A/N: This piece is based off a headcanon I made on tumblr. You can find it here if you don't mind spoilers. Warnings for major character death.
post/155084017072/cloud-died-and-zack-lived-au
"Come on," Zack huffed, "Come on!" He drove his arms in a steady rhythm. There was a dull ache starting in them.
"Come on," Zack pleaded, "Cloud, you're gonna make it." They were so close. They were miles and miles from Midgar, but they were so close to the coast, to Costa Del Sol where a boat could drop them off right at Junon.
But Cloud did nothing. No matter how many times Zack tried to get his breath going again, his chest refused to rise and fall. Zack bent down to blow air into Cloud's mouth. He was still warm. Somewhere in Zack's mind that meant hope even though every bit of logic told him that it had been almost five minutes since he had noticed Cloud had stopped breathing and that more chest compressions were pointless.
Cloud was gone.
Zack choked and coughed and his rhythm faltered. Tears pricked and trickled out of his eyes and he couldn't stop them. He hadn't cried when Angeal died, why was he crying now? He pulled his arms away, instead taking Cloud's hand.
"I'm sorry," Zack gasped, "I'm sorry." He bent over, pressing his forehead against Cloud's. His other hand cradled the back of Cloud's head. He pulled Cloud up into a small embrace, but Cloud lay limp. Zack whole body shook with silent sobs.
Cloud was supposed to make it. He was supposed to wake up one day and they'd both get past what happened at Nibelheim. All of his plans included Cloud surviving.
But he had no cure for mako poisoning, no way to help Cloud purge the stuff from his body...and it was too much for the trooper to bear.
"I'm so sorry," Zack cried into Cloud's shoulder, "you were supposed to live. I'm sorry."
Zack didn't know how long he held Cloud, but he knew it was too long. He still had to keep moving, they were still running from...he was still running from ShinRa. He gently lowered Cloud back to the ground.
"I can't..." Zack said, his voice cracking. He couldn't just...leave Cloud like this.
The flowers here were small and sparse, nothing like what Aerith could have grown, but they would have to do. It only took a few moments for Zack to gather a handful of them: white and yellow and a few with a light pink hue.
Cloud looked like he was sleeping. His eyes stayed at an eerie half-open while under the mako poisoning. Now they had slid shut, leaving him looking serene, almost peaceful. Zack pulled Cloud's hands until they rested on his abdomen. Zack tucked the little bouquet under Cloud's hands. He brushed Cloud's hair out of his face. He sent up a little prayer to whoever was listening, that Cloud would make it to the Lifestream peacefully. Zack let him go with one last hug, the only thing he could think to give anymore.
Zack stood and realized he was missing a weight, literally. His eyes fell on the Buster Sword. He stood over it, his thoughts not at all honorable.
He hadn't been able to save Angeal, or Sephiroth, or anyone in Nibelhiem, or even just Cloud. He was no hero...he never had a chance and he was stupid for throwing himself to ShinRa to make himself one. He was a fool and he knew it, but now...
He picked up the sword, not liking the way it felt in his hands anymore. It felt like a burden, not a symbol of hope. Zack closed his eyes. Forget honor, forget dreams, there was none of that left inside him. It had all been sucked dry. What was left was just...
Zack walked back to Cloud with a purpose. He raised the Buster up and thrust it down. Hard. It sank into the ground above Cloud's head. He let the hilt go and the sword stayed upright.
It belonged here, to protect Cloud.
Zack turned and started off. He turned back once, only to around quickly, stifling an agonized sound. The image of the Buster Sword standing guard in the distance would haunt him for a long, long time.
Turks came across the sword a few hours later. Zack had covered his tracks well. The sword was the only sign he left. They had an inkling of what it meant. Cloud's body had since been drawn into the Lifestream. One stepped forward to pick up the bundle of tiny flowers.
She rested them against the blade before joining the others.
Two days later, a woman came into Costa Del Sol to report a strange robbery. She had hung laundry out to dry on her clothesline and some of her husband's clothes had been taken right off the line.
As if the robber had felt guilty, he left his own strange set of clothes on the line as some sort of strange trade. The sleeveless turtleneck, besides being of no use to chocobo handlers, was too small for her husband, but the pants were fine. They also had no use for all the belts and harnesses and armor the thief had left to.
In the end she didn't complain too much. Some men in blue suits bought most of it for a decent price. More than enough for her to replace the stolen clothes.
Zack kept his head down, resisting the urge to scratch the back of his head. If he knew any of these troopers...they might recognize the gesture.
He kept to his first plan. Midgar was a good place for a mercenary to find work. If he was lucky, there might still be some "terrorists" that wanted some help sabotaging ShinRa operations.
That's what he wanted, he'd decided. To take his own pound of flesh out of ShinRa, for Angeal, for Sephiroth, for Cloud, but most of all, for himself. If he was done with honor and dreams, he was all about his own selfish desires.
He hated himself for thinking it, but the going got easier once Cloud was gone. Without Cloud to worry about, he thought less about how to sneak his way in, how to survive out here.
And it was easier to get picked up by a little caravan making it's way to Midgar. Specifically wall-market to re-sell their wares. They wanted protection against bandits and Kalm Fangs. Zack could do that. He could do that no problem.
But these checkpoints...they made him nervous. He didn't know if there was still a search going on for him, but his gut told him there probably was. So far though, the infantry members had been bored, disinterested. Their eyes slid over Zack and waved him and his employers along. Zack even noticed one accepting a bribe when they searched the truck and found contraband aka ammunition.
