: Man, RK, how bad was your day?

RK: Terrible. Some assholes stole my ride when I wasn't expecting it. I paid $300 for that board and if I buy another one, that's another $300 those assholes can steal again.

RK sees Ashley and Sanna in one of the booths and walks over to them.

RK: Ladies.

ASHLEY AND SANNA: RK.

ASHLEY: What's up?

RK: Well, I was just getting some ice cream before I split. Now what's the scoop with you two? Eh, these ice cream jokes doing anything for ya?

SANNA: Hit and miss.

ASHLEY: We're trying to figure out what to get here but Sanna's being indecisive.

SANNA: I don't eat ice cream like that, I don't know what to get.

ASHLEY: Just pick something.

SANNA: But I can't.

ASHLEY: Why not?

SANNA: Because I don't want to, Ashley! Hey RK, why don't you pick for me?

RK: Sanna, this is so sudden but I'm off the market so, you know.

SANNA: It's just a friendly gesture, man. What do you think we should get?

RK: I don't know. How about the classic two-person banana split? It's simple yet sophisticated, delicious yet cheap, and it's perfect for girls who hate making decisions.

ASHLEY: I don't hate making decisions, she does.

SANNA: Well, I can't decide on anything when you're always in my ear. You're like one of those bugs always chomping away at my ears.

ASHLEY: I wonder how hard you thought about that one. I don't know, RK, I don't think I'm in the mood for a banana split.

RK: Well, ice cream is the symbol of good luck. Don't you guys have a big test tomorrow?

SANNA: Yeah, the geography test. So?

RK: So I'm thinking if you guys buy the banana split, and split it, I can almost guarantee both of you passing that test with flying colors.

SANNA: Oh my God, really? Ashley, let's buy that, I'm feeling lucky.

ASHLEY: Ice cream isn't going to determine whether or not we pass tomorrow, Sanna. But I don't have any more options so I guess we can buy that.

SANNA: Yay! I'm going to ace that test! Thanks, RK.

RK: What? Oh yeah, right, the good luck charm. So, Sanna, when are you planning your next party where you fake an entire murder scene?

RK's phone rings and he picks it up. Buster's on the other line.

RK: It's Jenny Jennings.

BUSTER: No. Look, RK, I need your help. I'm trying to bond with Wade and I'm dying faster than attendance for a Knicks game.

RK: Why are you trying to bond with Wade?

BUSTER: We have no relationship. Plus, the Black History Festival's coming up and I can't have Wade thinking I'm too stupid to hang with him. RK, you're his damn best friend, you guys have been in outer space and shit, HELP ME!

RK: Alright, calm down, spazzy. Wade loves music. You love music. You could try bonding with him there.

BUSTER: That's your ace in the hole? The great RK suggests music as his master plan?

RK: Look, pal, I've been under a lot of stress lately. I'm trying to go into sugar shock right now so I'm not exactly one hundred percent.

BUSTER: Eh, I guess. Thanks anyway.

RK: Sure thing.

RK hangs up.

ASHLEY: Who was that?

RK: Oh, it was Buster. He just wanted some advice.

SANNA: RK, did you ask me something ten minutes ago?

Cut to Buster and Wade.

BUSTER: Hey Wade, do you like music?

WADE: Like music? I adore it. But you know, nothing compares to hip hop. My parents gave me my middle name after one of the greatest lyricists of all-time.

BUSTER: You have a middle name?

Beat.

WADE: Yeah, man, I do. It's Rakim. He's my all-time favorite rapper. The guy's such a wordsmith, it's unbelievable.

BUSTER: Rakim, eh? So if somebody were to listen to Rakim, what would you recommend to me...I mean, them?

WADE: Well, most likely his early work, but my favorite album from him is Let the Rhythm Hit 'Em.

BUSTER: Very interesting. Very, very interesting. Pardon me a minute, I need to freshen up.

WADE: Yeah, sure.

Buster runs upstairs towards the bathroom and closes the bathroom door.

BUSTER: This is great. I've hit the freaking jackpot! All I have to do is find out everything I can about Rakim, study him, and Wade and I can bond over him. Then he'll want to take me to the Black History Festival.

BUSTER'S BRAIN: Just because you listen to one rapper, doesn't mean you're going to know anything about black history.

BUSTER: Hey, whose side are you on?

