When he's asleep, when I'm sure he's asleep, I creep into his room and sit on the floor next to his bed. He's sleeping on his stomach, one arm flung carelessly over the side of the mattress. He left his window partially open, moonlight tumbling in over the sheets and the sleeping boy. I lean my cheek on the corner of the mattress so that I'm at his eye level, and restrain a sigh. I'm so worried about him, it's a physical ache; but whenever I approach him in the day he gets angry with me or blows me off, determined to pretend that he's okay. Like I haven't known him long enough to know when he isn't okay. I think about it and sigh; then freeze as he starts to stir.
The moon turns his white hair silver, and his eyes into strange, dark, glittering jewels. When they open, I almost don't recognize the ancient creature in front of me. Then pale eyelashes and heavy lids slide closed, open, in a blink, and he is himself again. "Momo?" his voice is foggy from sleep, words free of any formal tone that he might adopt during the day. Still half unconscious, I'd bet anything he doesn't even remember that he's a captain, that we're not back in our room at home. I give him a tiny, embarrassed smile. "I didn't mean to wake you."
"No, it's fine." he rubs his eyes, propping himself up on one elbow, looking remarkably like a drowsy puppy. I want to crawl into bed with him and never leave, never until all the world's troubles have vanished and we've gone back in time to when we were small and things were easy. Simple. When all grievances were soothed by a good joke and some shared watermelon. Now I have no idea what to do to make Shiro laugh; my kisses do nothing for his wounds, and my bedtime stories have long since stopped driving away nightmares. "Did you need something?" he asks, keeping his voice low. I forget, often, that his lieutenant sleeps in just the next room over; I had no such casual arrangement with Captain Aizen, nor with my current captain. But things in the tenth division are done differently . . . very differently.
"I just-no." I admit. "Sorry." I half expect him to kick me out. It's well past midnight, after all, and I shouldn't be here. It's not so much that I'd get in trouble, but more that I have no business bothering my exhausted friend when there's no need to. I don't even have an excuse. This is the kind of mindless incompetence that Hitsugaya usually barely tolerates on his good days, and severely punishes on his bad. I'm not really looking forward to finding out which one applies at two in the morning.
Instead of rebuffing me, though, he looks at me for a long moment before turning over to face the window and saying, gruffly, "Fine, then. I'm going to sleep."
I stare at his motionless form.
"Are you going to stay on the floor all night?" he asks, sounding more like his usual crabby self. I scramble to my feet. "Ah-no, sorry-I'll be going."
He sits up, and I can see the sulk brewing under his tired features. "You shouldn't be wandering around at night. If you're so bent on leaving, I'll walk you."
"No!" I protest, too loudly. He makes an impatient hushing gesture; there's a muffled thump on the other side of the right wall and Matsumoto calls out, "Captain?", sounding even more groggy than Hitsugaya.
"Everything's fine." he pitches his voice for her ears only, too low for the guards outside; almost too low for me. But she hears perfectly fine and settles back down. I wish I could learn that trick. Toshiro turns his attention back to me, and arches an eyebrow. "If you think I'm letting you walk out of there alone, you're outta your mind." he mutters.
"Then don't let me walk out." I regret the words the instant I say them-challenging him is not a good idea in the best of situations. I wish I'd never snuck in here to begin with. But I had had this feeling that I wouldn't be able to sleep until I saw his face.
Hitsugaya slides out of bed, bare feet hitting the floor one at a time, and pads over to me. We're almost the same height now, but not quite. He's still shorter by a few centimeters, but I barely notice the difference as he leans in and slowly, carefully, spreads his palms over the door on either side of me, keeping it closed. "Don't. Go." he says, as if warning me about a hornet or some other danger, but there's a playful glint in his eye that I haven't seen in a long time. Without meaning to, I respond.
"Like I said, make me." I blow air in his face.
Hitsugaya moves so quickly, so quietly, I barely have time to register the motion. All I feel is one hand on my back, the other at my shoulder; then I'm on his bed, and he's got me pinned down. Granted, I wasn't expecting an actual attack, but I'm still more than a little sheepish that he took me by surprise so easily. Not to mention moved so quietly, not even Matsumoto stirred. I can't help but pity and enemies who might invade Toshiro's sleeping quarters.
His nose brushes mine. "Now what are you going to do?" he whispers.
"It's a good thing I'm not hellbent on leaving." I tell him, trying and failing not to smile. "I mean, I'm not even armed."
He cocks an eyebrow. "Dangerous." Keeping me pinned with one hand, he frisks me with another, and I giggle. "That tickles!"
"Shut up!" he mutters. "This is a very important captain's interrogation. I'm detaining you-you're not supposed to find it amusing." Which, of course, I do. I laugh again, louder, and he clamps his hand over my mouth.
"Captain, are you sure you're okay?" comes Matsumoto's voice again. He glares down at me. I smile innocently, beyond amused and on my way to entertained.