Zack didn't want to make a scene regardless though. He was positive a bribe wouldn't stop them from arresting a fugitive deemed "armed and dangerous".
His heart rate spiked when he saw the last checkpoint into Midgar.
They were checking ID. He grit his teeth. He was going to make it in. He couldn't stop when he'd come so far.
"ID for everyone in your party," the bored trooper said, his voice slightly muffled behind his scarf and helmet. The driver shuffled around and collected them, skipping over Zack.
"One of the guards lost his in Kalm," he said, nodding his head at Zack in the front passenger seat. Zack hoped his expression was annoyed and not terrified. The trooper stared at him, then gave an exasperated sigh.
"You have 24 hours to have a new one made," he droned out, "there's a kiosk in every sector and train station." Zack nodded and let out his breath. The trooper ran the ID's through a little machine before letting them in without another word.
Zack sagged against his seat, closing his eyes.
He made it.
"If you stay on another day you can have twenty percent of the profits," the driver said to Zack, "It's hard to find good guards around here." Zack nodded.
He did it.
Zack turned down the offer to do the whole run from Junon to Midgar all over again. He and his boss shook hands and parted ways well, the latter offering a discount if they ever met again.
Zack tucked his gil in a secret pocket one of his fellow guards had fashioned for him. A handly little trick for living in the slums. He stopped cold by the entrance to Sector 5. He knew if he went down that way there would be a church, and a girl, and a bed of flowers, who wanted her SOLDIER boy to spend more time with her.
But Zack was different, so much more different than she remembered. She didn't need this new Zack in her life. She'd find a way to be happy without him.
He turned around and wove his way towards Sector 7.
Zack had found a little corner of the slums to hang around in. Most people knew to leave him alone unless they wanted the extra muscle. He'd done that first, before even finding food.
He was starting to nod off after clearing out the monsters down here. His ears picked up footsteps stopping outside of the scrap metal he'd set up as a rickety little shelter.
"Flowers for 1 gil," a soft, achingly familiar voice said. Zack stiffened at the sound of it. He couldn't move.
"I know it's you," Aerith said. Zack crawled out, guilt wrapping it's arms around it's shoulders. She stared up at him, looking sad...but exactly as he remembered her.
"Zack..." she said.
"Aerith," Zack said, wanting so much to scoop her into his arms, but he resisted, "you shouldn't be here."
She held out a staff she was carrying.
"I can take care of myself," she said, "unless you forgot about showing me how to use this. Besides, you need me more."
"No, Aerith," Zack said, "I'm not...I'm no good for you anymore."
"Bullshit," Aerith said, firmly. Zack had to blink. He couldn't remember if he ever heard her swear.
"If you've read any of the letters I sent you..." she trailed off, "I've waited long enough for you to find me. Now I've found you. So..." She took his hand and started leading him along.
He followed. It wasn't like he didn't want to.
The playground was deserted, so Zack figured it was nighttime. It was so hard to tell sometimes. He was used to being out in the open countryside. Aerith sat next to him, her basket still half full. He was tempted to buy them, but knew deep down she would just hand them over if he talked about them.
"Your hair's gotten long," she said.
"I know," he said, "I...haven't gotten a chance to cut it."
"I like it," she said. He didn't respond right away, didn't know how to start.
"What happened?" she asked, "I know it was bad, but...have you even talked to any one about it?"
"No," Zack said, "and...and it's so crazy and messed up. You...you shouldn't be involved with this...with me." He blinked again when she laughed at him.
"I used to think our relationship should be the other way around," she said, "I can handle it Zack. Please...it hurts me to see you like this."
"Like this?" He asked.
"You're in pain," she said, "a lot of it. I bet you haven't smiled in months." Zack sighed. She always could see right through him.
"I didn't...run away five years ago," he started, "the mission...it was bad. It all went...so wrong."
Aerith was quiet as he talked, never looking like she didn't believe him, even at the point where he was locked in a secret lab. She just listened, nodding every now and then.
"And then...Clo...Cloud..." Zack choked. It was still so hard to say his name. Aerith's hand wrapped around his.
"I couldn't do anything," Zack finished. She squeezed his hand.
"I think...I should tell you," Aerith said, "I should have told you a long time ago." Zack took his turn to stare at her.
"A long time ago...there was a race of people called the Cetra. They could hear the Lifestream. Over time they died out until there was only one left. That Cetra...she was my mother.
"When I was a baby, my mother was taken by ShinRa. I was raised in the labs with her...until we escaped...and she died."
"What?" Zack said.
"That's the short version," Aerith said quickly, "but...I can hear the Lifesteam. Zack. That's why the Turks follow me, why ShinRa wants me." Zack didn't know what to think. Aerith spoke up quickly.
"I can...try to find Cloud for you," she said. Zack was quiet for a long time.
"Okay," he whispered. Aerith didn't let go of him. Instead her eyes went glassy and distant. He had a feeling...she wasn't there anymore. He almost heard...whispers.
Suddenly she was back, blinking quickly and shaking her head.
"I'm...sorry," she said, "but...he's not there." Zack nodded, looking at the ground.
"It's probably a good thing," Aerith said, "It means...he's at peace. He moved on Zack." Zack looked up.
"Good," Zack said, nodding more resolutely, "Good. One of us should be able to move on." She squeezed his hand again.
"I want you to come to my house," Aerith said, "No offense, but based on your house...you haven't gotten any better at building things." He laughed a little at that. It almost sounded...normal.
"Alright," Zack said, "If your Mom doesn't kick me out."
"She's expecting you," Aerith said. She wrapped his arm around her and led the way.