BUSTER'S BRAIN: Dude, I'm just saying that...

BUSTER: You're just saying what? DON'T SCREW THIS UP FOR ME!

SCENE 6

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

The next morning, Sparky is opening his locker with RK next to him.

SPARKY: I can't believe those guys just took your board like that.

RK: I couldn't believe it either. It was so devastating, I couldn't speak for five minutes. I thought about filing a police report, but that would involve me talking to the police, and that's just...gross.

SPARKY: Well, you could always save up the money to buy another board. Maybe a cheaper one.

RK: But that one's way more flashy and expensive! Besides, I can't afford the expense right now. That hover board was a gift to me just for being me.

SPARKY: You thought about asking someone else for the money?

RK: Well, I asked KG. He just laughed at me. And then this morning at breakfast, he took one look at me and started rolling on the floor.

SPARKY: Don't worry, man. I'll figure out a way to help you if I can. Wade doesn't even need to know about it.

Jaylynn walks up to RK and Sparky.

JAYLYNN: Wade doesn't even need to know about what?

RK: About the fact that I'm not telling you jack, you big mouth.

JAYLYNN: Ooh, saucy. What, you get one fancy toy and all of a sudden, you think you're the king of the world?

RK sighs.

RK: If I was really the king of the world, then those bastards wouldn't have jumped me and taken the board yesterday, would they?

JAYLYNN: Wait, you were robbed by some punks?

RK: Uh huh. The next time I see them, I'm gonna give 'em the fight of their life.

Ashley and Sanna walk up to RK.

SANNA: RK, you're a genius. Full on genius.

RK: I don't know. When I was four, I thought cereal boxes were real so I can't be that smart.

ASHLEY: Thanks to your ice cream prediction, Sanna and I did great on the geography test.

SANNA: Yeah. And I've never even studied the world map before.

RK: Oh, come on. I was just playing around, there's no way I was able to affect your scores. Maybe you guys just studied really hard.

SANNA: No way. The closest I ever came to studying something was watching old episodes of Reading Rainbow.

ASHLEY: It's true. In 2015, she was obsessed with that show.

RK: Well, you know, it was nothing, so...

Ashley and Sanna pull out five dollar bills.

RK: Free money? What's your angle?

ASHLEY: Well, it's the least we could do since you helped with our test.

SANNA: Yeah, man, take the money. Besides, it's not like you have too much pride anyway.

RK: Eh, true.

RK takes both fives. His eyes widen and he gets a big smile on his face.

RK: This could be the start of something new.

("Start of Something New" by Zac Efron and Vanessa Anne Hudgens plays in the background)

A sole spotlight flashes on RK.

RK: It feels so right, to be here with you, ohhhhh. And now, looking in your eyes, I feel in my heart...the start of something newwwwwwwwww.

JAYLYNN: What...the hell are you doing?

SCENE 7

("Don't Sweat the Technique" by Eric B. & Rakim plays in the background)

A montage is shown of Buster downloading Eric B. & Rakim albums on his phone. He then starts listening to Paid in Full and begins dancing when he hears "I Ain't No Joke" for the first time. He then puts up Rakim posters in his bedroom, along with posters of Malcolm X, Eldridge Cleaver, and Al Sharpton. Buster also buys a jacket from RK which is the same jacket Eric B. & Rakim wore on the album cover for Follow the Leader, and he starts wearing it himself. Meanwhile, RK gets more money from Ashley and Sanna when his ice cream advice gets Sanna to start studying more, and Ashley to get higher grades on her tests.

SCENE 8

The Saltalamacchia Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

Buster and Wade are discussing Rakim that day.

BUSTER: So when Rakim said he was gonna put seven emcees in a line, he was actually talking about his name?!

WADE: Yeah. See, he was born as William...

WADE AND BUSTER: Michael Griffin.

BUSTER: It all makes sense. Man, Rakim was out of this world. Is there a statue of him somewhere?

WADE: No, but that's an excellent idea. He influenced everybody. You know, Buster, I've gotten a lot of enjoyment talking about Rakim with you. It's like you really appreciate him for who he is.

BUSTER: I do. I never knew this guy was so good. But I want to learn more. Now I feel like knowing everything I can.

WADE: Well, you can get your chance at the Black History Festival. I haven't been able to find anyone interested but honestly, I think this will be good for you. For us, really.