"Everything's fine!" he calls out again, but more loudly than he probably intended, because heavy footsteps sound in the corridor and there's a knock at the door. "Captain Hitsugaya, sir?" someone says. "Everything alright in there?"
"I get no privacy." Hitsugaya mutters to me. "See what you've done?" Louder, he says, "I already said everything was fine. Stand down. In fact, why don't you take the night off?"
There's a few whispers, then another voice says, "Sorry, sir, but that's against our orders."
"Then go away, at least!" he finally lets irritation creep into his tone. "I'm trying to go to sleep."
"You're awfully noisy for someone trying to sleep." Matsumoto again. "Are you sure you're alone in there?"
"Even if I wasn't," he snarls, "It's none of your business."
I'm having a hard time not laughing. Who knew things in Shiro's division were this fun? Not to mention, while he's distracted, his hold loosens. I take advantage of this and wrest my hands free, toppling him onto the floor with a thud while he's not paying attention. Now it's my turn to have him pinned down.
"What was that?" a guard asks.
"For crap's sake, go away!" Toshiro yells, face red. More footsteps, the sounds of lots of people clamoring at once. "Is everything-" "How is-" "What's-" "The Captain-" Many questions, all about Hitsugaya's welfare.
"You know, I'm beginning to think that you're not alone." Matsumoto drones.
"Everyone leave at once! That's an order! I'm just trying to sleep!" Hitsugaya says, regaining his calm slightly. I tickle his neck and he writhes uncomfortably, trying not to laugh. He twists his features into a glare and directs it at me. I smile impishly.
We hear most of the division go back to their respective beds. I lean over Shiro so that my lips brush the side of his cheek, near his ear, and whisper, "I think they really love you."
"Get off of me." he says quietly. "I hope you didn't think that was funny."
"No." I hop up and down on his stomach. "It was hilarious."
"Captain, do stop having conversations with yourself." Matsumoto says, and we both freeze. "It makes it hard for those of us who really are wanting to sleep tonight."
Hitsugaya glares at me for a full minute. Then we both begin to laugh.
A door slams, and Matsumoto shouts from the hall that she's going to sleep with one of her friends, and will we please have the courtesy to let her know ahead of time when there's going to be a sleepover in the Captain's room?! This breeds more commotion as the guards at the end of the hall stop her, then start to make a ruckus themselves. "The Captain has a girl in his room?" "There's a girl in there?" "How did she-" and so on. Most of the Tenth squad apparently was under the assumption that Shiro was either gay or ten years old, so this news spread like wildfire. We hear it shouted between rooms, even to the next building over. Hitsugaya throws me off of him, face red, and storms towards the door.
"If you think I'm letting you go out there, you're out of your mind." I laugh, paraphrasing his words from earlier. "The division will sort itself out without you."
"They're saying-" he begins, fuming.
"Let them think that you're human for once." I urge, still chuckling as I stride towards him. I don't think about it, just wrap my arms around his shoulders, pulling him in to me. His body is firm and sturdy against mine, almost unyielding until he brings his hand up to skim my forearm. "Let me go."
"Nope. You need your sleep." I haul him towards the bed, knowing that he isn't really objecting because there's no way I'd be able to do so if he did. He breaks out of my hold eventually, and does crawl into bed, still muttering to himself. The ruckus outside has died down, though I doubt anyone will let him hear the end of it tomorrow.
"If anyone asks, you were never here." he mumbles, as if reading my thoughts. "Actually, why are you here?"
I blush, and choose not to answer. "It won't happen again."
He rolls onto his side, squinting up at me. "That won't be necessary."
"Sorry?"
"Nothing. Do what you want." he turns back to face the window. I look at him. Do what I want, huh? Well, he said it. I pull back the covers and climb into bed next to him. "What are you doing?" he grumbles, barely complaining.
"What I want." I reply, nestling my face into his back and putting my arm around his waist.
" . . . you're too much trouble." he says, but I notice that his face is turned away from me, into his pillow. His ears are pink. I smile-some things, at least, haven't changed.
"Shi-iro-" I sing out softly. "You're going to suff-focate!"
He mutters something incoherent.
"Shi-iro . . ." I say again, and lick his neck. He jolts in surprise. "Hinamori!"
There's a knock on the door. "Captain Histugaya, sir, is everything all right in there?"
Hitsugaya buries his face back in his pillow and groans in exasperation. "Guess we'll have to go to my place to do anything nasty." I tease him softly, and then call out, louder, "He's just fine, believe me. Just fine."
"No one's gonna take me seriously ever again." I hear Toshiro say faintly.
"Don't worry." I say cheerfully. "I never did." And then, while I'm distracted, he flips me onto my back.
And kisses me.
I start to take him a little more seriously.
And realize that I've found a way to make Shiro smile again.