Wade gives Buster one ticket to the festival.

BUSTER: This is really happening. YES! My plan worked!

WADE: What plan?

BUSTER: Plan? Oh, nothing, just my plan to take over the tri-state area. That Perry the Platypus can suck it, am I right?

WADE: Buster...

BUSTER: You know most platypuses don't do much?

WADE: BUSTER!

BUSTER: Okay, okay. Since you didn't want to take me to the festival before, I just decided to bond with you so you would take me.

WADE: Why would you do that?

BUSTER: Because I know you see me as an idiot. I just wanted to have something in common with you.

WADE: Buster, you're not an idiot. I never thought you were an idiot.

Buster gives Wade a bored look.

WADE: Okay, maybe when we first met, I thought you had some intellectual shortcomings, but you're way smarter than you give yourself credit for. Then again, this scheme you cooked up begs to differ.

BUSTER: I knew it! It just came out your lips! The cat's out of the bag, the fat lady's sung, the old man's sipped his apple juice and pigs are flying in the devil's ski lodge! You always thought I was a dumbass. Well, Wade, I no longer have to worry about impressing you, because no matter what, I'm just a big fat moron!

Buster leaves and slams the door, then comes back.

BUSTER: Oh yeah, you're wrong about Eric B. doing beats on those albums. A lot of his work was done by outside producers. I KNOW THAT BECAUSE I LEARNED IT FOR YOU!

Buster slams the door again. Wade sighs in disappointment. Cut to black.

SCENE 9

The Saltalamacchia Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

That same day, Sparky is at Wade's house.

SPARKY: So let me see if I got this straight. You thought Buster was using you for your ticket so you took it back from him?

WADE: No. He just left it here. But he might as well have just told me he didn't want to hang out with me.

SPARKY: Dude, what are you talking about? Buster did all this for you. The only reason he came up with this plan was to make you see he can be smart too.

WADE: He didn't have to do this. I know Buster's smart.

SPARKY: So why did you hesitate to invite him in the first place? Why do you think he feels like he's not even your friend half the time?

Beat.

WADE: Oh my God. Sparky, you're right. I guess in some way, I've spent years underestimating Buster. No wonder I didn't want to take him at first. I thought he would embarrass me by not knowing anything.

SPARKY: Well, one thing I know is Buster wouldn't do this for anybody. He obviously cares a lot about what you think.

WADE: And I accused him of taking advantage of me. Oh, great, I misread this whole thing and now he probably hates me. I have to go to his house and straighten things out.

SPARKY: Good for you, Wade. Make peace with Buster. It's what Gandhi would do.

WADE: But Gandhi's believed to be a racist.

Beat.

SPARKY: Wade, go talk to him.

WADE: Right.

Wade leaves the house.

SCENE 10

The Jennings Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

Later that day, RK is dancing to "For the Love of Money" by The O'Jays while wearing sunglasses. At that point, KG walks down the steps while Jaylynn opens the front door. They look at each other and join RK in dancing. After some time, RK stops the music and takes off his sunglasses.

RK: What are you guys doing creeping up on my private time like a bunch of weirdos?

KG: Hey, I was just coming down here for a banana.

KG walks into the kitchen.

JAYLYNN: And I just came here to talk, not watch you gyrate to this old-ass song.

RK: Jaylynn, this song is a classic. Have some class. What did you wanna talk about?

JAYLYNN: Well, I know how much you loved that hover board so I decided to help out and give you some cash.

Jaylynn pulls out a ten dollar bill.

RK: Ten dollars?

JAYLYNN: I'm not a billionaire, RK. Besides, I just don't want you to feel like you have to pay for a new one all by yourself.

RK: Well, thanks for the donation, Jaylynn, but I won't be needing this.

JAYLYNN: You're not? Wait, are you one of those guys who like their bills all fresh and new? Because they get on my nerves.

RK: Sometimes, but no, I don't need your money because Ashley and Sanna are already supplying me with a pretty hefty cash flow.

JAYLYNN: Come again?

RK: See, Ashley and Sanna think that they've been doing well in school because of what ice cream I tell them to get. I tell them to get cookies and cream or else they won't do well on their math quiz. Then they do well and pay me. It's the perfect business.

JAYLYNN: But what if one day, they end up failing even after your advice?

RK: Well, that will be RK's problem when the time comes. But as for right now RK, he's raking in the benefits. Besides, this is just the start for RK, because RK is going to ask Ashley and Sanna for a new hover board.

JAYLYNN: Could you not do that? That's really creepy. And what do you mean, you're going to ask them? They ain't paying for a $300 hover board.

RK: They will if they want my advice. I have leverage now, Jaylynn. I was born with a gift to predict and if those girls want to keep exploiting it, they better come correct with the goodies.

JAYLYNN: I can't believe you're doing this. This is extortion.

RK: It's not extortion. I'm simply going to convince them to give me their money or else they're not getting anything from me.

JAYLYNN: That's exactly what extortion is. Look, RK, I'm not a goody two shoes or anything, but you're on a lucky streak. Sooner or later, it's going to end, and if Ashley and Sanna find out that you've just been using them, they'll kill you.

RK: So what do you suggest I do, oh, wise one?

JAYLYNN: Be honest with them. Just let them know you don't know how to predict shit and they've been doing well in class all on their own. There are better ways to get a new hover board than extorting your friends.

RK: I guess. But that doesn't sound like an RK thing. Let's try it my way.

JAYLYNN: We're not trying it your way.

RK: Yes, we are. Now, Ashley and Sanna think they need the ice cream to get the best grades in school. But what if I take away the ice cream? Their source of power?

JAYLYNN: Go on.

RK: Look, the big English essay test is coming up. I'm gonna tell them not to buy any ice cream tomorrow. They'll do that, flunk the test, and stop believing in my gift. Then once I tell them that I was trying to teach them a lesson, they're going to be so moved, they'll apologize, and let me keep all the money.

JAYLYNN: Do you just like to operate on your own dickhead logic?

RK: It's better than your jackass logic.

Beat.

JAYLYNN: Okay. Before they kill you, could you call me and let me know you're giving your laptop away to me? I want to make sure it's official.

RK: Sure.

SCENE 11

Ken Griffey, Jr. Park

Interior Swingset

Seattle, Washington

Buster is reading Invisible Man that night when Wade arrives.

WADE: Buster, what are you doing here? I've been looking all over for you.

BUSTER: Well, you found me. I was actually in the one place you wouldn't think to find me.

WADE: Where's that?

BUSTER: The library. That's where I got this copy of Invisible Man.

WADE: You're actually reading Invisible Man?! How?!

BUSTER: It's really simple, Wade. I went to the library, asked if they had the book, checked it out, and I started reading it. You know they charge you 75 cents for every day it's late now? They're not playing games anymore.

WADE: No, I mean, how are you able to understand it?

BUSTER: Is that another insult? Oh, check out old Buster, probably can't even read the back of the peanut butter jars.

WADE: That's not what I think.

BUSTER: Well, it better not be. Because I learned how to read the peanut butter jars when I was five.

WADE: Look, Buster, you don't have to do all this.

BUSTER: Of course I do. But it's not like I'm doing a good job. I mean, this Ralph Ellison guy is an alien. His language, his stories...I can't compete with that. How are we ever gonna bond if I don't even get your favorite book?

Buster slams the book down on the ground.

WADE: Buster, I'm really sorry for what happened.

BUSTER: Sorry for what? You're not the one who has to go through life knowing you're stupid.

WADE: You're not stupid, man. Like I said before, you're way smarter than you give yourself credit for. I mean, not many people would go through all this just to hang out with me. Actually, no one would.

BUSTER: Well, I guess that makes me the first one. And I failed.

WADE: You didn't fail. I did.

BUSTER: How?

WADE: The truth is, I've really underestimated you, Buster. And when you wanted to go to the festival with me, I believed your level of intelligence would slow me down. But I don't even have that many friends, and I should have appreciated what you were trying to do.

BUSTER: It's just that we don't even hang out that much. I felt like me going with you could have helped.

WADE: And it is. I want you to go with me.

BUSTER: You do?

WADE: Of course. You're the only person who cared enough to even want to go. I'm going to meet you halfway and give you what you deserve.

Wade gives Buster the second ticket.

BUSTER: Thanks, Wade.

WADE: You're welcome, Buster.

At that point, a man with pale skin and ripped up clothes walks up to the boys while scratching himself and twitching.

MAN: Hey, um, dudes, uh...d-d-do you have a sandwich on you, by any chance?

WADE: No, sir, we don't.

MAN: Do you know where my brother is? I CAN'T FIND MY BROTHER ANYWHERE!

Beat.

BUSTER: Wade, I think we're gonna die tonight.

SCENE 12

Ike's Ice Cream Emporium

Interior Booth

Seattle, Washington

The next day, RK approaches Ashley and Sanna and sighs.

ASHLEY: What's wrong, RK? You look sad.

SANNA: Sad? He can't be sad. My guide, my spirit animal, my light being sad? No way.

RK: I feel so godly right now. But, guys, it turns out you won't be needing any ice cream today.

ASHLEY: Are you sure? I mean, our English test is tomorrow. If we don't know what kind of ice cream to get, we're going to fail.

RK: You girls are going to be fine. Look, you don't need any ice cream to help you pass a test. It's been within you the whole time. Trust me. You guys need to step into that test, look it in the eye, and beat the shit out of it.

SANNA: We do?

RK: Yeah. You guys need to take what's within you and treat those essays like a battered stepchild. If you don't go in there without abusing those exams, you really don't have it in you. But I know you do. So f*** the ice cream, walk into that test, and leave it in a pool of blood, urine, and vomit.

SCENE 13

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

The next morning, RK whistles "Tha Shiznit" by Snoop Doggy Dogg as he takes his book out of his locker. He closes it and screams as he sees Jaylynn next to him.

JAYLYNN: RK, what did you say to Ashley and Sanna yesterday?

RK: I was just putting my plan into action. I motivated them. Let them know they don't need the ice cream to pass today's test.

JAYLYNN: So why did Ashley rip up her test and start stomping on it? And why did Sanna take off her belt and start whipping her test while telling it to go f*** itself?

RK: Too much trap music?

JAYLYNN: Dude, you do realize they're facing suspension, right?

RK: Wait, they are? Oh my God! My plan actually failed! Who would have thought that my years of colorful language would come back to bite me?!

JAYLYNN: You know what you have to do.

RK: You're damn right, Jaylynn. I just have to let them know I got lucky and was only using them for money. I'm sure they'll understand.

Cut to RK talking to Jaylynn at lunch. He now has two black eyes.

RK: Yeah, so, they didn't understand.

JAYLYNN: I can't believe they pounded you like that.

RK: The worst part is, I didn't even know about the second black eye until after they were done dunking my head in the toilet.

SCENE 14

Northgate Community Center

Interior Banquet Hall

Seattle, Washington

On the night of the festival, Buster and Wade show up in suits and ties. Buster has on a top hat, a cane, and white gloves.

BUSTER: I can't believe I'm actually here. I just hope I'm not underdressed.

WADE: Trust me, no one's more dressed than you. I'm glad I'm here with you, Buster.

BUSTER: I am too. It just feels good to enjoy a night of learning and knowledge for once.

WADE: Truer words have never been spoken. Come on, let's go check out the ice sculptures.

Wade walks away to the ice sculptures while Buster scratches his head.

BUSTER: Ice sculptures?

Buster runs towards Wade to catch up.

WADE: You see, everyone who's been here before always talks about the ice sculptures of famous black leaders. I wonder who they picked this year.

Buster and Wade look at the ice sculpture of Martin Luther King, Jr. and Malcolm X shaking hands.

WADE: That's funny.

BUSTER: What's wrong?

WADE: Well, that was the same sculpture they had for the festival last year. I know because someone took a picture of it when they went here.

BUSTER: What kind of lazy garbage is that?

WADE: Yeah. But I don't know, maybe they change it every two years?

An older white woman walks up to the boys.

WOMAN: Wow. Dr. King looks so distinguished. You know, I was always a fan of him.

WADE: Really?

WOMAN: Yeah. He always preached about love and equality for everyone and turning the other cheek. He wasn't really about all that black power rhetoric.

WADE: Um, ma'am, I hate to be rude, but...

BUSTER: Wade, it's okay. You don't want it with her.

WADE: Why not? She just whitewashed Dr. King's legacy in less than twenty seconds.

BUSTER: She won't get it. She'll just think you're some dopey kid who talks well. Let's head back to the snack bar.

SCENE 15

Northgate Community Center

Interior Banquet Hall

Seattle, Washington

Buster and Wade are back at the snack table.

WADE: I just can't believe the ignorance of these people. All they do is show up to these events and think they're conscious, but they don't really know anything.

BUSTER: I know it sucks, Wade, but some people don't care to learn about stuff. They just feel better seeing things the way they want to.

WADE: It's just like a wise man once said. If you take away the shyness and embarrassment from most people, they'll do whatever they want because they'll have no shame.

BUSTER: Hey, wait a minute. Something's wrong.

WADE: You already told me about them running out of ranch for the chicken tenders.

BUSTER: I'm still not happy about that, but I'm talking about the wall up there. All of these pictures of famous black people but they're missing some.

WADE: They are? Who are they missing?

Buster taps an older black man on his pants.

MAN: Yes, little boy?

BUSTER: Are you an organizer for this event? I looked it up. They said organizers would be wearing white jackets.

MAN: Yes, I am an organizer here.

BUSTER: Great. Well, I think you guys might have forgot to put up some people's pictures on the wall there. You know, Huey P. Newton, Eldridge Cleaver, those guys.

MAN: Oh, that wasn't a mistake. We left them out on purpose.

BUSTER: What? But why? They all did great things for black people.

MAN: Well, after the controversy surrounding this event, we decided to take a more conservative approach this year. You know, as a way not to offend certain people. Putting up pictures of the Black Panther Party is a little, too, um...divisive.

BUSTER: Look, sir, I'm too young to understand this and that about the world, but I don't think that's fair. It's Black History Month. Everybody should be recognized for their accomplishments. It's like if you just decided to ignore the Negro Leagues when those guys were legends. Forget what other people think. Give these guys what they deserve.

MAN: You know what, little boy? That's a really interesting way to look at it. Maybe we'll bring them back for next year's festival.

BUSTER: Yeah, maybe.

The man sighs and walks away. He goes to talk to a fellow black organizer.

MAN #2: What was that kid saying to you?

MAN: I don't know. Some social justice crap he read on Tumblr?

WADE: Buster, you didn't have to do that.

BUSTER: But I had to. It's a Black History Festival. That's like having a White History Festival without Columbus or Elvis or Tony Danza.

WADE: I didn't even know you knew about the Black Panthers.

BUSTER: Well, I had to learn for tonight. I couldn't embarrass you in front of all these people.

WADE: Please, after tonight, the only thing I'm embarrassed by is this festival. You were the only one who cared enough to say something about what was going on here.

BUSTER: It's the least I could do.

WADE: You know, Buster, it really means a lot that you would do all this for me. But you don't have to feel like you need to be me to hang out with me. I like you a lot better when you're just Buster.

BUSTER: Thanks Wade.

WADE: Come on, let's ditch this place.

BUSTER: And go where?

WADE: I don't know. The movies?

BUSTER: Sure, why not?

Buster and Wade smile as they leave the center.

BUSTER: Still can't believe I wasted a perfectly good cane on this.

SCENE 16

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

Some time later, the guys are all on the couch together.

JAYLYNN: I feel like I never have anything to do.

SPARKY: So Buster and Wade, did you two have a good time at the festival?

BUSTER: Define good time at the festival.

WADE: The festival itself was underwhelming, but I learned a lot about Buster that night. I'm really pleased to have him as a friend.

BUSTER: And I'm glad me and Wade are finally getting to know each other more.

RK: You know, Wade, I was in the garage last night getting messed up over this old Fun Dip I found, and you were right. That place is full of junk. So I decided to take your advice and organize a yard sale.

WADE: That's a great idea, RK. We can all pitch in to help and maybe the funds will get you closer to a new hover board.

RK: I appreciate the volunteering.

JAYLYNN: But I never volunteered to...

SPARKY: Jaylynn, we're helping out with a yard sale. No questions asked.

Beat.

SPARKY: You know what, I'll just ask. Does anyone else like Camp Rock 2?

RK: What? Are you insane?

WADE: Worst film I've ever seen.

JAYLYNN: Dude, that shit was so boring.

BUSTER: It made the first Camp Rock look like Halloweentown.

SPARKY: See, this is why I didn't want to say anything. I knew you guys would get upset.

Cut to black.

("Motivators" by A Tribe Called Quest featuring Consequence plays in the end credits)

©2015/2016/2017 ANDERSON PRODUCTIONS

HAPPY BLACK HISTORY MONTH